by Lucy Clark
‘It’s fine, Loughlin. You don’t need to apologise. I realise you were trying to be nice, thinking that perhaps that if you kissed me it might wipe out the memories I have of my fiancé kissing me, but it didn’t work out. Silly plan, really. Not sure you’d thought all of the angles through.’
‘You’ve got that straight,’ he muttered softly, raking an unsteady hand through his hair. He’d only meant to give her a light, friendly kiss. To let her know that she was an attractive woman…But then she’d opened her mouth and allowed him to experience the real essence of her. He’d been captivated by her. Repressed emotions he hadn’t wanted to think about in many years had surged their way to the forefront, demanding he pay them attention. Kissing Megan Edwards had given him more than he’d bargained for and right now, as he watched her lips move, he couldn’t think of anything else except holding her in his arms again and repeating the action over and over.
And that would be wrong.
‘It was a beezer of a mistake.’
‘A what of a mistake?’ Megan could feel the tightness in her chest returning as her anxiety levels rose, even though Loughlin’s accent was getting stronger as he became more agitated.
‘Er…huge. It means huge. Look, Megan. I didn’t mean it. The kiss, I mean. We shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have. I just didn’t expect you to…’ He trailed off, shaking his head. He may not be able to see the exact look on her face due to the darkness of the car but he could sense her attitude towards him, and it wasn’t a friendly one. Rightly so. He needed to push her away, to put some distance between them, but by the same token he didn’t want her to think that the kiss hadn’t meant anything—because it had.
‘It’s only a mistake because I…and then you…and I…I hadn’t expected and…’ He stopped and took a deep breath. ‘I was out of line. I’m sorry. I had no right taking advantage of you like that. Of your vulnerability when you were feeling so bad about your past, and—’
‘Stop! Just stop.’ Megan shook her head and held up one hand. ‘I don’t want to hear your excuses. I don’t want to discuss it further. Not now. Not ever. We’re colleagues and that’s it.’ She would forget about him, about how he’d just kissed her in the most exquisite, glorious way she’d ever experienced. And she’d remember how he’d admitted it was a beezer of a mistake.
Her hand fumbled for the door-handle. She needed to get out of his car, get out of this confined space and into her own private sanctuary before she broke down in tears. Once again, she was being rejected. ‘I’ll also thank you not to try and make any other memories for me, Loughlin McCloud. No doubt this humiliating one can be added to the pile I already hold so dear to my heart.’ Her voice broke at the end of her words and tears welled in her eyes. She turned towards the door, which was refusing to open, and stared blurry-eyed at the stupid lever, which was refusing to let her out.
He quickly climbed out and came around to the passenger side, opening the door for her.
‘Thank you,’ she all but spat at him as she walked blindly past him towards her house.
‘Wait.’ He was after her in a second. The sensor light had come back on, momentarily blinding both of them. ‘Megsy. Wait.’
‘Don’t call me that,’ she said, furious with herself for allowing him to get under her skin. He was her colleague. He’d kissed her. It had been nice but it had also been a mistake. She would get over this. She’d recovered from worse. She fumbled in her bag for her house keys.
‘Megan. I’m sorry.’
‘So you’ve said.’ She’d found her keys and was trying to fit the key into the door but was disgusted to find her hand was trembling so much the simple action was becoming an impossibility. ‘Now go away and leave me alone.’
He didn’t move and she could feel him watching her. What more did he want? Hadn’t he humiliated her enough for one night? Tears started to gather in her eyes, blurring her vision and making it even more impossible to get the stupid key in the stupid door.
In the next instant Loughlin took it from her, infuriating her even more by sliding it neatly into the lock and opening her door.
‘Thank you.’ The words were spoken between clenched teeth as she went inside, desperately needing to be in her own comfort zone before she completely lost control over her emotions. As she turned her back to him, she swiped at both her eyes, getting rid of the tears which were obscuring her vision.
‘You’re very polite when you’re angry.’
‘Stop being cute. Stop trying to get me out of a bad mood with your charm and charisma. Go and use it on the other females in this town. Go and make memories with the other women. Go and do whatever it is you want to do but just don’t do it with me.’ Her voice was filled with pain although she was desperately trying to squash it, to remain as much in control as she possibly could whilst he still stood before her.
It hadn’t been this difficult for her to announce that her wedding had been called off. It hadn’t been this difficult when she’d first seen Calvin after the aborted wedding—flirting outrageously with three of the cardiac nurses and totally ignoring her. Why? Why was standing here feeling humiliated before Loughlin McCloud so difficult to deal with?
He opened his mouth to say something but she turned away. ‘Just go. Leave this prickly little echidna alone in her prickly little house, in her prickly little world.’
When he didn’t move, when she caught a glimpse of the concern on his face, she did the only thing left for her to do. She shut the door and turned off the outside light.
The darkness of the night engulfed her, and she welcomed it.
CHAPTER SEVEN
FOR the next few days, Megan was determined to show Loughlin that he meant nothing to her. She was controlling her anxiety levels with deep-breathing exercises and rewarding herself with bubble baths in the evening after completing her paperwork. She needed to control her thoughts just as much and every day told herself for the next month or so until her contract expired. Then she could move on. With that in mind, she started to search for jobs, toying with the idea of going overseas for a while to really get away from everything.
Loughlin’s attitude towards her was polite and mildly friendly, as though he was definitely watching himself around his prickly echidna boss. He didn’t flirt with her, which must have been difficult because it seemed to be second nature for him, and kept all necessary contact between them clear and concise.
Yesterday, just over a week since he’d kissed her, that had changed. He’d come into her office after clinic and perched himself on the edge of her desk.
‘How are things going, Megsy?’
She hadn’t looked up, intent on showing him how busy she was by gathering up her papers and putting them into her briefcase. She’d ignored the way his spicy scent had wound its way about her along with the way his smooth tones made her legs turn to jelly. She’d stayed sitting down.
‘Fine, thank you, Loughlin.’ There was no point in telling him not to call her Megsy because it would only highlight the intimacy they’d previously shared. When he didn’t say anything more, Megan wondered how much longer he’d stay. Didn’t he get the hint that she didn’t want to see him? To talk to him? Unless he had a query about hospital protocol or a patient, she wanted him out of her office.
He waited. Not saying a word but watching the way she was focused on packing her bag, getting ready to leave for the night. He checked his watch. It was almost six o’clock, early for Megan to leave—and he was pleased with that. She would usually stay a lot later and he’d been concerned about the way she was throwing herself completely into her work. However, he’d also realised that that was how she coped with the ups and downs in her life. It was the ‘work would see her through’ mentality. He’d used it before as well and discovered it wasn’t good for his general health or stress levels.
Now, though, he would sit here and wait for her to give him her attention. To stop fussing about and actually look at him.
‘Was there something
in particular you wanted?’ The words were crisp, clear, and yet there was a touch of impatience in her tone. She still didn’t look at him.
‘Not really. Just wanted to know how you were.’
‘I’ve already answered that question. Now, if you’ll excuse me…’ Megan picked up the last lot of papers from her desk, annoyed to find her hand slightly trembling due to Loughlin’s nearness. She went to put them in her briefcase but in her haste to get out of the confines of her office—and therefore out of Loughlin’s presence—as quickly as possible, she accidentally knocked her bag to the floor, papers scattering all over the place.
Impatience and frustration rose to the fore and, gritting her teeth, she slid from her chair to gather them all up, not caring what order they were in. Loughlin, being the helpful man that he was, came around her desk and bent to assist her.
She had almost all the papers back in the bag, being careful not to touch his hands when he handed her the rest. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome.’ They were both still crouched on the floor. ‘Megsy. Look at me.’
‘No.’
‘Please?’
Annoyance rising in her chest, she lifted her chin, allowing their gazes to meet. ‘What do you want, Loughlin?’
‘I want us to be friends.’
‘We’re colleagues. That’s just going to have to do.’ She rose and closed her briefcase, thankful that her legs seemed to be behaving themselves and could actually support her.
He stood up, the heat from his body close enough to envelop her. She ignored the sensation. ‘It was just a kiss.’
‘If you say so.’ She walked away from him, heading towards the door.
‘I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.’
Megan stopped for a moment but didn’t turn around. Loughlin watched her closely, not liking the bad blood that currently existed between them. Would she turn? Say she forgave him? Say that she wanted to start again? Just be friends? They’d both been hurt so badly in the past that neither of them were willing to take that step forward but surely friendship wasn’t out of the question?
‘Please lock the door on your way out,’ was all she said, before leaving him standing in her office, staring after her.
A week later, Megan was sitting in the tearoom, enjoying a quiet cuppa after a busy surgical list, when both Anthony and Nicole came into the room. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to guess who they were talking about.
‘To say he’s settled into life in this small seaside village is an understatement,’ Nicole was saying. ‘It’s as though he’s always lived here, that he’s always been around, that he’s always been supporting our little community.’
‘He just…fits,’ Anthony agreed as they sat down.
‘He does.’ Nicole nodded enthusiastically. Megan wanted to walk out but knew it might look suspicious. ‘Add to that the fact that he’s not at all difficult to look at and it becomes a pleasure coming to work every day.’ She sighed with longing as though she was remembering just how good-looking Loughlin was. ‘It’s about time we had some talent around here for us single girls to look at. Right, Megan?’
‘If you say so, Nicole.’
‘Are you feeling all right?’ Anthony’s tone was tinged with concern. ‘You haven’t been yourself for a while.’
‘Busy.’
‘Oh, are you writing more articles?’ Nicole wanted to know. ‘I read your last one. As usual, it was very good. You’ll educate the masses of up-and-coming surgeons out there yet.’
‘As well as the ones who are already qualified,’ Anthony added with a smile. ‘You have a talent for explaining even the most complex of equations to those of us whose minds don’t work as quickly as yours.’
‘Thank you.’ Megan wasn’t writing articles, though, in fact, she was supposed to be getting ready to submit to the journal again, but her thoughts had most definitely been elsewhere and that wasn’t like her at all. Work was what she lived for now. Not handsome Scotsmen who went about kissing people and then declaring it to be a mistake.
She kept glancing at the door just in case Loughlin walked in, especially to find Nicole declaring to all and sundry how handsome she thought he was. Loughlin, not that she was keeping tabs on him, had been rushing around that morning like a chicken with its head cut off, but for the last few hours she hadn’t seen him anywhere. She presumed he’d headed out to do some emergency house calls but she also wasn’t about to ask anyone. The last thing she wanted was to draw attention to the fact that she was interested in Loughlin’s every move. Because she wasn’t.
‘So…Anthony. Tell me about Romana. How is she coping?’ Megan had been glad when Romana had been admitted to the New South Wales Children’s Hospital where she was still being closely monitored.
‘She’s doing OK. It’s not easy being apart but I keep telling her it’s only for a little while. The baby will be born soon enough and we both want her to be as healthy as possible.’
Megan smiled. ‘Glad it’s a girl?’
‘Most definitely, although with the way Lochie’s been in a tizz about his own daughter coming, I’m beginning to wonder.’
Anthony spoke the truth. Loughlin had been busy buying more basic furniture so Heather would be at least comfortable when she arrived. He’d also bought basic supplies such as shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and toothbrush.
Megan looked at her registrar who was sitting opposite her, enjoying his coffee-break. ‘You’ll make an excellent father, Anthony.’
‘I hope so. Now that it’s so close, it all seems a bit daunting at times, although Lochie has promised to help me out and offer any advice I may need.’
‘Isn’t that just like Lochie?’ Nicole grinned. ‘Always helping out his mates. Oh, did you hear that last week, when old Alf went around to put up some more shelves in the closet at Lochie’s house, he climbed up on another ladder, right beside old Alf, and helped him out.’
‘He’s very generous with his time,’ Anthony agreed.
‘When does Heather come? It can’t be too much longer now.’ Megan could have kissed Nicole for asking the question because it was the one she herself really wanted to know the answer to.
‘Today. Now.’ Anthony tapped his watch as though to prove his point. ‘Lochie left for Sydney a few hours ago. Heather should be getting off the plane about now. I wonder if she flew all that way on her own?’
Megan frowned and checked the calendar on the wall. ‘Today?’ The word was out of her mouth before she could stop it. ‘Uh…I thought it was next week.’ Time had certainly flown and she wasn’t sure how she could have lost track of the days. Or was she? She’d certainly spent more than a few nights thinking about Loughlin, punishing herself by remembering those spectacular kisses they’d shared and the inevitable outcome.
She’d had to focus twice as hard to get her evening paperwork done, had avoided him as best as possible at work and when she went to sleep, she would refuse to dream about him…although he was usually her first thought in the morning. That’s where her mind had been—in schoolgirl fantasy land. It wasn’t like her at all.
‘Heather wasn’t travelling on her own,’ Megan supplied, knowing the answer to Anthony’s question because Loughlin had mentioned it at some point. ‘Her aunt and uncle are travelling with her.’ She took her cup to the sink to wash it. ‘I think I remember Loughlin saying that his sister and her husband were going to stay in Australia for three weeks to see a few of the sights. I know they’re going to the Northern Territory to see Uluru and, of course, they’ll spend some time in Sydney, taking in all the sights.’
‘At least the weather’s not going to be too bad for them. Early May can sometimes be rather wet but this year we’re having quite a mild autumn,’ Anthony added. ‘You ready to do a final ward round check before calling it a night?’
‘Let’s get it done.’ They headed to the wards and when Megan was satisfied that her patients were all settled for the evening, she headed to her office and coll
ected a mound of paperwork. Amongst the papers she had to read tonight was an official offer from the community council, asking her to stay on as director for a further two-year contract at Kiama Hospital and Wellness Clinic.
She stopped off at Paula’s restaurant to pick up something to eat and discovered that most people already knew about the offer. She should have guessed. Nothing secret ever went on in this town.
‘There, now,’ Paula remarked as Megan paid for her takeaway dinner. ‘Staying on here for a few more years will give you more than enough time to get to know gorgeous Dr McCloud even better.’
Unsure what to say, Megan merely nodded and smiled politely. She’d known since that first night when she and Loughlin had gone out for dinner that the tongues would wag, and she’d learned to take people’s kindly meant interference with a grain of salt.
The gossip here was very different from that she’d encountered back in Sydney. In the hospital, she’d been on the receiving end of pitying looks and long sighs. The atmosphere had made her feel suffocated so she’d left. Now, in Kiama, there were no pitying looks and long, sad, sympathetic sighs. People were open and honest, encouraging her to get to know that dashing Dr McCloud.
‘You’ve mellowed even more since he came long,’ Mrs Newbold had told her just that morning. ‘Having him around has been good for ya, girl. First Kiama works its magic on ya, stops your edges from being so sharp and now the handsome Scotsman is really smoothing them out.’ Mrs Newbold had breathed in her oxygen as Megan had continued to assess her. ‘He’s a good one, young Megan. Don’t let him go.’
Megan hadn’t been at all sure what to say so she’d thanked Mrs Newbold for her kind words and continued with the checkup. And last week Loughlin had apologized—again. It was clear that he didn’t like their present relationship and she knew she should just let go of the pain she’d felt at his rejection but it wasn’t that easy.
She was a highly strung person. An over-achiever with anxiety who tended to over-think everything. Classic type A. Calvin hadn’t wanted her and when she thought she’d dealt with that, when she’d thought that maybe she could take a step out of her comfort zone and be the easygoing and free person she desperately wanted to be, she’d been rejected yet again.