by Mary Eason
“Jack...”
He touched her face. “You and I have a whole lot more than history between us. We were always good together.”
She pushed his hand away and moved to the window. “I don’t want to talk about that. That part of our relationship is over.”
“Is it? Is it really over, Rachel? Then why are you so scared of me?”
“I’m not. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t flatter yourself.”
“No? I don’t believe you.” Before she realized what he had planned, Jack pulled her into his arms. And then he kissed her and proved to both of them it would never be over. At least as far as she was concerned.
Suddenly, the years melted away. She couldn’t be close to him and not remember everything. All they’d shared together. Every touch. Every kiss.
No matter what had happened between them, she still loved Jack. She would never stop loving him.
She pushed him aside and ran. Alone in her room, Rachel closed the door and sat down on the bed, trying to deny her reaction to the man who had hurt her so badly. She hated that even now he had the power to make her forget all the pain. She’d married him all too willingly while trying to tell herself that she was doing what was best for Sammy. But the truth was much more disturbing. She didn’t want to live without Jack in her life.
She dressed for bed and slipped under the covers. This was their wedding night. The night that she’d dreamed of spending with Jack again and yet it was nothing like what she’d expected. Theirs was a marriage of convenience. There would be no fairy tales for them now. Only the harsh reality of compromise.
She’d compromised love.
*****
Jack stared into the darkness of the night. The storm had continued to grow in intensity and with nightfall, it covered the world outside in a thick blanket of white.
It had knocked the power out a while back. The only light inside the room was from the fireplace.
A perfect setting for Christmas. The perfect end to a perfect day? He thought not. He’d married the woman of his dreams. She was his again and there was no denying there was still sparks between them. It hadn’t died. But it might as well have.
This was their wedding night, yet he couldn’t have felt further from her emotionally. And it was all because he’d pushed too hard. She wasn’t ready for the next step. He’d have to be patient.
He checked on Sammy to make sure the boy was warm enough. The furnace was operating off propane, so the house remained warm. He peeked into Rachel’s room. She was sleeping as well. He didn’t tarry there. She was too much of a temptation.
He went back downstairs, put more wood on the fire and continued to watch the storm outside.
Jack’s thoughts went to Sammy. It was hard to explain this instant connection he felt for the boy other than it was the natural bond between a father and his son. His son. Even now it felt strange to say.
A few weeks ago, he’d lived a life of solitude in New York, never dreaming that a new life filled with purpose and meaning waited for him in Texas.
He owed it all to Liz.
As much as he wanted to be angry with her for keeping his son a secret for all these years, he couldn’t. She’d given him back his life. His wife. A new son. And a second chance at happiness.
The boy looked healthy and yet he knew Rachel wasn’t the type to worry without cause.
“Dear God, I’m not good at this and I don’t know what to say, but please, please help him. Please don’t take my son from me. I’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy, but
please don’t take them from me again.”
As if in answer to his prayer, the wind outside kicked up and just for a second the clouds separated and the brightest star he’d ever seen appeared in the night sky.
Rachel and Sammy were here with him. She wasn’t running away. So why then did it feel as if he were losing her?
That feeling hadn’t come to him until today. Could it be just all the buried emotions the day had uncovered? In his gut, he knew it was something more than that. He’d felt it when he held her, when he kissed her. Almost as if she were holding back a part of herself from him.
Surely she didn’t hate him still. He could handle almost anything, but he couldn’t handle losing her love. He wanted her. All of her, including her heart. Anything less than that was unthinkable.
There were times during the past few days that he had felt her feelings for him, her love for him growing in the concern she showed him, or so he wanted to believe. What had happened to make her pull away from him now? Today. Their wedding day.
Jack couldn’t ease the pain that tore at his heart as he tried to dismiss the fear of losing her.
And as he pondered all these things, the silence of the night was broken by the sound of Rachel’s scream. He pushed his dark thoughts aside and headed for her. Because she needed him.
Chapter Nine
Something awakened her from a deep sleep. For a moment, she lay perfectly still, listening to the wind as it moved through the Aspen trees against the house. The only sound in the night.
Surely it was more than just the wind that had awakened her? Had Sammy cried out for her?
The room was pitch black. Rachel tried the light switch and nothing happened.
She stumbled into the hall, the wood floor cold beneath her bare feet. She stood frozen in place, trying to regain her bearings. With hands outstretched, she headed for Sammy’s room when her fingers made contact with warm, living flesh.
She screamed and tried to pull away from the strong hands that circled her waist, holding her in place.
“It’s okay. It’s okay—it’s only me.” His voice sounded strangely distorted in the blanket of quiet that surrounded them.
She moved closer to his warmth, her body trembling. From fear. From him.
Jack lifted her into his arms and carried her into the warmth of the great room. He sat her gently down on the sofa close to the fire, then knelt in front of her. Taking her cold hands in his, he rubbed them together within the warmth of his, his eyes never leaving hers.
“I’m sorry I frightened you. The storm took the power out a little while ago. You were sleeping so peacefully I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Sammy—”
“Is fine. He’s sleeping in his room. I just checked on him.”
“Oh, thank God.” She threw her arms around him and held him tight. Jack sat down on the sofa and pulled her onto his lap, holding her close while she cried.
She’d been so worried about Sammy. About them. And she’d tried so hard to keep her fears hidden away. Now, once she let them go, there was no stopping the storm of emotion.
She cried for what felt like years. When there were no more tears left inside of her, Jack started to put her away from him. She didn’t want to let him go. Didn’t want to deny her feelings for him any longer.
This was the man of her dreams. The man she loved. And this was their wedding night—what was left of it—and she wanted to feel like Jack’s wife again. She didn’t want their marriage to be a compromise.
Chapter Ten
Rachel awoke hours later and glanced at the man sleeping next to her. It was real. She breathed a quick sigh of relief. It hadn’t just been another tortured dream. It was real. Jack was here with her.
He looked so peaceful lying next to her. It was barely Christmas morning and yet she’d already received the perfect gift from God. She stretched lazily and lay listening to the sound of Jack’s steady breathing and wondered how long it would take before Sammy woke them.
She reached for her rob and got out of bed. A disturbing thought occurred that neither of them had bothered to consider before now. What if she were to become be pregnant again?
She glanced back at Jack and realized he’d awakened and was silently watching her closely. “Are you all right? Rachel, what is it?”
“Jack, I could end up—”
“Pregnant?” He took his time answering. �
�Would that be such a bad thing? Don’t you want more children?”
“No—yes, yes, of course I do, but...” She got out of bed and watched him flinch at her actions. “I do want more children, but it’s just too soon and—”
“Too soon?” he challenged. “Or do you still not trust me?”
As she looked into his eyes, she knew she had to tell him the truth.
“Jack, I did a lot of thinking last night before... I didn’t agree to marry you because it was what’s best for Sammy. I married you because I love you, Jack. I think I’ve loved you forever and—”
She ended in a rush as Jack got out of bed and reached her side.
“Please tell me I’m not dreaming. I don’t think I can bear to wake up again and find that this is just another painful dream. Did I hear you say you love me, Rachel? Because I’ve loved you for so long and I’ve waited and dreamed of hearing you say the words to me once again. So if I’m dreaming, please don’t wake me. I love you, Rachel. I married you because I was in love with you. That’s the only reason. I know I told you it was what was best for Sammy. I think I would have said whatever it took to convince you to marry me, but the truth is I love you.”
“You love me, Jack? You still love me?” Rachel asked in wonderment, unable to stop the tears.
“With all my heart. With all my heart.” He pulled her close and held her until holding was no longer enough and then he loved her and thanked God for the answer to prayers.
*****
Rachel showered and dressed, then followed the sound of Sammy and Jack’s voices to the kitchen and stopped. She watched them together while they were still unaware of her. Sammy was eating breakfast and talking to his father. The love she felt for both of them swelled in her heart.
Jack spotted her first. The love she saw in his eyes took her breath away.
“Momma.” Sammy ran and hugged her waist, his face glowing with excitement. She never got tired of observing his happiness at seeing her.
“You’re finally here. Daddy told me we couldn’t open presents until after breakfast. I thought you were never going to get ready.”
“Ah, so you’re not really happy to see me, you just want to open your presents,” she teased while smiling gratefully at Jack.
“Aw, Mom. I helped Daddy make eggs just like Gran makes. We made you some, too.”
“That’s great, honey.” She bent to give Sammy a kiss. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Momma. Come on. Daddy says you have to eat them while they’re still hot.”
“Aren’t you hungry?” she asked Jack when she couldn’t stand the silence between them any longer. She heard him laugh and glanced up, blushing at the open longing in his eyes.
“No. No, Rachel I’m not hungry.” He leaned in close and kissed her lips.
Their gazes locked. He saw all the obvious questions in hers before she could hide them.
“Don’t worry so much. I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you. We’re a team now.”
“What are you whispering about?” Sammy looked from one to the other in confusion.
“Never mind. Finish your breakfast, son.”
“I should start lunch soon,” she said to cover up the return of her nerves. She wanted to believe the things he’d told her, but it was hard. All the old insecurities were there. She didn’t know what to expect from their marriage or from Jack.
“I know it will take some time before you trust me fully.” He read her thoughts and got to his feet. Lifting her to hers, he took her in his arms, refusing to let her push him away even though it felt awkward in front of Sammy.
“He has to get used to us being together. He needs to see us being affectionate with each other. It will be easier for him to accept me if he sees you doing so. And I don’t plan on letting you go again. I can’t. I need you too much.”
She desperately wanted to believe him, but Jack was right. It would take time for her to learn to trust him again.
“I thought we could fly back home to Austin tomorrow. Spend the night in my house and then maybe we could surprise your mother the next day.”
Something in Jack’s expression took her breath away. He was just as uncertain about what was happening between them as she was. This was uncharted territory for both of them.
“Can we, Momma?” Sammy had been asking that question for a little while, but they were so lost in each other’s eyes that neither had heard him until now.
“Is that what you want, honey?”
His eyes lit up. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”
“Momma, do I still have to go to the doctor when we go back home?”
She’d almost forgotten Sammy’s appointment with all that had happened. “Yes, baby, I’m sorry. But it won’t be as bad as the other times.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Doctor Martinez is good and you’ll like him. I promise this is the last doctor you will have to see for a while.”
He hugged her tight. “Okay. Can we open presents now?” Jack laughed and ruffled Sammy’s hair. They were so much alike that at times it was like looking at a photo.
“You ask too many questions. Come on, Rachel. We’ve tortured the poor boy long enough.”
Sammy was so happy to have a father again that he willingly listened to whatever Jack told him without arguing.
He bounded into the great room and grabbed the first gift. When Rachel would have followed, Jack caught her hand.
“No, ma’am. You stay here with me.” Sammy glanced back over his shoulder at them, annoyed at being forced to wait.
“Jack, he’ll see you,” she whispered as Jack pulled her down into his lap and kissed her.
“And that’s a bad thing?” He smiled at her.
“He’s not used to seeing me with someone.” Too late, she realized that she’d just given away all sorts of things she didn’t want him to know.
“Good, I’m thrilled to hear it. Having one guy in your past is hard enough to think about. And Sammy will be fine. He’s a kid. He’ll get used to this in no time. But he’ll need to be told the truth and soon. I want him to know he’s my son.”
“Jack...”
“I’m sorry, baby, but I insist.” He kissed her again and all she could think about was how much she’d missed him. How much she loved him still and how much she’d never be free from that love.
She hated the doubts that kept her from trusting him but she couldn’t seem to control them. She stumbled to her feet and faced him again.
It took all of her strength to keep her voice low enough for Sammy not to hear. “So that’s it. The real reason behind last night. It had nothing to do with me, did it, Jack. The only reason you’re with me now is because of Sammy. You want your son.”
Jack slowly got out of his chair and pulled her against him, anger replacing the love she’d seen in his beautiful blue eyes.
“How can you say that to me after last night? How can you still think that? I know I’ve hurt you in the past, but you have to believe I thought I was doing what was best for you. Don’t you understand that yet? Leaving you was the last thing I wanted to do. But you were so young back then. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I thought if I gave you some space, more time, you’d come back to me on your own. The minute I found out you were gone I thought I would lose my mind. I tried to find you, but Liz and Michael refused to tell me where you’d gone. Michael wouldn’t talk to me about you—he still won’t. Liz told me I needed to be patient.”
“That’s not true.” She was crying again. She brushed angrily at the tears. For five years, she’d believed Jack had walked away from her without a second thought. But what if that hadn’t been the case?
“Rachel, it is true. If you don’t believe me, ask Michael. He knows the truth. When he and your mother wouldn’t tell me where you’d gone, I was all set to hire a private investigator to find you, but Michael talked me out of it.”
“He wouldn’t do that. He
knew how much I loved you.”
“Maybe he really believed that you needed time, maybe he thought we both did. I don’t know. I only know that I never stopped loving you or thinking about you. Never gave up hope, even when I couldn’t bear to be without you. I never stopped loving you.”
“Momma, are you crying?” They hadn’t heard Sammy come back into the room. Rachel pulled away from Jack and he let her go. She scrubbed her face then tried to reassure her son.
“I’m okay, honey. We were just talking. It’s okay.”
Sammy didn’t seem convinced. “Really?”
She knelt in front of him and smiled. “Yes, I’m positive. Are you ready to open your presents?”
She silently pleaded with Jack to let the conversation go for the moment. Now was not the time to have this talk. Not when their emotions were both still far too raw.
He nodded at last. “Why don’t you show us what you’ve managed to open so far?”
After another second of hesitation, Sammy forgot his worries. “Can we, Mom?” Two sets of eyes looked to her for answers.
It took everything for her to push aside the doubts, but she did it for Sammy’s sake. She took her son’s tiny hand in hers.
“Yes. Yes, let’s see what Santa brought you.”
For the rest of the morning, they watched as Sammy ripped into his presents with more enthusiasm than she’d seen in quite some time. By the time the last gift was opened, there was a pile of wrapping paper and an assortment of toys lying around the room.
Sammy ran to them and hugged them both. “This is the best Christmas ever.”
“Did you get everything you wanted, honey?” she asked when he put his arms around her neck and came willingly into her lap like he used to when he was still a baby.
“Uh huh. What about you, Momma?” She smiled and nodded then turned to Jack. “What about you, Daddy?”
The expression in his blue eyes took her breath away.
“Oh yes. I have everything I’ll ever want or need again.”