“I said fuck off Alex!” he shouted back, rising to his feet and punching me in the head. The left side of my face and ear exploded in pain and I stumbled backwards, hitting the wall of the stables and falling to the ground. The horses inside whinnied unhappily and were restless in their stalls. Dave stood over me. “Hayley’s always been mine,” he spat.
I scrambled back to my feet and punched him in the same place he’d hit me and to my surprise he reeled back. “I’m going to fucking kill you, you bastard!” I promised. While I had the chance I threw myself at him, tackling him to the ground and pinning him. I wanted to kill him. I clasped my hands tightly around his neck and urged my fingers to squeeze but Dave was stronger. His fist found my jaw and I reeled back as blood filled my mouth. Another blow landed. And another. And another.
“You can’t have her!” he shouted incredulously, spitting the words in my face as his fist landed in my stomach. “Not YOU! The biggest slut in the whole fucking school. I’ve wanted her forever and she fucking chooses you.”
His eyes were wild with hatred. I tried to get up but he lifted his booted foot and stomped down on my thigh, the one that had been mangled in the crash, and my leg explode in pain. I screamed and moved to shield my leg. It felt like the wound had been ripped open. I was close to blacking out.
“She’s mine,” he growled. I wanted to fight back but I couldn’t see past the pain. Dave was physically too strong.
He could kill me, I thought. He could kill me and then there’d be no-one to stop him and no-one to protect Hayley.
It was less than 24 hours after I’d promised Hayley I would never let anyone hurt her again and she was unconscious in the dirt while Dave assaulted her. I’d already let her down but if I didn’t stop Dave he would rape her for sure.
I had to stop him but he was so much stronger. Then I remembered how Hayley had stopped Gary and mustering reserves of strength I hoped I still had, I kicked out my uninjured leg and rammed my foot in Dave’s crotch. He fell back, winded, and I stumbled to my feet using the stables wall for support. While he was bent over gasping, I stepped forward and kicked him again with my injured leg and feel to the ground as he screamed in pain. It sounded like music to my ears. I pulled myself up, ready to kick him again when I heard an agonised cry.
“Hayley!”
I spun around to see Pete kneel over Hayley. His hands gently touched her face as his own contorted in anguish. Another cry escaped his lips as he took in her lifeless body and dishevelled appearance.
In a panic I stumbled over to them and sank to my knees beside her.
“What did he do?” Pete growled as he turned on me, venom in his voice and a look of fury on his face. I’d never imagined Pete could look so menacing. His hands moved to pull down Hayley’s shirt so that it recovered her and he pulled up her leggings and eased down her skirt.
“He drugged her,” I said, inclining my head in the direction where Dave was still writhing in pain. “I know he has rohypnol.”
There was horror and fear in Pete’s eyes as this sank in. “What else did he do?”
“I – I think I stopped him before he could,” I said and Pete let out a small sigh of relief at my meaning, “but I still didn’t protect her.” I started to stroke her hair from her face and felt overwhelmed with despair. “I’m sorry Hayley,” I whispered to her, my tears dropping onto her porcelain skin, “I promised I’d never let anyone hurt you again and I – ” I choked on my words, unable to finish.
Some promise. I couldn’t even keep her safe on the first day of my promise.
“She told you?” asked Pete, his eyes wide with surprise. When I nodded he said, “she never told anyone before.”
“I’m in love with her Pete,” I said, my voice cracking. “And because I am, he tried to rape her.” I narrowed his eyes at Dave who was still doubled over but no longer whimpering. “I told him I was meeting her here. This is my fault.”
Pete had finished redressing Hayley and he took a moment to assess the situation before he said, “no, this is Dave’s fault, and its time he paid. I need you to get her out of here.”
“We should call the police or a doctor or someone.”
Pete frowned. “I agree, but I don’t know if Hayley would. She didn’t last time and we can’t make that decision for her, she needs to decide herself and right now she can’t.”
I knew what Pete was thinking – Hayley hadn’t told anyone about Gary so she might not want anyone to know about Dave. But surely this time was different? Dave had drugged her and assaulted her. Still, I had to trust that Pete knew her better, after all he’d been there for her last time.
“Ok, when she wakes up.”
“Can you take her home Alex? Please get her out of here.”
“I’ll take her to mine. She’s supposed to be staying there anyway.”
He raised his eyebrows in silent surprise but didn’t say anything as he was distracted by Dave trying to get to his feet. “Ok go,” he agreed, rising to his feet and eyeing Dave as a hunter would eye its prey. “Can you carry her?”
I nodded in reply.
“Good. I’ll see you later. First, I’m going to have a little chat to Dave,” Pete walked to where Dave had fallen back down to his knees. “It’s been long overdue.”
I put my arms around Hayley and lifted her until she was cradled against my chest. Her eyes flickered and I let out a sigh of relief that she was coming round. “Al….” she murmured softly.
“Its ok,” I whispered in her ear, tears stinging my eyes as I struggled to my feet, sharp pain shooting up my thigh in protest but I ignored it, “I’ve got you now. You’re safe. I’m taking you home.”
Hayley’s head lolled against my shoulder. She was as limp as a rag doll.
How on earth did that bastard drag her here without being noticed?
But of course people must have noticed. Someone must have seen a lifeless girl being dragged into the shadows but they were probably too afraid or ambivalent to interfere.
“Are you sure you’re ok?” Pete asked, turning back to us, “Because you look like crap. Maybe you need to see a doctor?”
Once he mentioned it, I became aware of the intense throbbing in my face and the gripping pain in my stomach but there was no time to think about me. I’d deal with my injuries another time.
“I’m fine,” I replied briskly, brushing off his concern and feeling more in control and determined to get Hayley out of there and somewhere safe. I was filled with relief and remorse as I held her in my arms. Relief that I’d found her before Dave could do his worst and remorse because this was my fault – I’d told Dave I was meeting Hayley and I’d known for months that he had Rohypnol. Dave even told me that evening that he had drugs on him. How could I have been so stupid? Hayley was going to hate me when she found out what I’d done but I would deal with those consequences later as well. First I had to get her somewhere safe.
I readied myself before I took a step but I shouldn’t have worried about my legs failing me. I might have been bruised and battered but I could have carried Hayley all the way home if I had to. She was so light and frail. She wouldn’t have stood a chance against Dave even if he hadn’t drugged her into complete submission. My hatred for him was endless.
I left Pete to deal with Dave and carried Hayley past the animal pens and the campsite and through the crowds towards the entrance. It was very late now. The music and lights of Sideshow Alley were throbbing like a migraine and the shadows offered no relief. Everywhere I looked I found something to turn my stomach. A drunk in a cowboy hat was slumped in the dirt – he’d either spilled beer on himself or pissed his pants. Two kids were stumbling towards the darkened grandstand: the boy held a bottle of rum to a girl’s mouth as they walked and when the rum spilled down the front of her shirt he leaned closer to lick it off her chest and she giggled drunkenly. A girl I recognised from the year younger than me was vomiting behind the rides and amusements not noticing as it splashed all over her shoes. Rubbi
sh was piled high in the 44 gallon drum bins and overflowing onto the ground – half eaten hotdogs and sticks of fairy floss discarded on the dirt. The whole scene made me sick to my stomach.
Why did I ever think this would be fun?
I was both relieved and disgusted that not a single person stopped me on the way out. One woman threw a questioning look in our direction but no-one else showed us the slightest flicker of interest or even seemed to notice I was carrying a lifeless girl in my arms. Not one person asked why I was bruised and bloody. Not one person stopped me to ask why Hayley was covered in dirt and her clothes were torn.
Not one.
CHAPTER 47
HAYLEY
The bright morning sunlight bled around the edges of the blackout curtains in a dim, blurry line but even that faint sliver of light was enough to intensify the throbbing in my head. I snapped my eyes shut. I had the worst hangover. Ever. I didn’t even remember drinking. My mind reeled back to the day before. I remembered the dream-like morning with Alex, how I’d missed him during the long hours at work, the anticipation and excitement of meeting him at the show, my unease waiting with Dave in the bar, the sickness in my stomach. And then…? Nothing. A blank.
Weird.
Ever so gradually, I opened my eyes and a face came into focus.
There were worse faces to wake up in the morning.
Alex was lying beside me with his head on a pillow but my eyes must have been playing tricks on me because his face appeared distorted and misshapen. I blinked and refocused because what I saw wasn’t a trick or my imagination: Alex’s face was covered in deep purple bruises and his bottom lip was swollen and crusted with dried blood. I gasped and his eyes shot open at the sound, instantly alert, although I could have sworn he was asleep just a second ago. There was so much pain and fear in his eyes and that too didn’t make sense.
“What happened to your face, Alex?” I asked, sitting up in alarm. My head reeled with dizziness and I fell back onto the pillow. “Woah!”
“Easy, Hay. You’ll feel dizzy.”
My head was spinning and pounding. I’d never had a hangover that bad before. Actually, I’d never had a hangover before. Strange that I didn’t even remember drinking.
I opened my eyes again and Alex was leaning over me, concern etched across his face. I reached up to touch his cheek and he winced.
“What’s wrong Alex? What happened to you?”
“What happened to me?” his brow furrowed as his eyes glistened. “You don’t you remember anything….anything about last night…do you?”
It was true. I had a black hole in my memory. I couldn’t recall anything after I followed Dave to the bar. I couldn’t even remember meeting Alex or coming back to his house.
“No I don’t,” I said surprised that he would know this, and asked “why, what happened to you?” Alex averted his eyes and didn’t answer me. “You’re worrying me.”
“Memory loss is one of the side effects.”
“Side effects?”
“Of Rohypnol.”
“What?”
Alex took a deep breath and told me everything that had happened the previous night at the show. I listened with growing disbelief as Alex recounted every horrible detail and I tried to piece together my fractured memory. I couldn’t recollect anything more than a few random moments, like snippets of a dream or nightmare, one in which I was the major character in this story. The limited things I could remember – the stench of the bar, a feeling of cold earth underneath me, Alex screaming out my name – were vague and disconnected and I couldn’t say for certain whether they were real or imagined. My mind was fuzzy and disjointed which made the whole evening seem even more like a fantastical story. But I knew it wasn’t. I didn’t doubt Alex for a moment because he would never make up a story so horrible and besides, I knew Dave Matthews. I wouldn’t put it past him. There was also enough hard evidence to convince me in the bruises and scrapes that covered my body. Dave had left fingerprint-sized bruises where he’d grabbed my arms and long scratches on my hips where his nails had dug into my skin. Physically I would be ok. Mentally, I didn’t know.
Alex was in far worse shape physically. The left side of his face was so badly bruised his eye could only half-open and there was a nasty cut by his ear and also on his lip. Several large purple bruises bloomed across Alex’s ribs and stomach from where Dave had punched him repeatedly and they were so tender that Alex winced when I he breathed. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had broken ribs but Alex insisted he didn’t think he did. His injured thigh was also bruised and swollen but thankfully the old wound had not reopened. It must have been incredibly painful though as Alex gritted his teeth every time he moved his leg so much as a centimetre.
“It’s my fault,” he said quietly, his forehead wrinkled in torment.
“What? Why do you think that?”
“I knew Dave had Rohypnol and I knew he was obsessed with you and that he wouldn’t like us being together and I told him I was meeting you. He would never have attacked you if I hadn’t told him about us. God, I’m so sorry Hayley.”
I considered everything he said. “This isn’t your fault, Alex. It’s Dave’s. And if you hadn’t found me then it would have been a lot worse. You were there to stop him. You saved me. It’s not your fault.”
He shook his head and I could tell he was still blaming himself. “I’m sorry,” he said as he put his arms around me, pulling me to his chest and holding me there even though he must have been in pain. “Are you ok?” he whispered after a moment, his hands stroking my hair.
Not really, I though. Inside I was a whirlpool of conflicting emotions – disbelief, anger, fear, relief, shame, confusion. It would take me a while to sort though them. I didn’t know if I could comprehend exactly what had happened, especially as I didn’t have any memory of the night. No, I guess I wasn’t entirely ok. But I was determined to hold it together and not let another Matthews own any part my life. Just when I realised I needed to confront my past, it happened again.
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “It just doesn’t seem real right now. It’s like a sick, disgusting, totally messed up story that happened to someone else. I can’t believe it happened to me but I know it did. I hate that I don’t remember anything. I hate Dave.”
“I’m going to make sure he pays for this.”
“Too late.”
We both turned in surprise to find Pete standing in the doorway. He looked at ease, like he’d been standing there for a while listening to our conversation.
“I already took care of it,” Pete added, then he tried to smile and said, “hey sweet pea.”
“Hey.” I said in reply.
Pete came over to sit on the bed next to me and took my hand in his.
“How are you feeling?” he asked after a pause, his big soft hands totally enveloping my own.
“I don’t know,” I frowned in reply.
I didn’t know how to describe what I was feeling. I certainly wasn’t ok – no-one would be ok after being drugged and assaulted. I had no recollection of the night and when I replayed Alex’s version of events in my head, the one thing I kept reminding myself was that Alex had stopped Dave before he could do any worse. If Alex hadn’t turned up when he did, I honestly didn’t know how I would be able to speak that morning. Would I even have known what happened if Alex hadn’t stopped Dave? Would I have just woken up in the stables with a throbbing head, bruises, torn clothes and no idea of how I’d gotten there?
“You need to report it Hay,” said Alex.
I gaped at him. Did I? Could I? If I went to the police then everything that happened the day my dad died could also come out. Last night was bad enough without bringing up all that.
I shook my head. “No, I can’t.”
Alex was incredulous. I looked to Pete, hoping for some understanding. Pete had been there the first time I had to make a decision like this. Surely he would understand. But if anything Pete looked like he a
greed with Alex.
“Hayley…” they both began at the same time.
“No,” I repeated. How could I explain how I felt? My fears were not just from what Dave had done to me, it was more complicated than that. “If I go to the police about Dave then the whole thing with Gary and my Dad letting it happen….well, it’s going to come out, I know it will, and how are my mum and Sean going to feel about that after all these years? That I’ve lied to them for year? I can’t hurt them like that.”
“They’ll understand,” offered Pete, “none of this – Gary, your Dad, or Dave – was your fault Hayley. Not then and not now.”
“You can’t let Dave get away with this,” Alex agreed. “He’s had that Rohypnol for months. I’ll bet you aren’t the first girl he’s used it on or the last. He was going to rape you Hayley. He’s seriously fucked up, just like his dad and I don’t think he’ll just stop now. We have to stop him before it happens to another girl.”
Oh God, Alex was right. I hadn’t considered that Dave could attack someone else. I knew that he would do it again, if not me then someone else, and when he did then I’d be responsible for not stopping him when I could have. Alex and Pete were both right. I had to do something.
“We’ll all go to the police together,” continued Alex. “The three of us. Dave can’t get away with this, he has to pay.”
Pete cleared his throat, deliberately drawing our attention to him and said, “It would be more accurate to say he has to pay more. After I left him at the showgrounds, I made sure he confessed to all his sins.”
“What?”
Pete hopped off the bed and motioned for us to follow him through to the living room.
“Come on,” he called after a moment.
Alex helped me up and my head spun from the after-effects of the drug as we walked to the next room. I was aching all over. My stomach twisted nauseously as I thought how Dave must have treated me to make me feel so sore.
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