Saint, damn it, why didn’t you pick up the phone? I should probably give you some space. I wish I could comfort you.
She rubbed her knee with a bar of peppermint soap. Saint had gotten her hooked on it, by teaching her how it relaxes muscles.
I’ll call him again in the morning. She stared at nothing in particular. I hope he can get some sleep.
Poor Valerie. How would it feel to lose a husband, a soul mate?
Saint.
Her throat felt tight and raspy. How would she feel if she lost Saint? But Saint wasn’t hers to lose anymore…
As she tried to push the thought out her mind, there was an abrupt knock at the door.
“Xenia!” her mother called out as she turned the door knob.
“Come on in, Mama.”
Xenia wallowed in the water, the water so high with suds that only the tops of her shoulders were visible.
“This package came for you. I forgot to give it to you earlier today when you got in from work.” Her mother looked at it as she held a cigarette in her hand.
“Does it say who it’s from?” Xenia asked.
“I don’t see no address, just your name is all. You want me to open it?”
“Yes, I wasn’t expecting anything,” Xenia shrugged.
Her mother extinguished her cigarette by throwing it into the toilet. She blew out the last puff of smoke from her mouth and sliced the tape around the box open with a long, dark purple fingernail. Her pink curlers bobbed about as she wrestled with the rest of the tape. When she finally lifted the lid, she reached into the box past the bubble wrap and slipped out a CD.
“I guess it’s some music. Maybe someone else sent you a demo. I have no idea why rappers keep sending you their demo.”
“To play on the radio, Mama. We feature a new singer or rapper once a week to play,” Xenia explained. “I’ve never been mailed one at home though, that’s odd. They always arrive at work. I don’t give out my private address. Hey, do me a favor, Mama. Can you bring in that CD player? The one out in the hall? I forgot my iPod to plug up anyway, might as well have some mood music.”
“I did notice it was quiet in here. You usually like your Patti LaBelle to play during your baths,” her mother smiled. “You got that from me. You know I love Patti.”
She walked out of the bathroom and quickly returned with the CD player. After plugging it into the wall, she placed the disc inside.
“I hope it’s R&B,” Xenia said. “She hadn’t heard any steady stream of rap music since she and Saint separated. Hearing it actually upset her, because he loved it so much and she was used to hearing it in his car or sometimes while they made love.
He liked to amuse her, moving his hips to the music, sticking and stopping like an expert hip-hop dancer…only he was horizontal, pop locking, making her orgasm and laugh at the same time. She’d giggle as he rotated his hips, dive back down, twist and wink at her, all to the beat of the extreme bass and treble with each thrust.
She pushed the image out of her mind and waited for the sound on the disc to start.
“This is taking too long. Something must be wrong with it.”
Pam walked back over to the CD player.
“It’s spinnin’,” she said. Just then, James voice came over the CD.
“Hi Xenia, this is James Kessler. I hope that while you listen to this, you are doing well.”
Xenia froze. There was no stopping the tears now…
“Turn it off!” she cried. “Mama, turn it off, please!”
“Girl, alright! Stop screaming like that, you’ll wake the dead, damn!” Pam pushed the stop button.
“That’s just it, Mama, he is dead! James died tonight. That was Saint’s friend, his boss. He was like a second father to Saint. James was good to us. I got chills! Oh my God!” Xenia wailed.
Pam walked quickly over to her daughter, knelt at the tub and hugged her.
“It’s OK, baby. I can see how that would kinda freak you out. Just try to relax.”
“Mama,” Xenia calmed after a while. “Turn it back on. I should listen to it.”
“Are you sure, Xenia? You don’t seem up to it. You just lost your damn mind a minute ago.”
“No Mama, I’m fine now, really,” Xenia insisted, wiping another tear from her face.
Pam rose, walked back over to the CD player and pushed “PLAY.”
“Xenia, when you play this, I may be gone. I don’t know if Saint told you, but I’ve been ill and it isn’t looking good. I’m at peace with it though, because I believe in a higher power. I believe in rewards for good service and I know that the pain I’ve endured here, I won’t feel there. The only thing I will regret is my Valerie being a widow. We all have to die though, that is just how it is. Once you are born, you have an expiration date and no one gets out of here alive. I’m sending this to you because I love Saint, he is my son, and I love you like a daughter. I had known Saint for several years before he met you. I knew that he desperately wanted to find his Queen. After you two met, Saint changed. I saw him go from a wild, untamed entity to a softer, yet still vivid image of his former self. Your love christened him into something new. He needed you like air itself, Xenia.”
Xenia covered her mouth with her hand. The suds rolled slowly down her arm.
“I’m not one to interfere in people’s private lives but as it pertains to my son, I will do so, especially since I see him dying in front of me a bit more each day. You both are very headstrong people and that is a beautiful thing until it becomes your only resolve. You two genuinely love one another and I find the whole situation disheartening. Xenia, I wouldn’t be able to convince you that he had not chosen to be unfaithful to you. Saint knows nothing about this so please don’t think it was his idea for me to contact you, let alone reveal to you what I’m getting ready to. I have some recordings here that I believe you may find interesting…to say the least. They are snippets of phone conversations from the woman you discovered with your husband.
In any case, without further ado, daughter-in-law, I present Ms. Payton Smith to you.”
Xenia stared at the stereo player in confusion. Pam sat on the toilet lid, her mouth agape.
“LaToya, that is what was so absurd. He didn’t even know her and still, he married her. But when we were together, he’d always tell me ‘No’ every time I proposed to him. Whatever,” Payton said.
“I’m surprised you flew all the way out there,” the other woman, Latoya, responded.
“Well, you know my aunt is out there and Veronica and Damian were going to be at the awards show. It was like it was meant to be,” Payton laughed. “I saw online that Saint’s wife was nominated for an award and I wanted to see him and tell him off but when I saw him, girl, I changed my mind. I’m still in love with him after all this time. I hate him at the same time though too, if that makes any sense.”
Payton sighed.
“I get it, I understand. I thought you two would get married, too. Saint is a weird man though. Nothing he does ever makes sense.”
“But the motherfucker always lands on his feet, no matter what crazy shit he comes up with. It’s ridiculous what good luck he has. I guess he wanted to live a straight life and got himself a sweet, innocent wife who will do whatever he says. Anyway, I ran into him at the bar and after that, girl, we got down and dirty.”
“Yeah, right. You didn’t run into him at the bar! You followed him over there. You had a plan!” LaToya laughed.
“When you came back to town and told me y’all fucked, I knew he was your main reason for going out there. I regret bringing him up again tonight though. Sorry if I upset you.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“I know it was wrong but that is hilarious that his wife saw you guys! How did you pull it off? I always knew he was still a hoe!”
Payton was quiet for a minute. “Well, in all honesty I knew he would never have sex with me again. He seemed pretty adamant about how he felt about his wife. I didn’t think marriage would
change him but it looks like it did. Now you see why I wanted to marry him.”
“Well, what do you mean, Payton? What kind of trouble did you stir up? It’s impossible to have sex…”
“OK, LaToya,” Payton interrupted. “Look, don’t judge me, OK? I didn’t tell you about how it happened the first time because I know it was wrong, but, as far as I’m concerned, the way he treated me, he had it coming. I…”
“You slipped him a damn roofie? What the fuck is wrong with you, Payton? You could lose your license over this if he tells anyone! Jesus Christ!”
“I told you, Xenia! Saint was innocent!” Xenia’s mother blurted out.
Xenia still couldn’t wrap her head around what she’d just heard. “Mama, you didn’t tell me nothin’! You said all men cheat!” She was in a state of shock as she continued to listen to the CD.
“It wasn’t a roofie, it was Ketamine,” Payton corrected. “I was in a hurry and I don’t think I put enough in because in less than twenty minutes, he was up and walking again. I should’ve known that big motherfucker would need a larger dose, like a damn horse he needed to be tranquilized but at least I got what I wanted…well, not everything. I didn’t get to cum, nor did he. I called his wife to come check us out!” Payton laughed.
“Ketamine is just as bad, Payton. You could’ve killed him!” A pause. “Payton, you’re my best friend but I’ve got to tell you the truth, that was horrible what you did. I understand fucking him again, shit, I’d do it too. I even understand calling his wife to come see what a fuck up he is but you date raped his ass! He was trying to be faithful to her. You stole dick!”
“Look, I got what I wanted. I called a friend who works in the court clerk office in California and found out Xenia filed for divorce. The records are sealed, but that is one of the advantages of being in a place of position. Good! That’s what his ass gets! I hate that I had to do that, LaToya but I already told you he wouldn’t have cheated on her. I was sure of it after I spoke to him outside of his job and all the hurtful, shitty stuff he said to me. She gets him exclusively! It’s not fair.”
“You don’t know that. Saint is a freak. He might have her doing the same shit, Payton.”
“No, he isn’t, I read his books. He said in one that when he finds his Queen, it is them two solely, no threesomes, nothing. She didn’t earn that spot! She wasn’t with him when he was nothing – a nobody! Didn’t nobody really know who the fuck Saint was. He had written a couple books, given a few interviews, but he was just a damn sex shrink.” Payton was starting to get hysterical. “He was known to be the dude to go to if you couldn’t get wood or have an orgasm – nothing like what is going on now. Wait, he did do a couple of conferences towards the end of our relationship and I actually encouraged him when he wasn’t sure. Look where my loyalty got me? I lost my fuckin’ man! I don’t know what it is about her, I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s pretty and all, but she is still a basic chic and she needs a damn relaxer. Have you seen her fucking hair? It’s wild and all over the place from the photos I’ve seen.”
Silence on the other end.
“She had it straight that night though, at the awards, but I could still see the wave pattern. She must’ve flat ironed it. These natural bitches look a hot mess. It’s in style now to look like you just rolled up out the jungle. She’s supposed to be a professional. I wonder if she shaves her legs? Saint can’t stand hairy legs but he always was attracted to these wild looking women, too. When we’d do threesomes, foursomes, hell whatever number he wanted that particular day, he always wanted some bitch, at least one of them, that looked like she came straight out of Africa. I mean, I know I’m dark-skinned but I do my damn hair! She looks like a bone should be through her nose. He’s crazy.”
Xenia sucked in a breath, her blood boiling. “I got your wild and all over the place, right here, ho!” she muttered.
“Payton, you’re gorgeous and his wife is too, you’re just jealous. Don’t you think you’re a little old to be comparing yourself with her? Saint is shallow, or at least he was. He’d never roll deep with someone who wasn’t as gorgeous as he. Hell, that’s what he loved about you. He always said he couldn’t quit you because you were ‘too fucking pretty,’ and that is a direct quote I’d hear him say to you often. Anyway, you know I’m not going to mince words with you. I’m still stuck on what you did. Saint is a motherfucker, Payton, but he didn’t deserve that. Even for you, this is a low blow and totally out of character,” LaToya scolded.
“Not really. This is exactly the sort of thing I’d do. I planned this shit out, even though I wasn’t sure when I’d have the opportunity and lo and behold, his ass went to the bar, alone, without her ass. It was perfect! The opportunity fell in my lap, it was destiny. Anyway, it took her forever to file for divorce, he must’ve been trying to smooth shit over no doubt. Payback is a bitch. He deserves to lose her. He deserves to be miserable!” Payton huffed. “My marriage fell apart because no matter how hard I tried, after all of these years, I couldn’t get over him. When it finally ended, I went after my man, like I was supposed to. I went after him and he all but spit in my face!”
“Xenia, get your ass out of that tub and call that man right now!” her mother barked as she stood up from the toilet seat.
“Mama, wait! I want to finish hearing this.”
“You better hope no one finds out about this shit, Payton,” LaToya warned.
“They won’t. You’re the only one I’ve told and I know you won’t rat me out. I needed to get it off my chest anyway; I’ve been carrying this secret for months about the, well, you know.”
“I’m glad you’re showing some remorse because you just said he deserved it!” LaToya said.
“He did, but…I don’t know. I did feel bad about it the other day, actually, but not anymore. Saint dogged me out so bad, this is sweet justice. I don’t know what I feel, LaToya, I just, I guess he and I can never get back together now but at least she won’t have him either.”
“What about their family, Payton? Doesn’t he have a child now?”
Payton laughed. “Yes, he is an official breeder now. Too bad, sorry, but oh well. Anyway, where are we going to eat tonight? I’m in the mood for some Mongolian, how about you?”
The CD was silent again for a few seconds.
“Xenia, this is James again.” He cleared his throat. “By now, you’ve finished listening to the filth that was recorded from Payton’s home telephone in Queens, New York. Xenia, your husband was sexually assaulted and though he doesn’t appear to be ruined by the actual act itself, looks can be deceiving. He is suffering now for something he had no control over. It was very foolish of him to become distracted and leave his drink unattended, but he did, and these are the consequences. Men get raped too, Xenia, even intelligent, physically intimidating men like Saint. He is the victim here. You’re not the victim, Saint is. When rape happens to a man, and it is from a woman, it does usually involve drugs so that the man can be overpowered. If you wish to verify these phone records, in the package I’ve included the information you’ll need to do such, if you require more evidence but I have a feeling this will suffice. We haven’t sought any legal actions regarding Payton because that is up to Saint to decide. He didn’t wish to do anything to her as of yet, for fear of how it would impact you and the kids, his reputation and his career. He only wanted you to know, and for him to be believed. He didn’t want anyone else to know what happened, not because he was ashamed but because he wanted to protect his family and the organization. I believe Payton knew he wouldn’t tell authorities, and that is why she knew she could get away with it.
If Saint weren’t famous, I think things would’ve been handled differently. So, dear daughter-in-law, here is the information you may have needed. Xenia, I don’t condone infidelity. If Saint had cheated on you, I would have been extremely disappointed in him and he would have had to be removed from the organization. He can’t stand up for Queens, and then cheat on his own. That is against our p
rinciples and everything we believe in. Saint can’t go around the country, the world preaching about loving the Black woman and then destroy his own family due to lust. When he told me he didn’t do it, I had to believe him. I had no choice because he looked me in the eye and promised me he didn’t.
Xenia felt shame as she heard James’ last sentence. She looked down into the warm, frothy water. His own boss believed him before I did.
“Xenia, we all have a track record. We all have a book that is written about us, everything we do is recorded in it. In the early part of Saint’s life, his book was chock full of accidents, mistakes, mishaps, strange occurrences and a few calamities, many of them sexual in nature. He even admitted to me that he was addicted to sex at one point in time. This was way before he met you. It’s not for me to judge his life at that time, however, especially as I was no angel myself as a younger man. Now, his life has changed drastically. It’s full of honesty, good deeds, truthfulness, love, marriage, children, teaching, guiding, discipline and happiness. No one believed one woman could make Saint happy, but I did. I knew deep down that was all he really wanted. He found her, Xenia and she is listening to me right now. If we keep looking at chapter one, when someone has migrated to chapter two, we miss the wonderful goings-on that are right before us. Saint’s track record from the past had nothing to do with you. He did what he did and he has never apologized for it or tried to rewrite his own history. He accepts what he is and who he is, at any given time. I’m obviously not with you two every day, so I don’t know every detail of the comings and goings of your marriage, but I do know that his track record with you is exemplary. Saint is a workaholic and you were the only person he’d drop everything for. He loved you, and still does, from the bottom of his heart. You can’t make him pay for what he did in the past, and this situation with Payton shows that you believe he has returned to chapter one when nothing could be further from the truth. Now, I really must go. I have some other matters to attend to and my time is limited but I love you, Xenia. I love Saint. I love your two boys. You’re family to me. Saint finally found his better half and he chose you as his Queen because that was your rightful place. Even if I have passed when you are listening to this, I will still be checking on you two and when I come for a visit after I move on, I expect to see happiness again between you two, together. This suffering has to stop, now.”
When Saint Goes Marching In Page 22