She lifted her wrists, her blue eyes unblinking. “I lived?” she breathed. “You can kill him,” she said brokenly, her voice wavering as she looked at West. “You can snap his neck. We’re still immortal. You can kill Troy.”
West stared at her as though she were a disobedient child. “You can clean this up,” he snapped, releasing her and moving to the bedroom. Violet shifted her eyes to me, and I knelt next to her.
“I’ll do this,” I told her softly. “Logan, help her, please help her,” I said, sopping up the blood with the towels that he’d used as a tourniquet.
Logan lifted her to her feet, helping her walk toward the bathroom. West met them in the doorway with wet towels, the expression on his face filled with quiet remorse.
“I understand why you did this. But no more surprises, Violet. Talk to me. Just talk to me,” he urged.
“Okay,” she whispered, nodding as her chin quivered.
He cupped her cheek in his hand for a long moment. “Logan, please help her clean up.”
“I am,” he hissed at West, turning to brush his fingers over her blond curls. Logan pressed his lips to her head, and I watched her lean into his arms as she broke into tears.
They disappeared into the bathroom, and West knelt next to me, pressing the towels to the bloodied floor. “Eva’s asleep.”
“She cried herself to sleep,” I whispered, trying desperately not to cry.
“She’s fine. I checked on her.” When I said nothing, he stopped mopping at the blood, lifting his eyes to mine. “Roam?”
“He told me not to take her.” I lifted my shaking hands, staring at the blood. “Troy said not to take her through the fountain. He said, ‘magic will take her away.’ Did he mean Violet? Or Eva?”
West shook his head firmly. “Don’t speak to him anymore, and don’t listen to anything that he has to say. He has no reason to help us.”
I nodded, brushing at my tears with my shoulder. “I know.”
Eva began to cry. I climbed to my feet, still trembling as West sat back and stared at the pool of blood with his hands draped over his knees.
“We’re leaving tonight,” he said firmly.
I nodded in silent agreement.
The next hours were spent readying ourselves for the drive back to Ohio. West took Violet and Logan across with Troy well after midnight after snapping his neck once more. I slipped into a constant sickened state, barely able to form words except to comfort Eva as we moved through the night.
Once we were on the road, I stared at the moonlit sound, not sure that I ever wanted to see the cottage again.
The return trip was stoic, and we moved automatically, barely speaking. I fed and changed Eva, West and Logan drove, and Violet argued with the radio dial of the 1955 Chevrolet conversion van.
West continued to kill Troy.
Near southern Ohio, Violet turned the volume of “Ain’t That a Shame” down and turned to West in the driver’s seat. “When do we try these inclined planes?”
I knew the question had been burning in her mind since we left. West kept his eyes focused on the windshield. “When we have Troy secured, and when Roam is healthy enough to take care of Eva.”
“What if you stay, and I take her through?” Logan’s voice surprised me, and I watched him lean forward. “Roam will never be able to explain Eva.”
“And if Troy is in 2012 and secure, there isn’t much danger if we try to cross over to his land,” Violet agreed.
West glanced her way. “It sounds like the two of you have discussed this.”
Logan crossed his arms over his chest, staring out the window.
“And I will find a way to explain Eva,” I added defensively.
“When I marry you, we can tell everyone that she is my child,” West said quietly. “It’ll work out, baby.”
The ice that crept over the van radiated from Logan’s general direction.
The van grew heavily silent, and I twisted my fingers together in my lap.
“Married, huh?” Logan repeated as he turned to me, and I was thankful for his stranger’s face at that moment. “Probably won’t be the big event that my parents were planning for us, right?”
“Logan,” I protested softly, gazing down at Eva.
He shrugged and looked back out the window.
It was nearly one o’clock in the afternoon when we got to Cleveland, and snow blanketed the grass. In the daylight, holiday shoppers crowded the streets downtown, and Violet found a station that played only Christmas music.
Warmed by Bing Crosby and Gene Autry’s timeless carols, I fed Eva as West parked in the secluded back lot of a department store. Logan sat in the driver’s seat, talking quietly with Violet, while West and I took turns cradling Eva between us.
“She has such perfect features,” I said adoringly. “Annie’s features are so cute. My eyes are too big, and my chin is too long-”
“I miss your eyes and your chin like you wouldn’t believe,” West assured me, meeting my lips in a loving kiss. “I told you. No one compares to you, Roam. Not in any life.”
I smiled, and as though Eva could feel my happiness, her little lips curved to mirror mine. “She smiled! West, look at her lips,” I cried, laughing softly. I watched her mouth curl into a dreamy grin as she slept in West’s arms. “That’s the first time she’s ever smiled. Do you think that she’s dreaming?”
“She’s happy.” He traced her face with his finger. “We’ll make sure that she always is.”
We shared the sandwiches and fruit that we’d packed for the trip, and as the sun disappeared, we took turns using the department store bathrooms. Logan and Violet changed back into their clothes, and I stared at my stained sweater dress, loathing the idea of having to put it back on.
As midnight approached, the streets cleared, and the emptiness of downtown shadowed over the roads and sidewalks. I watched Eva wistfully, sighing.
“I’ll miss feeding her,” I realized out loud. West gathered me into his arms, kissing me softly.
“I know, baby. But I’ll get to feed her, and I’m looking forward to that,” he admitted.
“We should go,” Logan called, pulling alongside the curb next to the Hanna Fountains.
The snow filled emptied fountain.
We’ll go back the same way that we came.
“I hate to put her in the snow,” I said, gazing at Eva and pressing my warm lips to her forehead. She smelled like powder and her, a smell that I would know for the rest of my life.
“It’ll only be for a few seconds,” West promised, shouldering Troy’s weight with Logan. “Hold hands. Logan, hold Violet, or she won’t go through. Roam, do not let go of my hand.”
I entwined my arm with West’s and lowered as we gently placed Eva’s arm in the snow.
I should have been prepared for the pain. The moment that we traveled, my throat constricted, and the cramping returned to my abdomen.
Gasping, I held my hands over my stomach, doubling over.
“We’re through… there’s my car,” West called. “Logan, put Troy in the backseat… Roam?” he turned to me, dropping Troy’s body to the snow. “Roam, where’s Eva? Roam!”
I lifted my empty hands, trying to catch my breath.
Pain.
The fiery pain in my arm brought me to my knees as the numbers began to reappear, coordinates embroidered by burning needles. As I gritted through the new agony, I comprehended West’s words.
Where’s Eva?
Where’s Eva?
Time stopped.
I felt the blood trickling down my leg but turned back to the fountain, registering that Eva was gone.
Thrusting my arm back into the snow, I waited, my chest rising and falling in painful, broken breaths.
Nothing happened.
“Take her back through- her numbers aren’t working!” Logan shouted as he and Violet watched in horror. West grabbed my arm, holding it under the snow.
I watched him fade away before me, but I re
mained, leaning against the edge of the War Memorial Fountain, bleeding.
Droplets of blood slid down my leg and melted deep ravines into the freshly fallen snow.
West returned in seconds, staring at me, not understanding.
Seconds turned to minutes. The misery in my hollow chest took over all logical thought or any hope for understanding.
The empty space in my mind was cloaked with shadows and monsters, dark haired, ice-blue eyed demons who trailed behind me with knives and searing branding irons. West’s calming voice, his hands, his lips were there, and then gone, and then back to dank leaves in bloody forests, with insects on dripping dungeon walls and rats scurrying at my feet.
“He told me not to take her through,” I sobbed, vaguely aware that West was lifting me up and into his arms. “He knew… magic brought her to me, magic took her away.” I held my hands over my ears and screamed.
I was dying from the inside.
West carried me to the Pilot, shouting instructions to Logan and Violet.
My heart shredded slowly as I finally realized that she was gone.
Our last life together gave us a chance to go back…
But not to come home.
I closed my eyes.
Chapter Sixteen
Gone… as if she never existed.
I woke with a start, focused on the silver rails of a hospital bed. “… Mild laryngeal damage. Her voice will be strained for a while.”
“Dad?” I turned slightly, and my father moved to my side.
“Don’t try to talk, sweetheart. Everything is okay.” He reached for my hand, gently squeezing. “You have an IV in your arm.”
“Logan?” I tried to sit up, but he leaned over to hug me.
“He’s here. He’s in the waiting room with Morgan. I’ll bring him in soon.”
Modern technology surrounded me. I watched my blood pressure reading blink as an automatic cuff began to close around my upper arm.
“Do you remember what happened?” My dad asked me. He looked tired, and I could read his exhaustion in the wrinkles below his eyes.
I blinked at the bright lights above the bed in confusion. “No,” I realized, sitting up in alarm.
“Mr. Camden?” Logan’s face appeared at the doorway of my triage room, and I moaned. I felt as though someone held my head down to the bed and poured the horrific memories into my mind.
We traveled to 1955.
I gave birth to Eva.
And we came back without her.
“Logan,” I cried, my throat constricting. “What’s wrong with me?”
“The doctor will be in soon,” my dad answered, looking at Logan expectantly. Logan put his hand on my father’s shoulder, meeting his eyes.
“I’ll talk to her. Why don’t you go out with Morgan?”
My dad turned to me. “Is that what you want, Roam?”
I nodded, tears threatening.
Logan waited until my father walked out before sitting next to my bed, taking my hand in his. “Everything is okay, Roam. West and Violet secured Troy in his basement. He won’t hurt you.”
“Where is Eva?” I begged, twisting the knitted blanket in my fingers as the blood pressure cuff tightened.
Logan kept his steady, watery brown gaze even with mine. “Eva’s gone. Annie is gone. West went back, and you never existed. Eva never existed-”
“She existed!” I shouted, coughing and breaking down as he reached for me. He held me as I tried to catch my breath, the sorrow taking over my entire being.
“We don’t know what happened. All we know for sure is that you can’t go back through twice…”
I spread my hand over my stomach through the blanket and hospital gown. “And my baby? Here? Am I still pregnant?”
Logan cupped his hand behind my neck, his eyes shifting down.
I knew then.
It was all over.
Eva was gone, and so was my other baby.
“Get me out of here,” I hissed, reaching for my inner elbow to yank at the IV needle in my arm. It detached and sent blood and water splashing across my skin. I welcomed the pain as Logan held my arm, calling for a nurse. “Get me out of here Logan! I want to leave!”
I marked that moment as the end.
Words were ineffective.
I stopped speaking.
I turned inward, sleeping most of my day and night. I moved in and out of nightmares, some new, some old, but all muted through whatever drug the doctor had ordered for me to help with the anxiety.
The more medication that he gave me, the easier it was to escape, and I finally understood how West had lost control in 1977.
I succumbed to the hum in my brain, screaming when the world around me became too vivid or real. At some point, Morgan’s voice penetrated the shield in my mind. I focused on the window and recognized that it was snowing, and slowly the world came into focus around me.
“…To fill out. Now, these applications are exhausting, and they all have these fees, and you have them all color-coded, but I have no idea what your system is. I think the one for Yale has subtypes or something… were you thinking a dual major? That’s the only thing I can think of, and-”
“Morgan?”
I watched her face. She lifted her eyes to mine, raising her eyebrows. “There you are.”
“What are you doing?” I managed.
She sighed, leaning over my bed. “Waiting for you to come back to life.”
“I died?”
“No, you… gave up.” She glanced at the hospital room door nonchalantly. “Before I alert the guards, are you really here? Do you fully comprehend what’s happened, and are ready to join the living again?”
I blinked in confusion. “What is today?”
“December first.”
More than a week has passed?
I turned my face away from hers and toward the window of the hospital room. Beautiful poinsettias lined the shelf near the wall, surrounding a bowl. Narrowing my eyes, I stared at the flower floating in the water. “What is that?”
“Get well wishes. Poinsettias are pretty popular right now, I guess.” She walked to the shelf, touching the small cards in each of the arrangements. “The Mays… the Rushs… your class… your kickboxing instructor.” She screwed her face up disgustedly. “A lot of help those lessons were when you got mugged.”
I vaguely remembered the story that West had come up with, about me being attacked downtown. I guessed that Logan had gone along with that plan.
“What’s in the bowl?” I asked, cringing and touching my throat tenderly. She plucked the card between her fingers, shrugging.
“Your hot history teacher. He sent you a water lily. How weird is that?”
West.
I thought of the man that had completely taken over my life for the last three months, unable to believe that we’d only known each other for such a short time.
Water comforts you.
I pressed my fingers between my eyes, holding back the well of tears. “Were they all here?”
“Everyone’s been here, Roam. No one is allowed in but me, Logan, and Dad.”
“Even my teachers?”
“The Mr. History has been here a couple of times. And your friend Violet? I never met her.”
I nodded, leaning back against the pillow.
West…
She moved to the bed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Okay, I’m going to give it to you straight, before everyone comes in here and pampers the hell out of you.” She pulled her chair closer, sitting down next to me. “We’ve been down this shit road before. Life isn’t fair.” Grabbing my hand, she held it tightly, and I let the tears slip down my cheeks as I listened to her.
“Just tell me, Morgan,” I agreed, and she nodded.
“I know that your heart is breaking,” she said. “I know that you were getting back together with Logan, and that the two of you were talking about getting married after graduation. And now… everything is different.”
Nothing that she said was real, and I knew that, and I suddenly thought of Thanksgiving at Logan’s house as he felt the baby move for the first time.
The same night Troy attacked.
The same night that I lost everything.
“The sooner you get back into school, and distract yourself, the better. So… like I was saying.” She pulled the massive stack of folders out from beneath the chair. “We need to get all of the applications done and sent in before January.”
“Can we wait until I get home? I need to… I need to get out of here,” I begged softly, brushing at my tears.
“One thing at a time,” she agreed, standing up and gesturing to the door. “I’m going to get your nurse. Are you sure you’re normal again?”
I stared at her blankly.
“I’ll never be normal again, Morgan.”
“Well, normal’s boring.”
She hurried from the room, returning with what turned into a succession of doctors, nurses, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Logan stayed with me the entire time, comforting, reassuring, and promising that we’d be leaving soon.
In the middle of the night I stared at the muted television, trying not to think of the emptiness that threatened to consume me.
Logan slept in a reclining chair in the corner. I spotted his phone on the adjustable table next to my water. I reached for the device without thinking.
Scrolling down through his contacts, I found exactly who I had been looking for.
Me: West… it’s Roam. They keep telling me that I’ll be leaving soon, but I’m getting nervous. Logan won’t give me a straight answer.
I hit send and waited.
Logan’s phone lit up in seconds.
West: You’re on suicide watch for another 24 hours. I can’t get to you, and it’s killing me. Roam, none of this is your fault. I love you, baby.
I covered my stomach with my shaking hand, trying so hard not to think of her tiny fists…
Her warm skin, or her button nose…
She crept in, and the memory of her cries shattered me. I turned into the pillow, sobbing, my throat strangled in suffering. My heart broke and then broke again with every thought of her, sending waves of misery coursing to my chest.
Fall (Roam Series, Book Two) Page 15