“Claudius.”
“Claudius?” I asked, still confused.
“You love this woman,” she said, pointing her knife meekly at Helena again, “and I loved Claudius.”
“You did? Your uncle?” I asked rudely, and I winced at my tone.
“Since I was girl,” she answered softly as she crouched beside me, placing a hand on my knee almost distractedly. “It was a child’s crush at first, an infatuation with an older man who seemed like a god to me. He had always been so handsome and vibrant and he always took an interest in me. He taught me Etruscan and tutored me in politics, economics, and history, and always taught me to use every tool I had at my disposal to get what I wanted, and to stop at nothing to achieve my dreams.
“He was always so clever, he was. Before you arrived in Rome, he’d even developed a ruse to make himself appear feeble and inept in order to convince others to underestimate him. He’d gone to great lengths to rewrite history and convince those around him he’d been as he was for decades, but only in me had he confided the truth. But then you arrived and murdered my dear Claudius, the father of my son… so of course I despise you, Jacob Hunter!”
“Father?!” I exclaimed, so much information being thrown at me that it was easy to misinterpret context and come to muddied conclusions, but the historian in me was always on hand to tackle historical inaccuracies. “But Nero is your husband’s son, not Claudius’.”
She scoffed. “My useless husband Gnaeus couldn’t impregnate a bitch in heat under a spell woven by Venus herself, but Claudius… oh, what a man he was!”
I cringed at the thought of an uncle and niece doing such things, but I suppose that was better than a sister and brother doing the deed.
Barely.
I shook my head to push the historian away. “But I didn’t kill Claudius, Ca…”
“Caligula did,” she finished, “and my brother’s fate was well deserved.”
“But…” I started, but then I saw everything she was driving at as clearly as if I’d said it myself. Because I had said it myself. I’d said it to myself over and over and over again for the past five years. I already knew why she hated me because it was the same reason I hated myself.
“Everything’s my fault,” I whispered.
She nodded. “Indeed. You are correct. Everything that has happened since your arrival has been your fault, Jacob Hunter, and while the rest of your friends are not entirely without blame, you were the catalyst, the facilitator, and therefore the only one I care about. Without you, Caligula never would have murdered the man I loved, and none of us would be here today.”
As her words trailed off, I barely had time to remember how guilty I felt over how truthful her words were, as her sexual aggression suddenly returned and her entire demeanor transformed once again. She leapt forward and mounted me, wrapping her long, strong legs around my waist tightly, and reached out a hand to grip my head. With a quick pull, she burrowed my face into her chest, while at the same time I felt her bare lower section sitting warmly atop my thighs, and I felt an unwilling sense of arousal seep into me.
“Claudius always knew what to say or do to intimidate and manipulate those around him,” she said as ground against me, her movements growing ever more intense and arousing. I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything else but this gorgeous creature seated upon me, but it was hopelessly impossible as she continued. “And he taught me everything I know. There isn’t a thing I won’t do to see those who set out to destroy me destroyed in turn, and I will take every kind of pleasure I can as I go about it. In whatever way I can.”
I barely heard a thing she said as she continued to thrust against me, but then she stopped almost as abruptly as she’d began. I opened my eyes as she pulled on my hair, craning my head back and my face up. She leaned in to place her mouth centimeters from my own, whispering, “I should do far more than just this to you, and have your Amazon watch just so I can take pleasure in both, but…”
Without finishing, she dismounted and took a step back and stared into my eyes as I slowly tilted my head down to its normal position, too frazzled to do much else. When I settled myself, Agrippina smirked and glanced down at my pants, flicking her eyebrows up and setting her mouth in a way that suggested she was impressed.
“It appears your integrity is more intact than I thought,” she said. “Most men wouldn’t have… maintained themselves so efficiently.
I didn’t respond as the tension in the room dissipated, and I sat there as Agrippina studied me, Helena still gagged and silent. For the briefest of seconds, I thought Agrippina was done with me, that she’d made her point and that we’d somehow reached some kind of understanding. I almost thought she would just let us go, willing to let me wallow in my own self-disgust – which her affirmation of my responsibility for everything would surely exacerbate.
But then Agrippina rushed at Helena and the knife in her hand flicked out again as she thrust it toward Helena’s throat. The love of my life couldn’t possibly have seen it coming, but I did, and all I could do was yell out, already knowing there was nothing I could say that would stop Agrippina from doing what she must have been waiting all these years to do.
“Please!!” It was all I could think to say, but the knife flew straight and true, striking Helena’s throat right at the jugular, and then the blood started to flow.
Agrippina and her Praetorians stood motionless, and Helena could do little but kneel with the knife at her throat, although she did not seem to feel any pain. The scene seemed frozen in time, like a sadistic still-life painting I had somehow walked into. No one moved, but then Agrippina straightened, her knife still buried in Helena’s throat. She didn’t say anything at first, and I sat there too stunned at the sight to wonder why there wasn’t more blood.
Her hand steady and the knife remaining where it was, Agrippina looked at me. “I ask you to understand that I do this to prove what kind of person I really am, Jacob.”
Tears welled in my eyes as I immediately knew what that meant, having known exactly what kind of person Agrippina was from the very first time I’d read about her back in college. She withdrew the knife from Helena’s neck and I stared in disbelief, unable to understand why the bag over her head only had a single spot of blood upon it, but my tears flowed regardless.
“Perhaps you are human after all.”
I heard Agrippina utter these words but hardly registered them and barely saw the nod she offered to her Praetorians. They seemed to understand, however, and removed the hood from over Helena’s head and took the gag out from her mouth. Upon her neck was a pinprick of a wound, with only a single droplet of blood falling from it. As the blindfold came off, Helena already had her vibrant green eyes staring directly into my own, as though she had been able to see through the mask the entire time. But what surprised me was how distant they were, appearing so unemotional and rock hard that she didn’t seem in the least bit concerned for her life…
As though she had been welcoming an end to it completely.
They suggested that she’d knelt there waiting and ready for the end, perhaps hoping it would come, and I knew exactly why. But then she saw me for the first time as well, and must have noticed the utter concern on my face and the tears streaming down it, because those perfect eyes of hers brightened, the set of her mouth softened, and I could see sympathy in those green gems now.
“And perhaps your Amazon has learned to forgive as well.”
Helena looked at Agrippina angrily, but Agrippina held her gaze steadily like a mother offering her child a look that said, “I told you so.” Once again, Helena’s expression softened as she slowly looked away, but before either us could think on it more, Agrippina flicked her head toward the tent’s exit.
“Escort her out and unbind her hands,” she ordered. “Give her and the rest of them food and water and allow them to make camp with us. Treat them as friends.”
Now it was Helena’s turn to look at Agrippina in confusion. “Why?�
� She asked, her voice far steadier than I thought possible, but Agrippina’s only answer was to close her eyes and shake her head.
The Praetorians seemed to understand again, and gently pulled Helena to her feet and ushered her from the tent. She looked over her shoulder at me before she disappeared, her short hair making her look almost childish, and there was a moment where again time seemed to slow and I saw her mouth three words very clearly:
I love you.
I smiled at her, feeling my chest swell with happiness instead of pain, elation instead of sorrow, peace instead of torment, and even more tears fell from my eyes. I was so happy in that moment that I forgot all about the pain and darkness that had gathered within me since the last time I’d come face to face with Agrippina, not caring where it had gone or what had released it.
When Helena was gone, Agrippina turned to face me, wearing a sad expression.
“The orb has affected you, has it not?”
My head jerked back at how random her question had seemed, but then it dropped against my chest as yet another realization finally set in. “It has.”
“Negatively?”
“Yes,” I whispered, vague memories in the form of scattered images materializing in my mind now.
“Do you wish to kill me?”
My response came surprisingly quick and honest as I lifted my head. “No…”
She nodded. “That is good, Jacob, because I no longer wish to kill you anymore either.”
“You don’t?”
“I do not.”
“If you don’t want to kill me, then… what? Work together?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
She didn’t answer, but leaned down to place her head beside my own, her mouth just beside my left ear. She reached around me as though to hug me but instead of touching me, she simply used her knife to cut the bonds around my wrists.
“Because I have something to give you,” she whispered into my ear.
“What?” I whispered back.
Without elaborating, she took my hands in her own and pulled me up. I felt weak under her grip, but she steadied me with surprisingly strong hands. I towered over her but not for an instant did I feel any power over her in that moment. She looked up at me with wide eyes that seemed almost giddy, eyes that could have been hopeful about something for the first time in a long time.
“Something you’ve sought since arriving here, Jacob,” she said, a sweet smile forming at her lips before she pulled me toward the tent’s exit. “Answers.”
***
We emerged together from what I now realized had to have been Agrippina’s praetorium, hand in hand, to the sight of every non-legionnaire from my contingent waiting for us with the exception of Helena, Artie, and Wang.
My eyes narrowed in curiosity that it was those three in particular who weren’t present. Helena alone I could understand, Helena and Artie I could understand, but I wasn’t sure why Wang was with them. I would have expected a third person with her to be either Santino or Cuyler, but both men stood a dozen meters away from me, waiting expectantly for my return.
At the sight of them all, Agrippina let go of my hand and I found myself wandering toward where Santino and Vincent stood. I stepped toward them as they stood with their arms crossed against their chests – at least, Vincent stood in the best approximation of the stance – identical stern expressions on their faces, although there was something off about Santino’s.
They watched me approach intently, which I did slowly and silently, downtrodden, while everything inside me screamed to ignore them and do what I knew I really wanted to do: get my answers. But I fought away the feeling, ignoring it like I would a craving for something salty or sweet, knowing that eating it would taste great but wasn’t something my body really needed. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but I felt my resolve tightening with every step I took.
I stopped when I arrived at a respectful distance and dropped my head. I felt like I was approaching a disciplinary review board made up of very important alumni, but finally, I lifted my eyes and looked at Vincent. We stood there like that for a very long time, before the most appropriate words that couldn’t possibly do justice to how I really felt flowed from my mouth without the need to think them first.
“I’m… sorry.”
My words were spoken softly, but not without conviction. I felt the truth in them as easily as the words themselves had come to my lips, although I still did not think they were enough. But it had not been a hollow statement, even if my mind could not conjure the appropriate memories for what exactly I was sorry for. In fact, the last month of my life seemed like a darkened room in my head with nothing but a weak nightlight to see by.
Perhaps the memories would return later.
Vincent uncrossed his arm and let it rest at his side. Santino did the same. I caught him glancing at Vincent out of the corner of his eye, but I wasn’t sure why exactly. The two of them stood there silently for a few moments before Vincent lifted his hand and placed it on my shoulder.
“It’s all right, Jacob.”
I bit back an overwhelming surge of emotion.
Recent months had left me forgetting how much I looked up to this man, and how much I needed him for guidance and understanding. I’d always seen him as something of a father figure, and having his forgiveness now made it all seem right. Happiness swelled within me, but the tender moment was interrupted when Santino placed his own hand on my other shoulder. I looked at him, slightly upset that he’d interrupted my moment with Vincent, but he looked back with a seriousness I rarely saw in the man.
A few seconds passed, but then he said, “It’s all right, Jacob.”
Vincent looked at Santino and Santino looked at Vincent.
Vincent lowered his hand and Santino did the same.
“We don’t have time…” Vincent said.
“We don’t have time…” Santino said.
I was smiling by now, grinning in fact, something I hadn’t done in a very long time, and it felt good. Vincent looked at Santino angrily and Santino looked back at Vincent just the same, but when Vincent threw his head in the air and rolled his eyes before storming off, Santino remained where he was. Vincent walked away, but not without another look in my direction that seemed more relieved than anything.
Santino looked at me out of the corner of his eye and raised an eyebrow.
“Find your sanity yet, or am I going to have to knock you out?” He asked.
My smiled returned again. I… think I did actually. Thanks…”
He lashed out and pulled me into a bear hug before I could finish, lifting me off the ground. “God, it’s good to have you back, buddy!”
“I…”
“As for you,” he said, releasing me quickly and turning to Agrippina, “if you’re not busy, I’m pretty sure you’re about due for another ride on the Santino-train later tonight. Just stop…”
“Go away, simpleton,” Agrippina said without emotion.
“Don’t have to tell me twice,” he said in mid retreat, a movement that looked a lot like a cartoon character being yanked off stage by a giant hook. Some of my friends laughed at his display as the lot of them finally wandered away, and their spirits seemed higher than they’d been since Alexandria.
When they were gone I turned back to Agrippina. “He’s not really a bad guy, you know.”
“In comparison to who?” She asked. “You?”
“Good point…”
She shook her head. “Let us go, Jacob. You must be impatient for your answers.”
I nodded, and went with my first instinct, which was to follow her, but I only made it three steps before I stopped and held my ground.
“Come, Jacob,” Agrippina said, noticing my hesitation.
I wanted to but I couldn’t move my feet. It was like my brain had lost its connection to them, and then those feelings of being hung over from earlier returned. I felt nauseous and sick, and the pounding in my head returned with a
vengeance. I’d never had to cold turkey myself off of drugs before, but I had to imagine this to be about how it felt.
“Wait,” I said through gritted teeth, leaning down to put my hands on my knees and support myself.
“Do you feel unwell?” Agrippina asked, placing a hand on my back consolingly.
“Yes… urgh, I’m not… no, definitely not well.”
Within me, a struggle was taking place. It was an altercation I’d grown used to in recent time, as my mind, body, and soul fought over what one or the other intended to do. I couldn’t explain it, but there could only be one thing responsible for what I was feeling.
“Where…” I clenched my mouth shut again, but forced it open, “…where… where is the orb?”
Agrippina nodded at me slowly. “It is quite safe, Jacob. And well away from you. We found it when searching your belongings, but your friends indicated it would be best if I removed it from your presence. Your centurion, Minicius I believe, has it in his possession.”
Everything was beginning to make sense.
I was suffering from withdrawal…
I threw up with that revelation, expelling what miniscule amount of food I had left in my belly. It seemed my mind had thought my body could use a little flushing out in that moment, and I guess my soul had finally agreed, allowing them to play nice, apparently needing a clean slate from which to heal my badgered existence.
It was the only time vomiting had ever felt good.
“Do you need medical attention?” Agrippina asked.
I stood up wobbly, and threw her hand off my back, clarity returning and the pain ebbing. I waited while my head stopped swimming and took a moment to collect my bearings, understanding now that we were standing on the via principalis heading east, and I was wearing my night ops combat fatigues, boots, but I was completely naked from the waist up. I hadn’t even noticed until just now, which in turn invited the cold to settle in.
Praetorian Series [3] A Hunter and His Legion Page 33