Instead, I was again surprised to find my hand rising of its own accord to grip my friend’s shoulder. “It’s okay, James. You’ve done everything you can. Helena’s tough; she’ll be fine.”
Wang nodded. “I think so too, Hunter, but I just thought you should know.”
“Thanks,” I said, tightening my grip before letting go. “Can I see her now?”
“Of course, just try to keep her calm. Even the excitement of seeing you might be too much right now.”
“Thanks, James,” I said as I turned to the tent. “For everything.”
“It wasn’t a problem, mate. It was a priveledge.”
“Even so,” I said, giving him one last look. “Thanks.”
Wang simply nodded and turned to leave while I returned my attention to the tent’s entrance. I waited for a moment, making sure I was ready for this. It wouldn’t do Helena any good for me to return to her in any kind of mood other than a positive one. It pained me inside immensely to think of her reduced to a bed, unable to care for herself, or take action in a time of need. Five years ago, I might not have been so upset over such a predicament, and in fact, Helena herself may not have seen it as a slight against her character either. But now Helena was as tough as nails and never one to back out of a fight or let someone else do her dirty work for her. She was as empathetic and understanding as anyone I’d ever met, but she’d also become hard over the years, unflinching in her devotion to the preservation of herself and those she loved.
All of this swam through my head as I stood there, unable to channel the courage needed to enter the tent and see what the Fates had reduced the woman I loved to. But I took a deep breath and tried to ignore myself, forcing my heavy hand up to reach for the tent’s flap and pull it away, but just as I worked up the courage and desire to face Helena, a voice from behind me interrupted the action.
“Wait, Hunter!” It said, and I immediately knew it was Archer.
I stopped and turned to see my blond haired peer rushing toward me from somewhere within the Praetorian camp. His hair was longer than I’d ever seen it before now, almost to the point where he could tie it into a ponytail. I held out a hand to forestall his approach but he wasn’t deterred.
“I don’t have time for this, Paul,” I said. “I have to see Helena.”
“She doesn’t even know you’re here yet,” he indicated as he pulled up just short of where I stood. “What’s another few minutes? I need to know what you learned first. What information you gathered about the orb. Can you use it to change my world? Can you?”
I held up a hand and kneaded my brow. “Paul, I really don’t have time to explain. It’ll take a really long time and I have to see her. Can’t you understand that?”
I turned to enter the tent but Archer lashed out and gripped my forearm with a powerful hand.
“Just you fucking wait, Hunter,” he growled. “I remember your promise to help me fix my timeline. That’s what I understand. You said you’d do everything you could, and I held you to that. Now can you help me or not, goddamn it!?”
The look he gave me was as intense as I’d ever seen from him before, his eyes furrowed in rage and his teeth grinding together causing his jaw bone to squirm behind its protective layer of skin. It was an interesting expression and a familiar one, one I must have worn a number of times as I attempted piece together the grand puzzle of the universe.
But I’d completed that puzzle now. Completed it, glued the pieces together, and framed it in my mother’s den, just like she’d done with a dozen of her own completed puzzles. I knew exactly what I needed to get home and even where to look.
I had all of this knowledge.
All of this power.
But I didn’t have enough of either to “fix” his home.
And he needed to know that soon.
“I’m sorry, Paul,” I said meekly. “I don’t think that I can. I’m sorry.”
His expression tightened to seem even angrier, something I wasn’t sure was possible. “What do you mean, you can’t? Why not!?”
“I… I don’t have time to explain,” I repeated. “There’s a lot of information and I’m too messed up right now to really think about it. I have to see Helena first.”
In a burst of action he yanked on my arm and pulled me closer to him so that we stood nose to nose, his fingernails digging into my flesh.
“That’s not good enough, Hunter!” He said, his mouth inches from my own. “You’re responsible for my very existence! We’re all just a byproduct of your fucking around with things you couldn’t explain or control, and you promised me you would fix it! Don’t tell me that you can’t! I won’t accept that!”
As the rage spewed from his lips like the saliva flying from his mouth, something inside my mind clicked. There was something in his words that confirmed a suspicion I’d had all along that he knew more than he was letting on. You’re responsible for my very existence. These words did not imply that I had simply altered who he was, but that I had created him.
With this turn of phrase, I felt something else in me, the return of an old feeling I hadn’t felt in quite a while: good old fashioned anger. Not the darkness fueled kind as a result of the orb and its manipulative power, but the kind I’d felt when an eighth grader stole my milk carton, or when the girl I’d wanted to date chose to go out with another guy, or when I got a B on a test, or when I failed in any other endeavor. It wasn’t the kind of anger that made me want to exact revenge in a cruel, vengeful manner, but the kind that drove me to better myself and work harder.
It gave me a surge of energy, and I tore my arm free from Archer’s grip and smashed both of my hands into his chest, pushing him so hard that he fell to the ground and slid backward in the snow. I looked down at him, but the anger was already fading, having done exactly what it had needed to do.
“I told you’d I’d help you, Archer,” I said quite calmly, “and I will. If not for you, then at least for Artie. I just need time to process everything Merlin told me, so would you kindly fuck off for now?”
He stared at me angrily as he scrambled to his feet, but I was no longer intimidated by him, and while I still had to get the bottom of his subterfuge, that too could wait for another day.
“Merlin?”
The question came from behind me, and I turned and saw Vincent standing there with a smug grin on his face. I glanced back at Archer, but he was already rushing off toward the center of Agrippina’s camp, so I turned back to Vincent and returned his smile.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “You’re just so damn smart, aren’t you, Vincent? Thanks for letting me in on that one, by the way. I really could have used the heads up.”
“What was he like?” He asked, taking a small step forward excitedly.
“Great,” I replied. “He was just great, but seriously, if you don’t mind, I just laid out Archer for not letting me see Helena. Don’t make me do the same to you.”
The words were serious, but it was the last thing I wanted to do, and I was certain Vincent understood that from my tone alone.
“Jacob the last thing I want to do is to keep you from seeing her,” he said, which I took as my cue to finally enter her tent, “but Galba is at the gate and he’s demanding to see you. I don’t think he’s willing to wait long.”
I wheeled around and took a quick step toward him. “Vincent you have to stall him. I can’t do anything right now without seeing her first. I just can’t. Stall him!”
“I don’t know if I…”
“I’ll help you.” This voice came from behind Vincent, and I immediately identified it as Agrippina’s. I looked over his shoulder and saw her standing well away from the two of us, her heavy cloaks wrapped tightly around her shoulders. She looked as somber and respectful as I’d ever seen her before, with her arms overlapping each other but encased in the sleeves of her robes. She flicked her eyes away, almost embarrassedly, as she continued. “He’s here for me as much as for you, Jacob, so I’ll go with Vincent and ta
lk to him. I’m sure we can provide you with a few extra minutes.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’d do that?”
“Consider it a part of our continued reconciliation.”
“I guess I will,” I admitted, unable to think otherwise. “Thank you.”
“You are welcome,” she said. “Now come, Vincent. Let us go talk with the old curmudgeon.”
He nodded over his shoulder at her but then looked back at me. “Take your time, Jacob. Galba may feel overwhelmed, but he’s still a good man. I wouldn’t think him capable of outright murder.”
I clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks, Vincent.”
He placed his hand atop my own. “You are most welcome, my friend. Now go see her.”
***
I entered the tent slowly, cautiously, not wanting to disturb the delicate balance that had been achieved here between Wang and Helena in my absence. I felt as though my very presence alone would be enough to disrupt whatever tenuous agreement the Fates had concocted to keep Helena and our baby alive through all this. I knew such superstition was silly, but the idea of the Fates as living, breathing creatures described as they were in mythology didn’t seem so farfetched anymore, and the idea of fate, destiny, and predetermination didn’t seem so alien either. Perhaps we all really were being controlled by some supreme being or force, and I didn’t necessarily mean God or any god for that matter, but something far more malicious and completely real in the physical sense.
Then again, I certainly wasn’t about to rule out God either at this point, but a lack of control and free will replaced with Divine Providence wasn’t something I wanted to think about as I cleared the tent’s entrance and saw Helena, which was when every thought in my mind evaporated.
She rested on her back atop a raised platform, her upper body angled upwards like it would on a medical bed in any hospital. Wang must have crafted some kind of cushioned wedge to place beneath her as she lay motionless, a blanket draped across her legs and bulbous baby bump, with her hands laying at her sides but above the sheet. She looked comfortable, almost peaceful, perhaps even just enjoying a deep sleep, but as I grew closer I could see the light sheen of perspiration across her forehead and how her skin was just the tiniest bit paler. Her skin always seemed perpetually sun kissed, even in the dead of winter, so I didn’t for a moment suspect her current complexion was from a lack of sunlight.
Something was wrong.
I tip-toed closer, doing everything I could to remain silent, but by the time I was a step away from her bed, Helena’s eyes snapped open and she turned weakly to look at me. Her eyes widened in surprise, but then they closed again and she looked away for a few moments before returning to me. They opened again and she looked at me more clearly now in recognition, and lifted a hand toward me.
Emotion overwhelmed me, and I leapt at her, grabbing her hand in both of mine. I lifted it and kissed it over and over in greeting and she smiled frailly at me.
“Are you really here?” She whispered.
“It’s me, Helena,” I assured. “I’m back. I promise.”
Her eyes squinted in painful sadness and she looked away again. “What happened to you, Jacob? Why did you leave us for so long?”
“It wasn’t exactly my idea,” I told her, “and I had no idea so much time had passed.”
She looked back at me with a bit of her patented anger in her eyes, as a few tears fell from them. “You were gone for so long. I… I didn’t know what happened to you. I was afraid…”
I lifted her hand to my cheek and tried to calm her down. “It’s okay, Helena. I’m here now.”
I smiled for her benefit but it was a difficult expression to form. From my perspective, I’d only been gone a few hours, but I’d been gone over a month from Helena’s. Ever since our first operation in Ancient Rome, when Caligula had sent a small team to assassinate a rival general, Helena and I had never been apart for more than a few days at a time, and such lengthy moments of separation had been very few and very long in between. A year ago, I’d thought our constant close proximity had drained some of the love from our relationship, but I’d later realized it had actually been the most intense bonding experience a couple could possibly go through. We’d been our own version of Bonnie and Clyde, with a little Santino thrown in I supposed, only our time together had been far more intense and impactful.
I couldn’t even imagine how devastated she had been in that moment when Santino, Agrippina, Boudicca and all the rest had returned after I’d disappeared. What had gone through her mind and her heart when Vincent or Santino had reported my absence? What had she thought when she was told I’d simply disappeared? How had she handled it when morning after morning she’d awakened alone and with no news of where I was or if I was even still alive? We’d been aloof from each other for quite some time since I’d obtained the blue orb, but that had been different, and I’d always been just a short walk away. But day after day, week after week had gone by without an inkling of where I’d been or what had happened to me.
The stress…
The sadness…
How had she handled it? The answer was: as well as any person, but even her strength wasn’t infinite.
And it was all my fault.
The fault is mine. Mine, and mine alone
Merlin’s admission floated into my mind, a reassuring reminder that steadied me. I had to remember what I’d learned in my time with him. Placing blame is a slippery slope. It was easy when confronted with no other option than to place that blame, but placing it is never that easy of a task. Like the creation of all the timelines, the very essence that made up the Multiverse, it was options, choices, events, and decisions crafted by billions of individuals that dictated the course of the future. Everything affected everything, from the beginning of time to the present, to the distant future. But even a being like Merlin found it difficult to accept this notion. Even he placed blame for what had happened to me and my friends on himself and no one else. Like my inadvertent action that brought us to Ancient Rome, it was his own innocent but wrongful action that had led to the series of events that put me in that situation.
Perhaps I was thinking too much about it, as Merlin advised I shouldn’t.
Had Merlin thrown the orb at my face, the result of such an action being our arrival here in Ancient Rome, then he would have been directly responsible for us being here. Blame should be placed. But he didn’t, and I hadn’t mindfully abandoned Helena for over a month either.
I may have been to blame, but the fault wasn’t mine.
I took solace in these thoughts as I leaned down and kissed Helena on her forehead, her nose, and then finally her mouth, a kiss that I allowed to linger far longer than I’d intended. When I finally pulled away, Helena looked up at me with a smile, and I could already see life finding its way back into her cold eyes. Maybe I was, again, thinking too much into it, but I had to take strength wherever I could.
We gazed at each other for a long time, Galba’s presence drifting in the back of my mind, but I pushed it even deeper. He could wait until the fall of Rome for all I cared. This is the only place I wanted to be, but the spell was broken when Helena shifted her position on the bed to find a more comfortable one. I helped her by placing another pillow behind her head.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice a little stronger now. She went silent again for a few seconds, but then asked, “Where did you go, Jacob? What happened? Why did you grow a beard?”
I chuckled. “I want to tell you, Helena, but you wouldn’t believe me.”
“I could try,” she suggested, taking a long, hard gulp before continuing, “but is it going to be a long story? Another one of your epic rants?”
My smile grew wider. “Oh, yeah. Probably the longest I’ll ever tell.”
She smiled back at me. “Then you’d better get started, Lieutenant. This will probably be the only opportunity you’ll ever have to rant to your heart’s desires and have me actually want to hear about it.”
/>
I leaned in and kissed her again, drinking in every second.
I pulled away from her. “I don’t think I could love you more than I do right now.”
“Oh, I think I can find a way,” she said with a small wink, “but you’d better get started. I’m already losing patience.”
“Same old Helena,” I said and settled in beside her to tell her everything I could about my time with Merlin. I was excited for this, knowing that once I’d told her I’d have to tell all the rest of them again, and I was certain this was going to be my greatest lecture yet. I…
“Jacob?”
I looked down at Helena, but she didn’t look like she’d just said anything. In fact, her mouth was closed and she was looking around me toward the tent’s entrance. I grimaced, having momentarily forgotten about Galba completely, realizing the interruption couldn’t be about anything else.
I turned and saw Santino poking his head through the tent.
“What?” I asked.
“Sorry to interrupt,” he said, “but Ol’ Triple Chin is pretty grumpy. He told me to tell you that if he doesn’t see you in the next three minutes, he’ll kill Agrippina. I mentioned that I didn’t think you’d care very much, but then I saw his flabby neck jiggling and I knew he was pretty serious. I think he means business.”
I looked at Helena. “What do you think? Should I let him just kill her?”
“My vote’s for yes,” Santino offered helpfully from behind me.
Helena smiled. “I really can’t think of anyone who should kill her more… besides me of course.”
I bobbed my head in amused agreement, and my smile grew, but before I could say anything Helena sighed and continued her thoughts.
“Then again, she hasn’t done anything threatening toward us since you disappeared. I guess it doesn’t seem right.”
Praetorian Series [3] A Hunter and His Legion Page 48