How Many Times Do I Have to Say I'm Sorry? (Maudlin Falls)

by Lesli Richardson

  “Work from home. It won’t cost you anything.”

  “I’d rather not do that to our home. I want an office that’s separate so when we’re together, we’re together. I’ve spent too much time away from you already.”

  That’s so sweet and chases away some of my irritation over the latest development.

  Then, an idea hits me. “I have the perfect office for you, and it’s not at the house. And it won’t cost you a dime.”

  “Where?”

  “I’ll tell you when you get home. Hurry.”

  “I am. I’m about twenty minutes out.”

  “See you soon. Park in your spot.”

  I can hear him smiling, I swear I can. “Thank you, baby. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.” I end the call and take a deep breath.

  Can it really be this easy?

  Please, let it be this easy.

  I take care of a load of laundry while I’m downstairs, along with a few other chores, like scooping Jester’s litter box. That takes me another ten minutes. I’m heading toward the stairs so I can go change clothes when my doorbell rings.

  I turn, hesitating. Most everyone around here knocks but not many people would show up at my home without calling me first. Either on my personal or my work cell, and neither number is a state secret.

  They would consider that rude if I’m not expecting them, or they haven’t seen me out in the yard shortly before.

  A dark, disturbing thought hits me as I head toward the door and peek through the viewfinder.

  Standing on my front porch and looking around with derision clearly painted across his features is a man I assume is Freddy despite not seeing the Jag. He could have parked it down the street or around the corner and walked.

  I’ve never seen him in town before and I sincerely doubt a stranger would randomly show up on my doorstep at this particular time.

  Taking a deep breath, I open the door. “Can I help you?”

  The fake smile he flashes me grates across nearly every nerve in my brain. “Hi there. Are you Tomas Levesquoo?” I mean, that’s how he says it, meaning he doesn’t know how to pronounce Levesque.

  “Le-vek. And yes, I am. Why?”

  “I’m looking for Desiderio Keiser. Is he here?” He tries to peer around me, and it’s such a bad act I have a hard time not laughing in his face.

  “No, he’s not.” I reach down and scoop up Jester from where he’s standing by my feet. He’s never tried to make a break for freedom, but he’s not an outdoor cat, and I don’t want to press my luck.

  The man barely disguises his disgust at the sight of my cat and wrinkles his nose as he steps back. “I’m highly allergic.” He sneezes as if to punctuate the point.

  “Then it’s a good thing you don’t live here, isn’t it?”

  I see him size me up again. “Don’t you want to know who I am and why I’m looking for Desi?”

  “I assumed you would eventually get around to introducing yourself if you wanted me to know.”

  He actually sneers at me. “I’m Desi’s boyfriend. And if you honestly think he’s going to leave me to come back to you? Then bless your heart, you really are a stupid small-town hick. Just like he said you were.”

  Had Desi not already warned me about this schmuck I might have fallen for his act.

  Except I have a pair of wedding bands upstairs that Des gave me—ME!—and this guy reeks of not-so-quiet desperation. Painfully so. To the point I almost feel sorry for him.

  Almost, but not quite. “Is that so?”

  “I wouldn’t want you to get your hopes up. He loves me.”

  “Does he now? When was the last time you saw him?”

  “We’re staying at a hotel in the next town while he finishes his work. I know he visited you this morning. He told me all about it.” He sneezes again and his eyes are already red and watering. At least one thing about him isn’t a lie—he seems to be deathly allergic to cats.

  My guess is the guy cruised by my house at some point this morning when he hit town and then went to the motel to get a room and await Desi’s return. He likely didn’t want to confront me when Desi was here, knowing Desi would call him out for lying.

  I give up trying not to laugh. “Buddy, you are so full of crap. He already called to warn me you might show up here. Jester was all over him last night and this morning. You’d be in a serious state if you really were rooming with him. You’re obviously not telling the truth, because his clothes would have cat hair all over them and you would have been a mess before you even arrived here. Oh, and FYI, he spent the night with me last night. All night, and all day, too, until just a little while ago.”

  He leans away from me as if I’m radioactive. “He…spent the night with you?”

  I’m enjoying this now. I lean against the doorway and ruffle Jester’s fur as I scratch him and watch the gentle breeze from the fans in the house behind me waft more cat hair and dander in my visitor’s direction.

  “Yeah, he did. Rocked my world hard.” Two can play this game. “He also told me he’s never slept with you, and you were a pity date just to keep his mom happy. Also, that you pathetically won’t accept him breaking up with you a few weeks ago. If you need to borrow a quarter to buy a clue, I’ll loan it to you.” Okay, that’s quickly veering from petty into downright mean, but I’m feeling mean.

  Really mean.

  He sniffles and sneezes. “I don’t understand what he sees in you! You run a hardware store! I made over $750k last year. I own a Jaguar!”

  Jester looks up at me and maows. “Well, I happen to own a gorgeous mini orange panther, and I’m not a conceited douchebag. By the way, his mom did like me. She just hated that I wouldn’t give up my life and my family’s legacy to follow Desi around and be a kept man. I—”

  We both look as Desi wheels his SUV into the driveway, where he screeches to a halt. He’s barely shut it off when he jumps out and stalks over.

  Freddy actually takes a step back and I don’t blame him. I’ve never seen Desi look enraged before.

  It’s pretty danged hot, to be honest.

  “What are you doing here?” Desi roars.

  Dang. Good thing I’m holding Jester, or I’d have to rearrange myself. He’s sexy as all get out like this.

  Who knew?

  “I-I was looking for you!”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Well you told me you were going to be working in your room!” Freddy actually punctuates that with a nod of his head, like he thinks he’s scored a point.

  “I wasn’t. I was packing and waiting for a chance to get out of there without you watching me from your room. You knocked on my door and said you were going out for dinner.”

  Freddy jabs a finger at Desi. “You lied to me!”

  Desi and I both burst out laughing. “Dude,” I say. “You actually dated this douchebag?”

  “Thank god I never slept with him,” Desi says and walks over to give me a kiss that nearly makes me drop my cat. Then, he drapes an arm around my shoulders as he faces off with Freddy. “Don’t make me file a restraining order against you. Or a complaint with the Florida Bar.”

  He gasps. “You can’t do that!”

  “I can, and I will, if you don’t leave me the heck alone.”

  Freddy looks from me to Desi and back again. “I-I will call your mother and tell her about this!”

  Desi shrugs. “Go ahead. That’ll save me the trouble.”

  Freddy tries to look indignant but a series of violent sneezes interrupts his posing and makes him take a couple of steps back, to the first step leading down from the porch. “This isn’t over, Desi.”

  “Uh, yeah, it is. It’s been over, but you’ve been too stubborn to accept it.”

  He glares at Desi before looking at me. “He told me you were horrible in bed. That he only stayed with you because he felt sorry for you. That he was bored and wanted to be back in Miami. You will never make him happy.”

  I’m ashamed to admit all
those arrows strike home, deeply and painfully, but I don’t so much as flinch. I know he’s desperate and lying, yet it doesn’t make the barbs hurt any less. “He’s never slept with you,” I say. “Mainly because you’re a liar and he doesn’t respect you. But thank you for being the way you are. You helped him see how much he missed me and Maudlin Falls.” I offer him a sweet smile. “Because of you, he came back to me.”

  Freddy gasps and then flounces like some melodramatic vaudeville villain.

  I wish I was joking.

  As we watch him storm off down the sidewalk, Desi squeezes my shoulder. “I’m sorry, babe. None of that was true, what he said. I never said any of that.”

  “I know.” I look up at him. “Seriously, though? You dated him?” I gently pull away and head inside because Jester’s starting to get heavy. Throughout all of this, he remained happily purring in my arms and enjoying the attention I was giving him.

  “I know, I know!” Desi follows me inside. “Last time I let my mother pressure me into anything, I swear.”

  I’m not really mad, but I’m still feeling petty so I’m going to make him work for it. “Guess you’re going to have to prove that to me, aren’t you?” I put Jester on the floor and head upstairs to change my clothes, because now I’m covered in cat hair.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Desi

  As I watch Tom head upstairs I’m trying to decipher his tone. I’m not sure if he is really mad at me or simply aggravated because of Freddy’s appearance.

  Although I suppose the two options are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

  When I pulled up to Tom’s house and saw Freddy standing there, I was convinced that I was going to kill the man because he’d just irretrievably screwed up my life.

  Freddy, I mean.

  Thank goodness I thought to call ahead and warn Tom about it. I can only imagine the damage Freddy might have done to Tom’s trust in me if I hadn’t derailed Freddy’s sabotage. I’d hoped Freddy wouldn’t be this desperate, but there I go, thinking again.

  It seems no matter what I do, I’m still screwing things up between me and Tom. I want to chase after Freddy and punch him but assaulting someone isn’t going to make my life easier. Especially not someone like Freddy who wouldn’t hesitate to prosecute at best, or use the incident to extort me into doing what he wants me to do at worst.

  Based on Freddy’s behavior so far, it wouldn’t shock me if he does call Mom and tattle on me like a three-year-old. As if that would make me want to date him ever again.

  The eventual confrontation with my parents when I tell them I’m leaving Miami won’t be pleasant, but it’s long overdue. I meant every word I told Tom—I’m going to give my notice as soon as I have everything finalized for Keith Barnes.

  Miami will never be my home. How can it when Tom is here in Maudlin Falls?

  Thank god I never slept with Freddy. Much less anyone else, but especially someone like Freddy. I wouldn’t be able to deal with the guilt if I had.

  I remember my bags are still out in my SUV so I go retrieve them. Glancing around to make sure Freddy isn’t still lurking nearby, I hit the button on the key fob to lock the doors—even though locking cars in Maudlin Falls is nearly unheard of—and I return to the house.

  I even lock that door behind me.

  Just in case. I wouldn’t put anything past Freddy at this point. I hope he doesn’t turn violent, although he is shorter than me. I can probably take him in a fair fight. I’ve never been in a fistfight in my life, though. Never had to, thankfully.

  Heading upstairs with my things, I pause in the bedroom doorway. Tom’s just pulling on the T-shirt he wore earlier and he’s already changed out of his jeans and into shorts. I can’t help but stare at him for a moment and take in the sight.

  As my body responds, I realize now I would have continued to be miserable. This man owns my heart and soul and always has.

  I feel like I’m treading in some odd Twilight Zone territory now. In some ways, this bedroom feels exactly like home. In other ways, it feels like an infinite lifetime’s passed since it was truly my home.

  When he turns and stares at me for a moment, I don’t break the silence.

  “How do you want to do this?” he eventually asks.

  “It’s your house. You tell me where you want me to sleep.” I used to keep my clothes in here, with his. We slept together every night I wasn’t traveling for work, which in the early days meant pretty much every night we were together.

  “I don’t know what the right answer is, Des.” He sinks onto the bed while still watching me. “Part of me wants everything back exactly the way it was before you left, and as soon as possible.”

  “What’s the other part of you say?”

  He smirks. “That I’m an idiot for trusting you, and that I should make you sleep in the guest room for a while and keep you groveling.” When Jester jumps up on the bed and nudges his hand, Tom scratches the top of the cat’s head. “I meant it when I said I won’t fight your battles for you with everyone. You have to win people back to liking you on your own.”

  “I know.”

  “Why now? Just because you were coming here for work and saw a set of rings in a window? Explain this to me in a way that doesn’t sound like a desperate guy making excuses.”

  I set my things down and walk over so I can sit next to him on the bed. “The idea of leaving Miami for good and coming back has been brewing in my mind for a while. From the first week I dated Freddy. That it was stupid for me to keep fighting to stay in Miami and my life there when I knew it would always be an emotional dead-end.”

  “Only for the past couple of months?”

  “Concretely, yes. Where I could finally admit it to myself. When I’m honest with myself, it’s been right there below the surface ever since I left. I stopped being able to lie to myself a couple of months ago.”

  “Then why didn’t you call me sooner? Why not pick up the phone and ask to come home? Why let the silence go on for so long? I stopped calling and texting to see if you’d keep in contact with me and you didn’t.”

  “Because I was too deeply mired in my life and what I thought I was supposed to be doing to pull free then. Time got away from me. It’s not an excuse, though. You’re right—I should have done a better job staying in touch with you.”

  He studies me for a moment. “Did you honestly think dating someone just because your mom wanted you to would work?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. I knew I wouldn’t end up with him because I wasn’t romantically attracted to him. I guess I was really buying myself time and space to figure out my escape plan. If Mom knew I was contemplating leaving Miami, she would have been hammering me hard and laying on the guilt thick. I guess in a way he became a sort of beard for me to keep her happy. And then this all happened, me getting assigned this case. It was like fate thumped me hard on the head to make me pay attention and I couldn’t turn back once I’d finally accepted it.”

  “You could’ve called me. You should’ve called me instead of just showing up.”

  “I was scared to. I was worried you’d tell me to go to hell. I thought I’d have a better chance standing in front of you.” I smile. “I love you. I hoped if you weren’t involved with someone else that if I was talking to you in person, maybe I could persuade you to give me another chance. Or at least grovel enough to make you feel sorry for me and hear me out.”

  He sighs and stares at the ceiling for a moment. “Any other crazy exes going to come crawling out of the woodwork to antagonize me?”

  “No.”

  “Have I heard the last of Freddy?”

  I start to answer and think about it. “I hope he gives up. I suspect he might try to make trouble for me, but there’s no leverage he has against you.”

  “And if he makes trouble for you?”

  “There’s nothing I can do about that. It doesn’t change my mind, or what I feel for you. This move is happening, and I’m coming home for good. I already
put in for vacation time for next week, so I’m here at least that long until I have to go back to start making the moving arrangements.”

  He falls quiet for a moment. I let him think uninterrupted for a few minutes before he speaks again. “Next weekend, we’ll go empty your condo. That’ll give me time to make sure I have the store adequately staffed while I’m gone.” He meets my gaze. “I’ll drive down to Miami with you and we’ll rent a truck and get you packed.”

  Sharp, piercing relief slams into me. “You mean it?”

  “Yeah.” He lays his hand over mine, lacing fingers with me. “I’ve never stopped loving you. One of the reasons I couldn’t force myself to get out and meet other people is that I knew no one would ever make me feel the way you did, and I couldn’t bear trying to meet someone else. You were utterly perfect for me.”

  I tip my head so I can touch my forehead to his. “You’re utterly perfect for me, too. I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you.”

  “He shows up again, I’m smacking him in the face with Jester’s favorite couch pillow.”

  He means it, too. “I’d hand it to you.”

  When he flops back on the bed, I lie down, too. We’re still holding hands.

  “Des, I need to know you’re really in this for life. That if your mom shows up and starts harassing you and trying to get you to move back to Miami, you won’t give in again.”

  “I won’t give in.”

  “I need to be first in your life.”

  “You are, and you will be.”

  He sadly sighs. I hate how much I’ve hurt him. I hate myself for how long it will take him to truly heal from this and trust me again.

  I did this. I broke the man I love.

  “What happens tomorrow?” he asks.

  “I handle some paperwork and plan a fantastic gourmet dinner for you for when you get home from work.”

  He rolls onto his side, facing me. “Block his number on your personal phone. Right now.”