by Pamela Ann
“We aren’t getting any younger.” Zara was onto her usual self. Couldn’t she give me a break? Hell, she was becoming such a nuisance. Zara pressed harder against me, lips slowly creeping towards mine. “We could be together now. No one is stopping us.”
No, no one was stopping us, that’s for sure. Although, Stella had been in my head and it seemed like her memory wasn’t going away. It was plaguing me and I wasn’t sure where to go from here.
Being around Zara again reminded me a lot of all the good things we had shared before, but try as she might, it didn’t feel the same. There was something off; I couldn’t pinpoint it really, but it was bothersome. A part of me wanted to capture what we’d had before, however the fireworks we once shared were now a mere sparkle of what we’d had in the past.
Zara used her hand to guide my face to look at her. “We can get married now. It was what you always wanted.”
That was before… Stella.
Now, things have changed.
“I don’t love you the way I used to, Zara. I’m not saying this to hurt you or to be mean because of the past; I’m simply telling you the truth. My mind is bombarded with Stella lately.” That certainly made Zara scrutinize me in a different light.
“But what you had with Stella was sex. What more is there?”
Was it just sex? It was the greatest sex I’d ever had. Merely thinking about how great the sex was had already got my blood running south…
Stella.
She was a mixture of ethereal beauty and spitfire vivaciousness. Add her extraordinary cunt into the equation and then it was a double-edged sword; any mortal man’s Achilles’ heel.
“Stella’s my wife, that’s what’s more, Zara,” I directed at the woman who used to make me kneel at her feet.
“Wife?” she choked out. “I thought she was just a fuck?” She gripped me harder. “Are you in love with her?”
Zara looked like she was in a great deal of pain. I still loved her, I knew that much, but it wasn’t the same. My body didn’t rattle the way it used to. My heart didn’t beat as wildly as it once had. She used to take my breath away… yet now, I realized that they were memories that could never be rekindled or relived again.
I wanted to be cruel, be that bastard who made her cry and crush her heart the way she had mine, but for some reason, I desired to come clean more. Maybe all this heartache and pain would ease out of my conscience if we freely discussed this now. I suppose, this moment was as good as any other.
So I started with Richard and his plea.
I didn’t dare glance at Zara until I finished speaking. I knew I didn’t owe her anything, however a part of me wanted for her to understand.
“You don’t love her and you still love me… but you want to be with Stella because she makes you feel better?” Zara was staring at me, waiting for a yay or nay reply.
“Better is not the word precisely, but yes, she does have that.” Amongst other things…
“Well, I can be all of that and more. Just give me time. You still love me, Callum. You can’t just brush that off and pretend that you don’t because some virgin made you addicted to her fucking untouched cunt!”
Her tone and the way she was speaking about Stella snapped something in me. “And I bloody love that virgin cunt of hers! It’s one where you can’t fucking compete, Zara. I’m the ONLY man who had a taste of that and I fucking love knowing that no man has ever dwelled in that euphoric place. She’s fucking mine and I won’t stop until she’s back in her place, beneath me, panting and gasping my name until she can’t breathe any longer!” Well, there you have it. My cock had made the decision before I’d even thought it myself.
It was one thing to be addicted to something; it was another thing entirely when you had become addicted to a woman.
Stella von Berg, I’m coming for you. On you. In you. It didn’t really matter, as long as I was sharing it with her.
Chapter 119
Stella
“What the hell?” I softly muttered under my breath.
It had been over an hour and the guy wearing all black hadn’t stopped staring at me. It was creepy. Freaky even, but it was exciting me at the same time.
My date night with Derek turned out to be a dud. Maybe it was me who was trying too hard to forget Callum or maybe the man’s charisma had just not been working for me anymore. Either way, I had left that date feeling more depressed than when I’d walked in.
So here I was, a couple of nights later, somewhat working on promoting a new flavored vodka in one of Mayfair’s swankiest clubs. It was hectic, lively and I thrived for these moments, but the man kept interrupting my flow.
“Why do you keep glancing at your watch?” Mark asked whilst handing me a drink.
“What’s in it?” I ignored his question and referred to the drink he was handing me instead. I dipped my finger in it then tasted the concoction.
“Lychee.”
“Tastes fantastic!” I grinned, grabbing the drink from his hand. When working, I usually only drank a champagne or two, but tonight, I had decided to push it further, since everyone was pushing me to chill and “loosen up” a bit.
My friends, lovely as they were, kept pushing me to meet a new man and have a one-night stand just so I would know what it was. “You kept saying that your hymen was the reason you couldn’t enjoy singledom to the fullest. Well, here’s your chance. Free the bad girl and shag whoever you fancy!” Luciana had even taken it as her “responsibility” as my best friend to make me look the part.
When Mark had seen me earlier, the first thing he had said was that I looked decadent. Mind you, I thought that was the first compliment the man had ever given me, so obviously, I had to wear what Luciana had for me: an itty-bitty, black silk skirt; designer, five-inch, strappy gladiator heels that went all the way to my knees; and a lace corset top. The whole smoky look went with the part.
“See, you look gorgeous! With your come-fuck-me eyes, no man will be able to keep his hands off you,” Luciana declared, proud of her product.
“Certainly. No man could keep a soft knob when you’re in the vicinity,” Mark added thoughtfully with a goofy grin.
Yes, I certainly looked the part of a vexing dominatrix who ought to get laid. “You two are both mad!”
Luciana winked at me. “Speak for yourself. We are friends, aren’t we?”
So that’s how this whole shebang started. It was my working night-off, if that made sense at all. My thoughts halted when Mark had to excuse himself when Luciana waved to him for help. I was halfway through my drink when the eye-baller/creeper finally approached me. It took him long enough.
He came up next to me, questioning. “Boyfriend of yours?”
American, I noted his accent.
“Friend,” I said as I saucily eyed him from head to foot. Tall, dark, hot and cocky. Not bad, I mused. Brilliant.
“Single?”
“Are you?” I quipped back.
“One hundred percent. And you?”
I was married—technically—but that didn’t count, right? “Umm…” I trailed off, making that wishy-washy, awkward face. “Ninety-nine percent?” Sexy and smooth, Stella, I chided myself for being an absolute idiot.
“And the one percent?”
Oh well, this was my night to have fun. Callum and his dark, beautiful eyes be gone, I thought with a pang of sadness. If only…
He was with the love of his life, so I shouldn’t keep thinking of him that way, even if he had sent me a text message stating he missed me. Besides, Luciana had a point. I had always wondered what it was like to be free, have fun and date as much as I liked without anyone or anything to stop me. So here was my chance.
This stranger before me was my first conquest to be. Thinking of Callum and how much I loved him wouldn’t help me move forward. All he wanted from me was sex. So acting all sentimental was downright bad for me.
I gave the stranger a knowing smile before I downed my drink. I was single, wasn’t I? “T
hat’s up for you to decide.” The stranger hid back a smile, which made me even bolder. “Do you have a name, stranger?” I cocked up a brow, loving this new me; fun, flirty, fabulous and fuckable? Ha!
“Let’s make a deal. Sit with me, talk to me, drink with me and I will tell you everything you want.” He didn’t bat an eyelash. “Everything you want.”
Hell. I think this was the first man that had made me feel something after Callum. I was definitely interested now. Looking at him through my lashes, I bit my lip and made a decision in my head. “Lychee.”
“Excuse me?”
I smirked and dangled the empty martini glass. “It’s empty. Get me another lychee martini. I’ll be over at your table.” I noted how his eyes burned into my skin. “Don’t be long. I don’t like waiting.” Waving him goodbye, I strutted towards where his table was situated, knowing that the stranger was watching me.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!”
I’d know that voice anywhere.
Fuck.
Me.
Hard.
Breathe calmly and deeply before you face him, I reminded myself internally. After a few seconds with my fakest smile in place, I spun around and greeted him. “Fancy seeing you here, Callum.” My fake smile faltered when I saw his face. He looked as though he was about to strangle me or kill me on the spot. Either way, Callum had danger about him that easily gave off the would-definitely-inflict-harm-at-a-moment’s-chance kind of vibe.
“It’s a surprise, really. I think you forgot to mention that you fancied being a hooker.”
Normally, I would be insulted given that this was Callum who was treating me like a complete tool… however I was the new quadruple F’s Stella, alcohol infused. “If you want to make a reservation, I’m all fully booked until the end of the year. Try calling me the day after New Year’s, I might slot you in.” With a smile, I left him there, looking like he was about to shake with rage. He had been rude, condescending and totally out of line.
Now seated in one of the red leather booths, I looked anywhere except where he had been. I didn’t want to chance getting a glimpse of him again because it fucking hurt. If I saw Zara as well, I might just end up crying and hiding in the loo.
When the stranger came back with my drink, the bubble of excitement that I’d had earlier seemed to have fizzled. Realizing that made it quite depressing. With a deep sigh, I took hold of my drink and gulped half it down without even wincing at the strong burn of the vodka. My stomach was on fire and I liked it. It made me feel something other than the pain in my chest.
The stranger kept asking mundane questions; how old I was, what did I do for a living, blah blah blah and blah.
I wasn’t trying to be rude after the poor bloke had gone to fetch me another tini, but my ears were bleeding and I needed to get away. As usual, I had to use the same excuse all women used as a top-secret code and that was the bathroom.
Seeing Callum had made everything come crashing down again. The immediate assault of pain and longing was now in full effect. Memories of him bombarded me and I was having a hard time shaking his ghost away.
Pushing the dark door to enter the loo, I strode past the women who were busy redoing their make-up and talking about men as sex tips that were randomly flung about. I went all the way to the last cubicle, topped the lid of the toilet seat and wiped it down with an anti-bacterial cloth before I plopped my sad bottom on it.
Tears formed in my eyes and I immediately wiped them away with a tissue. I kept telling myself to stop being such a pathetic woman, hiding away in a loo at a blasted club.
I was having a lot of fun, truly. That was, until Callum had decided to ruin my night by appearing out of nowhere. Why did he feel the need to mess with my head so much? Hadn’t I been gracious enough to let him go and be with his Zara? Any woman who was in my shoes would have thrown one hell of a tantrum before walking out of his life, most especially after how possessive he’d been a few days before it had happened. I didn’t do any of that, though, because I cared for him. Most of all, I respected him as a man, a man who had lost someone extremely significant in his life. Zara’s actions caused Callum so much pain and resentment. I wanted for him to have a chance at being happy again.
I was taught to love and to do so with my all, that sacrificing yourself to make the people you love happy was the best thing you could do to show affection. Setting him free was a tough choice to make; yet I had done it because I had felt his pain and agony. He was trapped in his dark misery… and I wanted it gone. I’d rather see myself crying like I was right now than see him twisted with pain.
Yes, I loved him enough to become a selfless woman. I was dealing with it still; the after effects of losing him. So it was truly hard when he toyed with me because I could only endure so much before I started faltering and my selfishness would get the best of me.
He was Zara’s. I had come to accept that.
Wiping my eyes dry for the last time, I rummaged through my clutch purse for some eye drops. Yes, I had them handy because my red eyes weren’t meshing with the look I was going for. They’d been a staple in my purse ever since I had walked out of his house. The sad thing about having a broken heart was that it always showed. It was either you lose or gain weight, sported red puffy eyes, dark circles from insomnia, or a defeated sad face that never seemed to go away even when you smile. I mean, it was truly ridiculous.
Okay, I’d had enough of feeling like shit. I pushed myself to gather my bearings and walk out of there. I wouldn’t let Callum, or any man for that matter; ruin this first night of my trial run in singledom.
Letting myself out of the cubicle, I strode out whilst fixing my skirt, making sure the back part wasn’t hanging or anything. The last thing I needed was to be flashing people my arse. A small, wicked smile formed at my lips when I thought about people’s reactions, but when I looked up, I was startled to find Callum lounging against the sink, still looking like he was out to gut me alive.
Hold on. Where the fuck was everyone? I freaked as my eyes took in the locked door and the quiet emptiness around me. The music had become mere background noise.
“We’re all alone here, in case you were wondering.”
What the shit? I couldn’t be trapped in here with him or I’d go bonkers. My eyes immediately darted towards the door again before I hastily moved towards it, however Callum immediately blocked me. Strong arms wrapped around my waist as he pushed me against the floor-to-ceiling mirrored wall.
Holy mother, I yelped when I thought the force would break the mirror, but what really terrified me more was Callum. I kept choking on my breath each time his breath hit my lips. The demented man was so close that he was giving me panic attack.
“We won’t be out of here until I call someone.” His eyes dropped to my lips, biding time. “I had the management make it look like the bathroom was out of order. For a specified time.”
Even with breathlessness, I mustered enough courage to ask him a question. “How the heck did you manage to get that done in less than fifteen minutes?”
Callum’s nose inched closer until the tip of his nose touched the bottom of my lip, caressing it. “I own the club.”
Of course he did. No wonder he knew where I was. His wealth gave him power and I hated that he was using it to get his way with me. I knew what he wanted. I could smell it on him. He was after one thing and that was sex. If he thought he could lock us in here for a quickie, he could think again. He couldn’t have Zara and me together. It just wouldn’t happen.
“Right, I forgot you own a lot of things,” I said, heavy with sarcasm.
My heart palpitated when he lifted his eyes to meet mine. “Certainly. In case you forgot, I own you, too.” His dark eyes engulfed me whole as he pressed his chest against my own. “And while we’re on that subject, let me tell you how livid I am that you’re acting like a loose trollop!”
That did it! I suddenly was just as incensed as he was. “What the hell is it to you?”
He growled in my face, caging me in as he planted both of his hands on the sides of my head, his face dark with fury. “Because it’s doing my head in! Because I’m bloody jealous of every guy that fucking dares to look at you!” he spat at my face, unrelenting. His chest heaved while I watched, entranced at his passionate nature. When he spoke again, his voice was a mere whisper. “Because I can’t fathom the thought of you desiring another man.” He slowed down, capturing me with a new kind of intensity that left me breathless. “I saw you, Stella.”
I knew I shouldn’t be feeling guilty because I wasn’t with him, but dammit, I felt the guilt in my heart and it weighed me down. Callum was pushing through my exterior and, what little armor I had, was in a dire state. I couldn’t let him see what I had hidden inside because he’d see me differently and I didn’t want that.
“Stop messing with me, Cal.” Please, I beg of you.
Maybe it was the way I said the words or maybe he felt the need to breathe, but I was relieved when he got himself off me and gave me a couple feet of space. The room between us caused him to eye my outfit again, taking in my pushed up breasts in the lace corset, the tiny skirt and the strappy heels that wrapped around my legs. I watched as he smoldered with lust, need and fury all at once.
“Why are you dressed like a prostitute?” he wondered out loud.
If he was trying to sound insulting, he had failed miserably. I knew what my outfit was doing to him. I didn’t need to see his bulge to confirm it because his eyes alone were enough indication of what he wanted to do to me.
“Why? Is it too daring for your taste, Mr. Kensington?” I taunted, trying to hide a smile.
“You find this amusing?”
“Maybe.”
Callum stared at me for a few seconds before smirking. “Stella… how you drive me crazy.” I smiled at him for the first time tonight and when our gazes crossed paths, he became a little more serious. “Come home with me, Stella. It’s been lonely sleeping without you next to me.”