by Pamela Ann
I had no one to blame but myself for turning him into such a cynical bloke, too wrecked to acknowledge when a blessing had come along.
Chapter 145
Ava
It was 8:04 a.m. when my phone shrilled, bringing me more of a headache. I knew the moment I took the call without glancing at the caller ID that I’d regret it. I instantly heard my mother’s screeching voice that one could compare closely to a cat being dragged by its tail, or maybe a feline sounding as if it was being murdered. It was a variation of things, but the sound was distinctively feline, for that I was sure.
Apparently, from the small sprouts of lucidity before she went off in her feline shrilling bender, Ashton dearest had visited my father, announcing the news I had restricted him from sharing.
Silently declaring him enemy number one, I gently rubbed my flat belly, as if apologizing for its maternal grandmother and how ungodly she could be when in the throes of demanding I straighten out my life or I would be forever disinherited from my father’s will. Her threats were simply that—threats. I knew for a fact that my father wouldn’t do such a thing, because I was his only child. Not to mention the fact that my paternal grandparents had placed a lockdown on who was going to inherit what my father had inherited to begin with, which was solely blood-related heirs, with their spouses excluded—a category my mother was in, not I. This profoundly irked her because, even though her family had money and were considered rich, they were not wealthy like my father’s family. I supposed she was one lucky lady to have a doting husband who worshipped the ground she walked on, or she’d end up divorced and penniless with a notorious temper to boot.
“How could you disgrace your husband and your family with such foolishness, Ava? You were brought up to be better than rubbish. I didn’t raise you to become a married harlot and bear a poor man’s child!” she spat out, sounding as though she was hyperventilating over the phone. “You’re carrying a bastard child! You have to get rid of it! That’s the only way I can forgive you, or we will never speak to you again. Is that understood?”
That did it! Gone was my sleepiness, and in came my uncontrollable rage, wanting to tear her to pieces. I blew a gasket.
“How dare you call my baby a bastard! First off, the poor man you’re referring to isn’t so poor anymore! In fact, he’s probably ten times richer than any of us combined. And, more to the point, my child might be a bastard to the rest of you lot, but what matters most is that this child of mine will be loved. I’ll make bloody damn sure he or she won’t know how simple minded and pathetic their grandmother is, because you won’t ever know this baby!” My raging tirade wasn’t finished.
“You’ll disown me? Well, how about I renounce you as my horrid mother? All my life, you have done nothing except undermine whatever it was I wanted to do because it would be embarrassing for you. Well, guess what, dearest mother? You’re your own embarrassment. No one truly respects a woman who made everyone around her want to take their own lives because it’s so much easier to die than deal with your never-ending moans and whines. No one likes you, not even your so-called friends. They all pretend they do, but the truth is, I heard one of them say they’d wish you’d disappear from their lives. Without father, you would have no one, and that’s the sad, tragic truth.”
The line went eerily quiet, although I could hear faint traces of her breaths.
“How dare you make such fabricated lies to hurt me! Your father will make you pay for this. I hope you and your bastard child live a hard, excruciating life. Let’s see how long you’ll last.” After the last word parted from her poisonous lips, she immediately cut the call.
Throwing the phone on top of my duvet, I huffed as if the device had scalded me while my mother’s words rang in my ears. What sort of woman would wish their own flesh and blood to go through hardship? What kind of woman did that? That was a harsh, cold-hearted thing to say, even for her. I mean, I had known she would be a bit mad and a little off the bender, but I had still thought she possessed a functioning heart.
Our conversation had dispelled any doubts that her soul was as black as coal. My mother was the same as always—hiding behind threats of my father’s wrath.
Reeling from her bashful treatment, I stayed in bed until I knew I wasn’t shaking from rage. She had the knack for pressing the wrong buttons, and the second she had called my baby a bastard, the loose screw had become unhinged.
After last night’s tiresome encounter with Reiss, I had little energy left to move. He had obviously had alcohol in his system, and therefore, he basically spouted whatever came to mind. Most of the words I wished to have never heard. My heart wasn’t in tune with my brain; both were functioning as they pleased.
Apart from his unwelcomed opinion and thoughts, he and I had agreed that we would co-parent the baby, and we’d eventually take time in the future to set a schedule that would suit us both. I get to have five days while he’d settle for two, for the time being. It was rather surprising that I could almost describe our conversation as harmonious since we hadn’t bickered.
After his spiteful words, once we had started discussing baby matters, his overall tone had shifted into being much more relaxed and seemingly approachable. I admit, it was nice to be around him without any sort of strain. I had almost forgotten how amazing it was to simply admire him from afar. I supposed some things never changed, like my serious fixation on the very man himself as well as knowing I could literally watch him all day and not grow bored of it.
The time would come when he’d eventually marry, and I knew that, when the day did arrive, I wouldn’t be prepared to say goodbye. After all, I had refused before. Maybe I’d simply love the man forever, unconditionally and hopelessly. It was rather wretched to admit this; however, he was the one who’d gotten away, and he had taken my heart along with him.
“I need to stop thinking about him, or I’ll end up starving myself,” I said to myself as I reluctantly called room service for a simple scrambled eggs with only freshly cracked pepper as its seasoning along with white toast and a glass of fresh orange juice.
I could do light meals, but if I went beyond eggs and toast, my stomach ended up revolting. Retching continuously almost on a daily basis made me somewhat weary and afraid of food. It was a bad fear since the baby needed nutrition to grow, although the thought of food had begun to give me goose bumps. Never had I imagined pregnancy would turn me into a picky eater. Alas, this was a tiny price to pay for the miracle I had never thought would be granted to me. I was more than grateful for that.
Just as I had anticipated, my breakfast went down fine. Though I was still a little unsettled, I thought I would be able to be around common folks. Allie and I were meeting up after she had lunch with her mum. I intended to break my silence and tell her that I was expecting, and of course, the fact that it wasn’t Ashton’s as well as the details of my sudden decision to divorce him. Then there was also the fact that Craig was actually Reiss … Yeah, this catching up over coffee would most likely take up the rest of the afternoon.
I was already bracing myself for her drilling questions and those endless looks that usually gave away how worried she was about me. Apart from these major setbacks, I was actually looking forward to seeing her. After being awakened by my mother’s irrational upheaval, I needed someone to talk to. Well, if truth be told, I simply needed someone to sit there while I vented out every single intricate frustration I had with my life at the moment. Just like psychotherapy without the psycho bit attached.
Normally, I took time to get ready when I met friends and family, but today, I opted to wear black jeans with a simple cotton shirt and my favorite black Chanel Chambon flats. Any woman could choose to wear dire looking apparel and use one Chanel accent in her outfit; it instantly made you look effortlessly chic. Finishing the look with a silk scarf, I was set to leave. We had agreed to meet at The Connaught in Mayfair to savor some tea as we divulged in their miniature elaborately and beautifully handcrafted cakes.
; After a quick cab ride and barely any wait time until Allie’s arrival, we were seated in a quiet corner before she randomly requested a bottle of French Rosè to be immediately served.
Once the waiter had left to do her bidding, I gave her a raised brow. “Stressful day, I take it?”
She rolled her eyes. “Mothers, sometimes I loathe them.” She tapped on her phone as if she was sending a very loaded message. “She truly believes I should do more priming to attract myself a decent man to marry instead of living the mad cluster-fuck that my so-called petty life is all about.” She was apoplectic, obviously enraged at her mother’s not so mild of a suggestion. “Of course, my normal reaction was to defend myself. She was being such a bugger, and she should know better than to reprimand me on how to live my life. I like my life mighty fine, thank you very much.”
Putting her cell phone on vibrate, she then gave me her undivided attention. “Enough about my mother and our disastrous lunch date. How are things? How is Ashton?” She made a knowing look, as if Ashton was such a romantic and the perfect man for me, before saying, “He’s missing you mad and is here to take you away from me, isn’t he?”
Well … She wasn’t far off.
“He was actually asking when you would be available to see him. I remember him complaining about how your schedule’s been hectic and how grandly disappointed he was that he couldn’t get onto your social roster. I suppose he felt left out.” This was true. He had mentioned as much the second week he was here.
“How could I? I was dashing calls since I was actually out of the country and didn’t want my parents to ever find out that—” she paused, blushing as though she was in the hot seat before shyly biting her bottom lip.
“I think I’ve found the one,” she whispered, like it was top secret. “I’ve never felt this sort of connection with a man. Ava, it’s disrupting my concentration quite a bit, and I couldn’t help but to keep going. I’m majorly frightened, and yet, I couldn’t grasp the thought of not ever seeing where this would end.”
Blinking, I frowned at her. “Is he—” I started, but she interjected.
“No, not him.” She meant the lover she had introduced to me last. “I just had no idea,” she wondered out loud, batting her long, sooty lashes for full effect. “I mean, I’m not one to spend the rest of my days absorbing every bit of news in the media—that’s just not like me … so, when I met him, I didn’t immediately recognize him until later on … when everything clicked.”
Bloody Hell, she better not say it was Craig Chambers, or I’d chop his balls off and feed them to the pigeons.
While Allie took forever to disclose the name, I became a little agitated. However, even though I was dying to ask her who it was again, there was something about her … maybe it was the way she had this whimsical look on her that made me decide to let her process things as she went along.
“Swear you won’t judge me, Ava?” she asked, pleading.
My frown deepened even further. Who was the bloody man, for fuck’s sake?
“Of course. As long as the man isn’t a convicted felon, then I promise to support you, even though I might be dying from holding my opinions to myself.”
Releasing a strained breath, she said, “It’s Sebastian Black.”
“Oh.” I paused, stilling. “Fuck.”
“My point precisely.”
Sebastian Black. Billionaire extraordinaire. The man was a living, breathing sex pistol with legs, but his mother had been involved in an illicit, scandalous affair with William Davenport, Allie’s father. Not only that, but Sebastian Black was also famous for marrying one of England’s top super models, though the couple were legally separated. Some said their tumultuous relationship had begun when Mr. Black allegedly cheated on her.
“Okay, I’m beyond shocked—not appalled—that it’s him, but what I find more disconcerting is the fact that, a little over five minutes ago, you said, ‘he’s the one?’ Holy insanity, Allie, you cannot be serious about him! Shagging him ‘cause you fancied the bloke is one thing. It’s clearly another when you’re spouting words like ‘he’s the one!’ The man is still unmistakably married, and as beautiful and lovely as you are, he might be looking for something fleeting and temporary. Seducing yourself into believing that he might actually take it seriously will only put you in such a heartbreaking position.”
Allie wasn’t the type to blurt out such nonsense like “he’s the one,” or anything remotely close to that. I had to clearly steer her away from where she wanted to navigate—into dangerous waters, waters she hadn’t been in before. Falling in love with this man would cripple her, and I didn’t want her to be in the same position I was. She deserved a man who could give her everything, not the other way around.
“I apologize if I sound harsh, but I don’t want your first experience of falling in love to be like this. I’m a lost cause, but you,” I said as I reached out to give her hand a squeeze, “you’re heart is without malice. Don’t give it to a man who might not treasure it. It’s too precious to be taken for granted.”
She made a sad look, causing my heart to ache just a tad. “He’s not the man the media has painted him to be. Yes, he’s complex and brilliant, but he’s more than that. Underneath, he’s actually a passionate man I could connect with on so many levels. But, of course, we’ve never discussed the affair our parents had nor did he want to talk about his estranged wife. And I guess, if I’m honest with myself, I’m not too ready to open those particular subjects just yet.” She regretfully sighed before giving me a brave face. “But you’re right; I shouldn’t take this seriously. He never did give me promises of the future or anything. I’m probably one of many. I best keep that in mind.”
Poor love. She looked shattered. I would be too if I was in her position.
“I’m sorry, my love. Maybe Mr. Right will introduce himself soon to keep your mind away from Mr. Right Now.”
“Hell, Ava, your attempts at jokes haven’t quite improved, even after all these years.” She gurgled a laugh, her face breaking into a smile.
“You complain, and yet they never fail to make you smile.” My jokes might be mediocre, but they were still effective. Frankly, I thought that, as long as the outcome was achieved, how it had begun and what had gone on in the middle was irrelevant.
“I can’t help it. Anyhow, how’s that ever-loving husband of yours? Please tell me you’re not leaving just yet; we haven’t had our usual fill of fun.” She pouted as she curiously sipped her champagne whilst looking over the menu.
“About that…” I cleared my throat, preparing to do my hefty speech. “I’m actually staying indefinitely.”
Let me just say that my bombshell of an announcement reached such loud, differentiated levels of “fuck” it was guaranteed she would be apoplectic with the news of my divorce. However, when I told her why it had come to that point, she immediately thawed and empathized with my situation. She was also delighted to find out about the baby and fiercely promised to castrate both Ashton and Reiss once she got her hands on them.
The rest of the day went by pretty quickly, and it wasn’t before long until I was inside the cab, heading back to the hotel, oblivious to the scenes around me as I got lost in my own thoughts. Then, out of the blue, my phone snatched my attention, ringing as it flashed my cousin’s name.
“Hello, cousin. I have a feeling this isn’t a social, is it?” I inquired, smiling.
“I’m afraid your hunch is spot on. I’m guilty as charged,” Toby Watson cheerily admitted. “News got to me about you planning to divorce Ashton. I hope you’re safe and well?” He sounded concerned, most likely assuming, like the rest, that I’d gone off the deep end because Ashton and I had been together since the beginning of time. This was the main reason that, when breaking the news to my family, it had obviously come as a surprise.
But this was the typical Toby—always incredibly kind and caring. It was one of the things that made me confide in him since both of my parents were kind of hard to
relate to. He was like the big brother I’d never had.
During the call, I found out that my mother had been hysterical, telling mostly anyone with an ear about my plan of divorce. Though I was a little shocked to know that, apart from that, she hadn’t divulged anything else that was much bigger news, like my impending pregnancy and who’d fathered it. Looking at it prospectively, I supposed she still hoped for reconciliation, and that I would pass this on as Ashton’s baby as they all, Ashton included, hoped. Well, they were in for a real shocker because I wasn’t going to change my mind.
Exhausted from everything that happened today, I decided to take a light soak in the bathtub the moment I got back into my hotel room. The stress from dealing with all the drama was taking a toll on my energy levels, and I seriously needed some immediate relief.
Before I went into the bath, I stood naked in front of the mirror, studying my body and noting whatever changes it was going through. Though my abdomen remained flat, my breasts were a different matter. They appeared to be swollen, rounder, and heavier compared to a week ago. It was amazing how one’s body had to go through such transformation to accommodate the baby growing inside. This was nature working its beautiful spell on me. It was beyond fascinating to see the minor changes already, even though I was in the early stages of pregnancy.
The drama caused by my mother, my family’s curiosity, Ashton’s reluctance in letting me go, and Reiss’s reservations in me meant nothing compared to the happiness that this baby was giving me. The rest could go to shitters, and I would gladly survive it as long as my unborn child was all right and safe from harm. Be it a girl or a boy, I’d love it with my entirety.
Immersing myself in a tub filled with warm water, surrounded by stress relieving scents from the oils and candles around me—I thought it might do a splendid job. Basked in the calming ambiance, the water slowly worked my body into a less tensed state while the herbal scents did their magic in making me feel much lighter inside.