by Kinsley Gibb
“Ethan, on the other hand, doesn’t own a motorcycle. He’s a safer bet.”
“I don’t have a motorcycle, but I’m thinking about getting a jeep.” A deep voice interrupted.
“Ethan, darling!” Claire hugged him like a long lost child. Anabelle rolled her eyes. But since she was desperate for a distraction, so she was happy to see him.
“Hello Ethan.”
“Anabanana!” He lifted her off the ground and she let him because he’d saved her from further grilling.
“See, Mother, does this greeting look remotely like a guy interested in pursuing a romantic relationship?”
“You children are simply being difficult. If you would only listen. Ethan’s perfect.”
“Now that’s something I can agree with. Your mother loves me Anabelle. It’s hard not to, so what’s wrong with you?” He slung an arm over her shoulder and winked.
She groaned. “Do not encourage her.”
“Well, Claire, if Anabelle won’t marry me and make me your son-in-law, you could always adopt me. I am a poor motherless child.” He hung his head like a pathetic puppy. The goober.
“Yes, please,” Anabelle pleaded. “Be my new brother so she can meddle in your life.” She lifted her hands in supplication. “Save me.”
“Very funny Anabelle.” Her mother crossed her arms over her chest. “A mother knows best. Tell her Ethan.”
“Well now—“
“Hello son. Sorry it took me so long. The damn GPS took me down the road to a country bar featuring line dancing. It looks fun so I might go back later. Want to come?”
“Dad!” He hugged his father. “Let me introduce you to my sister.”
“Sister? Well now, that’s news.”
“Hi. I’m Anabelle.”
“Hello. Lovely to meet the daughter I never knew I had. Ethan couldn’t have picked a prettier sister.”
She grinned. Ethan’s dad was handsome and had a charming smile. The apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree.
“Yep, yep. Come here Dad. This beautiful lady is—“
“Claire?”
“You know each other?”
Her mother had been silent during the exchange. Unusual considering Claire was the social spearhead of all conversations.
“Hello Tomas.” Her mother’s cheeks were beyond a bashful pink, they bordered on Pepto Bismol pink.
Well, hello.
Her inner demon rubbed its hands in glee at this fun twist.
Since she could remember, her mother steered clear of gentlemen of a certain age, her age, because she preferred being solo and thought men were nothing but trouble. She was charming to anyone else that didn’t approach her as interested. Men noticed her, she was still quite attractive but her mother had a distinct way of looking at those brave enough to approach that made them slink away cupping their privates.
Her mother had skills.
This blushing creature was foreign to Anabelle. “Who are you? And what have you done with my mother?” The foray into an alternate universe was fun considering moments ago she’d been verbally slain.
“Really Anabelle. Is that necessary?”
“It’s nothing. We shared a drink and conversation on the Emerald Princess.”
“You dog, dad.” Ethan shoulder bumped Tomas.
“You didn’t tell me you met anyone, mother.”
“It wasn’t like that Anabelle. Do you really think I’d hare off with someone I just met?”
“No Anabelle, to my regret, it wasn’t what you’re thinking. In fact, we spent time talking about you.”
“About me?”
“Yes. Your mother loves you very much.”
Right. Loved to drive her insane, maybe. Tomas grinned as if he read her thoughts.
“In spite of her machinations, she means well.”
Well damn. It was hard to respond to that. Sort of took the wind out of her righteous sails.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Claire slipped away.
The little group was quiet in her absence.
“What just happened here?” Ethan sounded as baffled as she felt.
She shrugged. “I’m not sure. Tomas? Anything you should be telling me?” She ignored the awkward feeling of interrogating a grown man about his relationship with her mother.
“Your mother is going through a change.”
“I think she’s already gone through ‘the change’.”
“Not the physical change, my dear, more like a perspective change.”
“She has been different since her return. Sort of strange.”
“Her thoughts have molded her life for a long time and change is difficult for anyone. Only she can decide whether she can embrace something different or go on in the safety of the familiar.”
“Is he some sort of Zen master?” She raised an eyebrow at Ethan. “I’m waiting for a beam of light to illuminate him or something?”
“I know, right?”
“He’s so reasonable.”
“Yep. Try debating with him. It’s impossible. As a teenager after a wild night out, he was so reasonable, he kind of sucked the fun out of breaking the rules.”
“Is that so?”
Tomas shrugged while Ethan grimaced.
“I better go check on her.”
A bench outside at the end of the crepe myrtle allee was her mother’s refuge.
“Hi,” she said, after making enough noise so she wouldn’t give her mother a second heart attack. “You okay?”
“I feel foolish.”
“For what?”
“Acting like a drama queen.”
“Nah. It could’ve been worse.”
“He makes me feel…I don’t know.” She picked up a fallen flower and plucked at the petals. “He makes me think…”
She sat and listened, knowing her mother needed to process her thoughts. She hoped Tomas was patient because in terms of dating speed, her mother was tortoise slow.
It was the closest she’d ever felt to her mother. Their relationship was not the touchy feely sort. As much as she’d wished for it as a young girl, it hadn’t materialized and the sight of her mother as a vulnerable human being with fears and concerns was surreal. She was less like the distant ‘mother’ and more like a relatable ‘mom’.
“Tomas wanted to see me…you know, in the romantic sense,” she whispered and darted a glance at Anabelle as if unsure of the reaction.
“I see.”
“Do you, Anabelle? I loved your father. He was everything to me and I was devastated when he died. I’m afraid I’m one of those people who feels too deeply and I’m scared.” Claire sighed, the sound pathetic in its misery.
“Oh, mom.” The word rolled off her tongue. It felt strange but good at the same time. Anabelle placed an arm around her mother’s shoulders. “You’ve got to stop being scared,” she said then corrected herself, “We’ve got to stop.”
“I know you’re miserable Anabelle. But it gets better. I don’t want to see you suffer the way I did. If you fall too deeply, there’s only suffering ahead. I want to wrap you in a cocoon of cotton and protect you. Can’t you see?”
Anabelle looked at her mother, looked at the woman she’d never understood yet had always wanted to know better. All her life she’d yearned to get close but couldn’t because she wasn’t allowed. The distance between them wasn’t because Claire didn’t care, but because she cared too much. She lived in protection mode, in a state of hyper alert.
Anabelle thought about the years she’d envied her friends’ close relationships with their mothers, the cozy girl talks with advice given and debated. The concept of giggling with her mother over subjects like boys, makeup, clothes or gossip was odd. Claire hadn’t been a bad mother, she was just distant. Claire always made sure she had new clothes and had a sense of security. She’d coordinated pick up and drop off logistics for an assortment of activities but there had always been a sense of disconnect, as if she’d been going through the motions.
I
t was no wonder she’d been ripe for Gavin’s pursuit. She’d been starved of love and affection.
What a mess.
Anabelle didn’t want to live in a bubble, divorced from emotion. Thoughts of Derek came to mind, his bravery, his desire for her, and his vulnerability. He’d accepted she could hurt him with her decisions, but he’d been brave, willing to risk because in his mind, the rewards were worth so much more than the possibility of loss.
Her mother’s shell had cracked and tears streaked down her cheeks. It was like she’d imploded and a rush of emotion tumbled to the surface, pouring out of her like a long dormant volcano.
Anabelle wanted to live, wanted to experience the rush of love, of excitement, of joy. She wasn’t sure if her mother would ultimately have the courage to let Tomas into her life, but Anabelle wasn’t going to follow her mother’s path.
Derek wanted her in his life.
That was profound. She’d dreamed of having that for so long. Why had she been foolish to turn him away because she hated gossip? Passing up the chance to love and be loved, for however long was something her mother encouraged. Because of fear. But she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t live her life that way any longer. Her mother was an adult and had to make her own decisions. Just as she was an adult.
The good girl mantle had weighed on her for long enough. She’d always done the proper thing. Valedictorian, check. Masters degree, check. Successful business owner, check. Volunteer, check. Her life had been series of checklist. To do lists, priority lists and attack lists had run her life.
She thought of the checklist she’d written with Charlie. Strong, financially secure, family oriented, even the ridiculous sex god criteria Charlie had added. Derek was all that and more.
His age had nothing to do with his maturity.
She had to let go of society’s dictates and the rules decided upon by nameless people.
“Mother.”
The horrible wrenching sounds her mother made was hard to speak over.
“Mother. Mom. Listen.”
Her mother hiccupped, the sound came out something like a snort and for a second Anabelle was distracted by the sight of her mother looking less than her usual perfect self.
“Yes?”
“I’m going to see Derek again.”
“But I thought—“
“No mother. I let your fear guide me. I’m going to talk to him and apologize for being a coward, for not throwing myself at him in joy when he proposed and for hurting him. I don’t know if he will talk to me but I want to try.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am. And if we move pass this, I don’t want to hear anymore doomsday scenario from you, understand?”
“But—“
“No more, mom.”
I’ve spent my life doing things your way, trying to make you happy. It’s exhausting. So now I’m going to try my way. Derek is a good man. Once you get past his age and get to know him, you’ll see it. The way he makes me feel…trust me, I don’t want to pass the chance to be happy.”
Her mother nodded. Tonight she looked more human, less perfect, not bad but more real. Anabelle smiled and patted her mother’s hand. “Now go wash up, you’ve got a scary case of raccoon eyes going on.”
She stood and brushed leaves from her bottom. “Whether or not you choose to pursue a relationship with Tomas is up to you. You know my vote. He’s Ethan’s dad and you adore Ethan so Tomas can’t be that bad. Besides, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a brother.” She winked and walked away. She chuckled at the sound of her mother’s sputtering and felt lighter than she had in years.
Maybe there was still a chance to have the mother/daughter relationship she’d always wanted.
Chapter 16
Anabelle smoothed her skirt, checked her teeth in the glass reflection of the storefront and popped a mint. Butterflies partied hard in her belly but she did her best to ignore them, taking a deep breath.
The Street Market today was Derek’s Sunday haunt. He preferred to support local families, farmers and vendors.
A familiar blue plaid shirt caught her eye in the reflection and she turned. She drank in the familiar sight of him until she noticed the pretty brunette by his side. Of Asian descent and medium in height, the girl was beautiful. Anabelle physically ached when Derek slung his arms over the girl’s shoulders.
He’d moved on.
It was too late.
She felt stupid and also a bit disillusioned.
She’d thought he’d been devastated yet recovery hadn’t taken long because he stood laughing and teasing another woman.
A woman who was not Anabelle.
She felt a desperate need to get far, far away, before he saw her. Somewhere she could lick her wounds in private. Seeing the pity in his eyes would kill her. She groaned because she was wearing this dress and these ridiculous heels because he loved them, further evidence of her stupidity.
With an eye on the approaching couple, Anabelle maneuvered between two vendor stalls. A parked stroller with a tow headed toddler already occupied the space. The little cutie sat eating cheerios. Every once in a while he bounced the red balloon tied to his wrist while his mom spoke with the vendor.
She was trapped.
She couldn’t retreat the way she came, and she couldn’t go forward, it was too tight.
There was nothing left to do but pray. If she could get away before Derek saw her she promised to have lunch with her mother and cronies and keep her mouth shut while they dissected her every fault. Just let her escape unnoticed.
The sound of her breathing was loud in the small space. With her heart pounding like an out of shape couch potato after a cross fit session, she waited. The toddler stared at her, seemingly fascinated. He tilted his head, his cheerios forgotten except for one that hung off his bottom lip.
“You’re missing one sweetie.”
No response except a wide-eyed blink.
“Suck in your lower lip,” she said. The sight of the hanging cereal bothered her and she licked her lower lip, demonstrating so he could copy and get the last bit.
He grinned, not understanding her or maybe not caring. The cereal remained attached so she gave up. Her new friend thrust a red balloon in her face, babbling like he wanted her to admire his toy. He bounced in his stroller and the balloon bobbed against her face.
“Pretty,” she said in admiration and brushed the balloon away from her face. He swung it back and bounced more. The little guy wanted to play.
“Take it easy, will you?” She swatted at it, she didn’t want the bouncing balloon to bring unwanted attention.
But like a man, he didn’t listen, preferred to do it his way, so up and down he went, and continued his assault.
As focused as she was on haggling with the vendor, the mother was no help. Anabelle could have made off with her precious cargo and the lady wouldn’t have known.
Bounce. Swipe.
It continued until it occurred to her the balloon could be a shield. From behind the red latex, she scanned her surroundings and sighed in relief when there was no sign of him.
Perfect.
She pushed the balloon towards the toddler to make her escape and heard a loud pop.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, little guy.”
Her little friend bawled like Anabelle had killed his best friend. She’d unleashed the beast and he was not happy with her.
“So sorry, buddy,” she crooned but he wasn’t having it and increased his volume. Between the quivering lip and his red scrunched up face, she felt terrible and rummaged her purse for a peace offering.
Money?
Too young to bribe.
Keys?
Kids like the noise but she’d need those for later.
Gum?
Maybe. Just as she handed gum to the kid his mother finally paid attention.
“Excuse me. What are you giving my kid?”
“Gum?”
“Are you crazy?”
Anabelle winced at the mom’s strident note and panicked, wanting to get out of there. “I’m sorry I popped his balloon. Please take this and get him another.” She thrust out a five-dollar bill and fled. Eager to escape the wrath of an angry mom and her unhappy son, she bolted and ran into a solid warm wall.
The force of impact made her stagger back. Strong hands steadied her else she would have fallen.
Would this morning never end?
“Pardon me.”
“Anabelle?”
Well damn.
“Hi. I mean…hello Derek.” She sounded like she’d swallowed a frog and cleared her throat. It was time to channel her rusty, almost non-existent acting skills. Never mind that the sum of her experience was a summer production of Robin Hood. She’d been a convincing Friar Tuck even if her stuffed pillow had fallen from her robe in the middle of the scene. Charlie, who’d been Robin Hood had howled with laughter and the crowd had loved them. That summed up the pinnacle of her acting career.
“How have you been?” His gaze searched hers and heat suffused her.
“Doing well,” she lied, hoping the restless nights weren’t apparent. The eye cream she’d bought was supposedly top of the line; she’d paid enough for it so they’d better hide the bags under her eyes.
His gaze skimmed the length of her body. “You look good.”
She flushed, pleased with her ridiculous efforts, but knew she shouldn’t be. Then she remembered his new friend and all of her pleasure died.
“Sorry I almost took you down. Thanks for saving me but I have to go.”
“Wait. I want to introduce you to—“
“No. I really have to go.” Panic spread when he turned and pulled the girl forward.
“Really quick.”
She edged away but he caught her elbow and pulled her back.
“Anabelle,” he said next to her ear. The combination of his proximity and rough whisper brought back erotic memories and she shivered.
“Please Derek. Don’t make me.” She wasn’t above pleading but he stroked the skin above her elbow and her traitorous body responded.
“What are you talking about?” He sounded puzzled.
“I wish you both much happiness,” she said, trying to be brave before she lost it in front of his newest conquest standing a few feet away.