When the carriage came to a stop, Lord Thorton opened the door but did not yet move, awaiting my response.
I lifted a hand to the spot on my cheek Mother had felt, suddenly desperate to accept her bait in the slight chance that Ruth and Augustus were still here. “I do feel rather out of sorts. Too much sun, perhaps.”
With my confirmation, Lord Thorton climbed out of the carriage to assist me. “I shall look forward to seeing you at dinner, Miss Godwin.”
I swallowed down my resentment. “Yes.”
Lady Beatrice and Miss Browning alighted from the carriage behind ours, but I did not even glance at them, hurrying up the exterior staircase and into the house.
“What is the matter, miss?” Leah asked after I shut the door of my room behind me.
My breaths were coming fast from the exertion of running up the stairs. “Have they gone?”
Her expression filled with understanding, and she dipped her chin. “Yes. A quarter hour ago. They seemed to be in a great hurry. I helped ready Ruth’s trunks myself.”
I rested my head against the door and closed my eyes. I had hoped in vain. All truly was lost.
“Come sit.” Leah came to my side. Taking hold of my arm, she led me to the chaise lounge. “I shall bring up some tea.”
I shut my eyes again and leaned into the angled back, unable to so much as utter my thanks.
After several minutes, a sharp knock echoed through the room. I did not move.
The door creaked open and shut again. “What in heaven’s name are you doing?” Mother’s voice infiltrated the silence.
I did not move. “Resting.”
“You know precisely what I mean. Do you know what Lady Thorton just asked me?” Mother’s voice was near.
“No.”
“She inquired if your melancholy has to do with the departure of a certain friend. And she did not mean Miss Seton.”
I heaved a sigh. “I am tired, Mother.”
“You are tired?” Her voice drew closer still. “Think of what I’m constantly made to endure because of your flippant behavior. You exhaust me, Arabella. But you will not disappoint me again.”
I finally opened my eyes, meeting her glare with a wearied expression. “No matter what I do, I will be a disappointment to you. I have sought for years to obtain your acceptance, yet nothing I do is ever enough. Even Lord Thorton will not be enough. I am through trying to please you. I am through trying to be loved and falling short.” I drew in a breath, drained of all care. “And I will not marry Lord Thorton.”
Mother took hold of my wrist and yanked me to my feet. “You will marry Lord Thorton.”
Tears blurred my vision. “Ruth’s reputation is already tainted, and neither she nor Augustus will likely ever see me again. What can you possibly hold over me now?”
“Besides your inheritance, your very position in our family?”
“You would disown me for going against your wishes?” I gave an unamused laugh. “Go ahead. I don’t want any of it.”
Mother’s lips parted. “You would give everything up now that you are so close? You shall be the wife of an earl, Arabella. Do you realize there will be few women with a higher status than you? You shall want for nothing.”
“I shall want for so much.”
Mother clenched her jaw, her eyes moving between mine. “You selfish girl. Thankfully, there is one bartering chip I still possess.”
“Then use it, for I no longer care.”
“If you insist.” Mother forcefully released my arm and took a step away from me. “I shall write to Ruth directly and inform her that it was her mother who killed her father before taking her own life.”
Her words knocked the breath from me.
Mother took in my rigid posture. “I will gladly inform her that it was you who encouraged me to share the life-altering news with her.”
“You lie.”
Mother’s hand reeled back so swiftly, I had no time to prepare for the impact. Her palm slapped my cheek. My ears rang with pain, and my skin stung, but I righted myself, lifting my chin defiantly. “Hit me all you like. I shall never believe such a thing. Ruth’s mother was kind, and she loved Ruth with all her heart.”
“Which is precisely why she did it.”
I stilled, uncertain why the notion penetrated my core. My resolve faltered.
Mother lifted a triumphant brow. “Ah. Willing to listen now?”
I swallowed but did not answer.
Mother released an aggravated breath. “Your father maintained a … fondness for Mrs. Seton up until the time of her death. I had warned him that her husband would not abide their continued friendship. Mr. Seton was a violent man who did not spare his wife when his temper flared. But your father would not see reason.
“Apparently, Mr. Seton began taking his anger out on Ruth as well. Despite his wife’s best efforts, a particular occurrence ended with Ruth abed for a week or two. The bruising was apparently quite extensive, and the servants were told that she fell down the stairs, unwitnessed by any of them.”
My legs felt weak beneath me as I thought of those weeks Ruth had been made to stay abed—the weeks Augustus and I had carelessly traipsed about the woods together without an inkling of Ruth’s suffering. “How do you know this?”
“Partly from servants’ gossiping lips and partly from a letter that came for your father the morning of the Setons’ deaths. He was not at home at the time, and my curiosity got the better of me, for Mrs. Seton had never been so brazen before in her antics. In the letter she explained her fears for Ruth and the threats Mr. Seton had laid against them. She said that she could not bear the idea of harm coming to her daughter again, but nor could she bear the shame and the consequence of having taken a life, even one so awful as her husband.”
I felt I might be sick. “You did nothing when you read of her intentions?”
Mother let out a shaky exhale, and the slightest flicker of remorse was visible in her expression. “I had thought it was an attempt for attention, a vain hope of hers that your father would come to her rescue.” She paused, her gaze now distant. “It was not. By the time he returned home, we had already received word of their deaths.”
“And you did not turn the letter over to the authorities?”
“We couldn’t. We could not risk becoming involved. Our family’s good name would have been tarnished, and your father’s political career undermined from a scandal. Who knows what people would have thought about his involvement? No. It was not an option.”
We stood a moment in strained silence before she lifted her chin. “So, now that you know the truth, can you imagine how such knowledge would affect Ruth? How heartbroken she would be to know it was her mother, a woman she loved more than anything, that she likely venerates to a fault, who had done something so unspeakable? What would others think of it? A woman, after all, does often follow in her mother’s footsteps.”
My head spun, and I dropped back onto the chaise lounge, no longer able to stand under the weight of it all.
“So you see, Arabella, I do still hold something over you. Something that I hope will allow you to see reason.”
I swallowed, giving only the briefest of nods.
Mother released a pitiable sigh, as though burdened by my forcing her coercion. “I expect you to be yourself again by dinner. Lord Thorton must know he is not mistaken in offering for you.”
Even after Mother had gone, I had no tears to cry. I sat and stared at the sooty hearth, my thoughts as empty as my heart.
“Miss Godwin?” Leah placed a tea tray on a nearby table and moved to my side, crouching down in front of me with a cup and saucer in hand. “I have brought you tea with lemon, just how you like it.”
I blinked, my eyes flickering to her offering before settling back on the fire.
“Miss Godwin, you are pale.” I could hear the concern in her voice, and she lifted the cup again. “You must drink something.”
I took hold of the cup and lowered it to
my lap.
Leah did not move, nor did she speak.
My whole life was a lie. I was a lie. When Ruth and Augustus left Bath, I had no one. Even Papa withdrew from me after that. Mother’s abrupt interest in righting my upbringing became all I had. I thought if I could become what she wished me to be … if others thought me to be that also … then I would find the love I sought. But it would never be enough.
I took in Leah’s sympathetic expression. “I will never be enough. Not for Society and not for Mother.” My throat tightened. “And now I have lost the only people who still loved me because they realized what I have become—a mere shell of the girl they once knew. A hollow, empty shell and nothing more.”
“If I might be so bold, miss, you have too often been told of your faults. I have seen your goodness. Your kindness.” Leah’s hand came to rest upon my wrist. “Perhaps all is not lost.”
I thought of Mother’s threat against Ruth. Even if I could right my relationship with Ruth and Augustus, a task in itself that seemed impossible after all I had done, I would not risk causing Ruth such pain. Her mother was everything to her. The truth would leave her broken. “I fear it is.”
Lady Beatrice’s fan sliced the air between us, so rapid were its movements. “Miss Godwin, what was it you and Lord Thorton were discussing with such feeling before we left the picnic?”
I glanced at Mother standing nearby. Her vigilant gaze had hardly deviated from me all evening, nor did she lessen her watch now that the gentlemen were taking port. It was at her insistence that I’d even come to speak with Lady Beatrice. To make it appear as though I was not upset by her venomous gossip that had spread like a fire among the guests.
“Miss Godwin?” Lady Beatrice’s brows were lifted, her irritation obvious at being made to wait.
“We were also speaking of the occurrence with Mr. Green.”
Lady Beatrice and Miss Browning shared a meaningful look. “It was quite unfortunate. To think poor Mr. Green nearly embroiled himself with a girl of impoverished means. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to discover a proposal had been Miss Seton’s purpose from the beginning with how shamelessly she flirted with him. But I suppose you would not think that, being her friend.”
Though I wanted to scream, to tell her what a vile, unfeeling gossip I found her to be, with Mother’s penetrating eyes burning into my profile, I bit my tongue.
Lady Beatrice closed her fan and rested it on her collar bone. “I do hope the encounter has not caused any discord between you and Lord Thorton?”
The lie felt bitter on my tongue. “Not at all.”
Lady Beatrice sneered. “Well I’m relieved to hear it. Especially considering how there are whispers of your supposed regard for Mr. Brundage.”
I did not respond.
“Are you not shocked at hearing that?” Lady Beatrice appraised me, disappointment pulling her mouth into a frown.
My false smile was meant for Mother, not Lady Beatrice. “With you encouraging the rumors along, I confess I am not surprised in the least.”
Lady Beatrice gawked at me. “Come, Marianne.” She turned her back on me. “I believe we shall find more tolerable companionship elsewhere.”
Miss Browning paused just before passing me. “I am sorry for what happened with your friends, Miss Godwin. I hope you know that.”
Before I had time to acknowledge the unexpected kindness, she was gone.
I did not move, listening to the ladies’ excited murmurs. The chorus of their voices created a sort of hum like the wind through the trees. It made me feel distant. Alone. Had I not just been one of them weeks ago? Had I not yearned to be here at Branbury, with the victory of having attained Lord Thorton’s offer as I soon would? How swiftly things could change.
The men’s loud laughter echoed through the drawing room, but instead of moving toward them, I took a seat on a nearby settee.
Lord Thorton came to stand before me. “What are you doing sitting so far off from the others? Are you still upset about the occurrence with Miss Seton?”
I lifted my gaze. “I’m simply exhausted.”
“You should retire.”
“I do not believe sleep can cure the exhaustion I suffer, my lord.”
He appraised me briefly. “What sort of exhaustion is that?”
Mother’s eyes were fixed upon me from the other side of the room, and the small surge of courage vanished. “It is nothing.”
Lord Thorton let out an exhale and took a seat next to me on the settee. “I am not a fool, you know.”
I stared at my hands clasped in my lap. “I did not think you one.”
“Perhaps not, but you have certainly not been forthright with me as you agreed to be.”
I stilled.
“I am well aware of your regard for Mr. Brundage. As I already shared, when I first brought him here, I had hoped to discover that it was not so. I even gathered evidence to the contrary for a time. But you have made it far too obvious for me to pretend otherwise any longer.”
He glanced over at me, but I could not make myself meet his gaze. Not when all I saw in my mind’s eye was how furious Mother was going to be with me when Lord Thorton did not make his offer, and how she would take it out on Ruth. I couldn’t let that happen. I shifted to face him, panic rising in me as I attempted to rally myself for the greater cause. “Forgive my failings and the boldness with which I am about to speak. I admit I have been blinded by my infatuation with Mr. Brundage, but I am well aware that a union could never work between us. I’m confident my disappointment shall soon pass, and I will move on. As you have already stated, we are a good match and equal in many important things.” I paused, knowing it was time to seal my fate—if I’d not already lost the chance. “Though I can understand if you no longer wish to make me an offer, I believe we could make a good life together.”
Lord Thorton considered me. “Do you know what amazes me about all of this?”
I shook my head.
“When I finally came to terms with your regard for Mr. Brundage, and after being assured by your mother that a match to him would not be permitted, I found that I still desired to offer for you.”
“You did?” My emotions were all muddled, and I simultaneously felt great relief and overwhelming displeasure at his declaration.
Lord Thorton straightened in his seat, his broad shoulders pulling back. “The only way I can seem to make sense of it is to compare it to something I actually understand. You see, I am a hunter. And when hunting, every so often there is an animal that is capable of evading the best of us; the more it does, the more fiercely we hunt it. You, Miss Godwin, are a rare vixen, and I mean that in the best sort of way. Your beauty and your poise alone make you a catch worth having, but you are also cunning and caring. Each suitor who attempts to entrap you has ended up empty-handed, and yet it only adds to your allure. That is why I must have you.”
As the truth set in, so did the ache inside me. To Lord Thorton I was nothing more than a trophy to be had. And the worst of it was that I had lived the last eight years of my life for that purpose, without realizing the consequence. And now I was trapped. “Tell me, my lord, as I’m not a huntress, is there a scenario where the vixen comes to a favorable end?”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Stubborn pieces of hair stuck out of my coiffure at odd angles, the ringlet curls near my face askew. Leah stepped back, chewing on her lip as she likely assessed what could be done.
“I fear I did not sleep well.” It was an understatement, but the dark circles contrasting my splotchy, swollen face were evidence enough of the night I’d had. Nightmares had awoken me more times than I cared to remember. But I had been too exhausted to keep myself from sleep, so I would close my eyes and allow them to haunt me again. Endlessly staring out the window waiting for Augustus. Mrs. Seton poisoning her husband before putting a vial to her lips and drinking it herself. Papa standing trial for murder. And, the nightmare that had left me drenched in sweat and trembling—me poisoning
Lord Thorton on our wedding night. I shook the vivid recollection from my mind.
Leah froze, a pin halfway pushed into my unkempt hair. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. Not at all.”
The door creaked open and Mother strode inside, pulling on her gloves. “Are you ready, Arabella? The ladies are beginning to gather for our shopping expedition.” Mother’s eyes landed on my reflection, and her eyes narrowed. Swiftly she moved to my side, taking hold of my chin and forcing me to look at her. “You look dreadful. You cannot accompany us to town in such a state. Your hair … and your face.” Mother shook her head in disbelief, turning on Leah. “Have you tried any facial powder?”
Leah’s arms were rigid at her side, her gaze set on the floor. “We tried that, my lady. I fear it made her look chalky, so she had me remove it.”
“Will you be able to make her presentable by dinner?”
“I believe all that is required is a bath.”
Mother gave an irritated huff. “Very well. I shall inform the servants to bring up a bath at once. We must have you looking fit enough to play the part of an Earl’s future wife.” Mother gave a tight smile. “Lord Thorton has spoken to your father, and despite all my fears, I am assured that he intends to offer for you this evening.”
“Papa is here?”
Mother’s eyes flicked upward in aggravation. “Did you not hear me?”
“I heard you.” I lowered my gaze to my lap. “And I shall be put to rights by dinner.”
“You should aim to be readied before that, in the event Lord Thorton desires a private audience with you beforehand.”
“Yes, Mother.”
Mother placed a hand on my shoulder, but there was no warmth in her touch. “I know it does not seem so now, but you shall one day be grateful for what I have done.”
I stared vacantly at my own pitiful reflection.
“Speaking of what has been done …” She paused. “If your father returns with the gentlemen before we do, I have forbidden him to speak with you until I am present. We have many things to discuss, the three of us together.”
A Well-Trained Lady (Seasons of Change Book 4) Page 27