by J. H. Croix
“I wasn’t going to ask, but it would be nice. I’d usually have my brother Benito help, but he’s busy today.”
“Hey, we did the hard part and carried this one up. With that one, we have gravity on our side when we go down the stairs,” I commented.
“See, I knew it was smart to ask you,” he replied with a wink.
We carried the old mattress down, and then I followed Alec back upstairs when he offered some iced tea. After a swallow, I glanced around. “You renovate this whole place yourself?”
“I had some help, but for the most part it was me.”
“Between this building, and your investment in Speakeasy, looks like you’ve really made a difference to this area.”
Alec shifted his shoulders. “I guess so. May helped me with all the legal stuff as far as my partnership with Lyle, Griffin, and my uncle. That made a big difference for me. Without her handling all the legal details, I don’t know if I could’ve pulled it off.”
I found myself actually wanting to ask Alec for some relationship advice. But holy shit was that uncomfortable. I held his gaze, with my question slipping out before I could think too much about it. “How did you know?”
“How did I know what?”
“That May was the one for you.”
He eyed me curiously, but he didn’t tease. “Oh, is this about your thing with Belle?”
“Jesus,” I muttered. “No such thing as privacy around here, is there?”
Alec’s laugh rustled in his throat. “It’s a small town, people notice things. Long as it’s not interfering with your work, no worries on my part.”
I took another swallow of tea. Alec was gracious enough to go back to my question. “I don’t know exactly how I knew. What surprised me about May was I was all about just having a good time, no strings, no complications. That’s pretty much how it started with me and her. I think it crept up on both of us. It felt right, if that makes any sense.”
I nodded slowly. Because it totally made sense. That was the funny thing about Belle. That easy feeling I had with her that all started around sex was expanding to everything. I didn’t feel like I had to be anything or anyone other than precisely who I was with her.
Alec gave me a long look before adding, “When it’s good and it feels right, I call that really lucky.”
I finished my glass of tea and set it on the counter. We were standing in the kitchen. “It’s kind of funny that May doesn’t drink and you own two bars,” I observed.
He shrugged. “I suppose. We make it work. Although I like running a bar and I enjoy getting into all the stuff around brewing, alcohol is not a big part of my life personally. I never even worried about that.”
Although I didn’t know May too well, she was pretty open that she was in recovery, so I was prompted to ask, “How does she feel about it?”
“It was something we had to talk about, but it’s not an issue for us. When someone’s important, that’s what matters.” Alec, who was inclined to tease, gave me an intent look, his gaze solemn, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he saw more than I even understood about my own questions.
A short while later when I got to Speakeasy, Belle was zipping around the kitchen as she was wont to do whenever she was working. She looked up as I passed by her, heading into the bar. Our eyes collided for a moment, and it felt as if sparks sizzled in the air between us.
I didn’t like that I couldn’t put it out of my mind that maybe things had been messier than she’d led me to believe, messy being stealing a car. I didn’t like that she was hiding something and wondered what else she might be hiding. I hated that she didn’t trust me enough to be honest.
24
Ty
Even though I knew I needed to ask Belle about what my father told me, even though it was the mental equivalent of a blister, I ignored it. I was furious with my father—for nosing into my life, for ripping into Belle’s, and for making me question the woman I’d fallen in love with and forcing me to wrestle with just how tricky trust could be. Not ready to face the conversation with Belle and all it represented, I chose to lose myself in our fiery connection.
Belle made me crazy, in all the right ways, so it was easy to get lost in us. She also thoroughly disabused me of the notion that I had some semblance of control. One night after work when I was feeling greedy, we found each other at the bench I was starting to think of as ours.
She was sitting beside me, her mere presence a distraction. I dipped my head and dropped a string of kisses along the side of her neck as I tugged her closer. She tasted sweet, and her scent curled around me. My teeth grazed her earlobe, and she shivered.
Next thing I knew, her hand was stealing under the hem of my shirt. She slid her palm around my waist and murmured into my chest, “It’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair?” My lips moved against her skin where I was teasing over her collarbone.
“You’re in such good shape.”
“I still play hockey, just for fun now.”
Belle lifted her head. “Plus, you do all that hard labor working on your barn.”
My lips tugged into a grin. “Sure. That also helps.”
Impatient for more, I nipped at her neck and found my way back to her mouth. I palmed her cheek, angling her head to the side as I took her mouth with a deep, devouring kiss. I didn’t want to stop, but I forced myself to draw back.
“You don’t get to stop that soon,” she murmured.
She shifted and climbed onto my lap, straddling me. She took the lead, cupping my cheeks, diving into my mouth again, and letting out a little moan when I reflexively rocked my arousal against her.
Within minutes, I had one hand under her shirt, copping a liberal feel of her breasts, while she leaned back and let out a gasp when my fingers pinched her nipple through the silk of her bra.
“Belle.” My voice was gruff.
She rocked her hips restlessly.
“What?” she finally gasped.
“We should go.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re outside. I’m all about a little risky fun, but people do frequent this path.”
Dragging her eyes open, she gulped in a breath. “You’re right, let’s go to my place. It’s closer.”
That worked for me. I lifted her off my lap, and a little tremor ran through her.
“I’ll drive us even though it’s not far. That way, my truck is there in the morning,” I commented as I curled my hand around hers and led us through the trees.
Only a few minutes later, our fingers were still laced together as we stumbled up the stairs to her apartment.
As soon as we made it into her apartment, I kicked the door shut behind us, spinning her against it and diving into another breath stealing kiss.
Her tongue dueled with mine, and one of her naughty hands slid between us, stroking boldly over my cock. I let out a ragged groan into her mouth, lifting my head to gulp in some air.
She nipped lightly at my neck, pushing my jacket off my shoulders. That’s how it was with her, so often a mad tangle and a rush to get closer.
“Bed,” I murmured as I stepped back from the door, lifting her against me.
She was excellent at following instructions and curled her legs around my waist. She pointed across the living room. There was a lamp on in the corner, casting just enough light for me to see this was one of those common modified spaces in old houses. There was a small efficiency kitchen to one side with a table serving as a divider between that and the living room. I could see the lights of the other houses across the green glittering through the window. When I reached one of the doors, she tapped it with her foot.
“Good guess. The other one’s the bathroom. Though we could go for a shower if you wanted,” she teased, her voice husky.
“Later.”
I took her mouth in another heated kiss as I eased her down from my hold. Our clothes came off rapidly, tossed here and there. My body was humming with need, tightening when I
glanced down to see her shimmying backward on the bed. She was bare naked, and that was exactly what I needed. I caught her by one ankle.
She stilled, her lashes swinging up as she looked up at me. “What?” Her chin lifted, and there was that saucy, almost daring look in her eyes that spurred the need already driving me.
“This.” I dipped my head as I knelt down, dropping a hot kiss on the inside of her ankle, savoring the way she trembled all over. “This.” Another kiss on the inside of her knee.
“Ty,” she gasped, a little whimper escaping. “Hurry.”
“Not this time, sweetheart.” That was said in between kisses as I made my way up her legs.
Who was I kidding? Even I couldn’t drag things out but so long. The moment I got close to the apex of her thighs, my eyes landed on the core of her. She was slick with arousal. Pressing her knees apart, I gripped her hips with one hand when she bucked into my mouth.
I made love to her with my lips and tongue, bringing her to a climax that had her shuddering on the bed and gasping my name. Only then did I give in to her urging and rise up. I’d had enough forethought to toss a condom on the bed when I was getting out of my jeans.
Our heads butted when she tried to be helpful as I rolled it on. She was giggling when my weight came down over her. “Hang on,” I murmured. Holding her close, I spun us over together, shifting back until I was propped up against her pillows.
Belle bit her lip as I lifted my eyes to meet hers. She blinked, and for just a second, I saw vulnerability flickering in the depths of her gaze. She hid it well, but I knew she was feeling adrift these days.
Something about her tonight kicked open another door into my heart. I lifted a hand, brushing her tousled hair away from her eyes. “There. Now, you can ride me.”
She liked that, a sensual smile curling her lips. She rocked her hips, her slippery cleft sliding over the underside of my cock. Impossible though it seemed, I swelled even further.
When she rose up slightly, I reached between us and felt the slick kiss of her arousal on the tip of my cock. She held still for a beat before sliding down and sheathing me in her snug, clenching core. My head thumped against the headboard behind me when she settled down firmly and wiggled her hips slightly, as if making sure she had it just right.
The thing was, being like this with Belle was always just right. It didn’t matter if we fumbled. It all felt good.
She let out a low hum, and I dragged my eyes open. She blinked again, and I felt her channel clench when I nudged my hips slightly. We stared at each other for several echoing beats of my heart. Her breath came in soft pants and intimacy curled like smoke around us.
Then, she began to move. I gripped her hips loosely as we rocked together. She was chasing after her release almost instantly, and I was spun so tight for release, so was I.
With each stroke into the very heart of her, I felt the brush of her nipples against my chest. I pressed my thumbs over her clit, catching her cry with a kiss when she rippled around me. It felt like a crack of thunder followed by a sizzle of lightning when my release whipped through me.
Awareness came in fragments. The soft gust of her breath on my shoulder where she had tucked her chin. Her fingertips idly tracing across my collarbone. The echo of my heartbeat gradually slowing.
I wanted to shy away from my thoughts, like a nervous horse. With Belle a warm bundle in my lap, it was impossible for my treacherous heart not to thrash in my chest.
I hadn’t meant to let anyone mean too much to me. I’d thought I was immune. She had gone and thoroughly proven me wrong. I knew why I’d gotten so out of sorts by what my father discovered. I didn’t like to think she might keep secrets. I didn’t like to think why that would matter so much to me.
I had to talk to her soon. I couldn’t keep avoiding it.
When I woke the following morning, Belle was warm and soft beside me. As the haze of sleep cleared, it felt as if a cold wind gusted through me. I didn’t want to confront her with what I knew, but I couldn’t hold it inside anymore. She didn’t trust me enough to be honest, and I couldn’t keep hiding what I knew if that mattered to me. It fucking hurt that she’d been holding back.
It hurt way more than I wanted to face. When I felt the press of her lips on my shoulder, I closed my eyes again. The fucked up thing was I loved being with her, and that was why this mattered.
I forced myself to sit up, shifting back to rest my shoulders against the headboard. Belle propped herself on an elbow, her eyes swinging up to mine. That cold sensation deepened and dread coiled inside of me, but I forced myself to speak.
“Tell me something, I was wondering if maybe you had legal problems.”
25
Belle
“What?”
“I was wondering if maybe you had legal problems,” Ty repeated.
We were still in bed. In my bed. Only moments ago, I’d pressed a kiss on his shoulder, thinking it was awfully nice to wake up with him. Now this. Ugh. He was sitting up and leaning against the headboard. His lips were pinched at the corners, and his eyes held a guarded look.
My heart kicked into an unsteady beat, and I felt a little sick. That feeling was followed immediately by a wave of shame and embarrassment. All of those things I was so tired of feeling. I wanted a fresh start, and I had one, but Ty was a complication. And, dammit, I was pretty sure I was falling in love with him.
I took a deep breath, reminding myself I had screwed up, but I had done what I could to put things to rights.
I looked over at him and forced the words out. “Yes. Everything I told you before was true, it’s just I left out some of the messier and more embarrassing details. When I was manic, I was feeling… I don’t know how to describe it, like nothing could be a bad decision, nothing at all, and I…I…” I paused and took a shaky breath.
I was stumbling over my words and that only revved up my anxiety. I scrambled for purchase inside, trying to get my balance mentally and grasping for some courage.
I straightened, leaning over and reaching for a tank top tossed on a chair near my bed. Maybe it was pointless, but I needed to not be completely naked for this conversation. Tugging it on, I sat cross legged and turned toward him.
Ty’s eyes were intent on me as we faced each other.
“Being manic is a weird feeling. It feels amazing and stressful at the same time.”
He arched a brow, and I forged ahead. “Look, I don’t have all the words to make it make sense to someone who hasn’t experienced it. But when I was manic, I didn’t think clearly about anything. I don’t even know why, but I stole one of my professor’s cars.”
It took an effort to swallow through the tightness in my throat. I forced myself not to be a coward and look away from Ty. “I was already horrified and embarrassed about it, and then I found out about your sister’s accident, and I didn’t know how to tell you.”
I couldn’t read his gaze. He gave a barely perceptible nod, and I forged ahead. “I didn’t even think I thought of it as stealing, even though it obviously was. The keys were in the little cupholder thing,” I offered pointlessly. “I don’t know what I was thinking because I had my own car there. I got arrested. Instead of putting me in jail, they ended up taking me to the hospital because I’m pretty sure I said some confusing stuff. I went to stay with my parents after that, and that’s when I reconnected with May.” He nodded along, as if what I was saying made sense. “May helped me work everything out after connecting me with a friend of hers who works for a pro bono program. The professor was kind enough to drop the charges. I did some community service and found a good therapist and psychiatrist, and there you have it. That’s the only crime I’ve ever committed.”
Ty stayed silent, and panic spun in a tight circle in my chest. “If you think this makes me too messed up to be my friend, or whatever it is that we are, I totally get it.”
I didn’t like how nervous I felt, but I managed to keep breathing. He regarded me quietly. All the while, I c
ould hear the echoing thump of my heart, drumming out an anxious, staccato beat. His silence stretched just long enough that I felt compelled to say more. “Look, I get it if it’s weird. I should’ve told you that sooner. It’s just… Well, it’s embarrassing. It’s really hard to explain just how monumentally bad my judgment was at the time.”
Leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, he finally spoke, “Makes sense.”
His voice was gruff, and I didn’t know what he was thinking. I didn’t know what to make of what he said. “It makes sense?”
“Well, yeah. I can’t say I’ve been manic, but after you told me about it, I did look it up. Not you, but the diagnosis. I don’t remember everything I read, and I didn’t want to dwell. But it seems like people experiencing that can do things that are out of character, therefore your explanation makes sense.”
“Oh,” I said softly. My hands were curled into the sheets, and I only noticed it because they were clenched so tight.
“So, is this a deal breaker?” I finally asked the question that scared me the most.
“I think I understand why you didn’t mention it sooner. Does anyone else know?”
I didn’t miss that he didn’t answer my question.
I finally lifted my head, even though I was nervous to meet his eyes. Peering up at him, I said, “Just the police who arrested me, the hospital, the social worker who works at the police station, the professor whose car I stole, a few witnesses who saw me take off with it, my parents and any of their friends who heard about it, and May Shipley and the pro bono attorney who helped me clean up the mess I made.” After I listed all those people, I realized how ridiculous it was that I ever thought I could keep this detail a secret.
Ty’s eyes searched mine.
Because I was never all that good at shutting up, I added, “So, maybe you could see why I might want a fresh start. I didn’t come here to run away. All I wanted was a peaceful fresh start. Then, I ran into you.” I twisted my lips at that and rolled my eyes.