Hate Me or Love Me

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Hate Me or Love Me Page 50

by Ella Miles


  I now know too many random facts and stories about Knight. I know Knight let Cole sleep on his couch when Cole was broke. I know Knight gave Cole the initial investment to start his club. I’ve heard the story about how Knight got his first tattoo of a rubber ducky on a dare when he was fifteen. He has since covered it with a dragon tattoo.

  I’ve heard too many stories of when Cole and Knight would fight over girls and how Knight would always win. And I know Knight once saved Cole’s life when they were sixteen. Cole was drunk at a party and fell into the pool. He was knocked unconscious, and nobody around the pool attempted to help. Knight jumped in and saved him, then kicked everyone’s asses for not helping.

  “We should order pizza tonight. I’m starving,” I say to Cole.

  “I can cook.”

  I frown. “No, you can’t.”

  “Fine, then you cook.”

  I laugh. “I can’t cook. I’ve never had a kitchen of my own before. I have no idea how to cook.”

  “I can cook,” Knight says, sending chills down my spine. I turn and face him for the first time in a week.

  “That would be great.” Cole walks over and hugs his friend.

  I don’t respond. I just walk into my bedroom. Well, Cole’s bedroom I now sleep in. Cole has made himself a cot on the floor so he can be there for me when I have nightmares.

  I slam the door behind me as I enter.

  The door opens a second later. “Knight, I don’t have time to deal with you—”

  “It’s just me,” Cole says.

  I turn. “What is Knight doing here? I thought you were on my side? I thought you said Knight was in the wrong?”

  “He was.”

  “Then what is he doing here?”

  “He’s moving in until he finds a new job.”

  “What?”

  “He divorced Abri and gave her everything.”

  I gasp. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this isn’t it.

  Shit. I need to move out. I can’t live here with him being here.

  “You’re not leaving, Mila. You promised me you wouldn’t leave until you found someplace safe to go.”

  “I’ll sneak into Lana’s dorm. I can stay with her.”

  “No, you can’t.”

  I pout. “I’ll think of something.”

  “Until then, you are staying here.”

  “Fine,” I growl.

  Cole’s smile is faint on his lips. “I have one more story I need to tell you. I know you are tired of my stories about Knight, but I promise after this one, you can get his stories directly from him.”

  I roll my eyes and sit on the edge of the bed. Waiting for another Knight-is-amazing story.

  “Knight is an asshole.”

  My ears perk up at his words. Maybe this is a we-hate-Knight story.

  “He was an asshole to my girlfriends. He never thought any of them were good enough. He teased me constantly when we were kids. He’s punched me in the face at least six times. He’s gotten drunk too many times where I had to come save his ass. He wasn’t a perfect boyfriend or husband to Abri. Even though he loved her, he kept up his guard too much. But no matter what we’ve been through, Knight has always been there for me.”

  I nod. “Are you done?”

  “No, that wasn’t the story. I want to tell you about the car accident.”

  “The one that caused you both to end up in the hospital?”

  He nods. “I didn’t know the truth about what happened until recently. It was a sunny day. But somehow, our car ended up crashing into the median on the highway at almost eighty miles an hour. It was the scariest moment of my life. Although, I’m not sure if it even makes the top five most terrifying moments for Knight.

  “Somehow, we both stayed in the car when we crashed. I guess the airbags did their job. But the car caught on fire. Smoke filled the car, and I was too beat up to be able to get out.”

  Cole takes a second to compose himself before continuing.

  “Knight wouldn’t give up on getting us out. He broke the window, but by then, I was passed out and dead weight. Knight should have climbed out and saved himself. He could have died, the smoke was that bad, but instead of saving himself he made sure he got me free.”

  I feel a tear at his words, but I won’t let his story affect me.

  “Afterwards, I was thankful he saved my life, but also suspicious of what caused the accident. I couldn’t come up with anything that would have caused it. I thought maybe he had been drinking, but I hadn’t noticed.”

  I blink, not understanding.

  “Abri caused the accident. She messed with the breaks.”

  I gasp.

  Cole walks up to me and strokes my hair. “Don’t hate Knight for trying to keep you out of his messed up life. Don’t hate him for keeping secrets. It’s the only way he knows how to protect the people he loves.”

  I nod, drinking in his words.

  “Knight gave Abri everything to protect you. She got his money, his apartment, his company, his life. He was ready to fight for what she did to him. To us. But he wasn’t willing to risk you.”

  Cole leaves, and I cry until there is nothing left but sobs. What do I do now?

  My stomach rumbles, reminding me of how hungry I am. I splash water on my face in the ensuite’s sink, so I no longer look like I’m crying, and then I walk to the kitchen.

  “You’re just in time. Knight fixed enchiladas,” Cole says.

  I smile at Knight who gives me a knowing look. “It was the closest thing I could come up with to tacos without pissing you off by actually making your favorite food. But don’t complain if it’s bad. Cole has no food in this place.”

  “Hey,” Cole says throwing a chip at Knight.

  We fix our plates, and I take a bite. Damn, it’s delicious. Cole and I both moan as we eat.

  “What have you been feeding her, Cole? You both look like you’ve lost weight since I last saw you,” Knight says.

  Cole frowns. “Um…mainly macaroni and cheese. It’s the only thing either of us can make without burning the house down.”

  “You were the one who burned the pizza, not me.”

  “And you caught our last package of macaroni on fire because you forgot to add water, genius,” Cole teases.

  I smile. I would love living with them if it was just like this all the time. No drama, just us teasing each other.

  We all eat, listening to Cole trying to make jokes to ease the tension. Except I don’t feel a lot of tension with Knight around. He seems happier than I’ve ever seen him. No, maybe happy isn’t the right word. He seems content. Ease and calm I wouldn’t have expected to see from someone who just lost everything.

  Cole’s phone buzzes. “I need to take this. Don’t kill each other.” Cole gets up and heads out through the front door.

  “Don’t expect Cole to come back until later tonight. He’s still betting on us getting back together,” Knight says.

  I nod. I guessed the same.

  We begin gathering the dishes, and Knight washes them while I dry. We are about halfway through before Knight starts talking.

  “Abri was the perfect girlfriend. She was smart, funny, beautiful. She understood me. That although I dressed like a bad boy and got into constant trouble, there was more to me underneath. She believed in me when I couldn’t.”

  “We don’t have to do this.” I don’t think I can hear him talk about Abri.

  Knight doesn’t stop though. “We ran away together after high school. Like I told you, we eloped and started a company together. I was the CEO, and her title was officially assistant, but she was my partner in every way. Three plus years later, the company was worth millions. We had it all. We were young, happy, and successful. But then I got Abri pregnant.”

  Knight’s voice catches, and he stops washing the dishes and turns to me. His eyes are already burning with tears.

  “It wasn’t planned. The condom broke. I thought she was on birth control, so I didn’t mentio
n it to her. I didn’t want her to worry. But she was pregnant, and it was the best news I ever heard. Even Abri who was skeptical at first, she thought we were too young, was ecstatic.”

  Knight swallows hard as he convinces his lips to keep moving and tell the rest of his story.

  “The first couple of months went by quickly. We found out the baby was a boy, and we started buying everything. Decorating a room in the apartment. We went all out. But then the fights started. The worry set in. I felt Abri was working too much, and she didn’t want to give up her dreams for our baby. I told her I would take time off when the baby was born. We’d hire help. It would be fine.”

  His tears fall hard and fast, but I can’t comfort him. I can’t make them stop, not until he finishes the story.

  “Then, one night, the fighting got worse. I don’t even remember the words we were fighting about. Abri fell. I didn’t touch her. I tried to catch her, but I couldn’t. I raced her to the hospital. She gave birth a few hours later to Gideon. They said stress and anxiety caused her to go into labor early. It was far too early. The doctors couldn’t save him. He died in my arms as he attempted to take his first breaths.”

  Tears are flooding our eyes now. “It’s not your fault.”

  “It is. I got her pregnant even though she wasn’t ready. And I fought with her when all she wanted was help. Abri was perfect before I ruined her. She wasn’t the same after she lost the baby. Neither of us was.”

  I want to comfort him. I want to make the pain go away, but it’s impossible. No words will help. No touch will soothe. This is his pain to bare.

  “I should have stopped it before it came to this. You gave me a chance to stop it, and I didn’t listen.”

  “Huh?”

  Knight wipes his tears and then brushes mine away with his thumb. “Can I hold your hand?” His breathing is erratic, his chest rising and falling too quickly.

  He’s asking permission to hold my hand. I want to hold his hand. It’s the first step toward forgiveness if I hold his hand. Am I ready for that?

  I stare down at his hand, and before I realize what I’m doing, I reach out and take it.

  He exhales at my touch like he wasn’t whole until I touched him.

  He gently pulls on my hand, leading me out to the patio where a small loveseat sits. He motions for me to sit and I do, pulling him next to me. I’ve never wanted to be closer to someone as I do right now.

  He tries to pull his hand away, but I hold it firmly. His eyes widen, and his pupils dilate. But his breathing calms at the gesture.

  I open my mouth, but no words come out. I need him to finish talking. I need him to tell me how I tie into all of this.

  “Abri and I were close to graduating high school. It was a Thursday night, and I picked Abri up from her house. We were going to go to a movie, but we never made it past my car. We parked in the parking lot of the movie theater and made out in the back of my old Crown Vic.

  “It was an ordinary night. We were making out, and whenever we came up for air, we talked about skipping college and running away. Traveling the world and starting our own life together.”

  His eyes meet mine again as he traces the lines on my palm with this thumb.

  “Then Abri got a phone call. Her mother would sometimes call and demand she come home early, but it wasn’t her mother. It was Ren.”

  I suck in a breath, both from his words and the way his fingers feel on my palm.

  “Ren said it was an emergency. She needed Abri to come to the hospital.

  “I’d never met any of Abri’s friends before. She was afraid if I did, I would like them better than her. She was the jealous type back then.”

  “Still is,” I mumble.

  Knight pauses before continuing. “We got to the hospital, and it was chaos. Nurses and doctors were running around frantically. Ren and Henry were there with tears and fear in their eyes. Their bodies frozen with shock.

  “Abri tried to comfort Ren. And soon I was lost to the shadows. No one even remembered I was in the waiting room. No one talked to me or looked at me. Everyone was too occupied with trying to save the three lives that stood on the edge between life and death.”

  “My parents,” I whisper.

  He touches my chin. “And you.”

  I nod, needing more.

  “I needed an escape. I had never faced death before. And it felt wrong to take part in someone else’s worst moment when they had no clue who I was. So I made some excuse about getting them coffee, and then I slunk away. I walked down the hallway aimlessly just trying to find a place to cry like a baby in the corner.

  “I found what I thought was an empty room. No nurses were hovering around it, and when I knocked no one answered. So I opened the door and pushed inside, but the room wasn’t empty.”

  “I was there…”

  “Please, Nicole, I’m not ready to face Henry or Ren yet. Please, just tell them I’m still unconscious, and I can’t have any visitors yet. At least until I find out how my parents are doing,” I say.

  Nicole looks at me with sad eyes. “Rest Mila, don’t worry about your siblings. Just try to rest. We will give you an update as soon as there is one.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper as she leaves.

  My body is riddled with pain. My head is on the brink of explosion. My chest feels too tight. But my core and legs hurt the most.

  I feel tears, boiling up inside me, but I won’t let them out. I won’t cry for myself. I won’t cry until I know the outcome of my parents’ surgeries.

  The door opens before I even have a chance to close my eyes. And a man walks in. He’s tall, muscular, and sad. A few tattoos are scattered along his arms and the way his chiseled jaw moves and his five o’clock shadow seems to grow as the seconds pass seem to indicate that he is a few years older than me.

  I grab the covers harshly and pull them up to my chest.

  “Did Nasser send you?” I ask nervously.

  The man’s eyes flicker to me slowly as if he didn’t realize I was here. “Who is Nasser?”

  I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “I’m sorry I should go.”

  “No, stay. I could use the company.”

  “Don’t you have family waiting for you?”

  I nod. “I do. I’m sure my family is in the waiting room frantic to talk to me.”

  He stares at me longer, then says, “You’re Mila Burns.”

  I nod.

  “I’m Ace Knight. I should talk to your brother and sister and let them know you are awake. They are worried sick.”

  “No, please don’t. I can’t face them yet.”

  He frowns. “Why?”

  “Because this was all my fault.”

  His frown deepens until he’s red with fury. “I don’t know what happened, but I can assure you, it’s not your fault.”

  “That’s kind of you to say, but you don’t know the whole story.”

  He sits down in a chair next to my bed. “Tell me what happened then.”

  “How about you tell me about your night instead? I need something to distract me.” I wince as I move and my cracked ribs sting.

  He takes my hand almost instinctively, comforting me as I deal with the pain.

  “My story isn’t very interesting.”

  “Just tell me. I could be dying for all you know. You could fulfill my final request.”

  He laughs and strokes my face lovingly. “It would take a lot to kill a spirit like you. You’ve been hurt, but you aren’t going to die. I won’t let you.”

  “My knight in shining armor will save me?”

  He laughs again. “Yes, I’ll save you.”

  “Good, now tell me a story, Knight.”

  He smiles again. At least I can make his sadness go away, even if there is nothing that can erase my own. Even if my parents survive, I will live with the guilt forever. The pain is too much to survive.

  “Ok, my pretty girl. This tale is a happy tale. It starts with a prince
ss, who didn’t realize she was a princess, and a knight.”

  I smile, liking him too much. To some he might seem like a bad boy, but not to me. I’ve met a real bad boy. The kind who hurts you to your core. Knight is just playing one with his tattoos and mischievous grin.

  Knight is the kind of man I could fall for if I got rid of my purple and blue hair, risqué clothes, and heavy metal music. And most importantly, if I started behaving and playing by the rules. I think I’ve finally realized why I will always follow a plan. I’ll never risk my life, or anyone else’s again.

  “This princess was locked away in a castle, surrounded with white walls,” he glances around at the walls around us.

  “Every day she laid in bed alone, waiting for a prince to come and save her. And every day she was disappointed that none came.”

  I bite my lip. “Go on.”

  “But then after waiting for years, a knight came. This was no ordinary knight. He was tall, dark, and handsome of course, but he was better than the other knights, for he had the strength to defeat the evil dragon guarding the castle gate.

  “He knew not of the prize that awaited him when he defeated the dragon, but he hoped the greatest treasure would befall him if he bested the beast. So after an arduous, vicious fight, the knight risked his life for a chance to see the beauty beyond the white castle door.

  “And when he entered, he found a princess so beautiful, so smart, so sexy that he fell at her feet, unworthy of such perfection.

  “In his fall, he injured his heart, and it shattered into tiny pieces. So torn was he that he knew he could never stand again.

  “But the princess was strong. Even stronger than he, she found all of the tiny pieces of his heart and quickly put it back together. She saved him, as he had saved her. And then they lived happily ever after.”

  His grin is contagious.

  “Lame,” I half moan, half tease.

  He laughs. “Sorry, I’m not the best storyteller when put on the spot.”

  “And you’re taken.”

  He nods.

  I sigh. If only he were truly my knight.

  “Who’s the lucky girl?”

 

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