“That’s not why I want to talk to him. I’m not looking for someone either. It might help him in some way. That’s all.”
Paul leaned against a cabinet. “Is that why you’re still single? Don’t you ever get lonely?”
“I go on dates that Mom sets up.”
“We both know those don’t count. You only do it to get her off your ass so she won’t badger you.”
“True. I get to tell her that I tried but there were no sparks. She can’t fault me for that.”
“But don’t you get lonely?” He pressed the issue.
She decided to be honest. “All the time, but then I think about Tommy and what we had. We grew up together. Who is going to love me the way he did? I hear all the dating horror stories from my single friends. No thanks. Men play games, cheat. Those I’ve met just wouldn’t mesh with me.”
“There are good guys out there. I’m proof of that.” He grinned. “I didn’t need to date Becky since the seventh grade to make a good husband. We met much later and I’m almost ten years her senior. I worship the ground she walks on.”
“I know. One day I’ll be ready, but not yet.”
“Have you told our mother that?”
“She thinks I’m wasting my life by being single, and you know she wants grandchildren. She’s given up on you and Becky presenting her with one.”
He laughed. “Sounds like Mom. She was so disappointed when I joined the military instead of working for Dad. She used to throw everyone’s daughter at me right after I graduated high school. It was part of the reason I wanted out. She always wanted a third kid and I think she figured a grandchild would be just as good.”
Dana shrugged. “She’s pushy. No one can deny that. It’s gotten worse since Dad died, and she lives alone. She asked me to move in with her or to allow her to move in with me.” She winced. “I’d strangle her. Part of it is my fault. I was really messed up after Tommy died so I didn’t fight her as much as I should have when she took over parts of my life. I just didn’t have the strength or the will. She’s way worse than she was when we were kids.”
“I know. I couldn’t wait to get out on my own. She loves us. There’s no denying that, but she micromanages us. It drove me nuts.”
“At least you got away from her. I envied you that while you were traveling around the world. She threw a fit every time I even went on vacation. You should have heard her rant when I said I was planning to visit you. It’s just a weekend but she started in with the guilt trips of what could happen to her if I left her alone for a few days.” She snorted. “As if she’s some delicate flower.”
“It wasn’t so great being enlisted. It’s why I got out and work here now. Not to mention, once I met Becky, I didn’t want her worrying about me being deployed, or to have to leave her for months at a time. I sure as hell didn’t want to live close to Mom. She’d drive us crazy.”
She studied him. “Ever regret not becoming a doctor?”
“No. I like being a nurse. Way less stress.”
She nodded. “I understand that.”
“Is anyone here?” The male voice came from somewhere down the hallway.
Paul pushed away from the cabinet. “Stay put and yell out if Mourn wakes.”
“Will do,” she agreed.
Paul rushed out of the room and she turned her attention to the still patient on the bed. Time passed as she watched his chest rise and fall. Her gaze traveled over him, taking note that his arms had changed position and the restraints were pulled tight. She sat up a little straighter.
“I’m Dana, Paul’s sister. We’re alone so you can stop pretending you’re still out for the count.”
His eyes snapped open and he turned his head on the pillow. She was amazed by their color—blue surrounded the black pupils, but the outer irises were a reddish-yellow, reminding her of autumn leaves on a bright, clear day. They were striking and surreal, but she was certain they weren’t contact lenses.
She stood, but kept a few feet back. “Hi.”
“Release me.” He had a deep, gruff voice.
“You know I can’t do that. Your doctor put you in restraints for a reason. I hear you started a fight with someone.”
He looked away and pulled roughly against the straps. They held, but she heard little ripping sounds from the Velcro. The arm with the torn shirtsleeve revealed bunched, thick muscles. He was really fit, reminding her of some of the bodybuilders who frequented her local gym. She decided to distract him since he looked strong enough to break free if he kept at it.
“You’re Mourn, right? That’s your name?”
He growled. It was a disturbing sound. He tried to move his legs next, shifting them on the bed. One of the bedrails groaned.
She stepped forward and grabbed hold of the metal to pull in the opposite direction in case it snapped. “Stop it.”
He glared at her and his full lips parted to reveal some sharp fangs. “I don’t take orders from you, human.”
If looks could kill… She pushed that thought back though. “No. You just pick fights with other New Species. My name is Dana. You can use it. I’m Paul’s sister, if you didn’t hear me the first time.”
“Let me go and I won’t hurt you.”
She wasn’t afraid. “You look terrifying, strapped down on a bed, covered in bruises and fresh bandages.” She forced a smile. “You’d be disappointed if you think I could inflict more damage. You’d hit me, I’d fall down and stay there. What would be the point?”
Surprise widened his eyes and he grew still.
“Does it help when you get beaten on by some badass? That’s the impression I got.”
He said nothing, just watched her.
“It’s a valid question, but I’ve never tried that. I’m not into pain. I have enough of it on the inside, so I don’t need to nurse physical injuries.”
“Are you a head shrink?” He curled his lip in disgust.
“No. We have something in common though. We both have experienced the loss of someone we deeply loved.”
He turned his head away, staring at the door. “I don’t want to talk to you. Get out.”
She moved into his line of sight to peer into those amazing eyes of his. “How long has it been since you lost your mate?” She remembered the term New Species used.
He didn’t answer.
“I lost mine two years ago. Do you know what I hate the most? It’s when I sleep. I dream that he’s still with me, but then I always wake up and have to face the reality of his empty side of the bed.”
His lips compressed into a firm grimace. She waited to see if he’d say anything, but a good minute ticked by as they regarded each other.
“I’ll be visiting with Paul and Becky for a few days if you change your mind about speaking to me. I won’t push any harder, but it does help to talk to someone who understands the loss. I didn’t believe it at first when people told me that, but I was wrong. You’ve probably tried everything else so what do you have to lose?”
She turned away and took a few steps toward the door.
“You should avoid sleeping.”
The raw pain in his voice tugged at her heartstrings. She faced him. “I tried that but eventually exhaustion sets in.”
“I know.”
She hesitated. “Do you ever allow anyone near you besides when you’re starting a fistfight?”
“No.”
She approached his bed. He was a big guy, a stranger, but the haunted, pained look in his eyes was one she knew well. They were kindred spirits. “I’m going to hold your hand.”
Surprise widened his eyes. “Why?”
“Try it.”
Dana leaned against the bedrail and reached out to him. He felt really warm, as if he had a fever. She laced her fingers with his. He didn’t jerk away or try to avoid the contact. He also didn’t clasp hold of her, but instead just seemed to endure her touch.
“Physical contact is a part of healing. It reminds us we’re alive. We are, you know. Aliv
e. Our lives didn’t end with theirs, even if we wish it at times. You need to allow yourself to feel more than just the pain, Mourn.” She squeezed his hand. “Let people help you. You only have things to gain by doing that.”
He closed his eyes. “Leave.”
Chapter Two
Dana stepped out onto the back porch and dug into her robe pocket. She pulled out the case and eased into one of the patio chairs. Her brother would have a fit if he caught her, but she’d waited until he and his wife had retired for the evening. Sleep never came easily for her.
She flipped open the case and withdrew the electronic device, inhaled slowly on the tube and blew out the vapor. The minty taste of a menthol cigarette wasn’t exactly the same as the real thing, but was close enough. She really wished for a bottle of vodka, but a quick search of the kitchen cupboards had revealed no alcohol in the house. A nice stiff drink would have been welcome after spending hours watching the loving couple interact. It only made her ache for all she’d lost.
A memory surfaced of Tommy standing in their kitchen, making spaghetti. It was the only thing he’d really known how to cook unless a grill was involved. He’d smiled at her and poured two glasses of wine, offering her one. “To us, my love.”
She took another drag on the electronic cigarette, that memory causing her pain. It had been the last anniversary they’d shared, right before the new tumor had been found. His blond hair had just grown in again after rounds of chemo, and they’d been sure he’d stay in remission. Two months later it had come back with a vengeance and he’d died within five months. She pushed away the image of him in his hospital bed, struggling to take his last breaths. It hurt too much.
The wind stirred and she glanced up at the tree branches next to the short wall that enclosed the small backyard. The moon hung high in the dark sky. She tucked her robe a little tighter over her lap, against the chilly air. Her bare feet rested on another chair. She lifted the e-cigarette to take another drag, but it never reached her lips. A large hand wrapped around hers, freezing it inches from her lips.
Dana glanced up, expecting to see her brother. It came as a shock when she stared into a pair of catlike blue eyes. Mourn still sported the bandage on his forehead, but he’d changed clothes. He wore a black, long-sleeved shirt and matching black cargo pants. Her heart rate slowed as she realized he’d come to talk to her after all.
“That’s bad for you.” His voice was as deep as she remembered.
“I know. I only picked up the habit after my husband died. He would have hated me smoking since he never did it, but I was kind of grief stricken. It’s an addictive habit. I stopped, but sometimes if I have a bad day, I’ll use one of these vapor things instead.”
He frowned.
She decided to change the subject. “Were you released, or did you break free?”
He pried the e-cigarette from her fingers and placed it on the table. “They’d have had to use chains if they expected me to spend the night at Medical.”
“Would you like to sit down?”
He glanced around. “No.”
“Is security going to come looking for you? We could go inside.” She stood. “My brother and his wife already went to bed. They won’t hear us as long as we talk quietly.”
“Not here.” His gaze searched the darkness beyond the yard. “Will you come with me?”
He was a stranger. That wasn’t why she hesitated though. He had lost the woman he loved, and he’d sought her out. He needed a friend, someone to talk to, and she wanted to be there for him. “I need to change my clothes first. I’m in my pajamas under this robe.”
He studied her then. “We aren’t going far, and no one will see us. They might look here since they knew you spent time with me.”
Dana made a quick decision. “Let me at least grab shoes. I’m barefoot.”
“There’s no need.”
She gasped when he moved suddenly, scooping her into his arms and right off her feet. It was the last thing she’d expected. He strode to the low wall and just jumped, clearing the three-foot-high brick yard enclosure. She automatically wrapped her arms around his neck when he landed, jarring her. The last thing she wanted was to be dumped onto the grass.
It was a little frightening to be carried off by someone she didn’t know, but she managed to push down the panic. Paul always said good things about New Species. He had told her dozens of times that they were way better than regular people, that there was no crime amongst New Species, and that they were honorable. Her brother’s words rang through her mind as she took slow, steady breaths. Mourn probably didn’t realize it wasn’t appropriate to carry her off into the night.
“Where are we going?” She turned her head and stared as the dim lights from Paul’s back patio grew more distant. He lived right next to a park. She hadn’t explored it so wasn’t sure how large it was.
“You’re safe with me,” Mourn whispered. “I’m just taking you far enough away for privacy without the officers finding us.”
Dana lowered her voice. “Okay. Are they searching for you?”
He uttered a low growl. She took the frustrated sound as a yes.
The wind blew harder in the open area without the house to block some of it. Her robe was silky and paper thin. It was also short, reaching just to mid-thigh. A lot of her bare legs were exposed, but she wasn’t worried that Mourn would leer at them. He’d lost the woman he loved and grieved her loss. He wasn’t some creep. He was in mourning.
He stopped and turned, carrying her toward the dark shape of a low-hanging tree. When they reached it, he bent and gently placed her on the lowest branch, just a few feet from the grass. She released his neck and adjusted her robe. He crouched in front of her so they were face level.
“Does it get better? I feel so much pain.”
The anguished tone of his voice killed the last of her fears. “Yes. When did you lose her?”
“She was ill for a long time and lingered. She died months ago.” He paused, keeping his face in the shadows so she couldn’t see his expression. “The pain doesn’t ease, and I’m angry.”
“At her,” she guessed. “She left you. It’s normal.”
“No.” He snarled. “The humans made her sick. They tested drugs on her that destroyed her internal organs. She couldn’t recover, even on the healing drugs. They just kept her alive longer. She fought hard to live, or she would have died sooner. She was brave.”
Dana guessed it had something to do with Mercile Industries. She’d read enough about the pharmaceutical company to know they’d done horrible things to New Species, and had used them as test subjects for their experimental drugs. That’s why they’d created them. “Were the ones who did that to her arrested?”
“They were caught.” He lowered his tone. “It didn’t help. I’m still enraged.”
“I don’t blame you. That’s normal too.” She wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged her middle. The chilly breeze seemed to blow right through her robe. “So is the guilt that I’m guessing you feel because she suffered. My husband clung to life, regardless of the pain he was in. He didn’t want to leave me. I think he fought so hard to keep breathing every day just because he knew I’d be devastated when he died. He had cancer and it spread to his liver, kidneys and lungs.”
Mourn kept silent.
“I feel guilty,” she offered. “It would have been so much easier if he’d just accepted the pain medication near the end and stopped submitting to every treatment they wanted to try. We both knew it wouldn’t work, but neither of us wanted to face that. It was too heartbreaking. How can you give up when you know you’re about to lose the person you love most in the world? That’s what we were both thinking.”
“She asked me to end her suffering many times, but I couldn’t do it,” he rasped. “I kept hoping she’d get better. We were engineered to be stronger than humans, and we heal fast. She wasn’t weak, but they’d hurt her too much for her to recover.”
“I’m so sorry, Mo
urn. Sometimes a body can only take so much. We are all mortal. You didn’t want to give up hope. That’s a part of loving someone. You just have to remember how much she loved you, and that even the strongest will to survive can’t always defy death. It sucks ass, I won’t lie, but the pain will fade over time. It will always be there, but it won’t be the stabbing sensation it is now, like someone is shoving a knife through your heart and twisting it. That’s how I felt right after Tommy died.”
“You’re cold.” He grasped the bottom of his shirt, pulled it over his head and handed it to her. He wore nothing under it. The moonlight revealed his upper body. He had a wide chest and massive biceps. The white bandage on his arm was stark against his tan. “Wear this. It will fit over what you have on.”
She hesitated. “You’ll be cold.”
“I’m fine. Wear it.”
She only hesitated for a second because she wasn’t as hardy. The material was thicker than her robe and warm still from his body when she pulled it over her head and tugged it down. He was right, it was large enough to go over her pajamas and the robe. “Thank you. Tell me if you get cold, and I’ll give it back.”
“I feel that knife,” he admitted.
“It does get better. You have to release some of the anger and guilt. I kept hold of it as though it were a shield against the world. I needed it. People never looked at me the same way after Tommy died. I hated the pity and the whispers. I went from being Dana to becoming that poor soul who lost her husband.”
He accepted that with a nod. “The others pity me.”
“It makes it worse. I know. I don’t pity you. You survived her death. That makes you strong. Some people just call it quits. They hole up inside their homes and never leave. They stop living altogether. I don’t agree with how you interact with other people though, if you’re initiating fistfights with big guys who are mean enough that you to think they could hurt you. It might be a good idea to rethink that plan, and start talking instead.”
He shrugged. “The fighting helps me with the anger.”
“You came to see me. That’s a step in the right direction. As I said earlier, I’d be the last person to pick a fight with, because I won’t hit back.”
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