For Love or Duty

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For Love or Duty Page 5

by Beth Rhodes


  She brushed at the tender gesture with a scowl. “Bathroom’s down the hall, on the right.”

  When he left her, she took a second to catch her breath and railed against this nice streak in him that still took her by surprise.

  He was winning her over when he didn’t even want her.

  She put a tray together with two coffee mugs and a plate of leftover apple crisp. In the living room, she straightened the cushions on the couch and sat in one of the corners. No point in letting him get comfortable again.

  His footsteps sounded strange on the hardwood floor, coming from the bathroom. She didn’t often have guests, certainly not male ones. Valerie smiled when he came through the doorway.

  “Coffee?”

  “Thanks.”

  Stick to small talk. “Has your buddy been engaged long?”

  Kevin sent a speculative gaze her way.

  Nothing but two people having a perfectly harmless conversation—

  In the middle of the night.

  Shortly after a huge argument that had yet to be resolved.

  A giggle slipped out.

  “My friend’s been dating this woman for about a year. They seem really happy together.”

  “Is he also in the military?”

  Kevin leaned back with his mug and took a long sip. “Yeah. It’s a rough road, but I reckon if they haven’t split up after a year, they’ve got a good chance.”

  “Did you say reckon?”

  “Uh.” Telltale signs of embarrassment rose on his neck. “Maybe.”

  She laughed. She loved how he could make her laugh, even unintentionally. Most guys tried too hard. Despite the time and the circumstances, she relaxed and in that moment, gave herself the freedom to enjoy his company, no matter how strange it seemed.

  ~*~*~

  Kevin loved when she laughed, because it broke through all the shadows that lingered in her eyes. He wanted to make her do so all the time.

  He hadn’t been sure he could do it after Saturday night’s snafu. He’d needed to try, though, and when the night had wound down for his friend, he’d found himself on Valerie’s doorstep. Somewhat inebriated.

  He winced inwardly. Not a shining moment.

  After the walk and the coffee she’d made, he could definitely see the error of his decision to drop in on her. Setting down his empty mug, he contemplated the apple dessert for about two seconds—man, it looked good—before focusing back on the matter at hand. He’d come here for a reason.

  To apologize.

  “You can have a piece, you know.”

  He studied it again but shook his head and turned to her. She was sitting in the corner with her hands folded in her lap. Her fingers strummed against her knuckles and her toe tapped against the old carpet.

  The matter at hand: apologies and proposals.

  Kevin took her hand, tightened his hold against her reluctance. “I was not very nice the night of the ball.”

  “Hmm.”

  His collar grew tight. He loosened it with his right hand, still holding her with his left. “You threw me for a loop, and I reacted badly. After a couple of days to mull it over, I believe I spoke too soon.”

  Kevin couldn’t stand the look of pity in her eyes. Squeezing her hand first, he let go, rose from his seat, and paced the small confines of her living room.

  “It occurred to me we should keep getting to know one another. How can we know—” he cleared his throat— “a beautiful friendship won’t blossom?”

  When she opened her mouth, he rushed ahead of her. “I know, that sounds like the alcohol talking. Maybe it is, a little. But mostly, I think we can be friends. Why should we lose what we have because of who your father is? Right?”

  Panic crawled through his gut and he took a breath, suppressing it. He was not panicked.

  “We could go to the movies. Or hang out at your place, or mine…or even Cheryl’s.” He sounded like an idiot but couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to be with her, pathetically. It didn’t sit well with him.

  “You’re being awful quiet,” he finally admitted and rubbed at the back of his neck.

  Valerie stood and placed her mug on the coffee table. She came around to him and gently laid her hands on his cheeks. “I must be crazy.”

  Kevin let out a breath as relief made every muscle in his body weak. He took her shoulders under his hands. Fragile. “You won’t be sorry, though. I promise.”

  Her eyes were sad when she leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. Determined to clear those clouds, he took the kiss deeper, tasting her as if she were the last morsel of food on his deserted island. She tasted good.

  Her arms around him gave new meaning to the word desire. She was a cool, quiet morning at the start of deer season—provoking anticipation and contentment. A handmade quilt—comfortable and familiar.

  Jiminy. He was in deep trouble.

  Valerie broke the kiss and touched his lips with trembling hands. Her eyes shone with wariness. “This… Is this part of what you mean, because I—”

  Instinct screamed yes, but he denied it with a shake of his head and led her back to the couch. “Sit. I said slow, friends. That’s not going to change.”

  The rapid beating of his heart called him a liar.

  “Plus, you don’t want to sleep your way to the top.” She spoke drily, successfully putting him in his place, but he couldn’t deny it.

  That’s what was wrong with pretending—it left more than a good time on the line when things went south.

  Chapter Eight

  “I think I’ll buy two hotels.”

  Valerie slapped the coffee table in Kevin’s living room with a frustrated grumble. “You should have been a broker or something. That’s it for me. You own everything now. I stink at games.”

  “Aw. Poor baby,” Kevin murmured then leaned over the table to take her pouting lips with his own.

  She hummed approval before breaking the contact. It was getting harder and harder to keep him at arm’s length. “I’m hungry. Let’s order Chinese.”

  “Chinese? This isn’t New York, you know,” he teased, pulling his cell from his back pocket.

  “I don’t care. I’ve been ordering from Bob’s for years. It’s good.”

  The last few weeks with Kevin fulfilled a secret longing for companionship, affection and sincerity. His lost puppy-dog appeal had pushed her over the edge that night. Eager and slightly panicked, his vulnerability had rocked her, making her heart churn with compassion that had forced her to re-evaluate everything she knew about the military life, about her father and, yes, about Kevin.

  Maybe Kevin could fall in love with her.

  Even as he held her at arm’s length, they toyed with flirtation and the idea of taking their relationship deeper. She wanted him, badly, and craved the connection of being with him, of letting him take that goodnight kiss a tiny step further, hoping his hands would do more than cradle her hips.

  She let the familiar shiver run up her spine.

  “Hello?” Kevin waved the phone in front of her face. “What do you want?”

  “Beef and broccoli.” She cleared her throat with a small laugh. It had been a long time since she’d allowed the luxury of a daydream.

  A glutton for punishment. Her mom would have something to add about the entire situation, no doubt. Run! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Are you crazy? He’ll suck you dry of every sympathetic, compassionate bone in your body. You’ll be a dried-up old woman with nothing to show for it but a handful of loneliness and a couple of kids.

  Maybe this is what it meant to be in love, ignoring the shortcomings for the bigger picture. When she was with Kevin, he made her forget all the big question marks.

  Rolling out a kink in her neck, she dug her toes into the carpet and stood. His living room surprised her with its neatness and stylishly accented furniture and made her wonder if there had been another woman. Well, that was a given. Had she helped him decorate?

  His kitchen was neat
except for her schoolwork, covering most of the table. He never complained about how she was a tad disheveled at any given point in time. Why she’d brought her papers and research was beyond her. Stacking the books, she wrestled with the obvious distraction dating had become. She needed to focus.

  If other people could do it, she could. But he wasn’t in this for the long hall, and eventually, it would end.

  He would end it.

  Because she was his boss’ daughter. That status would finally come to bite her in the ass one last time. Resentment and a large dose of insecurity sat in front of her. She wasn’t willing to swallow either of them.

  She stuffed her pack with the remaining notebooks and papers. End it first. Get your life back on track. Study. Work.

  Kevin came up behind her and rested his hand on her shoulder. He leaned in and placed a kiss below her ear and picked up the backpack in the same movement. He tossed it into the corner.

  “Thanks.” She cleared her throat, embarrassed by her cold, unfeeling thoughts.

  When he stood with his hip against the edge of the countertop, she tilted her head to study his serious eyes and the tension in his tightly folded arms. Something had happened between the game and now.

  Oh, God. This is it. He was going to break it off.

  Having avoided this kind of sticky situation almost her entire life, uncertainty ruled her head and hurt flared in her heart. The spark of irritation and anger at herself ticked her off even more. “If you want to end things, all you have to do is say so. I know how important your career is. Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Kevin. We agreed. When it’s over, it’s over. No hard feelings. I know I’m hardly the perfect catch for you. I’m too independent. I’m never going to fit in with the pearls and apron set.”

  His face remained blank, which made her even madder.

  “And I’m not going to give up my job—”

  His brow rose. “Yeah, you’ve got that job as a clerk.”

  “I’m going to be a doctor, darn it. And I’m not going to bow to the whims of military life so that you can have a wife who understands what it means to be left behind.”

  “Are you done?”

  Frustrated, she let out a breath. “I guess so. Who plays Monopoly one last time before breaking it off, huh?”

  She wouldn’t cry.

  Crying would only be admitting she longed for something more, which she didn’t. Not with a soldier, not with anyone. She liked her independence.

  And if she kept saying that to herself, it would be true. Grabbing her purse from the hook next to the back door, Valerie glanced around. She had to get out of here. When her brain slowed enough to include Kevin in her chaos, she found him gazing at her with amusement in his eyes.

  She opened her mouth, the ache deep in her gut, making her feel sick. He came close, but his eyes weren’t the cold she remembered from the night of the robbery. “Such a cynic,” he murmured as his hands dug deep into her hair. “Now, are you done?”

  She couldn’t nod for the tight hold he had on her scalp. Her eyes stung from the tears she refused to show. But he began a slow massage that released the tension from her neck and relieved her fear that he might end it before she was ready. “Dang it. Yes, I’m done and embarrassed.”

  “You should be.” Kevin nibbled on her ear. Oh, crap. Definitely not like a friend. “I don’t know what happened to you to make you wary of me—”

  “It’s not you.”

  He laughed, making her smile. “You’re giving me the it’s-not-you-it’s-me speech? That’s mine.” His voice wavered and he cleared his throat. “Actually, I’ve got some leave coming up. And, uh, well. I know we haven’t really discussed anything like this before but I wondered… You don’t have to, of course, but you’ve got spring break coming up, and I thought you might like to take a trip.”

  She’d already embarrassed herself once tonight. She stepped back, took a deep breath, and blew it out. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes.”

  “Um, yeah.” Was he kidding? He wasn’t about to end things. The relief was like a tidal wave, a tsunami. Hell yeah, she’d go with him. “Where are we going? What should I bring?”

  In her head, she was bouncing, and she gripped his arm. The last trip she’d taken had been to Cali to visit her mother. Before that had been a trip overseas with her father two years ago. Neither of them for pleasure, they’d left her drained and wondering why she hadn’t stayed home.

  School had taken over her life recently, and then there was work. Work. “Oh, God. I have to call off work. Spring break is in, what?”

  Kevin grinned back. “Two weeks.”

  “Okay, then I can manage to reschedule—hopefully.” She slid her hands up his chest and kissed him full on the lips. “I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I?”

  “I like it,” he answered, wrapping his hands around her waist and pulling her tight against him. He shrugged. “I like making you happy.”

  “What?” She laughed and smacked his arm, grinning. “You had hesitation in your voice. You didn’t get caught up in one of those promotional deals where you give up a few days of your life in paradise to sit in on a few slide shows and testimonials, did you?”

  Opening the fridge, he pulled out a water bottle. “No. I’m going to Kentucky to visit my mom. I’d like you to go.”

  Valerie stopped short. “What? Your mother?” she squeaked. “Like, Meet the Parents? We haven’t even talked about a future. We’ve never even had a major fight or, or made love.”

  He coughed, squirming uncomfortably with an unexpected chuckle that he quickly covered with a swipe of his hand over those soft-looking lips. He opened his mouth but obviously had no words for her and closed it, only to open it again. “Hey, we fight.”

  “Not like a real couple.” A flutter of panic made its way through her stomach. She didn’t do well with mothers, her own being a prime example. This had to be a joke. People didn’t go from monopoly-playing friends to meeting each other’s parents. She lifted a hand, silently asking him to wait. And she paced. She had to think about this. Once family got involved, the relationship would be that much harder to break off.

  “It doesn’t have to be a big deal, Valerie.”

  Finally she sat at the kitchen table and lowered her head onto her arms. “You said you wanted a fling, a quickie, something fun.”

  “It’s only a few days, babe.”

  Her pulse jumped again at his term of endearment. It was like being hit from all sides and her brain was about to implode.

  “I don’t know.” But she did. A part of her longed for what he might be offering. The fact that he wasn’t quite putting anything on the table didn’t escape her either. “Jeez, Kevin. Your mom? What is that? I’m—”

  “You’re nervous. It’s sweet.”

  “I’m not sweet.” Her voice echoed in the cave made by her head and arms. She lifted her head, blowing out a breath and waving her hands. “I want to go.”

  Kneeling down before her, Kevin placed a hand on each knee. He squeezed. “It won’t hurt, and I swear, no pressure. It’s been a while since I went home. I need to go and see my mom.” He paused. “I wouldn’t dump you because of your name. Your dad, I respect him, a lot. I don’t want to cause you or him any grief. I don’t want to smudge anyone’s reputation. But maybe getting out of town will be good for us. We won’t be under the watchful eye of our peers. I mean, mine. My peers”

  “Sure. Right. Out of sight. And you don’t care about my name?”

  “Okay, yes, at first I was ticked about your relationship with General Standish. But—” he ran a hand through over his short dark hair— “I, uh, like being with you more than I worry about what people will think of us together.”

  Her smile came slowly until she was grinning.

  “Wow, don’t do that.”

  “What?”

  “You lit up like a Christmas tree. Your eyes. You must get them from your mother. They…” he cleared his throat. “Show
a lot.”

  With some effort and not a little acting, she reestablished decorum and smiled politely. “I would love to meet your mother, Kevin.”

  Deep inside, hope grew amidst the caution.

  Chapter Nine

  Work had piled up in the past few days, and as Kevin scanned several new emails, it occurred to him that he had evaluations to complete. He’d have to go to Kentucky later next week. No biggie to push it off a day or two. He regretted how short the trip would be, but his mom would understand. His visits had always been somewhat sporadic.

  He picked up his phone, dialed the newly memorized phone number, and smiled when Valerie picked up the line.

  “Hey, babe.” He liked the sound of that. “How’s it going?”

  “Fine. I’m getting ready to go to work.”

  “You want me to come by, pick you up when you’re done?” Even the idea of such a suggestion screamed commitment and sent a shudder of uneasiness through his bones.

  Her sigh was exaggerated and indulgent. “Ah, Kevin. Do I hear some hesitation in your voice?”

  “Not a chance. That’s, uh, anticipation you hear.”

  Valerie laughed as if she didn’t believe him. “No. I don’t need a ride home. I’m driving there. I’ll drive back. Like the big girl that I am.”

  “Well, okay. That’s not why I called, though. Do you mind if we leave on Thursday afternoon? I have some evaluations I need to get to before we go. We’d still drive back on Sunday. You’d be home for classes the next week.”

  “Are you sure you want me to go?”

  Kevin sat up straighter at his desk. The sound of second thoughts in her voice came through the line loud and clear. “Of course. Why not?”

  “The visit will be so short if we leave Thursday. She hasn’t seen you in a while. Maybe she wants some alone time in order to spoil you with your favorite meals and whatever…” She trailed off.

  He thought of her mother, who hadn’t had the time of day and probably didn’t know what her favorite meal was. “She wants you there. Loves when my friends come to visit. More than I do on some occasions.”

 

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