“I love you, Alfred,” a voice barely managed.
“You’re awake?’
“Not really,” Cassidy admitted but rolled to face the agent next to her.
Alex ran her hand through Cassidy’s hair and tucked it behind her ears. She was lost looking into the woman’s eyes. Finally, they were completely alone. “Cass… I’m sorry that I…”
“Shhh…” Cassidy kissed the lips before her. “Don’t you dare, Alex Toles.” Alex had planned on comforting Cassidy. Now, holding the woman she loved, the agent began to tremble. Losing Cassidy frightened Alex in a way she could not fathom. She had held her emotions together all day. She had tabled her anger. She had buried her fear. She even fought to sequester the relief she felt when she saw Cassidy. There were so many emotions pouring over and through her now and Cassidy brought out every possible one. The feel of Cassidy in her arms was more than the agent could handle and her tears began to escape. All she wanted was to love Cassidy; to protect her. “Alex, I’m all right now.”
“Cassidy….I’m sorry… I shouldn’t be…”
“You shouldn’t what? Have been scared?”
“What you went through…”
Cassidy closed her eyes and stilled herself. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t go through something too. You had to deal with so much. Alex…I don’t even know how you knew… How did you even get back so quickly?”
“Doesn’t matter,” the agent answered. “I would have stolen a plane if I had to.”
Cassidy laughed. “I believe that, you know.”
“You should.” Alex kissed Cassidy’s forehead.
“Alex? I don’t think I can go back there…”
Alex already knew that. Unbeknownst to the teacher that was what she had been talking about downstairs. “You don’t have to.”
“Alex… It’s home… I mean there’s….
“Stop,” the agent said. She understood that this would be part of Cassidy’s process. It was easier to deal with facts and realities than feelings after going through a trauma. But, Alex also knew that the less facts Cassidy had to confront or deal with, the less arrangements she became involved with; the sooner the teacher could begin to deal with her feelings. The sooner she did that, the better her recovery would be. “That’s tomorrow’s problem. And, I think I have some ideas.”
“Is that right?” Cassidy asked.
“It is.”
“Alex… Dylan has already missed so much school…. And my classes… I…”
The agent stroked the teacher’s cheek. Cassidy was amazing. The most amazing person Alex had ever met. This was not a diversion. Cassidy was worried about Dylan, about her students, and even about the agent. She always put everyone else first. “You are the most incredible person I have ever met, Cassidy O’Brien.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You…worried about everyone else.”
“Dylan needs stability… and those kids are…”
Alex ceased the woman’s words with a tender kiss. “For once…. Let someone take care of you.” The words cracked the wall that Cassidy had been building all day and her sobs followed. Alex held her close and rocked her gently. “Let it go….I’m right here, Cass….I promise you….I am not going anywhere.” Cassidy let herself go completely. Her body quaked with the fear and the anxiety that she had been holding in. Alex understood, completely. “You don’t worry about all of those things. Let me take care of what I can…Okay? Please?” Cassidy nodded her head into the agent’s chest. “I will take care of you and Dylan. I promise.”
Slowly Cassidy’s release of emotion began to calm and she looked back at her lover. “Alex?”
“Yes?”
Cassidy struggled to catch her breath. “I need to tell you something.”
Alex went numb. She wondered if Fisher had done something Cassidy had not shared with anyone. Cassidy saw the agent’s face contort and realized immediately what was passing through Alex’s thoughts. “No…no…nothing about him, honestly. I told you everything.”
Alex swallowed hard in relief. “What is it?” She asked softly.
Cassidy’s voice broke as she began, “I need you to know,” she hesitated.
“What, Cass? You can say anything to me…you know that.”
“I do….I just,” the smaller woman gathered her courage and continued. “I didn’t know if I was going to make it out of there.”
Alex closed her eyes, “Cass…”
Cassidy lifted a finger to Alex’s lips, “Alex, please let me say this…Please?” The agent nodded. “I thought about you. I tried to picture you and Dylan; to hear your voice.” She paused and took Alex’s hands. “If anything ever happened to me. I would want you to take care of him… of Dylan.” The teacher’s nerves again took hold. “I know that’s crazy and I have no right to….”
“Now you are rambling,” Alex kissed Cassidy’s nose.
“But, Alex, I understand…”
“Stop,” the agent said firmly. “I know Dylan is not my son.” Alex saw Cassidy’s face drop and promptly moved to lift her face back to look at the agent’s. “I love him. I love you. Both of you. You never have to worry about Dylan. I would do anything for him….anything.”
Cassidy looked into Alex’s eyes and knew that was the truth. “I can’t lose you, Alex.”
“Lose me?” She laughed and pulled Cassidy to rest on her chest. “That will never happen. I want you to try and sleep, okay? We have the rest of our lives to talk…about everything.”
“When I saw you walk in today….I’ve never felt that way…I just…”
“I know…me too. Get some sleep. I promise it will be better tomorrow.”
“Mmm…it’s better now,” Cassidy confided, feeling safe in Alex’s embrace.
Alex chuckled. “I love you, Cass. I’m sorry if I keep saying that.”
“Don’t ever apologize for loving me, Alex. I don’t know where I’d be any more if you didn’t.”
“Well, that’s okay because I’ll be wherever you go. Go to sleep.”
“Je t’adore,” Cassidy kissed the agent’s chest and held onto her tightly.
“And I adore you,” Alex smiled. Silently she thanked everyone she could think of, even God, for the gift in her arms.
“NO!” Cassidy screamed and sat up straight. Her body was shaking uncontrollably.
“Cass,” Alex gently put her arms around the woman. The agent was no stranger to nightmares. It had taken some time for her own nightmares to grab hold of her, but she had always suspected that was due in large part to all the medications she was on after the incident in Iraq. Cassidy had come home with a prescription for some anxiety medication but Alex was fairly certain that the teacher would avoid taking it if she could. The small woman collapsed against her and the agent could feel the thumping of the teacher’s heart. “Cassidy, it’s all right. Try and breathe.”
The smaller woman shook her head and put her face in her hands. All she could see was her kitchen and him. Then she would shake that off and see the news trucks as Alex led her to the car. She was having difficulty catching her breath now. “Alex, I can’t go back to that house. I can’t be there. What am I going to do? How am I supposed to face my students?” Cassidy stopped and sighed. Alex was gently rubbing her back; listening and allowing her lover to release what was in her mind and her heart. “Those kids will be worried about me. I am supposed to be taking care of them.” The woman let out a groan of anger and frustration.
Alex continued tenderly caressing the woman she loved. She spoke as quietly and as reassuringly as she could. “I know. We will figure it all out tomorrow. You need some sleep.”
Cassidy’s anger was rising. “I can’t sleep, Alex. How the hell am I supposed to sleep? I start to sleep and he is there. Then I start to wake up and all these questions play in my head. Sleep?” Alex rubbed her temples and Cassidy’s temperament and voice began to soften. “I’m sorry,” Cassidy said as she stroked the agent’s cheek
. “You didn’t deserve that.”
The agent smiled. “Cass, it’s all right. As I recall you’ve experienced my nightmares.” Cassidy nodded and closed her eyes. “Listen. I know… I do. If you want to talk about this now; we will,” Alex said.
“I just have no idea what to do, Alex.”
Alex got up and positioned herself to sit in front of the smaller woman on the bed. “All right, Look…here’s the deal… and before you say anything, I want you to hear everything.”
“Okay.” Cassidy nodded her agreement.
“I mean it Cass, everything.”
“Okay,” she assured.
Alex sighed. “I know that you love your job and I know that Dylan is in the middle of a school year…”
“Alex…”
“Cassidy…you promised me,” the agent reminded her lover and received a nod. “All right, there are a couple of options. One…you can go stay with your mother and I will find some place nearby.” The teacher’s change in expression was immediate and she was clearly not pleased with the agent’s first option. “Okay,” Alex continued. “Two, we can find someplace together so that Dylan can stay in the same school.” Alex gauged Cassidy’s warmer reception to that idea. “Or,” the agent paused. “Promise me you will listen?” Cassidy nodded again. “Or we move. Nick’s old house in Westport is for sale. It’s been on the market a while.” Alex saw Cassidy’s eyes narrow in confusion. “Look, it would mean that you would have to teach somewhere else and it would mean Dylan would have to change schools… and I know you want stability, for him... But there’s the train… And we would be closer to Nick and you would be removed from...” Alex was cut off abruptly by a soft kiss. “What?”
“You’re rambling again,” Cassidy smiled.
“Cassidy… I’m not trying to take you away…. Well I am, but I just think that if…and I know it’s soon to think about us, well…” Another kiss interrupted Alex’s thoughts. “Rambling again?” The agent asked awkwardly.
Cassidy laughed and kissed Alex again gently. “I love you, Alex Toles.” Alex looked perplexed and the teacher chuckled. “I can’t decide anything right now,” she smiled.
“I know….I’m sorry… I just…I wanted you to know that…I want you to feel…”
A finger pressed tenderly to the agent’s lips. “I know. And I love you for all of it.” Cassidy pulled Alex back and put her head on the agent’s chest. “I don’t think I care where we are, as long as we’re together… the three of us.” Alex did not respond. “Alex?”
“I don’t want to push you, Cass...and I don’t want to… I just want you to be safe…and feel safe.”
Cassidy held on tighter to the woman beside her. “I do, Alex. And, I don’t think you are pushing. If anything…well, I realized today that I don’t ever want to be without you again… not ever. I just need to sort it out… a little, you know?”
“I do,” the agent said. “Do you think you can sleep a little?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
“Alex?”
“Yeah?”
“That house…”
“Yeah?”
“Well…is…”
Alex smiled silently. “I’ll take you to see it.”
“Does it have a big kitchen?”
“It was Nicky’s house… so yes. Why?”
“Well, butlers usually have big kitchens,” Cassidy smiled.
“Is that right?”
“Um hum.”
The agent grinned. “Even butlers with no culinary skills?”
“Yeah… they just do more dishes,” Cassidy offered.
“Oh….I’ll try and remember that,” Alex kissed Cassidy on the forehead. “Get some sleep.” There was no answer. Cassidy had already drifted away and Alex could hear the slow, steady beat of her heart as she finally relaxed. “You are something else, Cassidy O’Brien. Thank God you love me.”
t’s everywhere!” Christopher O’Brien practically screamed. John Merrow sat behind his desk with a smirk on his face, holding the phone to his ear and trying to suppress the laughter that he felt mounting. “I should think you would be relieved Congressman, that Cassidy is safe; might I add thanks to Agent Toles.”
“Of course I am.”
“Interesting that Agent Toles put that all together. She is quite perceptive,” he said; hinting that he suspected the congressman may have played a role in Alex’s knowledge of Fisher. John Merrow was relieved that Fisher was gone, but his trust in the congressman was waning.
“Well, I am glad that Cassidy is safe, Mr. President….but this story…well…”
“Ah…you mean the story about Cassidy’s kidnapping or the story about Cassidy and Agent Toles?” Merrow asked with some satisfaction.
“Cassidy has always been the all American girl, John….people love her. Now, this is not the distraction I need…trying to negotiate this bill and these…”
John Merrow had little time for such nonsense. There were many things that Merrow had learned over the years. Everything he did had a purpose, everything. Everything he said had a meaning, no exceptions. He dealt with life and death in tangible ways every day. He had hesitated entering politics. He was strongly persuaded by some of his colleagues that his presence in the White House would be beneficial to their endeavors and it was made clear to him that a career in politics was expected. For years, Colonel Merrow worked to keep his country safe from threats, real threats. Who someone loved, where they worked, what color their skin was or how they worshipped were not concerns to John Merrow. That was the most honest part of his political platform.
Christopher O’Brien was a pawn in a large game of chess, and he was Merrow’s pawn. It wasn’t the president’s decision to choose all the pieces for the chess board, but once they were in play it was his responsibility to keep them as assets and not allow then to become liabilities. The president respected Cassidy O’Brien. He was certain that she was, in many ways, the congressman’s ticket to his current position. She was attractive but she was also intelligent, articulate, compassionate, outgoing and genuine. People loved her. He doubted that Cassidy’s relationship with Alex was any threat to O’Brien; except of course to the man’s never-ending ego. And, he did not want O’Brien creating drama surrounding Cassidy. It was contrary to Merrow’s positions and the president needed consistency. Worse, anything that might hurt the congressman’s ex-wife was certain to embolden Alex Toles. John Merrow could not afford the agent digging into anything that might lead to him. “Look, Congressman…You know the press, it’s a seven minute wonder. They’ll be bored with it tomorrow. My advice, Chris? Ignore it.”
“I have already been asked for a comment. How do you think I should respond to my wife taking off with a female FBI agent?”
John Merrow cleared his throat. His impatience was mounting. Alex was far more than just an FBI agent to John Merrow and the congressman’s off handed remarks were beginning to strike a personal chord with the president. “Last I heard, Congressman, Cassidy was your ex-wife and you were living with someone else.” There was no response. “Be cautious, Chris.”
Christopher O’Brien was not certain what that meant. The one thing he did understand was that image was everything in his business. “It’s part of the game.”
“Well, if I were you I would worry about Ways and Means, Congressman… and I don’t mean Cassidy’s.”
Alex excused herself from the kitchen table to accept the president’s call. “Good morning, Alex.”
“John….listen… thank you for…”
He interrupted the agent’s pleasantries. “How is Cassidy?” He asked sincerely.
The agent looked back toward the kitchen. Cassidy was sitting with Dylan on her lap sipping a cup of coffee and talking to her mother. She was still quiet and Dylan was clinging to her. They hadn’t told him any details yet and Alex knew they would need to tell him something. The boy was old enough and smart enough to know that something had happened and he did not want to be far fro
m his mother. “She’s all right,” Alex took a deep breath. “Just all right.”
“It takes time, Alex. You know that.” The silence on the other end of the phone spoke volumes to John Merrow. “Listen, Alex… I hate to do this…”
“What is it?”
“I had a call with O’Brien this morning.” Alex rubbed her forehead and cracked her neck. She had spoken to the congressman briefly while Cassidy was in the bath tub the previous night. It was a very short conversation only to tell him that the teacher was safe. “Alex? You there?”
“Yeah…I’m here,” she answered with a stern tenor to her voice.
Merrow let out a sigh. Alex was important to the president. Things had gotten messy. He needed to protect himself but he had promised himself years ago that he would always protect Alex. And, he had a deep affection for Cassidy O’Brien. “He’s going to comment to the press.”
“What?”
“Alex…The press is all over your relationship.”
“Jesus Christ, John.”
“I know. I told him to let it lie…O’Brien is…”
“A narcissist?”
Merrow laughed. “Well….”
“John… he has no right to say…”
“Alex, he’s impetuous and he’s naïve….”
“She’s been through enough. He’s a selfish…” Alex interjected.
“Yes. He is. I just wanted you to know; in case you were planning on heading back. If I can do anything for any of you….”
“John…I don’t know what I would have done without you yesterday, without Taylor…If Brady hadn’t…”
“Well, be that as it may…..I met with Tate. Your transfer will be granted, but the suspension will have to stand for a bit, Alex.”
Alex smiled and shook her head. “I appreciate that. Look, John…I’m at my brother’s still. Dylan’s birthday is Saturday…I just…”
“What is it Agent?”
“I think we’ll stay away from New York. I have a place in mind, but Cass is… well…”
John Merrow laughed. “Alex, you can be very persuasive. I think I understand. I will talk to my people. We’ll see if we can’t spin something.” The president was thankful for the agent’s obvious desire to step away for a bit. It would give him time to regroup and he hoped, if the agent and the congressman’s ex-wife could get some peace, maybe it would quiet Alex’s need to dig as deeply. “Let me know where you’ll be. I’ll have Templeton talk to O’Brien’s people. Step away, Alex, I’ll handle the congressman.”
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