by Katie Dowe
The crowd parted as soon as Matthew and Cara made their way in, sympathetic looks were exchanged as they watched the couple go into the center which was no different from the outside. Death had a way of bringing people together and as soon as they got there they were surrounded by murmurs of condolences and talks of how good she had been. Christine came over and Marissa as well and they went into the office together. Matthew making some calls that he was supposed to make in a little room to give him privacy.
Christine’s eyes were red from crying and Janet looked like she was about to collapse any minute now. Marissa was the only one who had it all together as she went around making tea for everyone.
“I can’t believe she is gone,” Christine’s voice sounded hoarse evidently from the screams she had emitted upon hearing of her friend’s death. She had come to the center as usual and had wondered how Jeanette was not there yet waiting with pots of coffee and something savory for them to eat and she had just sat down to sort some things out when she heard the scream coming from over the house.
The four women sat there in the office, their teas untouched, each caught up in their own private memories of conversations with Jeanette. She had never said a bad thing about anyone and had always had her hands outstretched to help anyone who passed her way.
“She was so happy working here,” Christine murmured looking at the other women.
“I talked to her just last night before I turned in for the night.” Janet remembered. “I had come home dead on my feet and she had meatloaf waiting. I was just about to tell her that I was full and that I was going straight to bed but something said to me that I should go and eat with her. We ended up eating and then went into the living room to sit and watch something on television. I am happy I did.”
“How did she look last night?” Cara asked her.
“Apart from looking a little tired she looked fine to me.” Janet shrugged slightly. She had been wondering to herself if she had checked on her during the night if she could have done something and Jeanette would still be alive now. What was going to happen to her now? The thought came unbidden to her mind making her feel ashamed. How could she be thinking about herself at a time like this?
“I remember her telling me that she was glad I went on that cruise and that I should learn to enjoy life to the fullest. She told me that when her husband died she could not get out of bed for a full two weeks and totally ignored her children in the process.” Marissa smiled at the memory. “Remember what she told us about grief?” she asked to no one in particular.
“She said that grief is as natural as jealousy or anger but we should never allow it to take root inside us and prevent us from moving forward with our lives.” Cara blinked back the tears. The woman had had such an impact on all their lives that there was never going to come a time when they would not remember her.
They eventually went back out front surprised to see that the neighbors had brought over food of all kinds and there were flowers and cards on the front porch. Cara had called her mother and Carolyn and told them the news and her sister expressed her sadness that she would not be able to attend the funeral as she had just given birth to her son but her mother would be coming as soon as she knew when it would be.
Matthew had several meetings to go to but he was loathed to leave her. She had not cried once and he feared that she was going to have a breakdown. He had no intention of letting her go through anything alone.
Chapter 10
The funeral was huge! Her children and grandchildren had come three days before to see to the arrangements but Cara and Christine along with Janet had done most of the planning. Janet had been afraid that they would tell her to leave but they had stayed at a hotel, all of them.
It was raining, the soft drops coming down from a sky heavy with dark clouds. But it had not deterred the mourners who stood by the graveside as the minister did the sermon. The children: Jessica stood near to her brother Orlando dressed in a simple black sheath and a black hat covering her wheat blonde hair. Her brother had his hand around her shoulders and looked on somberly as the dirt was thrown onto the box. He looked so much like his mother that it was startling. The grandkids ranged from the ages twenty to twelve and stood with Jessica’s husband and Orlando’s wife.
Cara held onto her husband’s hand tightly, their three children looking on in sad curiosity. It was their first touch with death. Joel clung to his grandmother’s hand and Jeremy to his aunt Jennifer. Janice as usual was holding onto her dad’s free hand.
The ceremony was brief and as she was being lowered into the ground there were cries from several people including her children, Janet, Christine and Marissa as well but Cara stood there dry eyed watching as her friend was lowered into the ground and knowing it was the last time she would ever see her again. She had thought she would have cried over the few days since her death but she had busied herself with the arrangements and not allowed herself to think about it. Matthew had handled her like something fragile and had shied away from making love to her but she had insisted. She had her grief bottled up inside her and did not know how to deal with it.
Very soon it was time to go back to the house where the lawyer had requested her, Janet and Christine’s presence along with the kids. Matthew had told Carmen and Jennifer to take the children home while he stayed with his wife.
While the mourners gathered outside beneath a tent to partake of the food that Cara had asked Caleb to prepare, they were in the living room where the lawyer read from a thick folder.
“I will dispense with the legalese and just get right to the point. He looked at them gathered there over his glasses and then nodded. “Jeanette was a very thorough person and left nothing to chance.” He smiled briefly at that. “She called me the same night she died and told me specifically what she needed. She has left letters for all of you and I will be giving them to you as soon as I am through.”
He paused and looked around. “She left the house to the center with the inclusion that Janet be allowed to live here until she decides that she does not want to anymore.” There was a gasp from Cara and Janet. “She also left the sum of twenty-five thousand dollars to Janet and twenty-five thousand to Christine.” He looked at the two women. “You will see all of the explanation in your individual letters so I don’t have to explain anything to you.” He looked at Cara who was holding her husband’s hand. “She wants you to continue the work you were doing that she was a part of Mrs. Logan. She left a very long letter for you to explain what you had brought to her life. You will hold the title to her house and use it to house pregnant mothers who have nowhere else to go. She also left ten thousand dollars for you to do whatever you want to do in the center. To her children and grandchildren she left her stocks and bonds which amounts to approximately five million dollars.” He smiled at the look of incredulity on the children’s faces. “Your mother was a very smart woman and with the insurance money and the stocks and bonds she made sure you have something to work with.”
He wrapped up the proceedings after a few minutes and then left shortly after. The family, including Matthew; Cara, Christine and Janet who sat there in dazed wonder. “I can’t believe mom saved all that money,” Jessica was the first one to break the silence. The children had become bored with the long drawn out proceedings and had gone to get something to eat. “Orlando did you know about this?”
“I had no clue. But you know how mom was, she was a saver.” He said with a fond smile. He turned to look at Janet. “She talked about all of you a lot and Janet I want you to know that we are happy that you were living here with her and we feel no resentment about her letting you stay here. “
“Thank you,” she said hoarsely. She was still reeling from the fact that she had a home to live for the rest of her life and money to do whatever she wanted to do. It was liberating.
Matthew bent to look at his wife. “You ready to leave?”
She nodded. She had the letter and she wanted to read it in private. They
said their goodbyes and left the others there talking.
She was quiet on the way home. The rain had let up and a watery sun was trying to break through the clouds. The air smelled fresh as was the usual when the rain had stopped. The road was wet and the air invigorating.
“You want to talk?” Matthew asked glancing at her briefly.
She shook her head and leaning back against the headrest and closed her eyes. “Wake me when we get home.”
*****
Jeanette’s Letters:
Dear Janet:
I know you will probably be the one to find me and I hope you will be able to scrub the memory of my lifeless body out of your mind because you see my dear; I have gone home to be with my husband. I have started feeling a little tired lately and I know the time has come for me to hang it all up and just let go and be free.
I have enjoyed having you living in my house. You have been such a company to me, the talks we had, the times we spent sitting in front of the television and drinking tea while critiquing the horrible movies we would watch and maybe saying how we could do better. You have made me so proud by the way you have handled your life and I want you to know that you became like a daughter to me.
Enjoy my home as if it was yours girl and the money I left you I want you to do something you have always wanted to do for a long time. I am going to miss our talks, preparing breakfast for you in the mornings. For a long time I longed for someone to be home with me and I found that. You made my life so much better and I want to say a million thank you.
Yours forever: Jeanette
Janet read the letter again and felt the tears leaking from her lids as she folded it carefully and put it into a drawer at the side of her bed. Jeanette’s children had left and gone back to the hotel and they would be leaving tomorrow. She was alone in the large house and she was not afraid, she only felt a peace inside her and a longing to talk to her again. With a trembling sigh she curled up on the bed and pulled the sheet over her head and let the tears come.
*****
My friend Christine:
You made me laugh so much that I almost split my sides! You made me feel young again, like one of the girls and I cannot tell you how much I appreciated that. When you told us how you got Bobby to change his mind about cheating on you I applauded you! You fought for your marriage and did not give in and I admire you for that! My Luther and I had problems and at one time, he almost strayed. I spent a day or two sniveling and wondering what to do about it but then I realized that I had two young children and I was not about to be a single mom and I fought for him! You stand up girl and never back down no matter what!
I know you were thinking of going on a cruise but the money was not there so now I want you to take some of the money I left you and get someone to take care of little Daniel and go and rekindle that love you have for your husband. Start over and find that romance because it is important to do so.
I am going to miss you coming in early in the mornings and exclaiming over my breakfast and the pastries I made. Please do not mourn for me because I have done my time and working alongside you and the rest of the gang has made me feel like a whole new person. Thank you my dear and please go out and live your life to the fullest.
With my love: your friend Jeanette
Christine sniffed the tears away and went straight into her husband’s arms.
*****
My daughter Cara:
I saw you growing up and I always admired your beauty and the strength you have. You are a wonderful giving person and I have learned a lot from you, from being around you. You waited for the man of your dreams and you have found a love that is so unbelievable and so wonderful that frankly I get a little jealous sometimes!
You have been there for me, involving me in this crazy dream of operating a center for teenage moms and children in the neighborhood who had nowhere else to go. I got involved and I had the most fun I have had in years! I started living again and I never thought I would after my Luther died. I felt worthwhile again! I love you my Cara!
I have seen you go from an uncertain girl to a confident woman and I am proud! I left my recipes in the kitchen in a drawer near to the fridge and I want you to cook for your husband sometimes. I know you have that chef who made me appeared as if I was not trying but you need to be alone with him and do things for him.
I am going to miss your caring and your kindness and the way you love to take care of everyone around you. You fought for those young people and I want you to continue doing that because you were a savior around that neighborhood. You brought life and hope into their lives and for that you will be richly rewarded. Take care of yourself my dear daughter and take care of those children and that gorgeous husband of yours; he is one of the best I have ever seen.
Take care my lovely Cara and thanks a million!
She handed the letter to her husband and he scanned it quickly. They had come home late in the afternoon and the children had crowded around them wanting to talk about the ceremony and their fascination with it.
“Mommy that lady that was lying in the box was Jeanette?” Joel had asked her curiously.
She had taken a deep breath and Matthew had answered for her. “Yes that was Jeanette buddy.” He had told his son gently.
“What is death?” Jeremy had asked.
“It means when someone’s heart stops beating,” his grandmother Carmen had told him.
Matthew took her hand into his. “She lived a full life and thanks to you and the others she lived an exciting one up to the last.”
“I can’t believe I am never going to see her again.” Cara murmured. She realized that she felt hungry and remembered she had not eaten anything much since that morning. She had declared the center closed for tomorrow as a sign of respect for Jeanette and tomorrow being Friday the parents had understood. They all needed their time to mourn.
“I remember the first time I met her,” Matthew mused. It had been when he had first made love to Cara and she had taken him over to Jeanette’s house to introduce them and the woman had invited him to eat breakfast with her. “She was a very special lady.”
“She was there for me when mom and Carolyn went away, always making sure I ate.” She curled up beside him. She had not taken off the black Dior dress she had worn to the funeral. They had said cheerful dress but how could she have worn something cheerful when that was far from the way she was feeling? “We used to talk every morning before I went to work and after I came home. She was my friend and mother all rolled into one.”
He stroked her back and listened to her. She had not shed one tear since she had heard the news of Jeanette’s death and he wished she would.
She fell asleep right there in her clothes and with his arms holding her. He was wide awake, however thinking about the impact of death. So far two people they knew well had died and it made one question one’s mortality. They had been far older than he was but it was a sobering thought to carry with you.
He stroked her back softly and listened to her even breathing and smiled slightly as she snored lightly. He did not have the heart to wake her to change out of her dress and she was going to tell him that he should have woken her up. He felt the stirring of desire in his loins and cursed his dreadful timing. He had not made love to her in more than a week and his body was starting to feel the lack of being inside her. He missed her and he wished she would allow him to comfort her physically, let them lose themselves into each other.
He tried easing away from her but she clung to him with a murmur, burrowing her face into his chest and hanging on tightly, preventing him from moving away. He supposed he was not going anywhere right now. He had wanted to change out of his clothes and put something more comfortable on but seeing to her comfort was much more important. He kissed the top of her head gently and closed his hands around her waist before finally drifting off to sleep.
*****
“She was such a thoughtful neighbor,” Carmen told them with a smile.
&
nbsp; They were seated around the large dining table that Friday evening having dinner. The children had begged to have pizza but had been told that they would get pizza tomorrow when they were taken to the park. “She had all these dogs that kept barking at all hours a day and she would come over to apologize and bring something deliciously baked to make up for the nuisance they were making of themselves. You could not help but love her.”
She turned to her daughter who had remained silent throughout the entire meal. “Remember that time you came home from school honey and you fell and cut your knee?” Cara nodded. “She took Cara and bandaged up her cut for her and gave her cookies she had just baked and some milk. Cara was always her favorite.”
“Mommy did you cry when you got that cut?” Jeremy looked at his mother wide eyed as if he could not believe his mom could have fallen and gotten a cut.
“I did sweetie but the cookies and milk made it all better.” She smiled at her son fondly.
“I only knew her for a short time but I felt as if I had known her forever,” Jennifer commented passing the bowl of salad to Carmen. “She was always smiling and always had an encouraging word to say to everyone.”
They looked around startled as Cara pushed back her chair and stood up. “Excuse me,” she muttered and hurried away. Carmen put her hand on Matthew’s arm as he was about to follow her. “Please let me deal with it this time.”
Carmen found her upstairs in their sitting room. She was curled up on one of the sofas with her head resting on the arm and her eyes closed. She opened them as soon as she heard the door opened. “Mom I just want to be alone for a little bit.”
“I understand that my dear but I am not sure that the children do. Joel and Janice were asking if you were sad and you wanted to cry and Jeremy said that he wanted to give his mommy a hug. Your husband looks like he has no idea what to do.” Carmen took a seat beside her daughter. The place always impressed her with its elegant furnishings and the largeness of it. Imagine having a sitting room that was almost as large as the bedroom.