by Jade Oliver
She breathes hard, and I am frozen as I stare at her absorbing her hurt and anger, allowing how much she cares for me to sink in. My heart, which I now know for a fact does still exist, soars. A big, goofy smile breaks out across my face and I release an awkward laugh.
Adair shoves my chest in exasperation. “Are you seriously laughing at me? Why are you so happy? Fucking, fuck, fuck. I can’t believe…” She tries to leave without finishing but once again I grab her, but this time I turn her so that she is facing me.
With my hand cupping her face, I crush my lips to hers. Their soft, silky plushness pulls tight before relaxing and allowing me to taste her more fully. She whimpers when I pull back slightly, and I smile. Her eyes remain closed allowing me to study her glowing and now relaxed face. My tongue traces her top lip then moves to the bottom to do the same. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth and bite down, only to release it with a pop. My mouth descends once again onto hers as our tongues explore like we are the very air the other needs to exist.
Reluctantly I pull away to speak with her. “Adair look at me.” Her blue eyes are a richer, deeper blue than the most expensive sapphire, and I fear I will lose myself in them before I can explain this to her, if I even can. I plant a kiss to her jaw. “You could not be more wrong, little bird.” Then I kiss the other side of her jaw, just below her ear, enjoying her shiver. “I want you more than anything.” Next, I kiss her neck. “As much I as I want you, I want to protect you more.” I kiss the other side of her neck and whisper, “I refuse to be the reason you are hurt. I will not fail this time.” My mouth moves up to kiss her chin. “And anyone that could ever think you are anything but first choice is a damn fool and doesn’t deserve you.”
I place a gentle kiss to her nose and practically growl, “From this moment on, I will forever catch you.” With a kiss to her temple, I declare, “You are not just something.” After a kiss to the other temple, I whisper, “You are everything.” A finger under her chin pulls her face up so I can look directly in her eyes. “And if you forgive me for being so blind and foolish, I will show you every day, and you will never question my feelings towards you again.”
Finally, I press a kiss to the middle of her forehead and pull her into me as I linger there. It physically hurts to pull myself away, but I want her to be able to see the truth of my feelings and the sincerity on my face. “I apologize with the depth of my being, little bird. I never meant to make you feel less than or ignored. I only meant to protect you.”
She takes a deep, shaky breath. Her eyes have a glint to them from desire and love. “Thad… I… I… Thank you.” She pulls me back into her and presses her lips to mine.
“Stay with me tonight,” escapes my mouth before I can swallow down the words. My face feels hot, and I must redden slightly, because she looks at me playfully like she is holding back a tease on the tip of her tongue. “Little bird, I am sure I deserve what you have on your wicked tongue.” It is her turn to pinken with a blush. “But please let me explain. As much as I want to make love to you, because oh do I want you, I want you in my arms more. I want to feel you next to me and for you to know how much you mean to me. I have not shared my heart, my arms, or my bed with another woman since Elizabeth, but they are yours. So please never believe I have pulled away because I do not want you or that you are not worth it. No. I want you so much I scare myself with the desire I have to love and protect you. You are worth more than any piece of land or gold or person.”
Adair is agape and looks at me with wonder as she listens to me confess my feelings. Her internal struggle to process my words is clear with her wrinkled brow and clouded eyes. My words hold so much meaning, and if I could explain without sounding so overwhelming or mad I would, but they are true and she deserves the truth.
“Adair, answer me after you have had time to think about it.”
There is one last hug before we work in silence to finish her clothes because no more words need to be spoken. Just as we hang the last to dry Adair looks at me, but the emotion on her face is unreadable. My fists open and close as I await her answer until she speaks the words that I know will change our lives forever. There is no going back, I happily think.
“Yes. Yes, Thad. I will stay with you tonight.”
Twenty-Four
June 15th, 1785
Adair
The sound of a rooster crowing, the smell of a forest after it rains, and a delicious, hard warmth at my back wake me, and I know exactly where I am. Thad’s bed. A place I feel I am meant to be. A place I need to be. Yet, I feel as if something is missing. Then I realize that it’s Toby’s presence. Since coming to the island, this is the first morning, other than the first night here, I have woken without Toby next to me. It’s slightly unsettling, and I would probably be bothered by it if Toby hadn’t given me his blessing to stay with Thad last night. I still wish he was here though. These men have so quickly pushed through my wall and made me feel like happiness might actually exist.
Shifting slightly, I start to roll over but my hair is caught and pulls every time I try to move because Thad’s arm lays across my bare stomach, rooting me to my spot. The shirt I’m wearing has inched up during the night and is squashed between my breasts and his arm. My hand reaches up to feel his other arm curved over and around my head. He has wrapped himself around me like a cocoon. I try to move the big oaf’s arm off my hair, but he won’t budge. My wiggling makes his arm hair tickle me, and I stifle a giggle. He tightens his arm, brushes against me again, and I laugh out loud. Despite trying to be quiet, he wakes anyway.
“Adair, what are you laughing at? Not sure that’s a good thing when you’re in my bed.” He begins to rubs his thumb across my midriff in small, barely there touches and that just tickles me more.
“Thad, stop it. It tickles,” is my breathless reply between giggles. I squirm with more force, enough so that Thad’s arm still holds me down, but he has to add pressure to do so, and I double my efforts. In response, Thad lifts his other arm from around my head and brings his hand down to rub his thumb across my shoulder and under my hair across my neck.
Why am I suddenly so ticklish?
“Thad, please…” My giggle is loud enough that I wonder if Toby can hear me.
That is answered when he passes by the bedroom door shout-laughing, “I hear giggles? If you need some lessons you know where to find me, Thad.” The front door opens and closes, and we know we are alone in the house. An exciting thought.
“Maybe I should make you moan instead.” Humor laces his voice. He leans into my neck, nuzzles my hair aside with his nose, and then begins to nibble on my skin. He kisses me behind my ear with whispers of how good my skin tastes. How much he can’t wait to kiss me all over. “Your body flushing is the most beautiful shade of red. You like my mouth on you. Don’t you?” Thad makes the most delicious sound, somewhere between a growl and a moan, that runs heatedly throughout my body. He looks at me like I am his to be devoured and I can think of nothing I would like more in this moment.
Thad’s voice drips with husky desire as he continues his tease. “Should I perhaps kiss you some more? Over your soft, round breasts, your pert peaks?” But he just continues to nibble on my neck. Nothing more. Why doesn’t he touch me like his words suggest? Like he wants to? I’m going to combust from need for this man and he is playing with me.
With a low growl, he bites my neck, then licks and sucks the area to lessen the sting. “Thad, what are you doing? Please touch me.” Almost begging, I demand, “More, Thad. Now.”
“No, Adair. You don’t command me. You wait patiently until I’m ready.”
“Thad—”
His hand moves down my stomach finally nearing where I need him to be. His thumb traces my slit through my panties. Only once. He then moves his thumb back to the top of my panties and lightly traces the edge back and forth.
“Please, Thad. Touch me, please.” When I woke up only minutes ago, I didn’t foresee the day starting like this. But now needy
with desire for Thad, I can’t imagine it starting any other way.
“Adair, my beautiful little bird. I’m going to make love to you. Slowly. Thoroughly. And we both are going to enjoy every moment of it. Let me lead. I will never try to clip your wings, but trust me to know what you want and need and always give it to you. Can you do that?” The sneaky bastard rests his thumb back on my slit, unmoving, as he asks me this. I push my pelvis up, trying to force my clit against this thumb.
He presses down, making me moan, but only to make me stop moving. “Adair, answer me. I will lead, and you will submit to me. Completely. Can you do this?” I stop moving against him, trying to think rationally through my lust.
Can I do this? Is this what I want? Can I submit to him completely, without trying to take control?
I’m not sure if I can. Thad is going to want to lead all the time — one of my darkest desires, of submission and letting another lead. But I think Thad can fulfill this desire because it fits his commanding personality. So, I whisper softly, “Yes, Thad, I can do this.”
Thad
My breath sucks in at her answer. It takes all my control not to turn her over and thrust into her in one hard stroke. My want for her is more fierce than I have ever wanted a woman, including Elizabeth. This with Adair is about her trust in me to take our connection to the next level, to take care of her needs — tasks I’m more than willingly to do.
My hands grip the hem of her shirt and slowly move it up her body. The palm of my hand grazes the softness of her skin along the way. Adair arches into my touch and careful not to hurt her, I gently press her down until her back is flat against the mattress and pin her hips with mine. My progress halts so I can lower my mouth to her ear.
A huff of heated breath escapes as I whisper, “Behave, little bird, or I will stop. You said you trusted me to know exactly what you need.” I suck the lobe of her ear into my mouth, trace the edges with my tongue, before I allow it to fall away. “I will show you pleasures you have never known. I want you more than I ever thought possible.”
My breath hitches and I stop for a moment as my mind wanders where it has no place going at the moment. Unsure, my body becomes rigid and frozen, and I am scared and anxious, not sure what to do next. This is the final step to letting go of my past, and even as right as it feels with Adair, there is a lingering sadness for all I have lost and what could have been. There is room in my heart for them both and I am ready to move forward.
Adair stiffens under me, and though I can’t see her, I know there is confusion and hurt on her face because I stopped. A gentle kiss to her neck before rising up has her slightly relaxing against me again.
I know I need to tell her, but if I do, how can I expect her to still trust me to lead?
Before I know what is happening Adair flips me onto my back. She straddles me as she pulls her top off with one hand, throwing it to land across the room. “I want you, Thaddeus.” She presses herself into my hardness moving herself up and down its length. “You promised to give me what I need.” Her words and the sensation make me moan and threaten what little sanity I have left. It takes all that I have not to reach up and still her.
My face must show my current state of confounded agony because the once again playful Adair drops away. She looks at me with curious eyes, furrowed eyebrows, and her mouth caught between a smirk and a frown. My actions and words are conflicting with each other and causing uncertainty for her.
With a whoosh, I let out the breath I have been holding before beginning. “Adair, my little bird, I am not sure how to say this, so I have to let it all out. Please, let me finish and then you decide with all the information to guide you.” She nods.
It feels like an eternity but I know is really only seconds as I peer into her eyes and try to plead with her soul without words. “This is the first time making love to a woman since my wife. We must consider the significance. I need you to understand what this means and what I am offering.”
Adair doesn’t make a sound, just continues to think and wait for me to finish. Three very deep breaths then I do what I never thought I would — admit my fears to another. “I do not know how you have bewitched me so that I want to tell you all my deepest thoughts and fears. I want to give myself to you and let you mold my brokenness back together. You are the second chance I never imagined possible or that I would even want. But I do want it. I feel it deep in my soul. I will always love Elizabeth. You should know she will always have a piece of me but one I want to share with you. I can’t become whole with you if she is not present.
“I need you to understand and be assured that you can handle it. That you can handle my moods and all that I am because I damn sure want that from you. I feel you inside of me. My veins pump with the feel of you every time I see you in a room, out a window, or even just knowing that you are near. I am not a poet, but you bring out the sentimental in me. If we proceed it’s not just for physical pleasure. You will be accepting my heart as yours and I will need yours in return.”
She moves so quickly I’m not prepared for her to be back over me and with her mouth on mine. The passion in her kiss tells me all I need to know. She pulls away to look at me with a smile and twinkle in her eyes.
“Thaddeus, my big ogre.” Her nickname for me makes me laugh. “I am not sure how things will work or come together or end, but I want to try. To offer you all that I am. I will accept Elizabeth just as you do Toby. Now, take me, let me help you heal so that we can heal each other. Please Thad, make love to me.”
That is all I need. My mouth fiercely latches onto hers again and my tongue demands admission. She gives back every bit I give and nips my bottom lip hard enough to sting. Every sliver of my remaining doubt and hesitance is extinguished.
My hands slowly trail down her sides, light enough to gently tickle, but not enough to make her giggle. Her moan is my reward and she must feel my cock jerk under her because she slowly moves her hips in the most exquisite, dancing tease. My sleep breeches are so thin and thread worn I can feel her warmth and wetness through the material. I grasp her hips and lift them up so she can bare herself for me.
At the site of her passion I sit up and hold her in place to allow just enough room for her to arch her breasts into my face. My mouth teases, licks, and suctions her tightly puckered and rosy nipple. Her nipple releases with a pop, then I immediately take it back between my teeth and bite it hard enough to sting. Her groan and involuntary hip thrust show me how much she loves a tiny bit of pain with her pleasure, which I note for another day, then move to her neglected nipple to bathe it with attention. I draw my head back, admire her beauty, and pull my shirt off with one hand. We exchange another passion-filled kiss, and then I lift her hips again so I can push down my sleep breeches. “Take me inside you, Adair,” I groan.
Our eyes catch and hold as she wraps her hand around my cock, pumping up and down, before lining me up with the wet heat of her entrance. Her warmth envelopes me as she stretches around me, slowly pulling me inside her and sliding down until seated fully upon me. Neither of us move for a moment to enjoy the feeling of connection and the way I fill her so completely.
My hands move to her hips to guide her movements and lift her up almost completely off me, before bringing her down to fill her over and over. Her body tightens with desire, but I am not ready for this to end. If she falls apart in orgasm on my cock I will not have control over my response, so I flip us in one swift movement. Adair’s eyes widen and her mouth opens in surprise. I take the opportunity and fill her mouth with my tongue as I push my cock back into her.
My hips pin hers with mine so only I control the tempo. My hands find hers to intertwine our fingers and bring them above her head. Slow strokes build in intensity with the sounds of our pleasure. I press against her, quicken my thrusts, and make sure to graze her clit with every slide in and out of her. She tightens around me as her body begins to shake. Her muscles convulse, which urge me to my release.
Adair moans, “Oh, go
d Thaddeus,” and repeats my name in a scream at the height of her orgasm, and I am lost. My body shudders against hers as I explode inside her and fill her with my seed. Completely sated, I roll off of her and pull her into me.
“Thad, I don’t know what happens from here or where we end up, but I promise…”
I cut her off with a kiss on the lips followed by a soft loving press of my lips to her forehead. “Adair, little bird, I know.” No other words are spoken as we lie holding each other and bask in the glow of our coupling. Right now, right here in this moment, the ghosts of our pasts lay at rest, and I want this to last as long as we can allow.
Twenty-Five
June 18th, 1785
Day 15 (Past)
Dear Diary,
So much has happened in the nine days since I last wrote. Thad confessed to me about his wife and how she died. I cried for her and the baby. I cried for him. He’s stronger than he thinks. He survived and pushed through it. His heart is so big. Even at his most devastated, he rescued Jasper, a slave and a man he didn’t know.
Then there is what I’m dubbing the “the series of unfortunate events.” Fucking vile Vanessa. The woman brings out the savage in me. The incident in town, despite being short, was horrible enough, but then to go to dinner with the sea witch? Watch her flirt with the men! That woman plays nothing but games and gets her men to do her bidding.
After we left her house things just got worse. Thad left for a few hours the next day, without word to where he was going, and when he returned he ignored me but talked to the others. At one point I was upset and feeling sad because the men were forming a friendship that I so desperately craved. Jasper and I had started towards one and it only strengthened with Thad’s leaving.