Kate squealed, a happy sound. She squirmed but he kept a tight hold.
“Look what I caught. A real live Christmas elf, sneaking presents under the tree!”
She giggled and patted the top of his head. “Put me down, mister.”
“Or else . . . what?”
She draped her arm around his shoulder. “I’m an elf. I know magic.”
“Are you going to turn me into a toad or something?” He feigned a look of alarm.
“If you catch an elf, you get a wish, silly.”
“A wish, huh? That’s a good deal. What should I do?”
“Close your eyes and think of something you really, really, really want.”
He stared at her, trying hard not to laugh and ruin it.
“Go ahead. Just do it,” she ordered him.
He nodded obediently. “Okay. Here goes. I’m not that good at making wishes. But I’ll try.”
He closed his eyes and a vision flashed in his mind. And in his heart. An image that truly was his heart’s desire. He didn’t realize the soft smile that had formed on his face, until Kate spoke again.
“That’s good. Keep your eyes closed, Jack,” she reminded him. She counted out loud as she tapped him three times on the head. “Okay, you’re done.”
He opened his eyes and smiled at her. “Is that it?”
She nodded knowingly. “Your wish will come true,” she promised. “Just don’t tell anyone what it is, or that ruins it.”
“I won’t. Don’t worry.” He put her down and they walked over to the sofa to start the story.
He could never tell anyone what he had wished for—that Kate and Julie would stay with him forever. The image had flashed through his mind like a lightning bolt, thoroughly shocking him. Splitting his life in two parts: before and after they had arrived.
A short time later, Julie came in. She sat on the couch beside Kate and listened to the end of the story. They were taking a break from Lester tonight to read about a furry little creature named Frances. Frances wouldn’t eat anything but bread and jam and was driving her parents crazy with her fussiness.
Jack wasn’t sure what type of animal Frances and her family were supposed to be. Muskrats maybe? But the pictures and story were very charming, and Frances did remind him a bit of Kate.
When it was time to head for bed, Kate gave him a big hug. She had been more affectionate with him ever since she had been sick and he helped take care of her.
Julie was more affectionate with him, too, with a gentle touch from time to time. He treated her with the same casual affection, though he never managed to kiss her again.
He wanted to buy her something special for Christmas and give it to her before she left for Long Island. He had already wrapped the stuffed Lester toy and some books for Kate and had put them beneath the tree. He had a lot more shopping to do though, he realized. He could remember practically all the items on Kate’s wish list and was going to make sure she had every one.
He guessed they would leave on Christmas Eve day, though Julie had not yet said precisely when. That was one week away. Too soon, he thought. He didn’t want to let them go.
When Julie came back downstairs, she walked around the living room, picking up after Kate—the picture book, some shoes, and a sock.
“Kate is so excited for Christmas. She can hardly fall asleep.” She sat on the other end of the sofa, near him, her arms full.
“It’s fun when kids still believe in Santa Claus.”
“I don’t know how long this will last. But I’m trying to enjoy it. My brother’s children are older than Katie. I hope they don’t spoil it for her.”
“That would be too bad, wouldn’t it?” He caught her gaze and held it. “Do you really have to go there for Christmas? I mean, you could stay here for the holiday if you want to. I’m officially on Santa’s route again. So that won’t be a problem,” he added, trying to keep the invitation lighthearted.
She looked surprised. She hadn’t expected this. He wondered if he had waited too long to ask and now she had to keep the family commitment.
“That would be really nice, Jack,” she said. “If it’s not any trouble for you.”
“Trouble for me? I’d just be alone all day. I don’t want to put you in an awkward spot with your family, though.” No more awkward than it already is, he added silently.
“My brother and sister-in-law won’t mind at all if we come after Christmas,” Julie told him. “They’ll probably be relieved. The two of us moving in means they’re going to have to rearrange their lives. I don’t think they were too keen on rearranging their holidays, too.”
“Then it’s settled,” Jack said. He had a feeling that he was smiling like a fool but he didn’t care. “It will be fun to watch Kate open her gifts Christmas morning.”
And I’d love to be with you, he wanted to say.
She already seemed to understand that, he thought, noticing the blush that rose in her cheeks. She caught his gaze and looked away again.
“Kate will be happy to stay. She wanted to make sure Santa stopped here,” Julie reminded him.
“Don’t worry. There will be so many gifts for her to open, she’ll never doubt it.”
“Jack, please. You don’t have to buy out a toy store. I noticed you already left something for her. That’s plenty.”
Jack tried not to smile and give his plan away. “We’ll see,” was all he would say.
Julie picked up Kate’s sweater and folded it on her lap. He knew she wasn’t looking forward to leaving, but he just wasn’t sure what to do about it.
He wasn’t even sure what he felt for her; his tumbling emotions were so unexpected and overwhelming. He did know that here was one person, sitting beside him now, who accepted him for who he was. Who made no demands beyond what he was able to give, which at first was nothing.
Day by day, she and her daughter had pulled him up by his collar, out of his rut, and made him feel human again. Superhuman, sometimes. Julie was so impressed and appreciative when he made the slightest effort to help her. She and Kate made him look forward to waking up in the morning, to being connected to the world again. Julie had opened his heart after he had decided it was a locked door with a missing key.
She leaned over to pick up a doll from the floor, and he touched her shoulder. She turned and looked at him, a questioning look that he answered by brushing her hair back from her face.
He leaned closer and kissed her, softly on the cheek at first, then moved his mouth to her lips. She closed her eyes as he put his arms around her and held her closer.
He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, kissing and holding each other in the magical glow of the Christmas tree.
Finally, Julie slowly pulled away. She rested her hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes a long moment.
“I’m glad about spending Christmas with you, Jack,” she said quietly.
“Me, too.” He smiled at her.
She seemed about to say something more but then just sighed. “I’d better go upstairs now,” she said.
He nodded. “Sure . . . good night.”
She kissed him quickly then moved out of the circle of his embrace. His gaze followed her as she disappeared up the stairway, then he sat back and stared at the Christmas tree again.
He felt happy inside. As if a fireworks display were going off in his heart. It was still hard to accept that he might actually be in love with her. But if he wasn’t, Jack didn’t know what else he could call it.
Could he ever win her? In some rare, optimistic moments, he thought he could. She seemed to have feelings for him. Maybe not what he felt for her, but she seemed to like him, to feel some attraction.
He wasn’t really that much older than her, he reflected. Five years. Was that so much?
But maybe Julie was just one of those people who aren’t meant to stay. They drift into your life for a moment, do what they’re meant to do, then go.
Like the Christmas tree, he thought, tur
ning to look at it again. Its beauty and sparkling presence cheered up the house. But after the holiday, he would take it down and save the memory of its special glow in his heart.
CHAPTER TWELVE
JESSICA HATED LEAVING HER CHRISTMAS SHOPPING TO THE last minute. The stores were insanely crowded, and the items she found to fill requests were either the wrong size, the wrong color, or the wrong price.
This year, there was no way around it. On Saturday, just three days before Christmas, she and Sam headed to the mall with a list a mile long.
As they drove through the heavy traffic, she wished she had found time during the week to have made a start. But now that she was working full time, every spare minute was taken just keeping up with the basic household chores—keeping clean clothes in everyone’s drawers and closets, and making quick dinners. Contrary to Sam’s prediction that it would be easier to clean the small cabin, it was, in fact, harder to keep the place in order. There just wasn’t enough space for everyone’s belongings, and she was constantly struggling to reduce the messy piles.
It had also been hard to join this year’s annual spending frenzy now that she knew the check from the insurance company would be so much smaller than they had expected. Sam had filed a protest to the claim, but it would take many more weeks until their forms were reviewed. She didn’t hold out any great hopes that the situation would change. It was very hard to spend a lot of money on Christmas gifts when they didn’t have much to spare.
They found their way inside the mall, and Jessica took out the list. “Where do you want to start?” she asked Sam.
“I don’t know. Wherever you want. You have the list.”
He usually had a list of his own and was much more excited about gift buying. She knew he felt the same concerns as she did about spending, but things had been strained between them ever since their argument on Monday night when he told her about the insurance claim.
She had tried to say she was sorry for possibly overreacting, but Sam had brushed off her apology. Her gesture hadn’t changed his distant mood.
They hadn’t talked again about all the decisions they now faced about the house. Or where they would live after the cabin. Perhaps it was best to wait until the holidays were over to sort all that out, she thought. It was difficult to think straight about these serious matters while they were surrounded by all the holiday cheer—so much of it seeming false and enforced.
But it would have helped some if she and Sam had just decided mutually to table all their troubles until the New Year. Instead, it felt as if they were locked in a stalemate, a frozen breakdown in communication. Though neither of them had ever mentioned the word separation, it was an estrangement. And, she was discovering, it felt awful being estranged from Sam.
Jessica stared around, trying to orient herself with the mall map and her list. “Um . . . let’s go into the sports store, I guess. The boys both want football jerseys.”
They quickly found the department that sold the jerseys, but she and Sam debated over whether to get the “official” team jerseys, which were overpriced Jessica thought, or the cheaper store brand. “These are fine,” she insisted. “I don’t think they’ll notice the difference.”
“Of course they will,” Sam insisted, comparing the two shirts. “The cheap ones aren’t even the right color.”
“Yes, they are. The color looks the same to me.” Why did he have to make this so difficult? “I think we should put money toward something more important, Sam.”
“Let’s skip the jerseys, then,” he said. He was angry at her; she could tell by the deliberately blank look he always got whenever his temper frayed. “They won’t like these, Jess. Just take my word, okay?”
“Why don’t we get them hats?” she suggested. “Look, there are some Red Sox hats with the World Series patch. Don’t you think they would like that?”
Sam picked up a hat and looked it over. “Nah, let’s skip that. They didn’t even ask for baseball hats. It’s the middle of the winter.”
She held her tongue and put the hat back on the display. She couldn’t do anything right lately, could she.
They left the sports store without buying anything. Jessica was annoyed at the waste of time. Her head pounded with a huge headache, and she reached into her purse for some pain relievers.
“What’s the matter?” Sam asked her.
“I have a headache.”
“Maybe you need to eat something. It’s getting late. Let’s have lunch.”
She looked up at him, her eyes flashing. “Lunch? We just got here. We have a zillion things to buy. I don’t want to waste time eating lunch.”
Sam’s head snapped back, his eyes narrowed. “I get the point, Jessica. You don’t have to bite my head off. The stores aren’t going to run away, you know. Everything will still be here if we stop for a few minutes.”
She let out a long breath, trying to get a grip on her patience. “I don’t need to stop now. If you want some lunch, go ahead. We’ll meet up later.”
Sam frowned and dug his hands in his pockets. “I’ll wait. What’s next?”
“Janie. We’re going to get her pajamas.”
Sam gave her a look. “Kids hate to open pajamas. How about a toy or something?”
“Emily said she needs pajamas. We can get a stuffed animal to go with them, I guess.”
Not that I wanted to buy two gifts for everyone, Jessica silently added.
They walked into a children’s store and eventually compromised with a pair of slippers that had stuffed animal heads on the feet. More expensive than Jessica would have liked, but cheaper than buying two gifts.
“Okay, one down, one hundred to go,” she mumbled to herself, crossing a single name off her list.
She had stopped in front of a jewelry store. The store was open to the mall and she stood right in front of a large glass case of glittering jewels.
A pair of earrings caught her eye, lustrous pearls set on gold wires with a small diamond at the top of each setting. She had lost so much jewelry in the fire, she didn’t even want to think about it—heirloom pieces that had been passed down to her and lovely pieces of jewelry Sam had given her throughout their marriage.
Sam stood beside her and peered into the case. “Something caught your eye?”
“The pearl earrings,” she murmured. “The ones on the left, toward the bottom. Aren’t they beautiful?”
“They are,” Sam agreed. “I can see you in those, Jess. They’re perfect for you.”
Jessica sighed. The price of the pearl earrings was so high, it seemed unthinkable.
She tugged Sam’s sleeve. “Let’s go,” she said curtly.
He looked up at her but didn’t budge. “I want to get them for you. You deserve something nice after all we’ve been through.”
“That’s good of you, Sam, really. But I thought we weren’t buying each other gifts this year. Remember?”
After going over their shopping list, particularly the items they wanted to buy for the boys, they had agreed to forgo big gifts for each other this year. It was more important to give the boys a good Christmas. Jessica wanted to stick to their plan. It didn’t take much to throw her husband off course, she noticed.
“You don’t have to get me anything,” he said quickly. “But let me get this for you.”
“I don’t want the earrings, Sam. Honestly. They’re too expensive.”
Sam lingered in front of the jeweler’s window. She tugged his sleeve. “Sam? Let’s go into the bookstore. I need to find a book my mother asked for.”
“If Lillian asked for it, you’d better try a rare book dealer,” he quipped.
“Very funny. At least she gave me a specific suggestion.”
“Come on, Jess. I know you like them. Let’s just go in and you can try them on.”
She knew he meant well. But he was so . . . immature sometimes. So impractical. Why did she always have to be the levelheaded one?
“I don’t need such an expensive gift t
his year, Sam. I don’t want to try them on. You know we can’t afford it. Why even tempt me?”
He looked hurt, his excited expression curdling before her eyes. “I just want to make you happy, Jess. Is there something wrong with that, too?” He shook his head, looking away from her. “I can’t do anything right anymore, can I?”
“Sam, I didn’t mean it that way. You know I didn’t. . . .” She reached out for his hand.
He pulled away, dug his hand into his jacket pocket, and pulled out the keys to the SUV. “Here. Take these. I’m leaving.”
When Jessica wouldn’t take them, he dropped them in the shopping bag with Janie’s slippers.
Then he quickly started walking away from her.
Jessica followed, walking fast to keep up. “Sam, where are you going?” she called after him.
She felt people looking at her. She hated that.
Why did he have to do this to her—today of all days?
“Sam . . . wait. Please wait. I need to talk to you!”
He glanced at her over his shoulder, then turned and kept walking.
She stopped and watched him disappear in the crowd. She let out a long frustrated sigh, suddenly furious with him.
Fine, act out like a big baby. Take the bus. I don’t care.
Jessica stalked off in the opposite direction. She was so mad, she could barely see straight, and her head pounded.
Now she was stuck with doing all the Christmas shopping, too. Thanks a lot, pal, she huffed to herself.
She stared around at the overdone decorations and garish displays. The herd of shoppers, jostling each other as they rushed from store to store. The irritating sights and annoying music made her feel all the more miserable.
How had she and Sam wandered into this ugly place? Jessica couldn’t understand it. Even worse, she had no idea how to find her way back again.
ON SUNDAY MORNING JESSICA TOLD SAM SHE WASN’T GOING TO church. She had too much housework to catch up on and all the gifts to wrap. Sam was about to offer to help with both chores, but he was still mad at her from their argument about the earrings. She hadn’t offered an apology or even tried to talk about it. Then again, he hadn’t brought it up; he didn’t think he could without starting another fight.
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