Zarulium Chronicles I - Destination Nazca

by Christopher A Forrest

Chapter 17: Karate class – Aurica – January 16

  By now, Natalia considered herself settled in with her father, although she surmised that he needed a lot of work. Since he was a genius and thus rare, he reminded her of a limited edition car. However, since he was also lonely, he reminded her of a broken down car. To Natalia, her father was like a Ferrari up on repair blocks: a great thing but practically useless!

  As she sat in Sensei Jean-Claude's karate class during the meditation phase, Natalia decided that her father needed a woman. Natalia concluded as she breathed in slowly and rhythmically with her eyes closed that the woman he needed was not her mother. That wish was now a faded memory: it was yesterday's dream. Today, Natalia replaced her mother with Ruth.

  One problem she could see was that during Natalia's information search of Ruth, she had discovered that the philanthropist travelled the globe almost half the time; thus, she would not be around much. This could be both good and bad. Her father, after all, was a workaholic, unavailable half the time. Maybe they could coordinate their schedules.

  The big problem getting it started, as Natalia saw it, was that her father needed a personal makeover. He needed work on attracting the opposite sex. He was such a nerd. He looked like his favourite fashion statement was to wear a single piece of clothing from each decade he had been alive. She reasoned that if her father owned his own clothing store, he would call it 'Blender Retro'! She smiled and withheld a giggle as she thought the name up.

  Sensei interrupted her thoughts, saying, "Miss Natalia; you appear to be enjoying yourself in your mind. Do you wish to share?"

  "Uh, no, Sensei Jean-Claude – my thoughts were personal. I did not mean for them to be disruptive. I am sorry!"

  With his decidedly pronounced French Canadian accent, Sensei explained, "Zat is okay Natalia. To 'ave an 'appy tought is a good ting! If everyones 'ave 'appy toughts all duh time den dis world is . . . more 'appy!"

  Natalia noticed that Sensei could not pronounce the letter 'h' at all. After only one class with him, Natalia had decided that since his accent did not seem to bother him at all, then she found it adorable. With a grin, she responded, "Yes, Sensei, thank you; I will meditate hard again now!"

  With a gently raised finger, Sensei offered his wisdom, stating, "No, do not try to meditate too 'ard because you can get an 'eadache dat way; you 'ave to relax your 'ead!"

  Smiling, Natalia responded, "Okay, Sensei, I'll try that!" Then Natalia closed her eyes again.

  After a few minutes passed, Sensei commented, "Good, Natalia, you look very . . . relax and . . . peaceful."

  "Yes, Sensei, I feel calm," replied Natalia.

  Encouragingly, Sensei Jean-Claude remarked, "You are making great progress after just one week of class!"

  In Japanese, she replied, "Domo arigato, Sensei." Natalia wondered if Sensei had taken his time selecting the words relax and peaceful because they were easier for him to say than 'happy'.

  A few seconds later, Natalia opened one of her two closed eyes, to glance around the room. She thought her compulsion to do so was because she wanted to see if others were doing the same. She wanted to know if there were cheaters. Detecting none, she felt secure that Sensei had a positive influence on the group.

  Perhaps attending this martial arts course would help her to stay calm and control her anger, but she would never know if it was working with her eyes closed like this. Again, she decided to peek with one eye to make sure that all the other students were calming themselves with their eyes closed, too.

  This time someone else was peeking. She was sure she had seen him before now, but his karate uniform obscured her previous memory of him. In her mind, she had an image of this kid spilling something. Whatever!

  His looks, however, reminded her of the Seminole Indian that attended her last school. This kid's skin was almost as dark toned and reddish as her friend's was – her friend was half-Seminole. Natalia reckoned the local climate probably played havoc with skin tone. Regardless, Natalia was sure that this kid in her karate class was also at least part-North American Native.

  As her wandering eye met his, she noticed him freeze and display a 'caught-me' look. She almost let out a laugh as he rapidly closed his eye and quickly turned his head away from hers. Since Sensei had already spoken to her about laughter during meditation, she suppressed it completely.

  A minute or so later, the students all stood to take their five minute scheduled break and so Natalia approached the Native guy, who was drinking from a water bottle now, and she decided to initiate a conversation, asking, "So, I guess you're not sure about meditation either, huh?"

  With little conviction that Natalia could detect, the kid replied, "Uh, well, I believe enough in meditation . . . I think. I was just . . . lookin' around, eh!"

  Gently, she probed, asking, "People-watching, were you?"

  Defensively, he reasoned, "I guess so – maybe I do it when I'm nervous."

  "Hey, I'm not going to tell anyone, if that's what you're thinking."

  "Oh . . . well, thanks," began the kid, relieved. Then he explained, "I mean, Sensei probably wouldn't be impressed . . . and that would be bad because I really like this karate so far."

  Natalia admitted, "Me too, and hey, I only know you were peeking because I was too!"

  Reasoning her comment through, he stated, "Well, yeah, I guess you were." Then, he suddenly broke out in a smile filled with equal parts of generosity and relief.

  As she noticed the obvious gap in his teeth, Natalia inquired, "Did you lose that tooth playing sports?"

  The kid explained, "No, I lost it when I decided I didn't want to do this other kid's homework anymore, and my missing tooth was the price he charged me for breaking 'our deal'."

  As he said 'our deal', he positioned his fingers in a 'quote' gesture. Natalia understood his meaning clearly – the other kid was probably an asshole bully.

  She stated, "That's pretty funny. Did you kick the shit out of him after?"

  Neutrally, the kid replied, "Uh, no – it happened before my uncle signed me up for karate."

  "Oh, so it's more of a revenge thing for you," began Natalia. Then she added, "Cool; I respect that!"

  He admitted, "No, I'm not looking for revenge. Even if I were to become as good as Jet Li, I have no plan for revenge. I mean, the guy who did this to me is a foot taller and much heavier."

  Natalia reasoned, "Shit, they grow 'em big where you come from! He'd have to be the biggest kid in your class – maybe anyone's class!"

  Innocently, the kid stated, "Actually, he's fifteen . . ."

  Interrupting, Natalia continued, "Now wait, unless you are the smallest 15 year-old in the world . . ."

  Standing up on his toes, the kid announced, "I'm twel – I'm almost thirteen."

  Estimating that he was almost her height on his tiptoes, Natalia smiled, and declared, "Yeah! I remember now – Christmas party – you're in my class right?"

  Because he thought it was the cool way to approach their introduction, he feigned naivety, and replied, "Uh, really?" At first, pretend you've never noticed her before! Then, with complete fraudulence, he continued, "Oh . . . yeah . . . you're new, right?"

  Good-naturedly, she declared, "Yeah, it sort of sucks, but it rocks in other ways!"

  Surprised, he stated, "You think so? I was new in November. It hasn't 'rocked' for me yet!"

  "I guess not, if that kid knocked your tooth out," began Natalia. Then she reflected, and said, "I don't recall anyone that size in our class though. Come to think of it, outside of a couple o' teachers, there's no one that size in the whole school!"

  Quickly, he explained, "It wasn't in this school. It was in my last one."

  "Oh, so before you moved," began Natalia. She snapped her finger for emphasis, and added, "I get it now!" Then she had a curious thought, and inquired, "But wait, don't they just keep on pushin' kids through school here even if they're stupid bastards?" Before he could answer, she explained, "I mean, that's what they did
in my last school."

  Shrugging his shoulders, the kid replied, "Yeah, I think they do that here too."

  Reasoning it out, Natalia concluded, "So this kid could not have flunked out three times over, which means . . . you were doing grade 10 homework!"

  Defensively, he replied, "Okay, so I was doing a grade 10 kid's homework." Then he quickly explained, "I did it because he couldn't, but he knew I could, and he was way bigger than me, but it's over and not important."

  "If you say so," replied Natalia evenly, but then she smiled and added, "You grow more interesting. Hey, do I know your name?"

  "I'm Joe."

  "Okay, Joe, I'm Natalia. I presume Joe is short for Joseph?"

  "I guess so," replied Joe, with a shrug.

  Incredulous that he seemed uncertain about such a thing, she asked, "You aren't sure?"

  Joe could only ever remember having heard Joe or Painted Sun as his name before. He explained, "I really don't know, eh."

  Natalia had done an in-depth school project that focused on native North Americans. She had earned an A+ on it. She spoke with deductive authority, saying, "Well then, my next presumption is that since you haven't any Asian aspect in your looks then you are unlikely to be Inuit. Continuing along that line, you bear strong cheekbones but no sign of any European heritage as a Métis would have; therefore my guess is First Nations . . . although I apologize that I am being non-specific."

  With a sense of both curiosity and admiration, Joe remarked, "Actually, no one has ever tried to figure that out before . . . you seem to know a lot about my people."

  She asked, "Well?"

  Uncertain, he countered, "Well what?"

  "How did I do?"

  Catching her meaning, Joe light-heartedly explained, "Oh yeah, you're right, but most people who are 'non-specific' – as you called it – use terms like 'Indian' or if they feel like using an adjective to help them describe me further, then they add 'dirty' or 'stinkin'."

  Genuinely shocked, Natalia responded, "That's awful, Joe. I can't laugh at that – it wouldn't be right!"

  Evenly, he explained, "I can though because if I don't, then my only other option is to cry about it." The he offered a gap-tooth smile and reasoned, "Then I'd be a 'dirty, lazy, cry-baby Indian' too, eh?"

  While he chuckled, she responded as in the cliché, "You're a better man than me, Joe!"

  Deadpanning, he stated, "Well that should be easy enough."

  Suddenly, somewhat guarded, she asked, "Why do you say that?"

  As a question, Joe humorously explained, "Because you're a girl?"

  Understanding her own gaff, she apologized, saying, "Oh! I see – I said 'man' just then. It was just a cliché Joe – sorry to confuse you!"

  He responded, "No need to apologize!" Then he smiled, and added, "I was sure you were a girl from the moment I saw you!"

  Trying to determine if she should be impressed, she asked, "You mean, you could tell I was a girl, even when you first saw me on Monday in my bulky karate outfit?"

  Freely admitting it, Joe quickly answered, "Sure, then; and even the first time when you wore that guys' football shirt you like, eh?"

  A brief pause ensued.

  Suddenly, as if confirming it from a knowing good friend, Natalia inquired, "I do wear my Jacksonville Jaguars shirt quite frequently don't I, Joe?"

  Smilingly, Joe confidently replied, "Sure do!"

  Her tone more resembling an accusation, Natalia asked, "Do you know that I remember wearing that shirt the first day I went to class, Joe?"

  She had just caught him at the recognition cheat he had earlier pulled on her. Joe answered, "Uh, no shit, eh?"

  While he turned more red than usual, her previous accusatory tone gave way to a smile. Then Natalia said, "You're an interesting guy, Joe." She wondered what he was so talented at, and asked, "What subjects did you help that asshole with?"

  "Math and science," replied Joe. Then he laughed. Half his laugh inspired by her use of rude slang and the other half because he was still nervous from her revealing him a few seconds ago.

  With a straight face, she suggested, "Maybe you should help me instead."

  Then, a pause ensued during which both looked at the clock. She was thinking primarily about their five-minute break having been productive but that it was almost finished. He was thinking primarily about being the luckiest male alive and hoped his breath was fresh.

  After a smile, she demanded, "Well, Joe, are you going to help me?"

  Quickly, he answered, "Sure!" Then, inspired by her forwardness, he jokingly added, "As long as you don't knock out any more of my teeth – the rest are all adult teeth, and so was my lost one, eh."

  "You're messin' with me, Joe," began Natalia. Then in a good-natured tone, she claimed, "You're probably half way to your yellow belt while I've earned only half o' my first white."

  Joe was on his first white belt too, and admitted, "I only started in November."

  Remembering that he had said he was new too, Natalia modified her praise slightly, stating, "Well, you've got a few weeks on me, anyways."

  In just three karate classes, Joe could tell she was a natural. With genuine admiration, he remarked, "You're puttin' me on because I can see you're a fast learner."

  "That's almost like a pickup line, Joe," said Natalia, smiling afterwards.

  Suddenly, Sensei called for reassembly in the gym. Relieved by the interruption, Joe decided Sensei's request was the most important thing on Earth. With false heaviness, Joe commented, "I think Sensei is motioning for us all to return, eh."

  Quickly, she asked, "Will you wait for a minute after class?"

  Wondering if he might faint before then, Joe risked replying, "Sure."

  They continued their lesson and afterwards her instructor offered praise for his newest student. Sensei said, "Excellent, Natalia! Your progress is most impressive!" Then he added, "You 'ave a gift for karate."

  Natalia smiled remembering that he had explained during Wednesday's class that his birth occurred in Quebec; schooling in New Brunswick; training in Okinawa; and thus, her Sensei was a French Canadian, schooled bilingually, who learned Martial Arts on a Japanese island.

  Mischievously, Natalia asked, "Do you mean 'have' Sensei Jean-Claude?"

  With a tone suggesting he recognized the joke, Sensei exaggerated his reply, stating, "Yes, yes, of course I does. You know what I mean! You must not make fun of duh way people speaks Natalia, because dey gets hangry!"

  After he said 'hangry', Sensei offered the air an overproduced karate chop signalling that he was not offended. After that, Natalia realized that nothing seemed to offend Sensei. He was always incredibly calm and spoke of the good in things only, never the bad. Natalia admired this disposition, and decided she should try to emulate it more often.

  She felt it would be hard, because most adults became infuriated with her cleverness, candid speaking, and irreverent attitude within seconds of meeting her; however, if Sensei had learned to tolerate all the language bullshit she suspected he had faced, well then she would try to smile at adversity; praise people more; and generally think more positively.

  Sensei showed her and everyone else in class powerful moves; how to execute them with precision; and demanded only that they respect the art; each other; and the temple within which they practiced. He stressed that they should only use what he taught them in self-defence, and then only as a last resort.

  Just before the end of class, he asked if anyone had any questions. Natalia asked, "Sensei, how do you control your anger?"

  He explained, "I remind myself – anger is an exhausting waste of energy and time. I need to seek peace widdin!" She smiled, bowed her head in thanks, and then silently self-clarified that he had said 'within' with his very cute accent.

  After class, all the students participated in cleaning up their temple – the gym. As they politely exited to the hallway, Natalia found Joe putting on his winter coat. When he spotted her, Joe immediately imagine
d he was a guy putting on his winter coat way more coolly than any other guy could. When Joe subsequently began to place his right foot in his right boot more coolly than any other guy, Natalia asked, "Hey Joe, when can you come visit me at my place?"

  As cool as ever, Joe tumbled forward to the ground realizing too late that the boot was actually the left one. On his knees, he attempted a reputation recovery, declaring, "It's a good thing Sensei taught us how to look good falling down!"

  She inquired, "You okay?"

  Like so many civilizations that had succumbed to the Borg on Star Trek: The Next Generation, Joe realized that resistance was futile. Still on the ground, he sat back and began pulling each boot onto its correct foot. Then, channelling Bond, he announced, "I am shaken, but not stirred."

  Natalia saw an opportunity to practice her newfound disposition, walked over to him, and then said, "Give me your hands."

  In this instance respecting that resistance was stupid, Joe offered his hands to Natalia, who then quickly pulled him to his feet. Once there, Joe estimated that their noses were three inches apart. She released his hands and calmly stated, "You still haven't answered my first question, Joe."

  For once, coolly remembering, Joe quickly replied, "Pick the time and I’ll be there!"

  Still three inches away, she smiled and confidently stated, "We'll set it up tomorrow at school." Then they headed outside. It was dark and snow covered the ground in Aurica. Joe noticed that a man drove the car Natalia went into – he thought the man must be her father. He was probably a successful high-powered business executive who made millions, like so many people in this rural suburb.

  Joe decided that when he met her father, he would have nothing in common with him. To this point in his life, Joe's motto was 'even if disappointed by your low expectation – get over it!'

  Joe began walking home as he always did because he lived nearby. Joe did not notice if anyone noticed him pumping the air and saying 'yes!' six times in short order very loudly, as he trotted along. He found the crisp cool air particularly stimulating tonight. He began to sing a pop ballad that usually only girls sang.

  When he rounded the final corner on his journey home, Joe was almost finished singing his love song. He did not notice when the neighbour's snarling Doberman growled menacingly at him in the usual way as he passed by it. Normally the dog scared the shit out of Joe, but on this evening, he was too busy to care. He was imagining instead what he would name his blond-haired children.