Chapter 20: At school – Aurica – February 13 and 14
On the day before Valentine's, Joe sat at his grade 7 school desk and daydreamed about simpler times. He recalled that up to grade 5, everyone gave each classmate a cheap card about the size of a post-it note. The messages were crappy and fake. Joe thought someone who failed greeting card school wrote them.
Despite how insincere Valentine's Day had been up to then, nevertheless Joe felt nostalgic about it now. It had had an upside: every kid received the same shitty message from every other kid – the shit was non-discriminatory.
Then Joe recalled that in grade 6 last year he received no messages indicating amorous intent from anyone on Valentine's Day (shitty or not). Apparently, the other students had submitted him to the club of lonely hearts. He knew he was not the only one, but loneliness only knows itself: it was not about how the other guy felt; it was about how you yourself felt.
As he sat in his seat, Joe smiled at Natalia, who sat diagonally across from him. In this class they sat in groups of six, with each of six desks pushed together to form one large rectangle. With this layout, students could see the faces of at least three others at all times.
He had heard that this seating arrangement was the latest in improved educational technique – whatever! Joe would rather look at a pretty girl's face than the back of her head any day. He was thrilled when, earlier in the week, Ms. Coulston had changed the seating plan: she moved Natalia to Joe's table. It was almost as if Ms. Coulston knew his secret desires!
As he sat not listening to the Geography lesson, Joe decided to write his own Valentine's card for Natalia. He was certain it should contain no overt signs of intended affection. Although he felt confident that she liked him, until she gave him a much clearer sign, Joe would continue to play it cool.
He wrote on plain paper, 'Roses are red and violets are blue, Geography is boring – Do you think so too?' He slipped her the note diagonally across his desk to her, while the two other girls who sat in front of him and to his right, giggled.
At first Natalia appeared to blush a bit, but after she read it, she stifled a snort. In turn, this almost caused Joe to laugh. He had grown to enjoy her snort because to him, it seemed so genuine. It was as if she was most alive and happy when snorting. He had long since resolved to cause her a daily snort if he could.
Natalia nodded in agreement with his note; rolled her eyes for reinforcement; and then blew out of her mouth upwards so that her hair rose as she did it. He felt that her last airy gesture had the stamp of boredom to it.
Eventually, Geography books went away and Math books came out. Joe always enjoyed math, because it came easily to him: he never had to study. He recalled that when Ms. Coulston had asked him to be a peer tutor, he accepted: he had done this for years. He was thrilled when he found out that his student was Natalia Yakushev.
Like everyone else in class today, he had to focus on learning the material in the new unit: he helped Natalia catch up on old work during lunchtime. Apparently, her American curriculum had been a bit different from the Ontario one.
As soon as Ms. Coulston introduced the new material, Joe started to daydream as usual – he could easily do grade 10 math so he barely stayed awake for grade seven math.
Joe's mind began to wander. He imagined himself as the King of Mathematics. He saw his subjects all bowing in his royal presence. Then he saw himself encouraging them to rise again so that he could introduce his queen . . . his Queen, Natalia!
"Joe," began Ms. Coulston, interrupting his daydream. "Could you answer this question for us?"
Joe snapped to attention, glanced at the question on the board and in a heartbeat, answered, "42!"
Everyone in the room gasped when Ms. Coulston said, "Correct! That's amazing, Joe!"
Joe had long since stopped basking in the glory over his math successes. Instead, he sheepishly smiled and returned to his daydreaming. Later, as the math period wound down, Joe suddenly realized he needed to use the washroom.
He asked, "Excuse me, Ms., can I go to the bathroom?"
"Certainly, Joe," replied the teacher.
Just after that, a fellow student grabbed Joe's arm and asked, "How do you do it, Joe?"
Quietly, he answered, "Well, I always start by unzipping, eh – otherwise it makes a real mess."
Then, Joe walked through the door, down the hall, and into the boys' washroom. He did what he had to do and afterwards went to wash his hands. As he divined how to get the soap out of the dispenser, as usual, he looked in the mirror.
First, he flexed his biceps and examined the results in the mirror: they looked like two thin cords of red rope. Needs a little work!
He rinsed his hands, dried them and then returned to the mirror. I could be taller. Then he went up on his tippy toes and came back down. Needs a lot of work!
Undaunted, he smiled at his reflection, but saw the hole where his tooth used to be. Needs a shitload of work!
He returned to class where Ms. Coulston had begun to teach the last subject of the day – French. He knew he would have to pay attention because language was his weakest subject. As he sat down, he looked nervously at other students' workbooks to see what he had missed. Instead, Joe noticed that many kids had passed Valentine greetings to each other while he was in the can. Did they wait until he left to pass them out? Was it grade six all over again?
He calmed down briefly when he realized that no matter what had happened while he was gone; the school day would soon be over. After all, it was Friday and, whether he received a Valentine's Day card or not, he had two days off to get over any disappointment!
Then he realized that if Lovers' Day was the 14th, then today was the 13th – Friday the 13th! He knew that numerical superstitions were ridiculously irrational, but suddenly he felt as if the superstitious combination was to blame for his lack of cards.
Throughout the rest of the lesson, Joe continually looked Natalia's way, hoping to see a sign of her potential interest in him. More than once, he glanced at his backpack. In the morning, he had stashed in it, a glossy, red, heart-shaped card pre-embossed with the usual bullshit messages. He had signed the card and everything! If she gives me one first, I'm ready!
With ten minutes to go, Joe decided to slip the card into her bag and take his chances. As he reached for the card though, he noticed a female classmate, Sandi, scrutinizing his actions. He froze for a moment, realizing Sandi might be doing this in anticipation that he was going to give her something. These head games are too much!
He considered the option of giving the card to Natalia in plain view of Sandi; however, Joe quickly reasoned that if she secretly liked him, and saw him give the card directly to Natalia, she'd be pissed! Worse, if Sandi subsequently discovered that Natalia had later rejected him, she might enjoy alerting the rest of the school population of the fact. Girls could be nasty like that, and such an embarrassment would be intolerable. If that happened, Joe reasoned he would have no other choice than to kill himself. Rationalizing that he did not want to die before kissing at least one girl, Joe tactfully decided to wait.
As Ms. Coulston asked students to pack their bags during the last five minutes of class, Natalia slipped Joe a note. He read it to himself, 'Call me tonight about coming to visit me tomorrow!'
When the bell rang, Joe jumped up and rushed outside. Joe grew elated as he jogged home because not only had Natalia provided him with a hint at romance, she had used an exclamation mark! An exclamation mark meant 'love', and this relieved him as well, because now he would probably live another day or two.
The exclamation mark convinced Joe that Natalia wanted to take their friendship to the next level! Since he had already named their future blonde-haired children a few weeks ago, it made sense to Joe that they should begin the actual romance at once!
Time proceeded slowly after that, and later, when at last they spoke that evening, Natalia requested he visit her after dinner tomorrow, from six to nine. He asked for permission from his f
oster parents, who turned out to have planned a rare Saturday at home; thus, Joe did not have to babysit! It was a date!
The next morning, Joe arose determined to shower up early for his big date later. His foster mother, Joan, expressed concern because Saturday was laundry day and she was unused to a water supply competition. At first, Joe panicked but when his foster brother James asked him to play hockey on the driveway, instead Joe saw the bright side. He rationalized that he should freshen up as late in the day as possible. In fact, he resolved to use mouthwash after brushing and flossing his teeth. He usually only brushed: he would go all out for Natalia!
He felt so positive throughout the early day that with glee he let James win all the games they played together. He even allowed the twins to dress him up – as Santa. After all, even their version of Santa was a guy! Eventually, he had a tepid shower; scrubbed himself clean; and then fulfilled his dental mandate.
Joan drove him to Natalia's farmhouse, which was three streets to the east; Joe thanked her; and then agreed to be ready for a pickup at 9 pm. She drove off immediately when she saw that someone had opened the door to receive him.
As she stood in the front doorway, Natalia declared, "Hey, Joe, I've got a surprise for you!" Joe hesitated because, although he knew what he wanted her to say, he could not believe it was about to come true.
"I'm ready for a surprise," said Joe, as calmly as he could manage.
Before she let him in, Natalia quietly explained, "Alright then, I want you to follow me down the stairs, and when we get to the door at the bottom, I want you to close your eyes. Okay?"
Perhaps her father was upstairs listening and they needed to be quiet
Quietly and slowly, he answered, "I'll . . . do it!"
She led him forward into the house until they came to a stairwell down. Joe scanned the thirteen stairs to the basement. It was a short distance for him, but he found that his mind leaped giant strides back in time with each step he took. Each step suddenly represented a week from his most recent life history.
He had lived with his foster parents for thirteen weeks, and now he recalled the challenges he had faced each week. His whole life flashed before him with each step!
He recalled surviving dress up with the twins; losing regularly at sports to a 4-year old; seemingly endless and unpaid babysitting assignments; and how uncle Bear Claw had not been able to visit much because of the North American economy still sagging.
He recalled seeing the stunning Natalia for the first time in school; being stunned himself when she appeared in his karate class a few weeks later; and lastly, her precious and incomparable snort.
Natalia was like a butt-kicking Lara Croft, except her hair was blond (but he would rob a tomb if she said the word!) She was a Becky Barnes – except her blond hair was short (but he would not mind putting a sorcerer's spell on her!) She was his Jordan Two Delta – except her hair was curly (but he could handle being marooned on an island with her anytime!)
One day he would have Captain America's ripped abdominals, Cyclops' good looks, and Ironman's cash. Until then, Natalia would have to settle for his freshly rinsed, Listerine-enhanced (tropical-flavoured), smile.
Finally, he considered the last step. It was another small step, but a giant leap for his heart. He wondered if his heart was going from the Earth to the Moon but it was merely pounding hard. Joe felt certain Natalia was the female he could go five weeks in a balloon with, or even 20,000 leagues under the sea. He would journey to the center of the Earth too, if she commanded it. In fact, if she said he had to go around the world in 80 days without the aid of an airplane, well then Joe Painted Sun would succeed or die trying!
Commanding him with a whisper, Natalia said, "Okay now, close your eyes."
He did so and heard his heart pound so loud he missed the door creaking.
She demanded, "Now take a step forwards with one, then the other leg."
He did so and his heart was a war hammer, his chest the forge, she the blacksmith.
"Now, when I say so, open your eyes . . ."
"I will do it," interrupted Joe, and his orbs were lava and he a talking volcano.
Almost causing his eruption, she asked, "What do you want most in the world to do at this moment Joe?"
He began; "Oh Natalia, I want to kiss . . ."
He stopped speaking when in front of his eyes Joe saw a massive laboratory with computers and scientific equipment. In the middle of this magnificent room, there stood a smiling man in a white laboratory coat and Joe could instantly detect the family resemblance: Natalia's father. Rather stunned, Joe continued, "Uh . . . kiss . . . the sky and the heavens! Yeah . . . Natalia . . . I mean what a surprise. I am so . . . happy . . . you brought me here!"
The man responded, "Natalia said you'd be impressed, Joe. I'm glad you like it. I am Anton, Natalia's father and I understand that you have a gift for mathematics. I could use a talented mathematician in my scientific research. Natalia tells me you are also interested in science. Is that correct?"
Instantly ecstatic, Joe replied, "Oh . . . yeah! I would love to be involved in science or math one day." After a pause and some thought, Joe asked, "Uh, did you say 'Anton', as in Anton Yakushev?"
Guardedly, Anton answered, "Absolutely, that is my name, Joe"
Jubilantly, Joe stated, "Cool! You're an astrophysicist aren't you? I mean, shouldn't I be calling you 'professor' or 'doctor'?"
Cheerily, Anton replied, "I am not a professor, I'm afraid, Joe!"
Joe continued, "Too cool, Natalia! I mean, I guess I could have put the names together before now, eh? Not that many Yakushevs in Aurica's thin telephone directory, I'm sure." Joe laughed, and then slapped his head with a 'Doh!'
He almost forgot about his anticipated amorous event. However, there was plenty of time for that later. Perhaps it was not happening here tonight, but its replacement was awesome.
He looked around at all the equipment. He imagined his love was Captain of the USS Enterprise. He assessed damage – his starboard nacelles might have been shattered, but he still had impulse power, and the ship was out of danger.
Anton explained, "Anyways, Joe, it is nice to be recognized, especially since I doubt you were alive when I was still famous."
Joe exclaimed, "Wow! Look at all this equipment! Do you use it all?"
Nodding, Anton replied, "Absolutely, Joe, and most of it regularly."
"Cool! I sure would like to watch you in action sometime!"
With a smile, Anton questioned, "Just watch?" Then he added, "No, no, no, Joe – I insist that you help!"
Amazed, Joe replied, "Help? I think I'm gonna faint, eh!"
Anton teased, "No fainting allowed!" Then he suggested, "You can start tonight if you like!"
Natalia complained, "Dad! Joe came to visit me tonight!"
Enthusiastically, Anton explained, "Certainly he did, my dear! That is why I left this clipboard and empty piece of paper upon it – so you could record our findings, and be very involved too! What do you think? Good idea?"
"Well, I think so," stated Joe, apparently fully recovered. Natalia remained non-committal for a moment, but then smiled at them both and agreed to join the pair.
"Excellent," began Anton. Then he explained, "Usually, Joe, I am rather secretive about my work; however, a good friend of mine suggested I bring in fresh new blood."
"Ew dad," complained Natalia, totally grossed out. "Have you taken up vampirism down here in the dark?"
Joe suggested, "It would be more like creating Frankenstein's monster actually. I mean, with all this equipment, eh."
Anton caught on to the joke at last. He decided to answer in a deadpan style, and said, "Oh yes, and if you come down here on Halloween, I'll turn into the Wolfman for you!"
Natalia protested, "Dad!"
Continuing in the same tone, Anton quipped, "Sorry! I'll turn both of you into lycanthropes!"
Quickly, Natalia asked, "Is that like a cantaloupe?"
"Uh, no," repli
ed Anton quickly, "never mind!"
Not trying to hide his voice, Joe whispered to Natalia, explaining, "Werewolves!"
Natalia teasingly remarked, "That's not very funny, dad."
Admiringly, Joe quipped, "Very creepy though."
With candour, Anton asked, "Are you ready to take me seriously now then?"
Emphatically, Joe exclaimed, "Yes!"
Empathetically, Natalia replied, "Yes." She had easily detected Joe's keenness, and wanted her new best friend to enjoy the evening.
"Alright then," began the doctor, "I'm working on something radical, that no one else is, and I am close to perfecting it."
Surprised and intrigued, Natalia inquired, "Really, dad?"
Exhilarated, Joe remarked, "Sweet!"
Zarulium Chronicles I - Destination Nazca Page 22