by Becky Lower
Raoul shook his head to clear away his rampant ideas. His long hair swayed in front of his eyes as his head turned. The repetitive motion of the brush against the horse's hide soothed Raoul as much as it did the horse. The knot of tension he'd had between his shoulders since this morning melted away. He had to leave, to spare everyone further scrutiny from Sully, and the rest of the townspeople.
"What about it, Ziigwan? Is our mission, our destiny, finished?"
The horse bobbed his head, and Raoul took it as a nod of agreement. They would leave before more damage could be done.
He'd been lulled into a sense of complacency by Susannah and her delightful family. He regarded Hannah as his own child, especially since they had shared blood and he loved her with all his heart. Yet, each of the children was special in their own way. After some initial resistance, Jacob was more than eager to give up his title as head of the family and had come to rely on Raoul, both in the garden and the barn. And when he came across little Lydia, crooning a much beloved Indian death chant at her twin’s grave, he thought his heart would burst. The youngest, George, crawled into Raoul’s lap every night after supper, as if he belonged there. But Hannah had stood with him when he was alone—and that was not something he took lightly. Well, he had made certain there was enough of everything to get the family through the winter, which he presumed was the fulfillment of his destiny. It was past time to go.
He should leave right this minute, before Susannah and Hannah woke and tried to convince him otherwise. He could steal away into the woods, find his way down off this mountain again. Become Lone Wolf once more. They would never be certain what happened to him. He would be recalled, maybe fondly, for a few months. But his memory would fade into the distance over time, especially when the head of the household returned. Raoul could tell how much Hannah loved her father. Yes, despite the blood-sharing ceremony between them, Raoul would be replaced in Hannah’s affections as soon as her father came home.
Two things were stopping him from taking action tonight. First, his horse was tired, and so was he. A long day in the woods had taxed them both, but it was nothing a good night's rest wouldn't cure. A solid reason to postpone his departure for a few hours. The second reason, though? Not so solid. Raoul's gut twisted as he grasped the truth. Being a lone wolf no longer held any appeal to him. He wished for a wife and family of his own. He needed to be loved. And if he let himself mask the details, he could almost see this family as his.
He wiped his hand over his eyes as he stood by the horse. His feelings toward this family, toward Susannah, were out of place. They all belonged to another man, not to him. Ever since the night Susannah had cried on his shoulder, his awareness of her lush curves and her intelligent blue eyes had fueled his nightly visions even in her pregnant state. In his mind, he had a vision of kissing her, running his hands over those curves, taking her to sensual heights and listening to her moan with delight.
Definitely not the scenario he should have when winter set in for good, stranding them alone on this hilltop. Better sense might prevail now, but people needed to cling to each other in the bone-chilling temperatures that were coming. His decision made, he straightened his stance. Yes, he would leave in the morning. He could say his goodbyes to the family before he left. He owed them that much. Otherwise, they would waste their time scouring the hills in search of him, assuming he must be injured. But just a simple farewell and he would be off, first thing in the morning.
His breath caught in his throat when the barn door opened, bringing in a gust of cold air and the woman who haunted his nights.
♥•♥•♥
Susannah strode through the quiet, darkened barn toward the lantern placed at Ziigwan's stall.
"I thought you might be hungry, so I kept dinner warm for you." She held up a basket of fragrant food for Raoul to see. The scents coming from the basket made his stomach grumble, and she laughed. “I guess I was right to do so.” She set the basket on a hay bale.
His gaze raked over her body, and she could see the hunger in them, too. She lowered her eyes to the barn floor, certain he could see a mirror of his own feelings in her eyes, should she let him. Her skin tingled, and her core tugged in longing. She gasped slightly at her reaction. Sully's suspicions were not so off the mark.
Struggling against her emotions, she raised her eyes and once again took in the handsome man standing before her. His Indian features did not make him fierce. Quite the opposite. They drew her in. Her fingers itched to run through his long, black hair that was hanging loose tonight around his face, to brush back the widow’s peak that enhanced the symmetry of his face, to kiss his dark eyebrows and his full lower lip, to touch his hard, muscular chest. He hadn't moved from his horse's side.
"How did you figure out Sully would go to the pasture this morning in search of some evidence?"
"His visit was not expected, and not at his normal time, so it was obvious he was in search of something. Ziigwan, with his Indian markings on his rump, would be all the ammunition he needed. For whatever purpose he has."
Susannah tried not to watch Raoul's lips as he talked. They were full, and sensuous, and they drew her gaze as if she were a honeybee and his lips a flower. She took a step back and turned away from temptation.
"Despite your good efforts today, Sully pieced together that I have an Indian helping me out."
"How?"
Susannah shrugged. "He noticed the deer in the smoke house had an arrow wound rather than buckshot."
"Ah. Yes, that would give things away. I should have used a gun. We have let our guard down too much and it is best that I leave here tomorrow. Sully's job is to protect the women left behind, and he is only trying to take care of you. If I leave, he will have done his job. And your reputation will be upheld."
Susannah opened the stall door and moved to his side. If he wasn't willing to make a move, then, damn it all, she would. She placed a hand on his arm, feeling the muscles tense under her grasp. They were treading on thin ice, but she needed him. She already counted on him for more things than were healthy. She had to get him to stay, despite the knowledge his leaving would be best for them both.
"Sully won't be back until spring. He told me the pass is already filling with snow and not to expect him again until March. I need you to stay, at least until the baby comes. Once I deliver this child and am back on my feet, you can leave, if you must. But you have to stay until then. I’m begging you."
The hunger returned to Raoul's eyes as he stared into hers. All she had to do would be to lean forward and he’d kiss her. Kiss her senseless. Kiss her until she couldn't breathe.
She released her hold on his arm and took a step back, inhaling deeply.
"Did Sully bring you another letter from your husband? What does he say about the new child?"
"My letter telling him the news hadn't yet arrived when he wrote this one. So it was only full of his exploits as an Army volunteer. Oh, and he did mention how much he misses us all. Nice of him to acknowledge his family."
Her hands curled into fists as she recollected the contents of William’s letter. There was not even a mention of how the family was getting along and how close to winter, and total starvation they could be. The man standing in front of her was the only one she could rely on, now. At least, she hoped that would be the case.
"So, may I count on you?"
He sighed. "It would be for the best that I leave now. We both can agree on that point. There is little more I can do to get you ready for winter. Winter is a time for being idle. And that can lead to a place neither of us should go."
As if to emphasize his words, he closed the distance between them and caressed her cheek.
“Your scent haunts me nightly,” he whispered as he buried his nose in her hair.
She shuddered and leaned into his hand, closing her eyes for a moment, biting back the moan his touch elicited before coming to her senses and stepping back.
"Then, we will have to find ways to minimiz
e our contact with each other. It shouldn't be too hard. If we don’t allow ourselves to touch each other, we should be fine. After all, we are both adults, and can control our emotions."
Raoul shook his head. "Can you honestly say if I remove myself from the kitchen table and eat my meals in the barn, if I cannot feel your soft cheek again, it will make a difference?"
Susannah sighed. "What I'm saying is we have to try. Two more months, that's all I'm asking for. This baby will be born in December. Hannah and I will need your help for a few days once the baby decides to make his appearance. After that, you're free to go."
"It will be hard to stay here one more day, now that I am aware you are having the same feelings as I am."
She turned away from his greedy gaze. "In case you missed it, I am very pregnant with my husband's child. How can that be appealing to you?"
"Being with child has only made your curves more so. Your breasts are larger, in preparation for your new babe. You are even more tempting than you were when I first arrived. You have lost some of the tension in your face, and you laugh more often."
His comments warmed her, and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. Her nipples budded at his remark about her breasts. She really needed to leave this overheated barn.
"Regardless of our feelings, we must try to make this work for two more months. Please, tell me you'll stay."
Raoul moved back to the horse, and soothed the swell of the horse's rump with his hand. Susannah followed the path of that hand, and wondered how she would feel if he did the same to her. She held her breath.
"I will stay, but I will take my meals in the barn. Perhaps you are correct. If we can limit the time we spend together, it will be all right."
Susannah’s shoulders rose as the heavy weight of rejection was removed. Her breath came a bit easier. She could still rely on Raoul until after the baby arrived. She would have to corral her feelings toward him, and treat him as she would any other man she hired to help on the farm. She had faced more daunting obstacles before, and she had no doubt she could do this, too. She glanced at Raoul one more time before she turned to leave, and her mouth went dry as the light from the lantern emphasized the harsh, exotic planes in his face. The face she had come to love.
Yes, it was going to be an extremely hard winter.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Days went by, and Raoul did not even see Susannah. Hannah brought his breakfast to the barn each morning when she came to do the milking, and again at suppertime. Jacob usually brought a sandwich to him at the noon hour, before they got to work on cleaning the barn or the tack. Sometimes, little George accompanied him, and Raoul scooped him up into his lap as he stopped his work long enough to eat the sandwich.
Up to this point, none of the children had asked for an explanation on why he had changed his routine and no longer joined the family in the house. Raoul breathed a sigh of relief each time they kept their conversations to small talk. After Sully’s visit, it seemed the children understood the stakes involved intuitively. There was no need to talk about it.
He was grateful Susannah had listened to his words, and kept her distance. Yet, he found himself sneaking into the woods opposite the clearing whenever he had a minute, to catch a glimpse of her. He told himself he was only being vigilant, making certain everything was all right, but deep in his heart, the real reason for his subterfuge resonated. His heart skipped a beat whenever he caught a glimpse of her silvery blonde head, and he was mesmerized as he followed the pass of her hand over her swollen stomach, cradling her unborn child.
This morning, however, Hannah chose to break her silence about the change in their routine. Her head was bent over as she tugged on the cow’s udders, sending steams of warm milk into the bucket.
"Why don't you eat with us at the table anymore, Lone Wolf?"
He sighed as he picked at his scrambled eggs and bacon. He raised the mug of hot coffee to his lips, savoring its bold taste before he answered Hannah’s simple question.
"It is best if Sully does not figure out I am here on the mountain."
"But Sully is gone, at least until spring. What harm would it do to have you take your meals inside instead of out here, where it's cold and smelly?"
He finished his meal, popping the last of the thick slices of warm bread slathered with sweet butter into his mouth just as Hannah got done milking the cow. She rose and came to his side, setting the bucket of milk on a hay bale.
She placed her hands on either side of his face and then wove her fingers into his hair. He closed his eyes as her small fingers explored. He had not had any physical human contact since the night in the barn with Susannah, and had not accepted how much he missed the daily interaction with this family until Hannah touched him. Love for this little girl pooled in his belly. He opened his eyes and stared at her, covering her hands with his own and kissing her fingers.
"I miss you, Lone Wolf."
"I am but a few steps away, Hannah, any time you wish to see me or to talk."
"It's not the same. And I don't understand. If Sully's gone until spring, you should be more willing to be out in the open. Instead, you're staying away from us. From me."
Raoul continued to hold her hands as she stood before him. "Perhaps when the pass is completely closed, and we can be assured of no more surprises, I will rejoin you at the table. Until then, I must stay here. It is safer this way."
Hannah stared into his face. "Well, then I'll pray tonight for a big snowstorm."
Raoul laughed. "Yes, a big snow will keep Sully's prying eyes away. But until then, we need more meat to get through the winter. Is Jacob about ready to head into the woods with me?"
Hannah nodded her head. "Yes, as soon as I get back to the house, he's planning to meet you. And he's so excited to go hunting with you. I wish I could go, too."
"It is safer to take you children out with me one at a time. That way, I can give you proper instruction, and you will be safe."
"So next time you go hunting, it will be my turn?"
Raoul spread his hands before him. "I do not see any other child old enough, do you?"
Somewhat mollified, Hannah threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. She had a grin on her face as she left the barn with her bucket of milk and his empty dishes. Hannah might reason that a big snowstorm and a few more trips to the woods for meat would answer all their problems, but Raoul had a feeling it would only be the start of them.
♥•♥•♥
A storm was brewing in the hills. The wind picked up shortly after noon, but even without the wind, Susannah could feel it in her bones as she waited for Raoul to return with Jacob. Her shoulders grew tighter each time she glanced out the window, searching for the man and boy. She trusted Raoul's tracking ability, and was certain he and Jacob could find their way back, even in blinding snow, but there was always the chance that one, or both of them had gotten injured during the day, and was the reason for the delay. They should have been back hours ago. She rubbed her hands together, then rubbed her arms, and the back of her neck. But she couldn't rub out her wild notions of doom.
Supper came and went. Hannah pulled her shawl over her light brown pigtails and went to the barn to milk Bossy, and to feed the horses. There was still no sign of the hunters. Susannah's worry increased as she lit candles and placed them in the windows. Her hand glided over her bulging stomach in an attempt to calm herself. Hannah was buffeted by the wind on her way back from the barn, and nearly spilled the milk she had just gotten from Bossy.
"We need to get the rope put up between the house and the barn, Hannah." Susannah jumped up from the table, glad to finally have something to do. "Lydia, you take care of George while we're gone, okay? We'll just be outside." Lydia, the quiet one, nodded her agreement and sat on the floor in front of the fire with the toddler.
Susannah and Hannah bundled up against the cold weather and uncoiled the rope, which had lain in the barn all summer. Red handkerchiefs were interspersed along the ro
pe, to make it more visible. The handkerchiefs gave the rope a rather gaudy appearance, but there was no mistaking its mission. This rope provided a lifeline between the house and the barn. Many a person in this part of the country had lost their way between the two buildings during a blizzard and frozen to death before they could find their way back.
At least William had the foresight to get this sturdy rope line in good repair before he left, Susannah thought. He had thought a bit about the safety of his family before he left to serve the country. For that, she was grateful. Yes, despite what Sully said, she was proud of what William was doing. But life on the mountain was hard enough when he was here, and she longed to have her entire family back together and intact. However, the government needed him as well, and duty to country overshadowed duty to family, at least in his eyes, and in the eyes of the nation.
Tears began to roll down her cheeks, and she shook her head to rid herself of them. Her stomach roiled, not because of the babe, but because she was worried about her son, Raoul, and her husband all at the same time. Why did William assume duty to country overrode duty to home? Raoul didn't. To him, family was most important. His only mission, since he'd wandered onto their mountain, was to lighten their burden. The job that should rightfully belong to her husband.
Together, she and Hannah managed to secure the rope to its post just outside the barn door, and Susannah tightened the knot. It reminded her of the knot in her stomach. Together, they uncoiled the heavy rope and covered the distance between the barn and the house. When they got to the house and pulled the rope through the iron ring on the post outside the door to the home, it took both of their weight to pull it taut. They were so busy struggling against the whipping wind, and the heavy rope that Susannah missed hearing Raoul and Jacob come into the clearing.