by Amy Lillard
“A body can’t eat pride,” Nelson said. “Perhaps I’ll lay the offer on the table and it will be there.” He gave an elegant shrug, then nodded toward the plate between them. “Go on. I know how you love your treats.”
She smiled and helped herself to a couple of the cookies, one especially attractive one with pink icing that she anticipated was made with real strawberries. Then she watched as Nelson picked up his tiny cup and sipped his tea. Somehow his hands looked right holding such a small and delicate thing. But his hands weren’t calloused and scarred like Jed’s.
Really! She needed to get a handle on that. Mr. Evans’s, she mentally corrected herself.
Nelson looked perfectly at home, sitting in a tearoom sipping oolong from china cups and talking about nothing.
She couldn’t imagine Mr. Evans seated across from her. Well, she could. But he didn’t look as comfortable as Nelson. Not by far.
“I suppose,” she said, dragging herself back into the conversation.
Nelson shrugged again. “It’s the least I can do for the man who brought my Birdie back to me.”
She felt the blush from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes. “Yes,” she murmured, unsure of what else to say.
“Speaking of which,” Nelson continued. “How about we all have supper tonight at Nellie’s? That’s the restaurant next to the Bella Union Hotel.”
“That’s where I’m staying,” Birdie exclaimed.
“I couldn’t imagine you staying anywhere else.” He smiled. “Now I know you just got back into town after so long and I’m sure you’ll want to talk wedding plans and all. But we have plenty of time to dine alone, just the two of us and make our plans. Tonight I think we should include this guide of yours.”
It hadn’t even crossed her mind that Nelson would want to dine with her on her first night back. And she had already made plans with Jed! What was wrong with her? “Of—of course,” she managed. “Mr. Evans would enjoy that very much.” She hoped.
“Perfect. Nellie’s isn’t as smart or elegant as the Blue Feather, but the food’s better even if the atmosphere is not.”
“Is that where you eat most nights?” Birdie asked.
To her surprise, Nelson’s face filled with a fine pink from the top of his color with his dark wavy hair. “I uh, eat at many different places.”
In that moment, Birdie realized, even after five years’ worth of letters, there was a great deal about her fiancé that she didn’t know.
After their tea, Birdie said her goodbyes to Nelson and headed back to the hotel. She played with the idea of reporting her stolen purse, but she hadn’t gotten a fair look at the man. Sacramento was teaming with people. Finding that one man among all the others would be worse than trying to locate a needle in a haystack. She supposed it would be best to let it go and use it as a lesson to be more careful in the future. It was ironic to say the least that she had been so careful all these years not to get robbed of her treasure, only to come to town and allow herself to be taken.
She sighed a little to herself and walked into the front lobby of the hotel. It was beautiful with plants and exotic rugs, rich, upholstered furniture, the perfect backdrop for the smartly dressed people milling around. Some of the men smoked and talked about politics and the upcoming railway while the ladies fanned themselves and chatted about babies and cooking.
This was one thing she could get used to quite easily, having good people all around. If not decent in their hearts, then decently dressed and presented. The rest she could figure out as she met them. She smiled at her plan and approached the front desk.
“Yes?” It was the same man as the day before. His lips twitched beneath his dropping mustache, and Birdie wondered briefly if he used a special cream or plain lard to hold his hair in place.
“I’m looking for a church,” she said.
“Catholic?” he asked.
“Just a Christian church.”
His lips twitched and suddenly she was reminded of a nosy bunny. She reined in that thought. A nice bunny who was helping her more than he even knew.
“Two streets over,” he was saying, and Birdie realized she had missed the name. “And the end, there’s a church. You can’t miss it.”
“Thank you,” Birdie said. Church. That was just what she needed to remember humility and love for others, but also to rid herself of the cursed gold, mine claim and all.
She made her way up the large, sweeping staircase to the second floor, surprised when she saw that Jed’s room, right next to hers, was open.
“Cora Mae.” Suddenly he was standing in his doorway. He must have been listening for her to come in. Had he been waiting for her? The thought was a little thrilling, but she had to put it aside. There was no time for that. She was marrying another man, and she needed to remember that first and foremost.
“Mr. Evans.” She smiled, then reached for her bag to take out her key. And she realized she didn’t have the key to her room. It had been in her reticule. She sighed.
“It’s open already,” Jed was saying.
“What?”
“I had the man downstairs open it. I figured you would forget.” He shrugged. “I thought I would save you a trip back downstairs.”
“And you’ve been watching?” she asked.
He shrugged again, color filling his face. “I wanted to make sure that whoever took your purse didn’t figure out what door the key opened and help himself to everything else you own.”
“That’s mighty kind of you.” Mighty, mighty kind.
“I figure we can brace a chair under the door at night. Unless you want to move rooms. The manager said that the keys aren’t marked so it’s unlikely the thief will be able to find what the key actually opens. But if we brace a chair...If you brace a chair under the knob you should be all right.
“Or say a prayer.”
“Or that,” he said, suddenly more uncomfortable than he had been.
“Jed,” she started, hoping to change the subject. “Tonight. At supper. Nelson will be joining us. I hope you don’t mind. I mean, he is my fiancé.”
“Yes. He is.” The words were flat, and she wondered where the change in him had come from.
“He wants to meet you.”
“And I him.” Jed gave a small bow of respect, but Birdie could tell that he was lying. He didn’t want to meet Nelson at all. But why?
“Very good, then.” She started to open her door and let herself into her room.
“B—uh, Cora Mae,” Jed started. “I have something to ask of you.” He shuffled in place and stared at everything in that hallway but her. His shoes. The sconces on the walls, the Oriental runner beneath their feet. “I need to get a letter back home.”
She waited patiently for him to continue or at the very least look at her.
“Will you help me?”
“Help you what?”
The pink that had been staining his cheeks turned a vivid shade of crimson. “Write the letter.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know how.”
“I don’t understand,” Birdie said half an hour or so later. “You never learned?”
He shook his head at himself. “It wasn’t for lack of trying. It’s just the words and even the letters seem jumbled to me. I would have to read in school,” he said. “I hated it. I would say the wrong words, though that’s what it looked like to me.”
“So you saw the words differently than they were written?”
“I suppose. What a dummy, yeah?”
“You most certainly are not a dummy. You’re one of the smartest men I know. Why, all the way down the mountain you told me about the plants and animals that we saw. I thought you had learned it from a book.”
“I listen to people when they talk,” he said, feeling a bit proud that she had championed him.
He felt a little of the tension go out of his shoulders when she nodded as if she truly understood.
She had come to him when she got back to the hotel and he had asked her
about writing his mother. Sweet as she was, she agreed but she had wanted to know all about his schooling and such. Somehow it was different when she asked. She seemed to inquire because she cared, not because she wanted to know all the juicy details of his embarrassment.
Her understanding and caring made him want to take the chance and tell her how he felt about her. Maybe if to only let her know.
Not really. He wanted to tell her to see if there was any chance for the two of them. But then there was Nelson O’Neil. What did Jed have to offer her that she didn’t already have? Not one thing. She had money more than most, a man who loved her. A man who was, Jed reluctantly supposed, handsome and who was undeniably successful. She had hired Jed to bring her out of the mountains because she wanted to go back to the city, back to city living. If she went with him to Texas she would be isolated once more. So he asked himself again...what could he offer her that she didn’t already have? And the answer remained the same.
So he kept his piece.
The letter to his mother was done. Birdie said she would help, but in truth she had written most of it. And not once had he felt like she had passed judgement on him. And he was grateful for the time he could spend with her.
“Maybe I could teach you,” she offered. “If you’d like,” she hastily added.
He shrugged. “Maybe.” He’d made it this long without knowing how to read well, what was another few years?
She stood and he rose as well. “I guess we should be getting ready for our supper.”
He nodded and slapped the letter against his hand. She had added his mother’s name and the name of their ranch to the outside of the envelope too. Now all he had to do was take it to the stagecoach office and send it to Texas.
“Thank you, Birdie,” he said quietly.
She nodded. “Of course.”
Then with nothing left to say, he turned and made his way from her room back into his. He heard the rustle of her dress, then the door between them was shut and locked.
And there was still so much more that he wanted to say to her.
Birdie couldn’t ever remember being this nervous in her life. She longed to wipe her hands down the sides of her dress, but the sweat on her palms would only stain the silk. So, she fanned them at her sides and wondered when she would once again be comfortable in polite society.
She hadn’t seen Jed in the hallway or in the lobby so she made her way to the restaurant by herself. She was a little perplexed that Nelson wasn’t there to meet her, but she was certain his intentions were honorable. Perhaps he thought it unnecessary since the establishment was so close to the hotel.
There were as many people out at the supper hour as there had been at midday. Mercy! Would she ever get accustomed to this bustle? Birdie shook her head and started for the restaurant.
She had been a little surprised when he had suggested eating at Nellie’s. She had thought he would want to dine in a place with more...elegance. But as he had said, the food was good, and it was close. That was just Nelson. He might have a great deal of money in his own right and come from a good, solid family, but he didn’t stand on airs. He was just a person like everyone else. It was one of the many things she loved about him.
She stopped right there on the sidewalk and remembering Jed’s words from earlier that day, she moved to the side so people could pass her without difficulty. She closed her eyes and bowed her head.
Dear Father in heaven, is it possible to love two men at the same time? Please Lord, I pray for clarity of mind and heart. My very being is torn and confused. I need Your guidance. Thank you for this and your many blessings to me. And I promise to take the gold to the church tomorrow morning first thing. Amen.
She blended back into the milling people and continued on to the restaurant, She didn’t feel any better after her prayer, a status that she wasn’t accustomed to. Usually when she prayed she felt better immediately, light of heart and spirit. But not this time.
My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?
Again there was no answer. It looked like she would have to get through this one on her own.
She stepped into the busy restaurant and looked around to see if Jed or Nelson were already there. To her surprise they both were seated across from each other and apparently in an intense discussion. About what she could only speculate.
She wound her way through the tables to where they sat.
Both men immediately stood and that nervousness washed over her once more.
“Birdie, my dear, you look lovely.” Nelson took both of her hands and leaned in to kiss her cheek.
On the other side of the table, Jed shifted in place.
“Come, sit,” Nelson said, pulling the chair out for her. “We were just about to come looking for you.”
“Here I am.” She smiled to cover up the unnaturally high pitch of her voice. Instead she cleared her throat and took a sip from the water glass in front of her. She could get through this. And with any luck, God would start answering her again and guide her down the right path. “So,” she tried again, but stopped her clear her throat. “What were the two of you discussing when I came in? It looked very intense.”
“The railroad,” Nelson supplied. “And of course the Orientals. It seems your Mr. Evans has a soft spot for the Celestials.”
Birdie took a minute to study Nelson. There was no malice in his voice, but it held a superior note that she had never heard before. “I suppose I do too.”
Nelson waved a hand in front of him as if to clear the air. “I’m not talking about Lin Sing, my sweet. But the race in general. They come here expecting work and that’s the work we have.”
“And I explained to Mr. O’Neil that so many of the Chinamen are dying—unnecessarily.”
“An opinion you are entitled to in this great country.”
Birdie shifted in her seat. This was not a good conversation for the supper table. She wasn’t sure this was a good conversation at all. It might be timely but the railroad itself was controversial enough without adding in the ill treatment of the Chinese people. “Perhaps we should just agree to not agree so as not to interfere with our digestion.”
Nelson nodded smartly. “But of course, my dear.”
Mr. Evans sat back in his chair and took a drink of his own water. Nelson smiled and crossed his legs. No one said a word. It wasn’t long before the silence seemed oppressive. Just before it got to be more than she could handle, the waitress thankfully came and took their order. She moved away to tell the cook and that strange silence descended once more.
“I’m planning on going to the church tomorrow,” Birdie said to relieve the tension surrounding them. “I was hoping that you could accompany me.” She looked to Nelson.
“Tomorrow?” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I have a very large shipment arriving tomorrow and a meeting at the bank about Benny’s store.”
Benny, Nelson’s brother, was opening the new Bodega Primera in San Francisco. Birdie was sure such an endeavor was as time consuming as it was important, but she was disappointed all the same.
“Are you still planning on...you know?” he asked. He didn’t say the words she was certain to protect her.
“Of course.”
She could feel Jed’s gaze on her, but she kept her own attention centered on Nelson. “But I suppose I’ll have to wait now.”
Nelson shook his head and gave her an indulgent smile. “That’s what I’m talking about,” he said. “There’s no reason for you to give it all away.”
“There is,” she said, not sure she liked the primness in her tone. “I’m doing this for His glory.” Plus the gold made her nervous. She felt as if it made her a target. She didn’t want it; she never had, and she honestly wanted rid of it as soon as possible. Perhaps she should have done that before now.
“I’ll escort you.”
Birdie turned to look at Jed.
He cleared his throat. “If Mr. O’Neil is unable to escort you, then I can...and will. If yo
u would like.”
“Thank you, Mr. Evans.” At least she had remembered to call him by his proper title in speech even if she couldn’t get her thoughts to obey.
“Birdie, dear...perhaps you and I should discuss this all a bit further before you carry this plan to fruition.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’ve made my decision.”
“I’m asking as your fiancé.”
Birdie closed her eyes only briefly and opened them once more. “It’s my g—mine to do with as I see fit and I see fit to take it to the church and leave it in the offering plate.”
He looked from her to Jed, then back again. “I just feel you are being hasty. Perhaps we should discuss this later when we aren’t in front of guests.”
Hadn’t he already said that? “Of course,” she replied. She wasn’t about to change her mind, but she didn’t want to argue before their supper and in front of Jed so she let the matter drop. But come the morrow, she was taking the accursed gold to the nearest church and giving it all to God.
One of the nicest things about having a bit of money—and being in the city—was being able to afford luxuries that she had been missing out on when she and her father were up in the mountains.
Birdie sighed and sank a little deeper into the warm, lavender-scented water. Her chin dipped below the surface. She closed her eyes.
“Are you still going to the church tomorrow?”
“Yes,” she murmured, but didn’t open her eyes or sit up farther in the large tub.
Jed was right next door, having a bath of his own. It felt shamefully intimate to be wet and naked with only the door separating them, but it was locked and she was the only one with the key. In all honesty, Jed was a kind and decent man. She had trusted him with her life. He would do nothing to compromise her virtue. And he certainly wouldn’t barge into her room. But somehow she felt just a bit uneasy at the familiarity they had between them. She could never imagine involving Nelson in such an endeavor, so she stopped trying and simply enjoyed the bath. There was no one to know but the two of them and God. And He knew what was in her heart.