“Nana,” Bailey said, not quite sure if her grandmother was teasing or serious. Looking into eyes the same ocean blue shade as her own, Bailey wondered if maybe it was true. Even though Nana’s hair was now white, Bailey knew she and Trey got their hair and eye color from Nana. Bailey suddenly wondered what other traits she’d received from her enigmatic grandmother.
“When I was a sweet young thing back in the day, I lived in Los Angeles and worked for a talented photographer. He was gaining notoriety in all the right circles and was sometimes called upon to do portraits of celebrities. As his assistant, I often tagged along, helping set up equipment, handling the paperwork and any other details as needed. To keep a steady income, he took photos for businesses. You wouldn’t believe how many corporate offices wanted portraits of their executives back then. In a pinch one day, he handed me a spare camera and asked me to take some photos for him. We both discovered I had quite a knack for it, so I became more of his apprentice than his assistant.”
“I had no idea, Nana,” Bailey said, surprised to hear of her grandmother’s adventures before she wed. “Mom never mentioned it.”
“I don’t suppose she would, since none of my kids really knew about my life before they came into existence,” Nana said with a grin. “Anyway, I loved being a photographer. It was something that drove me out of bed in the mornings. It spurred my passion and I was entirely focused on learning to be the best. One day my boss sent me to take photos of a bunch of stuffy bank executives. Expecting a room full of stodgy cigar-smoking geezers, I was surprised to find one very handsome young man in the group. He was a go-getter, could charm the bees right out of their honey and my gracious, but one look from him turned my knees to butter and my head to mush. I managed to get the portraits taken without incident, but he helped me carry the equipment back to my car and asked me out for dinner. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew we were married. While your grandfather excelled with his business, I did equally well with mine. So well, in fact, that my employer asked me to join him as he traveled around the country on an assignment taking photos for a national magazine. It was about that time that your grandfather was asked to transfer to a bank in Portland. So I hung up my camera and never looked back.”
Bailey stared at her grandmother, knowing how the story ended but wondering if Nana ever regretted giving up her career aspirations.
“I can see what you’re thinking, Bailey, and no, I never regretted my decision. Not for a minute,” Nana said, patting Bailey’s leg. “I loved being a photographer. I loved every single thing about it. It made me feel alive, and I could spend hours in the darkroom not even knowing the time had passed. But as much as I loved my career, it was a drop in the bucket compared to how much I loved your grandfather. When we moved to Portland, I gave up my career and started a family. I’ve never been sorry for that choice. In today’s world, though, Bailey, I could have had both. Back then, once you married, you stayed home and raised a family. We didn’t juggle all the things today’s modern women do. Don’t limit yourself with one or the other, honey. Think in terms of both.”
“Don’t you sometimes wish and wonder, Nana?” Bailey asked, curious how her grandmother could just give up everything for love. “Don’t you think about what could have been?”
“No, honey, I don’t. Maybe I would have been good enough to be a famous photographer some day. Maybe I wouldn’t have. It doesn’t matter to me because I’ve got a beautiful, wonderful family I love very much. Much, much more than I ever did photography.”
“But, Nana…” Bailey was interrupted by her grandmother squeezing her hand again.
“No, buts, Bailey. Jobs, careers, aspirations to greatness don’t mean anything unless you have someone to come home to, someone to love like Brice loves you,” Nana said, picking up her crocheting and returning her attention to the baby blanket. “Don’t let your ideas about your career rob you of something you won’t ever find anywhere else, honey. True love doesn’t happen every day, you know.”
Grateful to hear the kitchen door open, Bailey made the appropriate comments over Cass’ fairy costume, accepted a piece of candy the little girl was willing to share, then retreated to her room to think.
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“You’re out and at ‘em early today, Bailey,” Anthony said as he walked into the paleontology center fossil lab a few days later to find Bailey already busy at work despite the early hour. “Is there some point when you are going to feel comfortable enough in your position to not put in quite so many hours?”
“No,” Bailey said, not looking up from the fossil she was analyzing. “I like working.”
“Something wrong?” Anthony asked, wondering what had Bailey even more close-mouthed than usual. He’d never seen anyone so fervently focused on their work as this young woman. She was driven, almost obsessed, with her efforts. He liked the young man who had ruffled Bailey’s feathers on more than one occasion. Recently, he thought Bailey may have shown more than a passing interest in the guy, but the past few days, she had been withdrawn and sullen.
“I’m fine,” Bailey said, then suddenly turned her gaze to her boss. “Do you know of any places for rent nearby?”
“Funny you should ask,” Anthony said, smiling at Bailey. “I ran into one of the local ranchers the other day. He’s got a small house he was hoping to rent out. Seems his mother-in-law lived in it for the last several years but they had to move her to a care home so the house is empty.”
“Perfect,” Bailey said, looking expectantly at Anthony.
“Would you like me to give him a call?” Anthony asked, wondering why Bailey suddenly was interested in finding a house nearby. She’d been commuting for almost two months from Grass Valley and didn’t seem to mind the drive. He wondered if she was concerned about bad roads and winter weather.
“I can call him if you have his name and number,” Bailey said, hoping this would be an answer to one of her problems.
“Here you go,” Anthony said, handing her a slip of paper with the information she needed scrawled on it.
Later that morning, Bailey called the rancher, drove out to see the house and paid him a deposit along with the first month’s rent. It was only a few miles from where she’d spend the winter working and made much more sense than driving a couple of hours on bad roads every day back and forth to Grass Valley.
The house was small but tidy and snug and came fully furnished, which made things even easier on Bailey.
She told the rancher she would move in that weekend, which would give her time to pack her few belongings at the Triple T, let her cousins know she was leaving, and tell Brice goodbye once and for all.
That last part was going to be the challenge Bailey was certain would break her heart, as well as Brice’s.
After talking to her grandmother the other evening, Bailey was even more convinced of her need to block out everything but her work. Understanding what Nana was trying to tell her, Bailey didn’t think the advice applied to her. She had to get over Brice and move forward with her life. Maybe some women could balance love and career obligations, but Bailey was convinced she wasn’t one of them.
Even now, she wondered what kind of career her grandmother could have had if she’d pursued it. Nana could have been famous, had her photographs grace the covers of national magazines, but instead she married a banker, moved to Portland and then The Dalles, and raised five kids.
Yet, Nana seemed happy with her decision. Would she have been happier with a career? If she hadn’t married Papa and followed him to Oregon, would Nana have spent her life wishing she hadn’t passed up true love? Somehow, Bailey knew the answer to that question would be yes.
Bailey was too scared of the unknown to admit how very much Brice meant to her, how much she was coming to need him in her life. She wasn’t willing, wasn’t ready, to take a chance that she could have both a career and marriage. Knowing herself as well as she did, she just couldn’t see a way to make it work.
“Not
that he’s proposed,” Bailey mumbled as she finished her work and began the long drive home. Brice had never once mentioned marriage or even hinted at a long-term commitment, other than his teasing comment when they woke up together in Burns about making it a permanent arrangement.
Maybe he acted this way with every girlfriend he had until one or both of them decided to move on.
Arriving at the Triple T just in time for dinner, Bailey was both excited and sad to see Brice at the table, saving the chair next to him for her.
After washing at the kitchen sink, she sat beside him and tried not to think about what she needed to do.
Brice touched her leg, brushed her hand, bumped her arm throughout the meal, as he always did, and each contact made Bailey more withdrawn, more depressed, more resolved that she had to make a clean break and soon.
“What’s wrong, sugar,” Brice finally leaned over and asked in a whisper. His breath was warm on her neck and she could almost feel the touch of his lips by her ear.
“Nothing,” Bailey said, shoving down her desire to grab his hand in hers and hold on to it for a lifetime.
“Nothing sure makes you look like you’ve been sucking lemons,” Brice teased, jostling her shoulder with his, hoping to bring out a smile. “What’s got you down in the mouth today?”
“I already told you I’m fine,” Bailey said quietly, her tone brusque.
Brice raised an eyebrow at her, but left her alone through the rest of the meal.
Holding back until dessert was finished and the hands shuffled out the door for the evening, Bailey looked around at her cousins, her family, and sighed. Waiting wouldn’t make what she had to say any easier, so she cleared her throat.
“There is a piece of pertinent information I need to impart to all of you,” Bailey said, reverting to her formal mode of speech.
“What’s that, Bailey?” Tess asked from her seat next to Travis. At the look in Bailey’s eye, Tess felt the need to reach out and squeeze Bailey’s hand in reassurance.
“As of today, I have secured adequate lodging arrangements closer to my place of employment and will take up residence there this weekend,” Bailey said, looking around the table at all the startled faces, avoiding Brice’s.
“What?” Brice said, sitting up straight in his chair so fast, he knocked over what was left of his glass of apple cider. Cady jumped up and grabbed a towel to mop at the liquid while Trent, who was sitting next to Brice’s other side, put a hand on his shoulder. Brice shrugged it off and turned to glare at Bailey. “Are you telling us you’re leaving? Moving to where?”
“I’ve located a furnished home to rent from a rancher just a few miles from the center. It will save me a lot of driving on bad roads this winter,” Bailey said, trying to take the practical approach. If nothing else, her cousins wouldn’t argue with common sense reasons for doing things. “The house is clean and the rent is reasonable.”
“But Bailey, we’ll miss having you here,” Tess said. She and Bailey had struck up a friendship during the weeks leading up to the wedding and she’d miss their chats about everything from vintage home décor to fashion.
“Really?” Bailey asked, not sure she had been anything to her family but a bother since her arrival.
“Of course we’ll miss you,” Cady said, giving Bailey a hug around her shoulders. “It’s been a pleasure to have you here with us.”
“You’ll come home on the weekends, won’t you?” Travis asked, trying not to let the look of fear and loss on Brice’s face get to him.
“Not every weekend, but once in a while, if the roads are good,” Bailey said, toying with her silverware, no longer able to make eye contact with anyone at the table, knowing they were all wondering why she was distancing herself from them, especially Brice.
“Have we done something to make you not feel welcome, Bailey? If so, I’m truly sorry. We enjoy having you here and really don’t want you to go,” Trey said, giving Bailey a long look that made her squirm in her chair. She didn’t seem to be fooling her cousins with her excuses for leaving.
“Not at all, Trey. Everyone has been wonderful,” Bailey said, wanting to escape to her room away from their questions and hurt looks. “At this point in time, I believe it is the best decision for me to make.”
“Best for whom?” Brice asked getting up from his chair and pulling Bailey to her feet. Propelling her toward the mud room before she could utter a protest, Brice turned to the group as he opened the kitchen door. “Excuse us a moment.” He closed the door behind him and grabbed Bailey’s coat from a peg on the wall.
“Put on your coat,” Brice said, holding it for her. Bailey crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. Brice dropped her coat back on the peg, put on his own and snatched a fleece blanket from a shelf above the coats, wrapping it around Bailey as he pushed her out the door into the cold evening.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Bailey asked, turning to go back into the warmth of the house.
“Getting to the bottom of things,” Brice said, keeping his hand on Bailey’s back, refusing to allow her to return to the safety of the house and her family. “You and I apparently need to have a talk so start talking or walking, sugar.”
Yanking the blanket more firmly around her shoulders, Bailey set off at a brisk pace down the hill toward the pond. Realizing where they were at, Bailey immediately decided coming to the spot where she first kissed Brice was a bad choice for trying to break up with him. Memories of his arms around her, his lips melding with hers, flooded over her and she wanted nothing more than to lean into him and relish his kisses.
She felt his hands on her shoulders as she stood staring at the moonlight reflected on the surface of the pond. It was lovely. Perfect and lovely and romantic. Too bad it was wasted on her tonight.
“Sugar? What’s going on?” Brice asked, turning her around to face him. He looked into her face and saw her fear, the uncertainties, in her eyes.
Rather than answer Brice, Bailey buried her head against his chest and tried to gain control of her emotions. Tears were burning the backs of her eyes and her throat felt like it was squeezing shut.
“What is it, baby?” Brice asked, gently rubbing her back. “You can tell me.”
Drawing on every ounce of strength she possessed, Bailey pushed away from Brice and took a step back.
“I’m sorry, Brice. I didn’t mean for things to get so complicated, but it’s over,” Bailey said, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. “I enjoyed our time together and getting to know you, but this has to be goodbye.”
Stunned, Brice didn’t know what to say. How could Bailey be telling him goodbye, mumbling some rubbish about things being complicated? The only thing that was complicated was the idiotic way she kept pushing aside her feelings for him.
“I realize this may come as a shock to you, and I’m sorry, but I think it’s best for us both to end things now before we…” Bailey’s voice caught and she couldn’t go on.
“Before we what? Fall in love? Lose our hearts? Decide we’ve finally met the one person who makes us complete? Is that what you were going to say, Bailey?” Brice asked, his anger mounting as he stood looking at her. “Because if you were going to say something about before we get hurt, it’s too late for that. You’ve been holding my heart in your hands since the day I met you. Why don’t you throw it on the ground and stomp all over it? Oh, wait. You just did.”
“Brice, I didn’t mean for you to fall in love with me. I didn’t mean to…” Bailey stopped herself before she said something that would make this even harder.
“You didn’t mean to what?” Brice asked, taking her arms in his hands and pulling her close. His eyes were dark and his jaw was clenched as he looked at her face, bathed in the moonlight. Any other night, he wouldn’t have been able to resist the way she looked with the moonbeams softening her porcelain skin to perfection. Tonight, he was angry and hurt and somehow felt betrayed.
“I didn’t mean to let you thi
nk we had a future together,” Bailey said, looking down, unable to meet Brice’s gaze.
“A future?” Brice laughed derisively. “Now that’s funny. How could any man have a future with a woman who loves digging up bugs dead thousands of years more than she loves this?”
Brice took Bailey’s lips in a savage kiss, stealing the breath from her lungs. Unable to stop herself, Bailey felt the blanket drop from her shoulders as she ran her hands up Brice’s arms and twined them at the back of his neck, toying with the short hair above the collar of his coat.
Bailey’s knees trembled, her stomach quivered and heat exploded through her as Brice deepened the kiss, holding her so close, his belt buckle dug into her stomach and the buttons on his shirt pressed against her soft skin through the fabric of her blouse. Suddenly, he let her go and she took a stumbling step back.
“When you’re sitting all alone surrounded by your fossils, remember that, sugar,” Brice said, swiping a hand over his face and releasing a sigh. He gave her one long, final look. “My offer still stands, Bailey. When you’re ready to fall, I’ll be waiting to catch you.”
Bailey watched Brice’s form disappear into the darkness as he walked back to the house. She heard the sound of an engine and knew he’d gone.
Letting the tears fall, she sobbed into her hands, ignoring the cold, ignoring the fact that her legs had given way and she sat on the frigid, damp grass.
When she felt the blanket drape back around her shoulders, she looked up to see Trey hunkered down beside her.
“Bailey, let’s get you back to the house. It’s freezing out here,” Trey said, standing and offering her his hand. Bailey took it, along with the handkerchief he held out to her. She mopped at her tears and didn’t pull away when Trey put a strong arm around her shoulders and let her lean against his side as they walked up the hill.
Grateful for her cousin, who now seemed more like a caring older brother, Bailey tried to stem the flow of tears.
“I’m sorry,” Bailey whispered as they neared the back door.
The Cowboy's Autumn Fall (Grass Valley Cowboys Book 4) Page 26