The Legend of Ulenspiegel, Volume 2 (of 2)

by Charles de Coster

  "Fetch me to this admiral that would not listen to you when youprophesied a frost."

  "Go without any fetching you?" said Ulenspiegel.

  Lamme departed, first locking the door of his galley. The admiralwas on deck, straining his eyes to see if he did not perceive somemovement from the city.

  Lamme came up to him.

  "Monseigneur Admiral," said he, "may a humble master cook give youa rede?"

  "Speak, my son," said the admiral.

  "Monseigneur," said Lamme, "the water is thawing in the jugs; the fowlgrow soft again; the sausage is laying aside its mildew of hoar frost;the butter becomes unctuous, the oil liquid; the salt is weeping. Itwill rain before long, and we shall be saved, Monseigneur."

  "Who art thou?" asked Messire Worst.

  "I am Lamme Goedzak," he replied, "the master cook of the shipLa Briele. And if all those great savants that boast themselvesastronomers read in the stars as true as I read in my sauces, theycould tell us that to-night there will be a thaw with a great hubbubof storm and hail: but the thaw will not last."

  And Lamme went back to Ulenspiegel, to whom he said, towards noon:

  "I am a prophet already; the sky grows black, the wind breathesstormily: a warm rain is falling; already there is a foot of waterupon the ice."

  At night he cried, rejoicing:

  "The North Sea is swollen: 'tis the hour of the flood tide; the highwaves rolling into the Zuyderzee break up the ice, which splintersin great fragments and leaps up on the ships; it flashes sparklesof light; here comes the hail. The admiral bids us to withdraw frombefore Amsterdam, and that with as much water as our greatest shipcan draw. Here we are in the harbour of Enckhuyse. The sea is freezingafresh. I am a fine prophet, and it is a miracle from God."

  And Ulenspiegel said:

  "Drink we to Him, and blessings on Him."

  And the winter passed, and summer came.

  XIX

  In mid-August, when hens, fed full with grain, remain deaf to thecall of the cock trumpeting his loves, Ulenspiegel said to his sailorsand soldiers:

  "The duke of blood, being at Utrecht, dares there to issue a blessededict, promising among other gracious gifts, hunger, death, ruinto the inhabitants of the Low Countries who might be unwilling tosubmit. Everything that still remains whole, saith he, shall beexterminate, and His Majesty the king will people the country withstrangers. Bite, duke, bite! The file breaketh the viper's tooth;we are files. Long live the Beggar!

  "Alba, blood maketh thee drunk! Deemest thou that we would fear thythreats or believe in thy clemency? Thy famous regiments whose praisesthou didst sing throughout the whole world, thy Invincibles, thyTels Quels, thy Immortals, remained seven months bombarding Haarlem,a feeble city defended by mere citizens; like mortal common men theydanced in air the dance of the bursting mines. Mere citizens besmearedthem with tar; in the end they were glorious victors, slaughtering thedisarmed. Hearest thou, murderer, the hour of God that striketh now?

  "Haarlem hath lost her splendid defenders, her stones sweat blood. Shehath lost and expended in her siege twelve hundred and eighty thousandflorins. The bishop is reinstated there; with light hand and joyfulcountenance he blesses the churches; Don Frederick is present atthese consecrations; the bishop washes for him those hands that inGod's eyes are red and he communicates in two kinds, which is notpermitted to the poor common herd. And the bells ring out and thechime flings into the air its calm, harmonious notes; it is like thesinging of angels over a cemetery. An eye for an eye! A tooth for atooth! Long live the Beggar!"

  XX

  The Beggars were then at Flushing, where Nele caught fever. Forcedto leave the ship, she was lodged at the house of one Peeters, ofthe Reformed faith, at Turven-Key.

  Ulenspiegel, deeply grieving, was yet rejoiced, thinking that in thisbed where she would doubtless be healed the Spanish bullets couldnot reach her.

  And with Lamme he was always beside her, tending her well and lovingher better. And there they used to talk together.

  "Friend and true comrade," said Ulenspiegel one day, "dost thou notknow the news?"

  "Nay, my son," said Lamme.

  "Seest thou the flyboat that but late came to join our fleet, andknowest thou who it is upon it that twangs the viol every day?"

  "Through the late colds," said Lamme, "I am as one deaf in bothears. Why dost thou laugh, my son?"

  But Ulenspiegel, continuing:

  "Once," he said, "I heard her sing a Flemish lied and found her voicewas sweet."

  "Alas," said Lamme, "she, too, sang and played upon the viol."

  "Dost thou know the other news?" went on Ulenspiegel.

  "I know naught of it, my son," said Lamme.

  Ulenspiegel made answer:

  "We have our orders to drop down the Scheldt with our ships as faras Antwerp, to find there the enemy ships to take or burn. As forthe men, no quarter. What thinkest thou of this, big paunch?"

  "Alas!" said Lamme, "shall we never hear aught else in thisdistressful land save burnings, hangings, drownings, and other waysof exterminating poor men? When then will blessed peace come, thatwe can in quiet roast partridges, fricassee chickens, and make thepuddings sing in the pan among the eggs? I like the black ones best;the white are too rich."

  "This sweet time will come," replied Ulenspiegel, "when in theorchards of Flanders we see on apple, plum, pear trees and cherrytrees, a Spaniard hanged on every bough."

  "Ah!" said Lamme, "if only I could find my wife again, my so dear,so sweet, beloved soft darling faithful wife! For know it well,my son, cuckold I was not nor shall ever be; she was too sober andcalm in her ways for that; she eschewed the company of other men;if she loved fair and fine array, it was but for woman's need. I washer cook, her kitchenman, her scullion, I am glad to say it, why amI it not once more? but I was her master as well and her husband."

  "Let us end this talk," said Ulenspiegel. "Hearest thou the admiralcalling: 'Up anchors!' and captains after him calling the same? Wemust needs weigh soon."

  "Why dost thou go so quickly?" said Nele to Ulenspiegel.

  "We are going to the ships," said he.

  "Without me?" she said.

  "Aye," said Ulenspiegel.

  "Dost thou not think," said she, "how lying here I shall be distressedfor thee?"

  "Dearest," said Ulenspiegel, "my skin is made of iron."

  "Thou art mocking," said she. "I see nothing on thee but thy doublet,which is cloth, not iron; beneath it is thy body, made of bone andflesh, like my own. If they wound thee, who will heal thee? Art thouto die all alone in the midst of the fighters? I shall go with thee."

  "Alas!" said he, "if the lances, balls, swords, axes, maces, sparingme, fall on thy dear body, what shall I do--I, good for naught withoutthee in this vile world?"

  But Nele said:

  "I would fain follow thee; there will be no peril; I will hide inthe wooden forts where the arquebusiers are."

  "If thou dost go, I stay, and they will hold thy friend Ulenspiegeltraitor and coward; but listen to my lay:

  "My hair is steel, as casque set there; An armour forged by Nature's hand My skin the first is buff well tanned, And steel the second skin I wear.

  "In vain to catch me in his snare Death, grinning monster, takes his stand; My skin the first is buff well tanned, And steel the second skin I wear.

  "My standards 'Live' as motto bear, Live ever in a sunshine land: My skin the first is buff well tanned, And steel the second skin I wear."

  And he went off singing, not without having kissed the shaking mouthand the lovely eyes of Nele sunk in fever, smiling and weeping alltogether.

  The Beggars are at Antwerp; they take the ships of Alba even in thevery harbour. Entering the city, in broad day, they set free certainprisoners, and make others prisoner to bring ransom. By force theymake the citizens rise, and some they constrain to follow them,on pain of death, without uttering a word.

  Ulenspiegel said to Lamme:r />
  "The admiral's son is detained at the Ecoutete's: we must deliver him."

  Going into the house of the Ecoutete, they see the son they soughtin the company of a big monk with a noble belly, who was preachingwrathfully to him, fain to make him return to the bosom of our MotherHoly Church. But the lad would by no means consent thereto. He departedwith Ulenspiegel. Meanwhile Lamme, seizing the monk by the cowl,made him walk before him in the streets of Antwerp, saying:

  "Thou art worth a hundred florins ransom: pack up and march on. Whydost thou hang back? Hast thou lead in thy sandals? March, bag of lard,victual press, soup belly!"

  "I march, Master Beggar, I march; but saving the respect due toyour arquebuse, you are as big in the belly as myself, a paunchy,vasty fellow."

  Then Lamme, pushing him on:

  "Dost thou dare indeed, foul monk," said he, "to liken thy cloistral,useless, lazy grease to my Fleming fat honourably sustained and fedby toils, fatigues, and battles? Run, or I shall make thee go likea dog, and that with the spur at the end of my boot-sole."

  But the monk could not run, and he was all out of breath, and Lammethe same. And so they came to the ship.

  XXI

  Having taken Rammekens, Gertruydenberg, Alckmaer, the Beggars cameback to Flushing.

  Nele, now hale and cured, was waiting for Ulenspiegel at the harbour.

  "Thyl," said she, "my love, Thyl, art thou not wounded?"

  Ulenspiegel sang:

  "My standards 'Live' as motto bear, Live ever in a sunshine land; My skin the first is buff well tanned My second skin is forged of steel."

  "Alas!" said Lamme, dragging a leg, "the bullets, grenades, chainshot rain around him; he feels but the wind of them. Thou art withoutdoubt a spirit, Ulenspiegel, and thou, too, Nele, for I behold theeever brisk and young."

  "Why dost thou drag thy leg?" asked Nele of Lamme.

  "I am no spirit and never will be," said he. "And so I took an axestroke in the thigh--how round and white my wife's was!--see, I ambleeding. Alas! why have I her not here to tend me!"

  But Nele, angry, replied:

  "What need hast thou of a wife forsworn?"

  "Say naught ill of her," replied Lamme.

  "Here," said Nele, "here is balsam; I was keeping it for Ulenspiegel;put it upon the wound."

  Lamme, having dressed his wound, was joyous, for the balsam put anend to the keen anguish; and they went up again to the ship all three.

  Seeing the monk who was walking to and fro there with his hands bound:

  "Who is that one?" she said. "I have seen him already and I think Iknow him."

  "He is worth a hundred florins ransom," replied Lamme.

  XXII

  That day aboard the fleet there was a feast. In spite of the sharpDecember wind, despite the rain, despite the snow, all the Beggarsof the fleet were on the decks of the ships. The silver crescentsgleamed lurid upon the bonnets of Zealand.

  And Ulenspiegel sang:

  "Leyden is delivered: the bloody duke leaves the Low Countries: Ring out, ye bells reechoing: Chimes, fling your songs into the air: Clink, ye glasses and bottles, clink.

  "When the mastiff slinks away from blows, His tail between his legs, With bloodshot eye He turns upon the cudgels.

  "And his torn jaw Shivers and pants He has gone, the bloody duke; Clink bottle and glass. Long live the Beggar!

  "Fain would he bite himself, The cudgels broke his teeth. Hanging his puff-jowled head He thinks of the days of murder and lust. He is gone, the bloody duke: Then beat upon the drum of glory, Then beat upon the drum of war! Long live the Beggar!

  "He cries to the devil: 'I will sell thee My doggish soul for one hour of might.' 'Thy soul it is no more to me,' Said the devil, 'than a herring is.' The teeth meet no longer now. They must avoid hard morsels. He hath gone, the bloody duke: Long live the Beggar!

  "The little street dogs, crooklegged, one-eyed, full of mange, That live or die on rubbish heaps. Heave up their leg one by one On him that killed for love of slaughter.-- Long live the Beggar.

  "He loved not women, nor friends, Nor gayness, nor sun, nor his master, Nothing but Death, his betrothed, Who broke his legs As prelude to the betrothal, For she loves not men hale and whole; Beat upon the drum of joy, Long live the Beggar!

  "And the little street dogs, crooklegged, Limping, one-eyed, full of mange, Heave their leg up once again In a hot and salty fashion. And with them greyhounds and mastiffs, Dogs of Hungary, of Brabant, Of Namur and Luxembourg, Long live the Beggar!

  "And, miserably, with foaming mouth, He goes to die beside his master, Who fetches him a sounding kick, For not biting enough. "In hell he weddeth Death. She calleth him 'My Duke'; He calleth her 'My Inquisition.' Long live the Beggar!

  "Ring out ye bells reechoing: Chimes, fling your songs into the air; Clink, glasses and bottles, clink: Long live the Beggar!"

  BOOK V

  I

  The monk that Lamme captured, perceiving that the Beggars did notdesire to have him dead, but paying ransom, began to lift up his noseon board the ship:

  "See," quoth he, marching and wagging his head furiously, "see in whata gulf of vile, black, and foul abominations I have fallen in settingfoot on this wooden tub. Were I not here, I whom the Lord anointed...."

  "With dog's grease?" asked the Beggars.

  "Dogs yourselves," replied the monk, continuing his discourse, "aye,mangy dogs, strays, defiled, starveling, that have fled out of the richpathway of our Mother the Holy Roman Church to enter upon the parchedhighway of your tattered Reformed Church. Aye! if I were not here inyour wooden shoe, your tub, long since would the Lord have swallowedit up in the deepest gulfs of the sea, with you, your accursed arms,your devils' cannon, your singing captain, your blasphemous crescents,aye! down to the very deeps of the unfathomable bottom of Satan'skingdom, where ye will not burn, nay, but where ye shall freeze, shallshiver, shall die of cold throughout all long eternity. Yea! the Godof heaven will thus quench the fire of your impious hate against oursweet Mother the Holy Roman Church, against messieurs the saints,messeigneurs the bishops and the blessed edicts that were so mildlyand so ripely devised. Aye! and I should see you from the peak ofparadise, purple as beetroots or white as turnips so cold ye shouldbe. 'T sy! 't sy! 't sy! So, so, so, so be it."

  The sailors, soldiers, and cabin boys jeered at him, and shot driedpeas at him through peashooters. And he covered his face with hishands against this artillery.

  II

  The duke of blood having quitted the country, Messires de Medina-Coeliand De Requesens governed it with less cruelty. Then the StatesGeneral ruled them in the name of the king.

  Meanwhile, the folk of Zealand and of Holland, most lucky by reasonof the sea and their dykes, which are natural ramparts and fortressesto them, opened free temples to the God of free men; and the murderousPapists might sing their hymns beside them; and Monseigneur the Silentof Orange refrained from founding a royal dynasty of stadtholders.

  The Belgian country was ravaged by the Walloons who were dissatisfiedby the peace of Ghent, which, men said, was to quench all hatreds. Andthese Walloons, Pater-noster knechter, wearing upon their necks bigblack rosaries, of which there were found two thousand at Spienne inHainaut, stealing oxen and horses by twelve hundred, two thousand ata time, choosing out the best, carrying off women
and girls by fieldand by marsh; eating and never paying, these Walloons used to burnwithin their farmsteads the armed peasants that tried to prevent thefruit of their hard toil from being carried away.

  And the common folk would say to one another: "Don Juan is soon tocome with his Spaniards, and his Great Highness will come with hisFrenchmen, not Huguenots but Papists: and the Silent, desiring torule in peace over Holland, Zealand, Gueldre, Utrecht, Overyssel,cedes in a secret treaty the lands of Belgium, for Monsieur d'Anjouto make himself a king therein."

  Some of the commonalty were still confident. "The States," said they,"have twenty thousand well-armed men, with plenty of cannon and goodcavalry. They will repel all foreign soldiery."

  But the thoughtful ones said: "The States have twenty thousand menon paper, but not in the field; they lack cavalry and let theirhorses be stolen within a league of their camps by the Pater-nosterknechten. They have no artillery, for while needing it at home,they decided to send one hundred cannon with powder and shot to DonSebastian of Portugal; and no man knoweth whither has gone the twomillion crowns we have paid on four occasions by way of taxes andcontributions; the citizens of Ghent and Brussels are arming, Ghentfor the Reformation, and Brussels even as Ghent; at Brussels the womenplay the tambourine while their men toil at the ramparts. And Ghentthe Bold is sending to Brussels the Gay powder and cannon, the whichshe lacketh for her defence against the Malcontents and the Spaniards."