by Kelly Oram
Of course I did. You’re going to love it.
BRIAN!!! You suck!!! Just tell me what you want for Christmas!!!
I told you. All I want for Christmas is you.
I gave up. No doubt he was singing the popular Christmas carol right now. At the very least, he was humming it in his mind. He’d been singing the song to me all week every time I asked him what he’d like for Christmas.
AGH!!!! FINE!!!! I have to go. I’ll call you after I get home.
Looking forward to it. Good luck with the shopping. ;)
I groaned again and shoved my phone into my back pocket. Vivian laughed as she slid into one side of the booth we’d been ushered to. “I take it Brian’s still not being helpful?”
When Erik slid in next to her, I sat across from them. “Helpful? Please. He’s being a downright pain in the rear. I don’t know why he loves to torture me so much.”
I scooted all the way in so that Juliette could sit next to me, but she squeezed in on Erik’s other side. When I cocked an eyebrow at her, she gave me a sheepish grin and nodded toward Erik.
Ana studied the seating arrangements and only hesitated a second before sliding into the booth next to me, letting Jason take the end. Before things could get awkward, Erik smiled across the table at me and asked, “So Brian would be the boyfriend you can’t figure out a gift for?”
I sighed. “Yes.”
“Maybe I can help. I am a guy, after all.”
“Ooh. Good idea,” Juliette said.
“Okay, fine.” I really did need the help. “As a guy, what would you want for Christmas from your girlfriend?”
“That depends,” Erik said. “How long have we been going out?”
“A week,” I said, while both Vivian and Juliette answered, “Three years.”
Erik’s eyebrows rose high up his forehead, and rightly so. He waited for an explanation. I was going to change the subject, but I was so confused about my current relationship that the idea of a guy’s perspective was totally appealing. “It’s complicated. We’ve known each other online for three years, but we only got together in person a week ago.”
“Hmm.” Erik fell into thought as if he was really taking this task seriously. I found myself holding my breath for his answer. “Were you together as an online couple before you met?”
I shook my head. “Just friends, but we fell in love.”
“And it’s definitely a relationship now…?”
“Yes. Exclusive.”
“You’ve told each other that you love each other?”
“Yeah.”
He frowned. “So…why are you having trouble finding him a gift? Don’t you know him really well by now?”
I groaned at the question and fell forward, banging my forehead on the table in front of me. “I know everything about him,” I whined, leaving my forehead against the cool tabletop. “The problem is, he’s really rich and already has everything he could possibly ever want or need. Whenever I ask him to give me a hint, he says he doesn’t need a gift. He just sings me that stupid song: ‘All I Want for Christmas is You.’”
Ana snorted. “You’re making this way harder than it has to be. I know exactly what you should do.” All of us looked at her, waiting for this miraculous answer to my dilemma. She slid me a sly look and shrugged her shoulders. “Give him your virginity.”
Erik choked on the ice water he was sipping, and Jason burst into obnoxious laughter. Both Juliette and Vivian yelled at Ana, but she’d only been teasing, so their scoldings came with laughter. I wasn’t angry, but they had no idea how sensitive a topic that was for me. Since I didn’t want them to know just how deep my insecurities went, I forced myself to laugh along with them. “Shut up, Ana. That’s not happening.”
“Actually, that’s really not a bad idea,” Juliette said.
“Juliette!” I gasped at the betrayal and threw my napkin at her. “I’m not going there with him after only a week.”
She rolled her eyes. “You guys aren’t a week-old couple, and you know it. Maybe you guys don’t have to go all the way, but a nice, romantic evening together taking the relationship to the next level—whatever that is to you—might be the best gift you can give him.”
My blush deepened. I scrubbed my hands over my face, but it did nothing to remove the redness from my cheeks. “Oh my gosh, you guys, can we, like, not have this particular conversation in front of Jason and some guy we met five minutes ago?” I glanced at Erik with a grimace. “No offense.”
He laughed. “None taken. But if I could just weigh in here a little, I think your friends are right.”
I laughed once. “Of course you do. You’re a guy.”
He shook his head. “No, seriously. If he really does have everything already, then maybe he’s not teasing when he says all he wants is you. Maybe he’s giving you the hint you’ve been asking for.”
We all sat there for a moment, contemplating Erik’s suggestion. It made a lot of sense. Maybe that’s what Brian really did want. He’d asked me to move in with him, for heaven’s sake. Maybe he was desperate for a deeper connection.
“That was very insightful,” Juliette crooned, grinning at her prey. “You must be a pretty sensitive guy.”
He shrugged, a light blush dusting his cheeks. Yeah, Jules definitely had this one in the bag.
I looked to Vivian, and she surprised me with an apologetic shrug. “I think he’s right, too, Ella. You know how much Brian loves you. And you know he worries about you getting tired of…” She glanced at Erik and censored her words. “…his crazy life now that you’re together in person. This week has been intense for you guys. He’s probably pretty stressed about it. And you know a guy like him can’t be used to feeling vulnerable. Maybe this is his way of reaching out to you. Maybe he needs a more solid commitment from you, and he’s just afraid of asking for it because you two are so new.”
“Maybe,” I agreed.
Ana shrugged. “So, what’s the problem? It’s not like you’ve really only known each other for a week. You guys have been in love for years. You know everything about each other. What would it hurt to make things a little more serious?”
My stomach twisted into knots. Everyone seemed to agree with Ana on this one, but anxiety had my hands trembling beneath the table. “It’s not that easy, you guys. You’re right: we’ve loved each other for years. But that’s what’s so scary about our relationship. It’s intense because we’re ahead of ourselves emotionally. On one level, Brian and I are brand-new to each other. But in other ways, we’re like a couple that’s been together for years. A couple like that would be ready for things like sex and living together, but I’m not. I feel like I’m in both relationships—the old and the new—and I don’t know how to merge the two.”
“Something tells me Brian will have no problem combining them,” Juliette muttered.
I nodded. “Exactly. And if I give him the kind of gift you guys are talking about, then I’m going to find myself in over my head. He’s three years older than me. He lives on his own and has a stable career. He’s been with like a billion women. I’m basically a naive little girl dating a grown-up man. He might be ready to jump right in, but it’s going to take me some time to get used to us being an us.”
Juliette sighed, and Vivian slumped back in the booth. “So, we’re back to square one. How about a personalized license plate that says Precious?”
I laughed, grateful that the conversation had gone back to trivial and away from my love life. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that was already what his license plate said.
“Forget Precious,” Vivian said. “It needs to say Sorry, ladies, I’m taken.”
Erik laughed. “I don’t think you can fit that on a license plate.”
“We’ll get it tattooed on his forehead, then.” Vivian said, winking at me. “Trust me. The man needs it.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Enough about Brian and Ella,” Juliette interrupted. “Let’s move on to finding me a
boyfriend. Now that Ana and Ella are both in steady relationships, I’ve got to get a move on it. I can’t be the only single sister of the bunch. That’s not cool.” She leaned around Erik to grin at Vivian. “Would you mind horribly if I call dibs and ask Erik to take me out sometime next week?”
Erik’s eyes bulged so wide all of us girls cracked up. “He’s all yours,” Vivian teased. “No way am I going to get mixed up in a Coleman sister competition.”
Juliette convinced Erik to stay with us after lunch to finish his shopping, but it turned out everyone was done except me. The group decided an intervention was necessary and began dragging me into store after store. I didn’t put up any fight. I was getting desperate, and six brains were better than one.
“Oh!” Ana came to a halt so fast Vivian crashed into her from behind. “Yes. This.”
I groaned when I saw all of the underwear in the windows. “I seriously doubt Brian wants a pair of matching lacy black bra and panties for Christmas.”
Ana looped her arm through mine, grinning. “For once, I completely agree with you. With your skin tone, we can go much brighter. I’m thinking vixen red.”
So shocked by her friendly playfulness, it took me a minute to realize she was leading me into the store. I put on the brakes really fast and pulled my arm from hers. “Ana, we are not going in there. There are guys with us.”
She turned to Jason and Erik with a frown. “Do either of you have any objections to going in there and helping Ella pick out something sexy to wear for her hot-as-hell boyfriend?”
My face flamed when Erik smirked and shook his head. “It would be my pleasure.”
“Do I get to help pick something out for my sexy-as-hell girlfriend, too?” Jason asked.
Ana shot him a slow wink, and he smiled from ear to ear. “Sweet. I’m in.”
“Ana, come on. I’m not getting Brian lingerie for Christmas.”
She started dragging me into the store again. “Stop being such a prude, Ella. When else are you going to have the opportunity to have two different guys’ opinions while you pick out something sexy?”
“It doesn’t matter. I already told you, I’m not going there with Brian.”
“You might, if you owned something as sexy as that.” She marched over to a wall of very fancy lace bra and panty sets and picked up a ruby-red bra. “Trust me, Brian will love this.”
“I love this,” Jason said, grinning as he picked up a pair of skimpy panties—he went with traditional black.
I snatched the bra from Ana, glaring at Jason. He didn’t seem to care. He smiled at me again and held up his find against Ana’s body. “I know what I want for Christmas, babe.”
Erik cleared his throat, and when I whirled around to face him, he smirked. “Your sister’s on to something. I don’t think you can go wrong with that.” He pointed to the bright-red bra still dangling from my fingertips, then reached for a pale-pink cropped bustier and shortie panty set. “Or this would look great, too. I’ve always been a fan of pink.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Seriously? I don’t even know you, and you’re trying to pick out underwear for me?”
His grin doubled, taking his cuteness factor up a notch in the most infuriating way. “I’m just trying to be helpful.”
Juliette placed a hand on his arm. She smiled for him and them flashed that grin at me. She must have recognized the fire in my eyes, because she laughed and said, “Hang on there, Señorita Snark. Let’s keep the temper in check. This isn’t his fault.”
“No, it’s Ana’s.”
I shot Ana a glare. Yeah, I was trying to play nicer with her now, but this was embarrassing, and I was really annoyed with her. My attitude only fueled hers. She flashed me a saccharine smile. “I take full responsibility. Someday, you will thank me for it. And here. You have to try this on.” She held up a bright-blue lacy teddy with a matching thong and garter. “This was made for you. It matches your eyes.”
I started to argue, but before I could, Vivian took the teddy from her and held it up to me. “Oh, Ella,” she crooned. “You know I hate to agree with Ana on anything, but she’s right. This would look stunning on you. You have to get it.”
“No way. I’m not buying that.”
“But Ella, it’s perfect,” Juliette said. “It’s beautiful and tasteful. It’s so you.”
I gritted my teeth. They were right. It was very pretty and much more tasteful than the things Erik and Jason had picked up. Unable to help myself, I took the garment from Vivian, imagining what Brian might think if I were to wear this for him.
Brian would love this gift, but could I wrap it up and hand it over? It wasn’t just a joke. A gift like this came with a promise. Was Ana right? Would I be ready to make that promise if I felt beautiful enough? Because that was really what was holding me back with him. I loved him, and if this week together had taught me anything, it was that I wanted him. But I was scared. Afraid he wouldn’t find me beautiful.
I rubbed the silky material between my fingers. It was amazingly soft. I could almost envision myself wearing it, but then I caught a glimpse of my scarred hand, and the moment was ruined.
I glanced around the store at all of the playful underwear. Before my accident, I used to love this store. I’d never been brave enough to venture to the naughtier side we were in now, but what girl doesn’t appreciate cute underwear? Now, though, the shelves and bins full of pretty things meant to make you feel sexy and the walls plastered with pictures of beautiful, flawless bodies seemed to laugh at me. “I can’t wear something like this,” I muttered, setting the beautiful teddy down.
“Why not?” Ana asked.
I glared at her again. Why did she always have to push? “Why do you think?” I gestured to my body. My clothes were covering my scars, but she’d seen them before. She knew what I was hiding. “How about the obvious reason?”
“Um…” Erik interrupted hesitantly, as if sensing how real this conversation suddenly was. “Sorry. What’s the obvious reason? If I can be a little forward here, you’re absolutely beautiful. Your boyfriend is one lucky guy, and I’m sure he would love to see you in that.”
My anger faded into a deep depression. Erik was trying to be nice. I even believed he was sincere with his compliment. I only wished I believed it. With a sigh, I held up my bad hand and pushed my sleeve up my arm. Erik’s eyes widened slightly, but he otherwise didn’t react to my scars except to curiously take in the sight. “I was in an accident—trapped in a burning car. These scars cover over 70 percent of my body. God was merciful enough to leave me my face, but…” I glanced down at my body and gulped. “Over 70 percent. Think about it.”
Juliette was suddenly there, wrapping me in a warm hug. “Ella, you know Brian doesn’t care about that.”
“He says that,” I muttered, soaking in my sister’s support before facing the small group of people I’d suddenly made feel very awkward. “Even if he doesn’t mind my scars, I’m dating a guy who is physical perfection. Before me, he dated girls as beautiful as he is—models and actresses. Those women probably wore stuff like this for him all the time.” I picked up the teddy again, trying to picture it covering my scarred body. I couldn’t imagine it.
I waved a hand at the pictures all over the store. “Take a look around you. There’s not one picture of a woman in this store with a single flaw on her. Not even a freckle. Those models are all perfect. You think that’s coincidence?” Holding up the teddy, I started shaking it angrily. “Wearing something like this isn’t going to make me look sexy. All it’s going to do is make it seem like I’m trying too hard to be something I’m not.”
I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, forcing back the threat of tears. I’d lost a grip on my emotions with that last admission, but I couldn’t help it. They may not have meant to, but they were forcing me to face one of my greatest insecurities. “I’m going to go get some air. There are some benches right outside. I’ll wait for you guys there.”
I only got one step before
Vivian stopped me. Her eyes were glossy, and her voice shook when she spoke. “Ella...true beauty comes from within. You know that. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Why else do you think you managed to snag a guy like Brian? And you didn’t just snag him, girl, you have that man so wrapped up in you he can’t even see other women anymore. They don’t exist for him anymore. You are that man’s everything, and you know he’ll think you are beautiful no matter what is under your clothes.”
“Maybe. But I don’t feel beautiful.”
“That,” Ana said, stepping into the conversation with a confidence that broke the tension, “is because you refuse to wear things that make you feel sexy.” She added the pink bustier and panties to the teddy in my hands. “Dress for success, Ella. Even if you’re not ready to show yourself off to your man, you’ve got to start dressing sexy to feel sexy. Do you know what I’m wearing right now?”
Both Jason’s and Erik’s heads snapped in her direction, their eyes doing elevator moves up and down her body. Jason snaked his arms around her and began kissing her neck. “What are you wearing, babe?”
She swatted him away with a smirk. “That’s my sexy secret. But look at how much confidence I have.”
I seriously doubted her confidence came from her underwear, but it was pointless to argue.
“I can’t believe I’m going to say this a second time,” Vivian said, “but I agree with Ana. If you can’t start feeling sexy, you’ll never be ready to go there with Brian. You should start treating yourself like you deserve to wear this kind of stuff. Because you do.”
“She’s right,” Juliette said. Her mouth curved up into a crooked smile, and she plucked the black lace panties from Jason’s hands, adding them to my pile. “It’s time for you to start feeling as sexy as you are, so woman up and buy yourself a new thong.”
Everyone laughed, and while I was completely mortified that Jason and Erik had witnessed this conversation, I also loved my friends more than anything in the world. Even Ana, in her overbearing too-aggressive way, was trying to make me feel better. I think. Or she was trying to embarrass me in front of these two guys because she knew I was a prude and liked to razz me about it? Either way, she was successful. I did feel a little better. Not enough to buy myself a thong or a teddy, but better.