by Zoe Dawson
This isn’t what I wanted to do. I wanted to talk to Verity, and until I did my concentration would be shot.
Chapter Seven
Verity
When I got back to the house, I did actually take a nap, but I called Stacy first, and she told me I could come over anytime. She sounded really surprised and wary to hear from me. After the graduation party, I avoided her. Everything had been so upsetting, and with such a hard decision to make, and a terrible secret to keep, I couldn’t really talk much to anyone.
I dodged my parents for the rest of day and even holed up in my room, telling them I wasn’t hungry for dinner. I simply had no appetite. Aubree and River Pearl called me several times, but I just wasn’t ready to talk.
The next morning, I so wanted to stop by Boone’s house and see how he was doing, but I didn’t want to see him again until I had talked to Stacy.
If I had a brain cell in my head, I would tell him everything and just let the chips fall where they would fall, but the fear of my daddy finding out everything was just too scary and upsetting. I wasn’t sure I could live with the look of shame I knew I’d see in his eyes.
As I drove away from the church, the bayou was a tangled mass shooting past my window. Lush and wild. Trees crowded what land there was, shoulder to shoulder, their crowns entangled in a dense canopy of green that blotted out the sun, leaving the ground below them veiled in darkness. So many flowers bloomed and grew with riotous color, so you couldn’t decide where to look and linger.
The bayou branched off again and again, each arm reaching into another pocket of wilderness. Some of the channels were wide as rivers, others narrow trickles of streams, all of them part of a vast labyrinth of no-man’s land. In the Atchafalaya, it seemed the world was still forming, ever-changing, metamorphosing, and yet always primitive.
I loved the bayou for transporting me away, away from my problems and worries. The swamp worked its magic on me again, pulling me into its beauty, where no choice existed but to simply embrace its power.
I’d missed the bayou while I was away, and the thought of never seeing the lush greenery or that sky’s palette of color when the sun rose made me so sad. That deep purple that gave way to sapphire and finally to an intense summer blue.
I left a lot of the lushness behind when I reached the outskirts of town and drove through Suttontowne. Stacy lived just on the back side.
Stacy’s house was a ranch-style, with the requisite half-tub shrine to Holy Mary.
I took a breath. That’s what the Outlaws called me. Holy Mary Verity. I’d hated that nickname in high school, but now I realized it was just a way for them to keep in mind that I was off limits. I hated that, too, now. Living up to the concept of piety wasn’t fun. But I’d lived up to it until that night. Now I really didn’t know how to define myself. I’d fallen, embraced temptation and fallen very, very hard. I’d just been in a bathtub and in bed with a naked man. It had felt right to me.
Boone had felt so good against me.
I parked and walked up the path. Stacy must have been waiting for me, because she pulled open the door and stood there. She was tense and I had to wonder why.
“Verity. It’s been a long time.” She pushed off the doorjamb and turned to go inside. I followed her through the living room and kitchen to the back yard, where we settled on a stone bench.
“How was your mission?”
“It was okay. How’s school?”
She laughed nervously, “Great. Party all the time. It’s been a blast.”
I shook my head. “You don’t change, Stacy.”
“Guess not. So, what brings you by? Wanna talk about old times?”
“As a matter of fact, I do,” I smiled weakly, afraid of broaching the subject. Afraid at what I would find out. “I wanted to talk to you about the night of the graduation party.”
She stiffened. “Wow. That was a blowout. I was so wasted by the end. I don’t think I could have moved even if I wanted to.” She laughed nervously.
“Something happened that night. Something I don’t understand, because I’m always so careful.”
She gave me a wry look and snorted. “That’s the understatement of the year. You were so uptight and laced up. But you had fun at the party. I saw you.”
“That’s the problem. Someone drugged me. Slipped me X. I thought it was Boone Outlaw, but now I’m not so sure.”
“Boone?” Stacy said, her brows rose. “I know Boone. He’d never do something like that. Besides, he’s so gorgeous, he doesn’t need X to have his way with anyone.”
She’d grown tenser and I felt kinda sick. I didn’t want to believe what I was thinking. “Did you happen to see who might have done it?”
She stared at me like I was naïve and up until now, I was. I felt so stupid and angry. “What? You haven’t figured it out already? It was me, Verity.” She met my eyes, her look unapologetic, her mouth set in a grim line.
I surged up from the bench, doing my best to control the fine trembling in my limbs. Shock coursed through me and I stared at the guilty look in her eyes. “How could you, Stacy?” my voice hitched.
“You were always Miss Prim and Proper,” she huffed. “Always uptight, always in control.”
I pressed my hand to my mouth and fought against the emotions that were buffeting me like hurricane winds. Every time I thought I was getting past all this, just when I thought my feet were firmly planted under me, I’d get knocked back. I pulled in on myself, everything else getting drowned out by the stark realization.
“You had a good time, finally. Just like I wanted you to.”
I dropped my hand and just stared at her. “You have no idea what you’ve done. No idea at all.” What have I done? Oh, Boone, I’m so sorry.
She glared at me. “I couldn’t stand the hypocrisy. I knew you weren’t any different than the rest of us. You were just as horny and wanted a guy between your legs. I hope you got several that night and it felt good. Didn’t it?”
“You are despicable. I might have been all those things, but you had no right to take away my ability to choose. I could have pressed charges.”
She rolled her eyes. “Really, Verity? I think we’re done.”
“We are so done!”
Without another word to her, I turned and walked through her house and out her front door. Inside my car, I was shaking. I pushed Aubree’s last call. When she picked up, I said. “I need to talk to you and River Pearl. Is Booker there?”
“No. He’s not. He went over to see how Boone is doing.”
“How is he doing?”
“He’s really sick, but he’s muddling through.”
I had this crazy notion to drive over there and…I don’t know…take care of him. “Okay, I’ll be there shortly.”
When I pulled up to Booker’s house and got out, Aubree was there at the front door, just waiting for me. I broke into a run and ran up the stairs, throwing my arms around her and hugging hard. We stood like that until I heard a car and the sound of footsteps. Then the warmth of River Pearl pressed against my back as she joined the hug.
I worked furiously to tamp down all the pain and heartache I’d supposedly dealt with already. Stacy had been wrong by taking my choices away from me. But I wasn’t blameless. I was the one who had sought out Boone in the bed of his truck. I was the one who had straddled him and kissed him and rubbed myself against him. Giving free rein to all the feelings that had built up over the years, while I’d watched him and he’d watched me. Lost in the feeling of ecstasy, lost in Boone’s heat, textures, the sheer need for him.
I hadn’t really known a damn thing about him then. Just built up this fantasy in my head. I’d had no idea how wonderful he truly was. I bit my lip against the pain, squeezed my eyes shut against it, afraid if I even breathed the dam would burst and I would dissolve into a quivering mass of weakness and guilt and pain.
When I’d pulled myself together a bit, I turned to hug River Pearl back and was a bit shocked to see that she
was no longer a blonde. Her hair was a wonderful golden, sparkling brown.
“It’s going to be okay,” Aubree said, patting my back.
But it was too fresh, and I’d barely adjusted to the news of what Stacy had done. I covered my face and burst into tears. Aubree pulled me inside and sat me on the couch.
I felt her sit down next to me and River Pearl on the other side.
“Oh, Verity,” River Pearl said. “We’re here for you.”
I raised my head and looked at them both. “I should have confided in you before now, but I was so upset and everything was so out of control.”
“And us perfect girls don’t like to be out of control. What happened, Verity?” River Pearl asked.
I told them about the X and the party. I told them about how I had treated Boone, and my suspicions, then I told them who had really spiked my drink.
“I’ll kick her ass,” River Pearl said.
“There’s more. The X, it made me really lose myself…”
“Take your time,” Aubree said.
“I have to swear you both to secrecy. You cannot tell anyone what I’m going to tell you. Promise me.”
“I promise,” River Pearl said.
I looked at Aubree. “Not even Booker, especially not Booker.”
She bit her lip. “I promised I wouldn’t keep any more secrets from him.”
“I totally understand that, Aubree. But you’re making this promise to me. I need you both now. I needed you last year. I should have come to you, but I was so scared and felt so alone. Lost.”
Aubree took my hands. “All right. I promise.”
“I know this will be hard for you, Aubree and it’s unfair to ask it, but I need to tell you both. The night of the graduation party I started feeling really funny. I didn’t realize someone had spiked my drink, and it came over me so gradually that I got lost in slow increments. I’d been feeling this compelling need to talk to Boone, even before the graduation party. I was so attracted to him. I sorta built up this fantasy in my head of how it would be between us. And when the X took control of me, I wanted to live that fantasy.
“Boone was drinking heavily that night. I knew from rumors that he’d often pass out in his truck.” I leaned forward and pressed my fingers against my forehead. Neither Aubree nor River Pearl said anything. Just waiting patiently for me to continue. “I went looking for his truck. In my mind, I was just going to talk to him. Just talk.”
I pushed my hair out of my face and sat back.
“He was sleeping in his truck. Oh, God he looked beautiful, so beautiful. I climbed up into the bed. I knelt there and just stared at him, thinking that I wanted him to be the first guy I ever slept with. Before, when I had those thoughts, I would shut them down. My guilt and my control would take over. But those thoughts never went away. And, the X gave them free rein. Then, I was touching him, was compelled to touch him.”
“Oh, criminy, Verity.”
I nodded. “I gave my virginity to him, and he doesn’t even remember. But at the time, he was so careful, so sweet and caring, and that made me happy. Until I woke up and realized what I had done. I bolted and he was still sleeping. I expected him to find me. To seek me out afterwards, but he never did, I just thought he didn’t care. I was just another conquest.”
“Boone’s not like that,” Aubree said fiercely.
“I know that, now. But I believed he had slipped me the X and I blamed him over and over again. Blaming him helped me get through the past year.”
“It must have been hard to realize that you’d been drugged and that you did something that you regret,” Aubree said, giving me a sympathetic look.
I bit my lip. “I should regret it. Shouldn’t I? I was wicked.”
“Everyone makes mistakes,” Aubree said. “I’ve learned that one the hard way.”
I took a heavy, uneven breath. “I have to confess something else. Something really huge and terribly painful.”
“You can tell us. We won’t judge,” River Pearl said.
“I wasn’t on a mission in Kenya last year,” I said, trying to ease the crippling clot of emotion tightening my throat.
Both Aubree and River Pearl exchanged glances.
“Where were you?” Aubree said, her voice hushed.
“I was in New York City, pregnant with Boone Outlaw’s son,” I said my voice breaking with strain, the ache increasing in my throat until it was too big to handle.
#
Boone
It took me like ten minutes to actually get into my jeans and zip and button them. I was feeling terrible and weak. But all I could think about was finding Verity and talking to her. I was tortured by what she hadn’t had time to say, and I needed answers.
At least my headache had diminished now to a dull pain behind my eyes, but my chest was still congested, and I knew I had a fever off and on. But after Brax and Booker had caught me with Verity they wouldn’t leave me alone. Either one or the other was here. I was beginning to feel corralled and really pissed off.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Booker said.
“To find Verity,” I gave him a back off look and he narrowed his eyes.
“Boone, you can’t drive. You’re too sick. You’re going to have to wait until you’re better. Verity isn’t going anywhere,” he reasoned.
“How do you know that? She could be planning to leave right now and I wouldn’t get a chance to…”
“To what?”
“Talk to her, Booker. I need to.”
He pushed on my chest and I lost my balance and hit the bed flat on my back. It took me a moment to push up on my elbows.
I gave him a look. “Booker, you remember what it was like before you and Breebree got together. You remember what it felt like to need something that desperately.”
He rubbed at his temple and gave me a sympathetic look. “Geezus, Boone. Of course I do. This means that much to you?”
“Fuck, I don’t know. I’ve never really had a chance to find out. I want that chance. I like her.”
“This hasn’t come on just recently, has it?” Brax said from the doorway.
My gaze went to his. He leaned against the doorjamb, his hand on his belt, the other holding his fiddle case. I shook my head. “No, I liked her in high school, but, like Aubree, she was out of my league.”
“You took that job over at the church so you could have your chance, didn’t you?” Brax said.
“You channeling Oprah, Braxie?”
“No, I ain’t got nothin’ on Oprah. It’s the kind of underhanded, sneaky thing I would have done.” He grinned.
I huffed out a breath. “I’m pretty sure I did. I wanted to show her what I could do. How I had turned my life around.”
“You wanted to impress her,” he said, nodding.
“Fuck, yeah. I can’t explain it.”
“You don’t have to, Boone. I know exactly what you’re talking about. Three untouchable women in this town and those are ones we want. We’re sick bastards,” he pushed off the doorframe and walked into the bedroom.
That’s the first time I’d ever heard Braxton say he wanted her. Booker looked at him with the same sympathetic look he’d given me. He was lucky. He already had Aubree and they’d worked through their differences.
“It’s only a matter of time before I ask Aubree to marry me. You guys know that, right?”
“Yeah, we fucking know that,” Brax said with a grin. “This tripdar isn’t just for show. Doesn’t mean she’ll say yes.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Booker said, with a laugh. “You know Brax…”
“Don’t go there, Book. Not gonna happen. Never gonna happen.”
Booker shook his head, then turned to me. “I will ask Aubree for Verity’s number, but only if she wants to give it to me. I’m not pressuring her. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”
My heart surged with hope. “Verity wants to talk to me. She’s just probably really embarrassed right now.”
“She looked
pretty comfortable to me,” Brax said.
“Yeah, I know. Another reason I need to speak to her.”
My brothers exchanged a knowing look.
“We’re all going straight to hell,” Brax said.
“I vote we send Brax,” I said. “Since we all look alike, maybe the devil won’t notice.”
“Sounds good to me. Lots of fire down there. I’ll just set up my kitchen and cook for them all.”
“I guess you could say you’d have him eating out of your hand,” Booker said deadpan.
“Ha fucking ha,” Brax said.
“What you doing with your fiddle case?” I asked.
“I thought you’d be bored out of your mind. You feel up to jamming? I wouldn’t mind trying some of that flamenco stuff myself.”
“Only if Booker will dance flamenco style,” I said wryly.
Booker set his hands on his hips and snorted, giving us both amused looks. “You know, I’d do almost anything for you guys, but, ah, no. Not happening.”
As Brax tried to get Booker to agree, telling him it was just like stomping bugs, all I could think about was Verity. What had happened to her at that party?
Chapter Eight
Verity
My friends sat there speechless. I knew it was a lot to absorb, but it felt good to let it out. But the enormity of what I had done, what I had to live with, washed over me again in a tidal wave of agony and guilt.
“Fuck,” River Pearl said.
“Shit,” Aubree said, closing her eyes. I knew what she was thinking. This was something too big to keep from Booker, but I knew she’d do it. Because Aubree didn’t go back on her word. I felt miserable for making her keep my secret, but I needed her more now than I had ever needed her and River Pearl before.
Without a word, Aubree wrapped her arms around me. “You went through this all alone. It must have been awful. I don’t know how I would have handled that.”