“But surely it’s nice to be back with Ethan again? You guys sound like you were really close.”
We were close. So, so close—until he broke my mum’s heart by moving back over here. And mine. He broke my heart too.
“Izzy, siblings are important. God knows I wish I had some. You have to make things right with him.”
“Don’t,” I tell him. “Don’t lecture me. You don’t get it.”
He pauses for a second, his face taking me in. “I get that you’ve had the shittiest year ever and this is your way of dealing with it.”
The shittiest year ever? That’s the understatement of the century.
“Give Ethan a chance. Hell, give yourself a chance to be close to him again. Family is important, and it sounds like he’s the only decent family member you’ve got left.”
He makes it sound so simple, but it’s too late for that now, after the way I’ve behaved. No matter what I do, I just can’t get over the way he rejected us and moved over here, leaving us alone without him. If I’m really honest, I’m still so hurt over that.
“Have you made any friends since you’ve been here?” he asks. “Those kids we saw at the fundraiser?”
I pause. I’m not sure I would have classed them as friends until the last couple of weeks. The way they’ve stuck by me when the rest of the school has turned their backs on me has made me see them differently.
He misinterprets my hesitation. “You can’t only have me, Izzy. You can’t just shut yourself off from everyone and come see me every couple of days and pretend that’s enough.”
It is enough, and it’s not like I have much choice now. All I have to do is last through to July and then I’ll be home. Then I can rebuild my life.
He opens his mouth to say something else, but a shout from Old Bill for another drink stops him. He goes over to serve him whilst I try not to think about my mess of a life.
I turn my attention to my phone and start scrolling through social media, trying to ignore the pain I get in my chest when I see all the pictures popping up of my old friends at a party. They’re smiling and carefree and I miss them. I miss having friends I can rely on, friends who knew me before I became this bitter, messed-up version of myself.
“Well, well well…” I look up and see Danny Fields slide into the seat next to me. “I haven’t seen you in here in a while.”
I shrug. I stupidly decided it would be a good idea to go home with Danny the last time I saw him in here. Nothing actually happened between us—let’s call it divine intervention—and I have no desire to repeat the process. I turn back to my phone, continuing to scroll through social media. Kristen, my best friend for what feels like my whole life, has had her hair cut. She kept saying she was going to get her long dark hair cut short, but she never had the guts. Now it’s sitting just below her jaw and looks amazing. That will have been a huge decision for her, and I missed it. I missed it because I was such a bitch to her after I found out my mum was dying that I can’t even think about her without being ashamed, and I can’t reply to her messages because I don’t deserve to have her speaking to me. Not after what I did.
“So, uh…” Danny leans in, his large frame crowding me. “I was thinking we could pick up where we left off last time.” He runs his tongue over his lips as he leers down. “I say we just book a motel room and party the night away.”
It takes me less than a second to realise I don’t want to do that, to realise I don’t want to blow up my life tonight.
“No thanks.” I turn away from him and find Marcus with his gaze already locked on me, standing just slightly down the bar. He’s no fan of Danny Fields. “Can I go up to your place to watch TV until you close?” I ask. “And then you can take me home, if that’s okay?”
A wide smile crosses his face. “Sure, Iz.”
I slide off the stool, accept his keys, and am out the door without even bothering to look back at Danny. Today, for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like trying to destroy my life when the opportunity is offered to me on a silver platter.
Despite Ms. Joot trying to get me to open up yesterday, I don’t fail to notice that she also mentioned she knows I skipped a couple of classes in the aftermath of my fight with Ethan, and I’m under no illusion that if I do that again, she’ll follow through on her threat from earlier in the year to stop me from graduating next spring.
I can’t skip any more classes. No matter how much I don’t want to be here and how much I feel like a freak with everyone staring at me, I have to stick it out from now on and not miss any more lessons. Me failing to graduate would only add to my problems. With that in my mind, I arrive to gym class on time, not dawdling and arriving after everyone’s changed like I’ve tended to do, and I’m happy to find that the groups have been split again and it’s only girls now, which means I don’t have to deal with Ethan or Finn.
I can cope with Ethan. I know him; despite everything, I’ve realised I do know him. I know what he’s like and I know how to handle him. Finn, though? He’s a different story. I have no idea what I’m doing as far as Finn Sullivan is concerned, and even though there’s no doubt he’s furious at me, I feel like I constantly feel his eyes on me, even when he’s not there, and it’s slowly driving me crazy.
The one downside of these split gym classes is that I’ve found myself in the same class as Evie and Lila. Evie catches my eye as I enter the changing rooms, throwing a smirk my way, and then she mutters something to Lila that makes her snicker.
I pause and face them. Clearly Evie’s delighted about my fallout with Ethan and the fact that she doesn’t have to pretend to be nice anymore. That’s fine with me; I’ve never felt the need to be nice to her. Evie’s smirk falters when she realises I’m staring back and not cowering away like she expects, and after a couple of seconds, she turns away, muttering to herself about “getting ready.” I roll my eyes and make my way over to a spare spot on the benches.
“Hey.” I turn and see Pippa standing there, Rachel beside her.
“Oh.” I didn’t realise they were in here. “You’re in this class?”
Rachel smirks. “There’s no getting past you, is there?”
I roll my eyes but don’t say anything to her. Honestly, whilst Rachel is rude and annoying, it’s actually quite nice to have somebody who is totally steady with me. She’s never treated me any differently since the day she met me, despite anything that’s happened or what’s she’s learnt about me.
Pippa frowns in her direction. “Yes, we were in Ms. Hudson’s class,” she confirms.
I nod. Mr. Michaels’ class and Ms. Hudson’s class were combined and then split into separate classes for male and females. It suits me. I dread to think what Ethan would do to me now if we were to play soccer on opposing teams. Last time was bad enough.
A squeal of laughter catches my attention and I see Evie and Lila clutching each other, laughing loudly and staring at a girl across from them who is stood in her bra—clearly in the middle of getting changed—and looks like she wants to sink into the floor.
“Seriously,” Evie asks, her mouth twisted, her voice cruel. “Did you go through my stuff and then go out and buy it?” She flips her hair over her shoulder. “Honestly, Rebekah, it’s embarrassing how much you try to copy me.”
The girl flushes an even deeper red and her eyes quickly scan around, aware that everyone’s watching this moment of humiliation. Pippa and Rachel and a couple of other girls quickly turn away, busying themselves with folding their clothes, and I feel a flush of warmth towards them. They don’t want to add to her humiliation, and I have the horrible feeling they know what it’s like to be in Rebekah’s position.
“I didn’t—my mom bought this for me last Christmas. I didn’t know you had the same one.” Her voice is quiet, like she knows there’s little point in arguing.
“Whatever,” Evie snaps dismissively, like she’s not even bothered at all. And she’s not, not now she’s achieved what she wanted and humiliated the gir
l. “Stop trying to be me.”
With that she links arms with Lila—who has an equally bitchy look on her face—and saunters out of the changing rooms, leaving Rebekah crestfallen behind her.
Ms. Hudson enters the room, blowing a whistle, and everyone scrambles to finish getting changed as she tells us to get moving to the athletic tracks.
As a group, we leave the changing rooms, and I end up just behind Pippa and Rachel and beside Rebekah. I send a sidelong glance her way and see her eyes downcast. I don’t know if I should say anything. I don’t want to make her feel worse.
After a minute, she glances at me and offers me a weak smile. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I hesitate. “I’m Izzy.”
A smile plays over her lips but then it quickly disappears. She clearly doesn’t feel much like smiling right now. “I know who you are. I’m Rebekah.”
Suddenly it hits me why I recognise her. She sits at Ethan’s table at lunch and I’ve seen her with Logan a couple of times. “Are you a cheerleader?” I blurt out.
She nods. “Yup. I’ve been on varsity for the last two years.”
Seriously? This is one of Evie’s teammates? I’ll bet she’s one of Evie’s friends too, and that’s how she treated her? “Are you okay?” I eventually ask.
She nods. “Yeah, she’s just…you know…being Evie.”
I hate that. I hate that Evie can behave so disgustingly and it’s just accepted.
“She’s really that much of a bitch over a…?” I don’t even know what it is Rebekah supposedly copied.
“A bra. She said I copied her bra, but that’s not what this is really about. I got assigned to work on a project with your brother in history and she’s not happy about it.”
I blink. “What?”
“The teacher paired everyone up and I tried to get out of it so he could work with Evie, but the teacher wouldn’t listen.”
“Why don’t you want to work with Ethan? Won’t he pull his weight?” From what I can see, Ethan is pretty conscientious about doing his work. I’m always seeing him studying at the kitchen table as I pass through.
Rebekah scoffs like I’m being silly. “Ethan’s not the problem. Evie is. She doesn’t like that I’ll have to meet him outside of class to complete it.”
That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
“I tried again yesterday to get the pairs changed, but Mr. Williams won’t listen.”
“And what? Evie’s blaming you?”
We reach the athletic track and my eyes find Evie immediately. She’s lounged on the ground, her eyes fixed on me and Rebekah, staring daggers.
I turn to Rebekah, expecting an answer to my question, but she shrinks under Evie’s glare and hastily moves away from me. It doesn’t matter, though. I got my answer.
Running around the track outdoors in the Texas heat should be illegal, and by the time Ms. Hudson blows the whistle to let us go get changed, we’re all sweaty, disgusting messes. We trudge inside, and there’s the predictable rush for the showers. I hang back, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and decide I can forgo washing my hair and make do with just a body shower, knowing all the showers will be taken and I honestly can’t be bothered to rush and line up.
I pull the hairband out of my hair and bundle all of it up into a knot on the top of my head before grabbing my towel and toiletries. I wait until some of the students start trickling back into the changing rooms before I go to take my own shower.
I stand under the stream for longer than I should, letting the hot water wash away the sweat before realising I probably don’t have long left until the bell rings. I quickly switch the shower off and wrap the towel around myself.
I walk through the showers, noticing that everyone else is already out, and quicken my pace. I get to the doorway of the changing room, and I see it as an observer before I can actually comprehend what is happening.
Evie has her phone out and pointed in the direction of where I was sat as she fiddles with the screen. I swivel and my stomach drops when I see Rachel bent over, arse in the air in Evie’s direction, struggling to get her feet into the legs of her jeans.
A flash goes off and Rachel whips around just as Evie breaks out into peals of laughter.
My heart starts hammering in my chest as I wait for Rachel to say something. I wait for her to snap back at her and put her in her place like I’ve seen her do before, like she’s done to me countless times—but all she does is blink rapidly, taking in what’s just happened, how Evie has just taken a picture of her in an incredibly unflattering position without her permission. She blinks again and I realise she’s trying to hold back tears as she hurriedly pulls up her jeans and tries to make herself as small and invisible as possible.
Lila is laughing cruelly as she stares down at the picture, whilst Evie starts spreading her fingers across the screen, zooming in. Evie bursts out into laughter all over again. “Look how disgusting and fat she is.”
I see red.
“Give me that,” I practically scream at her as I propel myself forwards, still clutching my towel around me. I reach her and use my free hand to grab the phone out of her hands.
“Hey,” she snaps, trying to snatch it back from me, but I step away, readjusting my towel, and try to look at the picture.
“Unlock your phone,” I tell her, my voice ice cold.
I hold it out to her.
She looks at me in disbelief. “It was just a joke, Izzy.”
“Do I look like I find it funny?”
She opens her mouth to say something but then snaps it shut.
“Unlock your phone,” I insist again.
“I wasn’t going to do anything with the picture.”
“Oh no? You weren’t going to do anything except make Rachel feel like total shit?”
“Oh relax. Stop taking things so seriously.”
Is she for real? Does she actually not see what she did as the heinous actions of a bully? Does she really not see that the way she treats people is wrong? Seriously wrong?
“Unlock your phone,” I demand.
She crosses her arms and looks back at me defiantly. “No.”
Does this girl really think I’m going to let her walk out of here with that picture on her phone? I take a step closer, my eyes locking with hers. “Unlock this phone or I will smash it into a million pieces.”
She stares in shock, and I see the uncertainty that crosses her face. “You wouldn’t.”
“Wouldn’t I?”
Her eyes flit behind me and I have no doubt that we have the attention of the room. She hesitates. She really doesn’t want to back down from me. “I’ll tell Ethan.”
“Good, and I’ll tell him why I smashed your phone.”
I’ve got her and I know it. No matter what Ethan thinks of me right now, there’s no way he wouldn’t listen to me about this. There’s no way he wouldn’t think what Evie’s done is disgusting.
“Fine,” she snaps, snatching the device from my hand and typing in her password. “God, you can’t even take a joke.”
I don’t bother to answer her as I take the phone back, and I suck in a breath as I realise her social media apps are open and she was just about to post that picture of Rachel online. My eyes flash to Evie’s and she takes a step back. She knows how bad this looks. I could honestly slap her silly right now.
I exit out of the apps and go to her camera. There’s more than one picture there, all zoomed in on Rachel bent over, and yes, the picture is not flattering. Her underwear is skimpy and too small for her so it digs in and gives the appearance of her having fat overhanging, and the light overhead is emphasising the small amount of cellulite she has. I scroll through the pictures, deleting them, and I shake my head as I realise the quality of the first couple is fine. Evie didn’t need to use the flash to take the last picture—she just wanted Rachel to know she did it.
Well good.
Her arrogance and her need to humiliate gave enough time for me to see what she wa
s doing. I delete all the pictures, making sure they’re not stored anywhere else on the phone, and then look up to face Evie. She’s glaring back at me, and my eyes dart to Lila, who is stood there looking bored. She might not be as bad as Evie, but she’s definitely compliant in all this bullying.
Lila catches me looking. “What? You deleted the pictures. No harm done.”
I scowl at her. “You’re such a sheep, do you know that? You’re pathetic. You just do whatever she tells you to do.”
Her face hardens and she goes to say something to me but then stops. Apparently she expects Evie to take me on.
“Catch.” Without warning, I toss Evie’s phone to her, and she fumbles and drops it.
“Fuck,” she shouts, scrambling to pick it up. She looks up at me indignantly. “It’s cracked!”
Good.
“You can pay for that.”
“Do you really think that’s going to happen?” I ask flatly.
Her features harden and she straightens up to face me. “You know, you don’t have to be so horrible to me,” she states loudly. “You don’t have to treat me like this.”
I bark out a laugh. I can’t help it. “Evie, all you do is treat people like crap. You are a nasty piece of work.”
She looks visibly shocked. “Well that’s not very nice.”
She’s actually delusional. “You’re not very nice.”
“Oh shut up, Izzy. You’re nothing but a slu—”
She clamps her mouth shut before she can finish her sentence.
“Say it again,” I tell her calmly.
“I didn’t mean it. I take it back.” For whatever reason, she’s not willing to treat me like the rest of them.
“No,” I say, my voice even. “Don’t take it back, Evie. Go on. Come after me. Come after me the way you go after your friends.” I throw my hand in Rebekah’s direction; her eyes are glued to us. “The way you go after people you know won’t say anything back,” I tell her, whirling to look at Rachel, who is staring at me wide-eyed. “Come. At. Me. Evie. I’m waiting.”
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