She takes a step closer to me, her eyes boring into mine.
“Maybe it’s because you clearly don’t give a shit. Nobody is under any illusions that you don’t hate it here. That much is abundantly clear. You barely speak to anyone, and they like that mystery about you. They like that the hottest guys at school try to talk to you and you barely notice their existence, that you turn down the ones everyone wants. But do you want to know why people really stare at you everywhere you go? Why people take notice when you walk into a room?”
She pauses to catch her breath, her eyes not moving from mine.
“It’s because you’re beautiful. Not just pretty, not just hot. You’re beautiful. Crazy, ridiculously beautiful, and people have to take a second glance at you just to make sure you’re real because nobody can possibly look as good as you do. At least that’s what we thought.”
I’m completely gobsmacked that she’s saying this to me. “What are you talking about? Looks don’t mean anything.” And they don’t. My mum was beautiful and all it got her was a broken heart and an early death.
“Oh, but they do, and you only think that because you have them. Looks mean everything when you’re a teenage girl. You don’t even notice when people look at you because you’re that used to it. It’s probably been this way your whole life. You’ve probably been the best-looking person in every room you’ve ever been in, and everyone in school knows it. That’s why Evie and Lila hate you—not because of anything you’ve said to them, not because of anything you’ve done to them, but because they’re jealous of you. They hate you so damn much because they want to be you. They tried to be your friend, you didn’t want to know them, and now they hate you not only because you’re beautiful but because you rejected them. They hate you so damn much because they want to be you.” She smirks at a memory. “And these girls are the biggest bitches in school. They’ve made half the people in this room’s life hell for years and yet they can’t do anything to you. Because of you, Evie freaking Tomlinson marched into my math class and presented me with flowers. She hates you, but she knows she can’t take you on and even thanked you because she knows she can’t touch you. They can’t do a damn thing about it because Ethan Carlington, the guy who runs this school, won’t have anyone say a bad word about his sister, no matter what you do. You treat him like shit and you slept with his biggest rival and he’ll still destroy anyone who says anything against you, even his own girlfriend. That’s how much he cares about you. That’s how much he loves you.”
She’s out of breath but her eyes still flash in anger.
“So, I’m sorry your mom died. I truly am. That’s shitty. That’s so, so shitty, and we all know it. I wish it hadn’t happened, but it did, and it doesn’t give you the right to be a total bitch to everyone. How about you look around this room. Look at the people who have been nice to you when you’ve bothered to acknowledge us. Look at the people in this room who you’ve made no real effort to get to know. Look at the people who are self-conscious about their looks, who have to work two jobs to make some money and contribute to their family bills, who have to dread coming into school most days because they know there’s the chance they could get bullied.”
She pauses, and I do look around the room. I see everyone else looking down at their desks or over my head, purposely avoiding my gaze. No one’s arguing with her. No one’s disagreeing with her.
“Look around, Izzy, and realise life hasn’t treated you so badly. You have money, you have intelligence, you have beauty, and you have a brother who adores you. Life isn’t so bad for you.”
Her jaw sets and she crosses her arms.
“And you won’t even come to the next damn math meet that could help us get to the state finals. Look around this room and look at all of us who have pretty shitty lives in comparison to you and realise you have the power to make us all happy. All you need to do is agree to join the team, but you’re too selfish to even do that.”
My phone rings from its spot on my desk, which interrupts the loud music blasting from my speakers. I swing myself up—I’ve been lying on my bed for the last thirty minutes listening to music and trying not to think about Rachel’s words (something that is proving impossible)—and answer my phone when I see that it’s Marcus.
He tells me he’s five minutes away before hanging up on me. He’s taking me on another driving lesson; we’ve been packing them in since my test is coming up.
In that split second after I’ve ended the call and before my music starts up, I hear a squeal of female laughter from somewhere outside. I pause my music and strain my ears, hearing more laughter, both male and female, and splashing.
I grab my jacket and exit the room, and as I pass an upstairs window, I glance outside to see a bunch of different cars parked in the drive. I frown as I make my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Maria is stood by the fridge pulling food out of it.
“Hi.”
She turns around and smiles broadly at me. “Izzy.”
I return her smile. I can’t help it. She always seems happy to see me. Always. It makes a nice change.
I hear a playful squeal from out back and make my way to the window that looks out onto the pool. There are at least twenty people out there lounging around in bikinis and shorts on the sun loungers and splashing around in the water. A quick glance tells me it’s all Ethan’s friends. I recognise most of them from school. Ethan is sat on the edge of the pool chatting to a brunette girl I don’t know the name of. She’s smiling at him and flicking her hair, leaning into him. They’re sitting very close, and he’s not exactly looking like he’s hating it. Well at least she’s not Evie, and a brief scan of the area tells me Evie’s not here, so at least there’s that.
“What’s going on?” I ask, turning to face Maria.
“Pool party,” she replies, starting to grate some cheese. “I’m about to make them some food.”
“You shouldn’t have to do that,” I tell her instantly.
A smile ghosts over her face. “I want to, Izzy. Just some snacks. You know Ethan would never take advantage of me.”
I swallow. I do know that. Of course I do. He really likes Maria; you only have to watch them interact for a couple of minutes and you can see how close they are.
Maria’s face softens. “You should join them,” she tells me. “He would love to have you.”
I scoff. I’m not so sure about that.
“I don’t know what exactly has happened between you two,” she starts, “but you should try to make up. Make things right with him. Remember how much you love each other.”
“I’m going out,” I tell her, changing the subject, because I’m over thinking about my relationship with Ethan. “I’ll be back in an hour or two.”
She doesn’t say anything to that, but I can tell she’s disappointed.
“I’ll just grab my bag,” I mutter, backing out of the kitchen and heading to the sitting room to retrieve my bag from the sofa where I left it. I swing the door open and pull up short when I see Finn stood in the middle of the room…with Lila. With Lila stood very, very close to him.
They don’t notice me at first, and I can’t help but stare at him. He’s only wearing shorts, and there’s no denying the sight of him topless is something to behold. I grimace as I realise seeing his six-pack and smooth skin is making my heart race.
How bloody cliché. I thought I was deeper than that.
Lila’s whispering to him, and it takes real effort for my face not to contort into a full blown scowl when I see her reach out and stroke a finger down Finn’s bicep with a suggestive smile as she steps in even closer to him.
I clear my throat. Loudly.
Finn jumps away from Lila like he’s been shot, and she turns in my direction to scowl at me. “Perfect timing, Izzy.”
“Don’t mind me,” I say, trying to make sure my voice sounds as normal as possible. The last thing I want is for Finn to think his little display has affected me, and the last thing I want to thi
nk about is his little display affecting me. “Carry on.”
“We were just grabbing some more speakers,” Finn says, picking up the wireless speaker on the shelf next to him.
“I don’t care,” I snap back, spotting my bag on the sofa.
“Yeah, we got a little distracted,” Lila tells me with a smirk, and it takes everything I have not to scream at her. Why is this happening? Why do I feel like this at the thought of her with him?
Finn lets out a long breath. “Are you joining us outside?”
He must be ruffled by Lila’s little display and my appearance if he’s actually suggesting I hang out with him. It’s the most pleasant he’s been to me in weeks.
My eyes find his and, just for a second, my resolve weakens. Then Lila steps up to him again and my back straightens. “Nope, I’m meeting Marcus.”
I catch a flash of irritation in Finn’s eyes before I’m gone, pretending I don’t care about leaving him and Lila alone in a room together.
The driving lesson was successful and actually fun. I’ve stopped being nervous around other cars and nailed parking. We drove around for over an hour and then stopped at a diner a couple of towns away for some dinner. We stayed there for another hour, me laughing as Marcus filled me on his antics whilst travelling around Europe, and I wanted to carry on the evening, hoping to avoid going back to my house, but Marcus wouldn’t let me distract myself for too much longer and insisted on dropping me home just before nine as he had a date.
Maria’s car is long gone by the time I reach my front drive, and there’s probably about half the cars that were here before I left.
I let myself in and make my way to the kitchen, intending to grab a glass of water and then disappear up to my room for the rest of the night.
There are remnants of food and drink all over the kitchen table, and I’m momentarily pissed off thinking of them all leaving this mess for Maria to deal with, but then I think rationally and realise that’s not Ethan’s style and I know he’ll have this sorted by the time Maria returns.
I glance out the kitchen window and see that there’s no one outside, and from the sounds coming from the living room, the party has moved in there. I’m just filling a glass with water when I hear a noise that makes me freeze.
And then I hear it again. And again. And again.
In fact, I hear something thudding against the kitchen ceiling for a solid minute until I comprehend what it is. It’s only the loud, excessive female moan that finally clicks it into place for me.
Oh my god. Yuck.
I don’t think before I slam my glass down, storm over to the living room, and fling the door open. I march in to surprised faces and walk over to the speakers, turning them off.
“What the hell is that?” I demand throwing my arm in the direction of upstairs, looking around. There aren’t all that many people, but as my eyes scan around for Ethan, I can’t find him.
Finn looks up at me, his jaw tense. “Hey, Izzy. How was your evening with Marcus?”
There’s another loud moan. You can hear what’s going on upstairs just as clearly from here as from the kitchen.
“What. Is. That?” I demand again.
Logan snickers. “Oh, come on, Izzy. We know I don’t need to explain how the birds and the bees work. You know what that is.”
“Yes, I know what it is,” I snap. “It doesn’t mean I want to hear it at nine o’clock on a Tuesday night!” My eyes search around them. There’s only a handful of girls left, and the rest of the guys are off the team. Thankfully, Lila seems to have left, and Evie still hasn’t shown up. “Where’s Ethan?” I have some very strong words for my brother for letting his friends go off and have sex in our house. For God’s sake, no one’s even drunk, or at least not that drunk.
There’s a smattering of chuckles from around the room, the guys glancing around at each other.
“What?” I demand again. What don’t I know?
Matty clears his throat. “Um…that’s Ethan up there. Why do you think we had the music up so loud?”
I want to throw up all over the floor. That noise is my brother having sex? That is disgusting.
Matty laughs at the look on my face.
“Who’s he with?” I ask. I’m not sure I really want to know the answer. I liked the look of that brunette before, but now I’m not sure I’m going to be able to look her in the face after hearing her moan like that.
“Um, well, actually…” Something’s shifted on Matty’s face and he doesn’t look quite so entertained anymore. I suddenly realise I’m not going to like what I hear.
Finn turns and looks me straight in the eye. “It’s Evie.”
“What?” I explode. You have got to be kidding me. “Is that a joke? When did she get here?”
“About half an hour after you left.”
“Are you actually kidding me? He’s really gone back there?”
No one answers me.
“And what? He’s actually buying that crap she’s been spewing about being a new person?” I demand indignantly. I know boys can be stupid and only think with their dicks, but I didn’t know Ethan was quite that dumb. “Is he insane? The girl’s poison.”
Some of the girls around the room are looking at me in amazement and I know without a shadow of a doubt that my words will get back to her, but I couldn’t care less.
“You can quote me on that,” I tell them. “You can tell her I think she’s a toxic human being.”
“You should tell him,” Finn says calmly, his even gaze meeting mine. “Tell him what you think of her.”
“You bloody tell him,” I snap back. “You’re his best friend.”
“Yeah, and you’re his sister.” I glare back at him and he shrugs. “I knew you wouldn’t do it.”
My hackles rise. I am sick to death of Finn thinking he knows me, especially since less than three hours ago he was stood in this very room about to do God knows what with his ex. “And why is that?”
“Because you’d have to act like you give a shit in order to tell him not to go back there. You’d have to show that you actually care about him.”
My eyes narrow on Finn as he turns his attention back to his phone like he’s done with me, and I want to explode. I really want to explode.
I don’t though. Instead I turn the speakers back on, turning it up as loud as possible to block out the noise from upstairs, and then I hunt around in the drawers in the kitchen until I find a key labelled guesthouse. I spend the rest of the night in there, away from the sounds of my brother having sex with a manipulative bully, and away from the judging eyes of Finn Sullivan.
“Izzy!” I turn my head to the right as Pippa approaches me. It’s the day after my night in the guesthouse, and I am so mad that Evie managed to worm her way back into Ethan’s bed that it’s taking everything I have not to hunt them both down and give them a piece of my mind.
“Hi,” she says softly. She clears her throat awkwardly. “How are you today?”
I barely contain my snort as I realise the last time she saw me, Rachel was laying into me. She really is too sweet. She’s worried I’m upset about what Rachel said yesterday. What she doesn’t know is that I think Rachel is pretty much spot-on, even if I wish it weren’t true. I really do need to stop walking around like such a bitch, and I especially need to consider Pippa’s and her friends’ feelings more; they’ve been nothing but nice to me.
“I’m fine,” I assure her. “How are you?”
She smiles in relief. “I’m good. Hungry though.” She clears her throat. “Do you want to go to the cafeteria?” She rushes on. “Rachel and the rest of those guys have a meeting with Mr. Evans so they won’t be there, it’ll just be me and Paul.” She glances down at her watch. “He’s probably already there.”
I must pause for a second too long.
“I mean you don’t have to or anything,” she assures me. “I know you sit with us sometimes but you sometimes have other plans.
How has this happened? How
has it ended up where the girl who has been the nicest to me since I arrived here is nervous about asking me to sit with her at lunch? Has my behaviour really been that erratic? That poor?
“I’d love to,” I tell her sincerely. “I love eating lunch with you guys.”
She flashes me a wide grin and we file down the hallway, following the rest of the students heading to the cafeteria, only detouring so she can dump some books in her locker. She keeps sending me sidelong glances and I know she wants to talk about Rachel’s blowout from yesterday, but I won’t do that. I get it; I’ve been a bitch. I don’t need her trying to make excuses for me, especially as I have more concerning matters to think about right now.
We reach the swinging doors that lead to the cafeteria and the typical wave of noise washes over us. I still can’t get used to the sheer size of this room and the amount of students that eat here. It’s so loud and rambunctious it reminds me of a zoo.
“No,” Pippa whispers urgently, and I turn in surprise at her tone and then follow her eyeline.
I freeze.
Paul is sat alone at his usual table, staring down at his food, and he shuffles it around his plate, pretending he doesn’t notice the arsehole jocks sat behind him who are throwing food in his direction. His face is bright red at the humiliation, but he doesn’t turn to tell them to stop. He just sits there, hunched up, acting like it isn’t happening as the guys behind him get louder and louder with their jabs at him. They’re getting so loud that people around them are starting to notice too. Some laugh and joke at his expense and others just look away, hoping they don’t become the next target.
A French fry is chucked in his direction, hits the back of his head, and then slides down and lands in the collar of his polo shirt, resting there.
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