“Oh yeah?” I ask, smiling down at her. “Do you play with your Barbie’s hair?”
She nods, looking away shyly.
“Well maybe you could do my hair for me one day?” Her eyes widen with excitement and she nods eagerly.
I laugh as Sally shakes her head impatiently. I would guess she doesn’t play with Barbies. “Come on!” she shouts.
Then she turns and runs at full pelt around the house, dashing around the corner and out of eyesight. Molly smiles at me and then takes off after her sister, leaving me with very few options but to do the same. I follow them around the side of the house, taking in the vast fields around them, and only just register the noise and laughter drifting from out back before I turn the final corner and stop dead.
At least thirty pairs of eyes turn to face me, and I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. They’re sat along benches at a huge wooden table laden with food and drink. The smell of grilled meat hits my nostrils and I see a couple of guys in their mid-twenties stood by the grill, turning meat over. My gaze returns to the table. They’re staring at me expectantly, and a quick scan shows me that Ethan and Finn aren’t anywhere.
I clear my throat, praying I haven’t gone bright red. “Hi, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’m looking for Ethan Carlington? He said he was going to be here?”
An older woman at the end of the table puts down the bowl of food she’s holding and steps towards me, her gazing sweeping over me, taking me in. “Izzy?” she asks cautiously, moving slowly the way you’d walk towards a colt you were scared would bolt. “Izzy Kavanagh, is that you?”
I take a step away, suddenly unsure. I have no idea who this woman is, but as she gets closer, I can see she has Finn’s eyes, and I imagine her now grey hair was once the same rich chocolate brown as his.
“Um…” My eyes shift around nervously. The younger kids have returned to running wildly around the table, and I can see Molly and Sally over by a dark-haired woman, talking in her ear before she looks over at me and smiles in my direction. “Yeah, hi.”
Her face breaks into the widest, kindest smile I’ve seen in a long time, and she closes the remaining steps between us then sweeps me up into a warm hug, encompassing me with her arms and squeezing me close to her. She lets me go and holds me back, looking at me at arm’s length. “Well aren’t you just a vision. I can see how you’ve caused such a commotion at that school.” Before I can ask what on earth she’s talking about and how she knows anything about that, she turns back to the table. “Steve!” An older man looks up. He’s fairer than her, and I can tell by the twinkle in his eye when he looks at her that she’s his wife. “Izzy finally showed up for Sunday cookouts!”
My eyes fly to hers in surprise and she winks at me as Steve joins us. He smiles kindly down at me and offers his hand, shaking mine firmly. “Good to have you here, Izzy. We’ve heard a lot about you.”
I manage to stutter out a thank you before he ambles back to the table and joins the rest of the people who smile and wave over at me.
I turn back to the woman in front of me, and she’s studying me. She smiles kindly when she knows she has my attention. “Well there’s no doubt you’re Ethan’s twin. That’s for sure.”
I nod. No one could ever say we don’t look alike.
Her eyes sweep over me and she nods. “I can see it. I can see Hazel in you.”
Something lodges in my throat and it takes me a couple of seconds to be able to speak. “You knew my mum?”
Surprise fills her face and she rests her hand on my shoulder. It’s like she knows what it means to me to talk about my mum and wants to offer me some comfort. “Of course, honey. We all did,” she says, waving her hand in the direction of the table. “I’ve known your daddy forever too. I used to babysit him when he was little. He’s always been the same, but when he met your mama, I knew she was special. She stayed with us lots over the years. Whenever she’d come to see Ethan, she’d always stay here. Did you not know that?”
I shake my head, feeling emotion rush through my body. I never asked her where she stayed when she went to visit him. I was just jealous she was going to see Ethan.
She lets out a soft chuckle. “I haven’t even introduced myself. I’m Sarah Sullivan, Finn’s mama. Ethan’s practically grown up on these fields these last few years since he’s been here, and I was one of your mama’s good friends.”
I stare back at her, feeling like a piece of a puzzle is fitting into place. Mum always talked about a Sarah and I could tell she cared about her, but I didn’t know who she was, didn’t make the connection.
Her face turns serious, soft, caring. “I’m so sorry about your mama, baby.” She pulls me into her again, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me even tighter than before.
“I tried to get over there for the funeral but it just didn’t work with the farm and I know Ethan just wanted it to be your mom’s close friends and family.”
I swallow hard. No one from Ethan’s life over here came to the funeral. It’s never occurred to me to query that before.
“She was a good woman, and I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through.”
I nod abruptly and then step back from her. I can’t talk about Mum now. If I do, with all this emotion running through me, I’ll start to cry in front of all these people, and I can’t do that.
She must notice the tension in my body, but she doesn’t mention it, doesn’t say anything else about it. “I haven’t seen you since you were a baby girl. I’ve been telling Ethan and Finn to get you up here for one of our family cookouts since you arrived.” She lets out a laugh. “I’ve been trying to be patient, but I’ve been dying to see you.”
I clear my throat, suddenly feeling awkward with this loving, friendly, caring woman. I don’t deserve her kindness. “I actually just came to get some cash off Ethan. I have to go straight after.”
She levels me with a stare, making me feel like she’s looking into my soul and seeing me for everything I am. “Maybe you could change your plans?”
There’s a creak behind me and I turn to see the back door open. Ethan walks down, his arms loaded with soda and red cups, and Finn follows him carrying bread rolls and a plate of raw meat. Ethan takes one look at me and shakes his head dismissively at Sarah. “She won’t stay,” he tells her, stopping by my side. Finn pauses too. “She’s probably hungover from last night or about to head out and try to wreck herself again.”
My jaw tenses as Sarah looks between us. I guess he heard me come in last night, but that doesn’t mean he has the right to speak to me like that in front of Finn’s mum. “I wasn’t drunk last night, actually,” I tell him testily.
“Then why did you lose your bag?”
“I wasn’t drunk.”
“Well, that’s a first.”
Sarah clears her throat and my attention shifts back to her. “You should stay,” Sarah reaffirms, giving me one last hopeful smile. Then she relieves Ethan of what he’s carrying and takes it over to the table. Ethan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bunch of notes, handing them over without even really looking at me. Then he turns and walks over to the table, leaving me behind.
My phone starts vibrating in my pocket and I pull it out, seeing it’s this James guy. I ignore the call and glance back at the table. Molly and Sally are now sat up on the bench poring over the food. Sally looks up at me. “Come on, Izzy! You can sit next to me.” The woman next to her, who must be her mum, smiles over at me with interest.
I glance back down as my phone vibrates with a message. Surprisingly, it’s from Craig McGarretty—another message I won’t bother to open. He’s been persistently texting, I’m sure hoping it’ll get back to Ethan, and I ignore him every single time. He really needs to get the message that I’m not going to let him use me to get to my brother.
“Stay,” Finn says quietly from right next to me. I jump at the close proximity of it. I’d forgotten he was there. I turn to him, and he’s looking down at my
phone and the message from Craig. He looks up at me, straight into my eyes. “Stay,” he repeats. “Meet my family.”
Then he turns away, and I watch as he heads to the table and sets the bread down before handing the meat over to the guys by the grill. They’re so similar looking that they must be his brothers. I hang back, unsure what to do, but when my phone starts ringing again, I make my decision. I type out a quick text to James, apologising that I can’t meet him after all, and then turn my phone off and shove it in my back pocket. I run back to Paul’s car and thank him for the ride then let him know I’m going to be staying here.
Finn’s family are incredible. I can tell that within the first five minutes of sitting in their backyard at their table. Sally’s taken it upon herself to tell me everything about herself and everything she can think of about the rest of their family. By the time I’ve eaten, I know Molly doesn’t like fish, her mum likes red wine (much to her mum’s embarrassment), her granny likes to sew and shouts at her granddaddy when he is messy, and Finn gives the best hugs out of all her uncles.
My eyes can’t help but dart to Finn when she says this, and he’s already looking at me. His eyes light up with amusement, and I allow myself to think for just a second what it would be like to get a hug from Finn Sullivan. Then I look away and shove that thought to the back of my head. There’s no point in thinking about that. Finn can’t stand me. It’s not likely he’ll ever voluntarily give me a hug.
The rest of his family make light conversation around the table, laughing and joking, and whilst they include me, I’m honestly just happy to sit back and watch. They’re so at ease with each other and so carefree that it makes me long for it myself. Even when my mum was alive, the most family members I’ve sat around with in the last couple of years is me, my mum, and Ethan, and that was just awkward because I didn’t know how to be with Ethan after he deserted us. I don’t include that time a couple of weeks ago when we visited my grandmother’s house. To me, they aren’t family.
You can tell just by watching that Ethan is considered one of the family too, and I can tell now why he spends so much time here. He grins as Finn’s brothers tease him, looks at Finn’s dad in almost awe-like wonder, and I’m suddenly struck by the thought that I’m glad he has them, glad he’s had this network of support over here because it’s become pretty obvious over the last couple of months that he hasn’t had the great relationship and bond with my dad that I envisioned. I’m glad he’s had that with Finn’s family, glad he hasn’t been alone.
Everyone sits around for at least an hour, picking at their food and drinking. Nobody is trying to rush off or get away, and it’s what I’d describe as the perfect Sunday afternoon. When Finn’s mum and some of her kids finally start trying to clear away, I jump up to help, but Sarah dismisses me with a smile and Molly shyly asks if she can play with my hair.
And that’s how I’ve spent the last half an hour: watching Sally run around like a lunatic, doing cartwheels and jumps whilst Molly “styles” and “braids” my hair, actually just getting it jumbled into a load of knots.
“That looks pretty,” Molly announces as I try not to wince in pain when she tugs on my hair. “Mommy, look.”
Her mother appears in front of me, taking in my hair. “Thank you,” she mouths at me before she stands behind me to admire Molly’s creation.
“I think it’s time I rescued Izzy.” Finn appears at my left, looking back at Molly.
I turn to face her as she mumbles her agreement before completely startling me by launching herself into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. “Bye, Izzy. See you next week.”
Her mother, Finn’s second oldest sister, detangles Molly from me and mouths her appreciation again before leading Molly away to join her sister.
I glance over at Finn, and he has a smile playing on his lips. “Looks like you’ve made a new friend.”
I smile back. “She’s adorable.”
He nods, watching as Molly joins her sister and the rest of her cousins playing a game of baseball in the large backyard. “Yeah, they’re pretty special.”
“Are you still mad at me?” I blurt out, because it’s been playing on my mind throughout the last hour as I’ve been sat with his family. I really don’t want him to be mad at me anymore. I’m tired of never knowing where I stand with him. “About the Craig thing?”
His eyes level me for a second. “Yes,” he tells me. “And for the way you treat Ethan. And other things.”
Other things? What other things? My whole body deflates at his words.
Then he continues. “But how about we call a truce for the rest of the day?” A smile curves his lips again. “Come on, let’s head down to the lake.”
“I…um…” I stutter over my words, not even sure what I want to say. I can never seem to get it right around Finn, never know what I want to say. He has that effect on me. At my hesitation, he turns his clear green gaze back on me.
“Come on, Izzy. What are you scared of?”
“I’m not scared of anything,” I mutter in return.
He sends me a knowing smile. “I think you’re scared you might actually have fun if you hang out with us.”
I bite my lip. I hate that he seems to be able to do that, seems to be able to read my mind. That’s exactly what I’m scared of. I don’t want to be around Finn because I don’t like these feelings he seems to be stirring up within me. I hate that I care that he thinks so poorly of me when I really shouldn’t give a damn.
He turns and starts walking towards the end of their backyard, cutting through a path that runs through some trees. He pauses and turns back to face me just before he’s about to walk out of view, and I hesitate for a couple of seconds, debating God knows what in my head before swallowing down this ridiculous giddiness in my chest and following after him.
It takes about five minutes or so, and when we get to the lake, it’s more than worth it. A huge wide stretch of water ripples gently in the breeze just before a backdrop of fields for as far as the eye can see. It’s honestly spectacular.
I hear a shout of delight and turn just in time to see Logan swing from a rope and drop down into the water. He surfaces, laughing and pushing his hair back off his face, and I turn to look in the direction he came from. I see Ethan, Matty, and a bunch of their other friends all stripped down and standing on a ledge, waiting their turn.
“When did those guys get here?” I ask in surprise.
“When Molly was practising her hairdressing technique.”
I smile.
“They’re here most Sundays. Sometimes they come earlier and join us for food or they show up right after. We need to make the most of the lake while it’s still warm enough to swim in it.”
That does make me raise an eyebrow. “It actually gets cold in Texas?”
“Yes,” he says, mock affronted. “Sometimes we even have to wear jackets.”
I chuckle as I watch Matty lean back and then swing out, launching himself into the air and then somersaulting his way into the water.
“You wanna join?”
I shake my head. “Somehow I think Ethan might not appreciate me stripping off to my underwear and joining his friends. He’s angry enough at me as it is.”
“Point taken,” Finn immediately replies. He nods towards a path that runs along the lake. “Let’s go for a walk.”
He’s set off before I can argue with him, and I follow down the lake towards what looks like a huge barn in the distance. He slows his pace so I’m beside him, and we walk along in silence. It’s not awkward, though, not really. It’s so quiet and so relaxed down here that even I can’t let my messed-up mind freak me out.
“Your family is amazing,” I tell him. “You’re really lucky.”
“I know,” he agrees. “I sometimes forget that not everybody has a million different family members they can rely on.”
“How many brothers and sisters do you have?”
“Three older brothers a
nd two older sisters.”
Wow. Six kids? That’s crazy.
He grins at the look on my face. “I’m the youngest, too. My big brothers were always trying to get me to join in on whatever crazy scheme they’d come up with, and my sisters tried to dress me up and put makeup on me because they thought I was some kind of doll.”
I burst out laughing.
“You laugh now, but it was pretty traumatising.” He smiles at a memory. “I’m the youngest by eight years. Darren’s the next youngest.” I recognise the name as Marcus’s friend but don’t bring it up. I don’t want to argue with Finn, not tonight—not that I’ve ever wanted to, really. “I was ‘a nice surprise’, as my mom says.”
I grin as we break off from the path by the lake and start to walk up a particularly steep hill. Finn strides ahead with ease, but I struggle to keep up, out of breath by the time I get to the top. He waits for me there, a smile flickering across his lips at my lack of fitness, but he doesn’t mention it as he plops down onto the ground, facing the direction we’ve come. I join him, and honestly, when I’m sat there, my stomach full, Finn beside me and the sounds of Ethan and his friends shouting and splashing about in the distance, I actually feel pretty content.
“I didn’t realise you lived on a farm.”
He shrugs. “I never told you.”
And I never asked. I’ve never made any effort to get to know him properly even though he’s one of the most important people in Ethan’s life.
“So are you going to be a farmer one day then?”
He snorts. “No. That’s more Mike’s thing. The rest of us don’t care about farming at all. I mean I love living here, but it’s not what I want to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
He shrugs. “Go to college, and then after that? I haven’t quite worked that out yet, but I’ve got time.”
I find myself nodding. He makes it sound so simple and straightforward when talking about his future. I guess it is when you break it down.
We sit silently for a couple of minutes, both taking in the view ahead of us, and it reminds me how easy Finn is to be around when he’s not challenging me. It’s like back before he knew the real me and how messed up I am, back when he didn’t push me to be more sympathetic, more kind, more considerate—all the things he shouldn’t have to tell me to be.
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