by Lori L. Otto
“Wow,” she says, propping herself up on her elbow to lean over me. “That’s a pretty big compliment.”
“And yet, still, I don’t think it fully expresses how I feel... how grateful I am that you’ve chosen me.”
“Nate, please know, I feel the same about you. You’ve always been my best friend... and I had a feeling you’d be a good lover, but I didn’t know things could be like this,” she laughs as she continues to run her fingernails over my chest. “This was... unreal... that’s really the only thing I can say about it. Like, out-of-body-experience-unreal.”
“Exactly,” I agree. “How do you feel now?”
“Perfect. And exhausted. And not wanting to go back downstairs.”
“See? Didn’t I tell you?” I joke with her.
“I had good intentions...”
“Well,” I tell her, “it’s still early, we don’t have to go yet. Or at all, if you really don’t want to. We’re in love. They all know. I’m not ashamed.”
“I’m not ashamed,” she adds, “but it would be embarrassing facing the fam in the morning, you know?”
“You’d get over it,” I tease. “Plus, you have sex hair right now... and I don’t know how to fix that, obviously.”
“Is it bad?”
I wipe a few beads of perspiration from her hairline. “No, it’s good,” I tell her, kissing her forehead. “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you.” She closes her eyes, and I watch her body, touch the warm, silky skin on her stomach. She rolls back onto the bed as I lean over to kiss her navel, my lips lingering on her stomach.
“You okay in there?” I whisper.
“I heard that,” Emi laughs. “I did some research, and it’s fine.”
“Just wanted to talk to our child, do you mind?” I joke.
“Our child,” Emi sighs. “Wow.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Nate, whatever happens, I know that he or she will be welcomed and loved by us and our families... and I know we’ll be able to provide for this child like no other people could. I really do hope we stay together.”
“I really hope you’ll soon realize that we’re going to.” I kneel over her legs and encircle her hipbones with my thumbs.
“Nate?”
“Yes, my love?” I place my ear on her stomach, hugging her sides.
“Let’s go back to the party.”
“What? No, Emi, I don’t think we’re... presentable.”
“But you said I look beautiful.”
“In my eyes, you always do... but it looks like we’ve been doing exactly what we’ve been doing... which, in all honesty makes you look even more beautiful to me.”
“But they had that amazing looking chocolate cake down there... and I really, really wanted some.”
“Chocolate?” I ask. “You don’t even like chocolate.”
“I’ve been craving it.”
“Just the cake, or chocolate in general?”
“Any chocolate.”
“Well, there’s a twenty-four-hour superstore a few blocks down... I went by there earlier for some socks... the sign on the door said they were open tonight... why don’t I just go get you something from there?”
“I wanna go with you.”
“No, you can stay here. Rest up... midnight will be here before you know it, and I want the kiss to last all night.”
“No, I’m coming. I don’t want to be apart from you.”
“Fair enough,” I say, crawling up her body and kissing her sweetly. “Let’s get dressed.”
We climb out of bed and dig through our suitcases for jeans and t-shirts, hoping to sneak out of the hotel unnoticed. I call down to the concierge and ask them to have my car ready. I grab my wallet, and we walk hand-in-hand to the elevator. Once inside, she pushes the button for the lobby, and I put my arm around her, kissing the top of her head. She’s silent, smiling, radiant.
We look both directions in the lobby, making sure none of the party guests are wandering around. The valet has my keys waiting as soon as we step outside.
In the car, Emi fastens her seatbelt but angles her body toward me. “I love you.” She shakes her head. “Those words aren’t even enough.”
“I know, Em,” I smile, squeezing her hand and pulling away from the hotel’s driveway. “I love you, too.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“For reacting like I did about the news. For acting like it’s a mistake. I don’t ever want our child to think they were a mistake.”
“Emi, there’s no need for you to apologize,” I say soberly.
“Yes, there is. Just know that I will never resent you for this. I am grateful... I know it’s not what we planned... but it will be the most cherished little baby in the world.”
“Yes, she will.”
“She?”
“Did I say she?” In my mind... it’s a girl. “Seems like a girl.”
“Why do you say that?” she laughs.
“I don’t think anyone up there would trust a man like me to raise a boy... but He probably took one look at you and thought you would make the perfect role model for our little girl.”
“Nate,” she sighs. “That’s so sweet... and I’m sure you’re right.” She giggles, squeezing my arm. I give her a sideways glance as I park the car, attempting to look offended but unable to hide the smile. “If you weren’t a good man,” she begins as she opens the door, “I wouldn’t be with you.” She shuts the door quietly and meets me at the back of the car, offering me her hand.
Once in the store, I tell her I’ll meet her in the candy aisle.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m just going to get something... nothing you need to worry about.”
“Honey, we don’t need condoms,” she jokes.
“Funny,” I say, rolling my eyes at her. “Candy aisle.”
“Don’t be too long,” she seems to sing to me. I head to the baby section and look around at the store’s offerings... lots of clothes, tiny shoes, bottles, blankets... I stumble across a stuffed giraffe hanging all by itself on a peg. I look at the label, intrigued. Inside is a digital recorder... This is the gift.
I find an out-of-sight register and quickly pay for the toy, then head to a quiet corner of the store to record a message for our baby. It isn’t hard to find a place, since we seem to be the only two customers in the entire store.
When I’m done, I wrap up the giraffe in the bag and head toward the candy aisle. There’s no sign of Emi there, or on either of the aisles around it. I find an employee and ask if there’s another section where they sell candy, but she tells me no.
I pull out my cell phone and call her.
“Hey, Nate.”
“Hey, where are you?”
“I’m looking at some books.”
“Okay, I’ll be right there.” I find her a few minutes later. “What did you find?”
“The Pregnancy Book,” she says, holding on to three different chocolate bars in one hand and the book in the other, “Month-by-Month, Everything You Need to Know...”
“Let’s get it,” I tell her, taking the candy from her. She smiles and half-skips out of the book section of the store. She keeps her nose down, reading some of the pages as we walk to the register. “Pssst... she needs to scan the book,” I nudge her.
“Oh, sorry,” she smiles, blushing. The early-twenties clerk is careful to save her page, and hands it back to Emi in the same place. “Thank you.” I give her cash and wait for the change.
“How far along?” the clerk asks.
“Six weeks tomorrow,” Emi glows. “Still early...”
“I’m eight weeks. I just got that book... it’s really good.” She hands me my change.
“Good... thanks... and good luck to you,” Emi says.
“You, too,” the young woman says.
“Good luck,” I add, taking the bag of candy as Emi goes back to reading. I hold on to her arm, guiding her to the ca
r and opening the door for her. I look at my watch as I cross to the driver’s side.
“Eleven-thirty,” I say to her, getting in the car and closing the door. “We should be able to make it back to the room by midnight.” She closes the book and digs in the bag that holds the candy, taking a bar out and opening it.
“I don’t care where we are at midnight,” she tells me. “Honestly, all that matters is that I’m with you.”
“I’ll always be with you,” I vow.
“Thank you. Want some?” she asks as I pull out of the parking lot.
“No thanks,” I tell her. “Hey, what’s in that other bag?” I encourage her.
“I don’t know...” She looks confused as she sees the small stuffed animal. We stop at a red light and I reach across the console, pulling the cord for her.
“Hi, little one,” my recorded voice begins. Emi looks at me in anticipation of the rest of the message.
“Thirteen years. One night.
Nine months. One small baby will
deliver true love.”
“Oh, Nate,” she says, stepping on my last line as her eyes tear up.
“I can’t wait to see you.”
“I can’t wait,” I reiterate my recorded message aloud in case she missed it, a lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. “I can’t wait for us to meet her.”
“Or him,” she corrects me softly, tugging the string again and holding the toy next to her stomach. “That’s your daddy’s voice,” she says quietly, wiping a tear away before leaning in to kiss me. When she pulls back, not more than a few inches, the look in her green eyes is confident and comforting. Her dimples become more pronounced as her smile grows wider.
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before moving in to kiss her again, never more certain of our future together.
She sighs happily and looks at me adoringly, placing her delicate hand to my face. Her thumb traces my cheekbone lightly. I take her hand in mine, touch my lips to the soft skin of her palm and weave my fingers between hers. Clutching the stuffed toy, she moves it close to her heart. We smile at each other as I notice the traffic signal changing from red to green out of the corner of my eye.
I smile as the seemingly prophetic green light tells me it’s time to go. I don’t need a signal to tell me anything; I’m ready to move forward with Emi, to start our future together. Still holding her hand in mine, hoping my gaze communicates my abiding commitment to her, I stroke my thumb across her finger. Knowing someday soon she’ll let me put a ring there, I smile inwardly and put my foot on the pedal, optimistic and assured and ready to go.
“Nate!”
~ * ~
TIME STANDS STILL
EMI
~ * ~
DEDICATION
to my sister:
lisa
the friends who feel like sisters:
melinda
teresa
peggy
melissa
clarinda
i love you all,
no matter the distance
in miles or years
CHAPTER 1
“Nate?” I say frantically, pushing his shoulder gently in an attempt to wake him. I lean over him, slightly disoriented, looking at the peaceful expression on his face. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. “Nate, wake up,” I urge him again, my voice louder. He continues to lie there, seemingly comfortable, his breathing slow and deep. His forehead is dotted with perspiration. By looking at him, I can’t even tell we were in an accident. There are no visible signs of his injuries, but I know they’re there.
“Come on, Nate,” I say one more time. I struggle free from the crisp sheets I’m tangled in and climb up to him, placing my lips on his. They’re still, make no attempt to match the movement of my own. I can still feel his breath, though, and I’m comforted by that. I straddle one of his legs and kneel over him, careful to avoid the left side of his body.
Suddenly, I feel his hand moving up the back of my leg, up my pearl-colored silk pajama shorts, his fingers tucking under my lace underwear. I grab it forcefully and hold it still. He opens one of his eyes tentatively, a smile spreading across his face, which appears slightly tanned, contrasting against the stark white pillowcase his head lies upon.
“Damn it, Nate!” I laugh. “Have you been awake this whole time?” I slap his chest harder than I intend to.
He breathes in quickly through his teeth, wincing, but letting out a quiet laugh. “Careful,” he warns me softly.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “But you deserve it. I thought something had happened to you!”
“I’m fine, Emi,” he says.
“But the doctor said you’re not allowed to sleep because of the concussion.”
“I didn’t fall asleep, baby. You did. I just watched you,” he tells me as I curl up next to him, my leg resting on his thighs. His right arm pulls me in tightly.
“Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine.”
“Does your head hurt?”
“Emi, I’m fine,” he repeats.
“How does your rib feel?” I ask him, pulling back the sheets and touching the large colorless bandage on his ribcage gently.
“Broken, I guess,” he says. “That’s fine, too, as long as I don’t move or get beat up by my girlfriend... or laugh.”
“You’ll let me know if you need anything, though...”
“Right now, the drugs are keeping me completely relaxed. The only thing I need is you, Emi,” he tells me, attempting to shift his body slightly. He groans, grimacing in pain, and pokes me a few times in the side to get my attention. “Kiss me again.”
I assume my position of leaning over him again, careful to put no weight on his body, and oblige him. He holds my head to his with his right hand. He tries to lift his other arm, but it’s obvious the strain on his ribs is too much.
“We were lucky,” he says.
“Yes, very,” I admit.
“I’m glad you weren’t hurt, Em,” he says sweetly.
“I’m sorry you were,” I respond.
“What this?” he says, acting overly-confident. “This is nothing.” We both smile at one another, and I’m lost in his stare. For a brief second, it pierces through me, almost scares me, as my heart literally skips a beat.
“What?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I smile, looking away. “Is this not the most beautiful day?” I ask him, staring out the large window in his apartment. “Look out there. There is not a cloud in the sky. Everything just looks so clear and vibrant... and happy. Even the sun seems brighter. I can barely look out the window it’s so bright.”
“Maybe near-death experiences make life look better.”
“My life has never looked so good,” I tell him, kissing him again. I pull away to look at him once more. His eyes are focused down my ivory nightshirt, hanging open as I hover over him.
“Mine either,” he smiles slyly. “So good...” He puts his hand down my shirt, touches me, moans quietly.
“Nate,” I whisper, a lame attempt to stop him from doing something I desperately want him to do. “The doctor said no vigorous activities, remember?”
“I’ll be careful,” he says. “I am just so grateful right now, Emi. I want to be close to you. I want to feel you, make sure you’re here, that you’re real, that you’re fine.”
“I am,” I smile as he unbuttons my shirt.
“That was really scary,” he says, serious. He tugs at the sleeve of my shirt, and I take it off for him, saving him the trouble. “Let me look at you.”
I sit up and allow his eyes to inspect me. They slowly scan every inch, every millimeter of my torso, his fingers brushing lightly against my stomach, then my breasts.
“Not a scratch,” he smiles. “Your skin is still perfect.” He sighs. “Emi, I don’t know what I would do if I had lost you... or if we had lost the baby. My god, we’re lucky,” he repeats.
/> “I don’t even want to think about it,” I tell him, bringing his hand back down to my abdomen, intertwining our fingers and pressing his palm against it. “We are all fine.”
“I just can’t believe we walked away from that,” he says. “The car was completely totaled. You really didn’t see it?”
“No,” I tell him. I find it a happy coincidence that I can’t remember any details of the accident. I don’t try too hard to remember them, either. I just want to focus on how blessed we are to have each other. “I don’t want to think about it.”
He nods, and again his eyes, this strange, vacant stare startles me, causes me to shiver. I tuck my head into his chest to escape his haunting gaze.
“Are you okay?” he asks, flinching again as he bends slightly to pull the white down comforter up over us. “Lie down, baby.”
I tuck my body next to his again, my arm resting comfortably across him. He pushes through the pain and moves his left hand to rest next to mine, takes it into his, rubbing my fingers slowly. I watch the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes, listen to his strong heartbeat pounding against my ear. When I close my eyes, I can still see the bright sun against my eyelids. As soon as I begin to wonder how I’ll be able to sleep with all the light in this room, I feel the exhaustion of the night overwhelming me, quickly.
Letting my mind wander to the wonderful time we shared together at the hotel last night, warmth spreads over me, comfort sets in. Nate was in bed with me, his arms wrapped tightly around my naked body, his irrepressible smile lit only by a dim lamp on the hotel room night stand. The smell of his cologne lingered around me, his perspiration mixed with my own. His voice was thick with affection as he whispered the words in my ear, “God, I love you, Emi,” before his head collapsed on the pillow next to mine.
I pull the white comforter up a little more, snuggle closer, hold on tighter to him... to everything I know of him. God, I love you, too, Nate.