by Lori L. Otto
“Emi, we would– no, we will– make extraordinary parents.”
“Do you really think we could love someone else’s children like they were our own?”
“Of course I do. Look at Kelly’s kids, and Clara... don’t we love them like they’re our own?”
“They’re blood relatives, it’s different.”
“Not really, Em. They’re not our children,” I explain.
“But we were there through the whole thing, the whole pregnancy. We were a part of their family before they were even conceived.”
“So? We could try an open adoption, you know... where we get to know the mother before she gives birth... there are a lot of women who prefer that.”
“I don’t know that I want that. I hear that ends badly a lot... where the mothers just can’t give up their baby.”
“I know this won’t be easy, Emi. Nothing we do ever seems to be easy. But I know one thing... with every challenge we face, we become closer. And just when I think I couldn’t possibly love you more... I do.”
“I just don’t want you to get your hopes up,” she pleads. “I don’t want you to go into this thinking that children are a given. There is a possibility that we may never have them... and you have to be okay with that.”
“Anything is possible,” I contend. “And I am hopeful. You want children. I want children. The mere fact that we, together, can’t conceive a child does not mean that we won’t have one... or many...”
“Jack, I just can’t bear to see that look of disappointment again.”
“You won’t,” I assure her, “because I will be grateful for every day we’re together. Having lived without you before, I can truly appreciate how amazing each day with you really is.” She turns slightly so she can see my smile. Her hand touches the stubble on my jaw as I lean down to kiss her.
“But don’t think for a second that I won’t do everything in my power to find a child for us, if that’s what you want. I will do anything to make you happy.”
“But you already make me happy,” she says. “And I want you to know that I will be the happiest woman in the world the day I become your wife. Anything beyond that is just icing on the cake.”
“So you won’t be the happiest woman until then?”
“Well...”
“I bet I could make you pretty happy tonight. And no, I don’t mean by proposing.”
“I didn’t think so,” she smiles, standing up and offering her hand to me. “Let’s see what you can do.” We race each other back to our shoes. I pick up hers when I beat her to them and slip mine on my feet.
“Mine,” she says, holding her hand out.
“No, nuh-uh,” I argue. “Mine.” I sweep her into my arms as a quiet squeal escapes her lips. She kicks her feet briefly, but succumbs to my grasp quickly, kissing me deeply before I carry her back to the villa. “The pool?” I ask.
“Yes, please,” she answers playfully. Once on the deck, she pulls her dress over her head, revealing her naked body underneath. She takes out the clip that holds her hair back, and shakes it out, allowing it to fall softly on her breasts. She takes cautious steps into the water.
“Is it cold?” I ask, turning off all the exterior lights and lighting a few candles that sit on the edge of the pool.
“Just a little.” After undressing, I dive into the pool, the ripples of the water climbing up her torso. Eventually she meets me in the middle of the pool, shivering.
“It’s not that cold,” I joke with her.
“Warm me up,” she whispers in my ear before tracing it lightly with her tongue.
I pick her up and wrap her legs around my torso, carrying her to the edge of the pool where a bench juts out from the side of the wall, waist-high. I sit on the bench, pulling her onto my lap. She gasps quietly.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Better than okay,” she sighs.
“Is this comfortable?” She nods, rocking slowly against my body, guided by my tight grasp against her, as she gazes out into the ocean. “Oh, wow. I’m on sensory overload, I think.” She tucks her head into her chest briefly, then continues to moan softly as I tilt her head back up, my lips finding hers. “Oh, Jack,” she murmurs between kisses. “Deeper,” she whispers, pushing her body more forcefully against mine. “Oh,” she sighs with a smile. We move together, the sounds of the waves lapping over the pool the only other noise around us.
“I’m coming,” I say quietly, my tongue now tracing her lobe and the hollow below her ear. She holds on to me tightly, gasping quickly and repeatedly. As I’m climaxing, she yells out my name, then slows her movements to a near-stop, covering her mouth with her hand, a look of surprise in her eyes. Once the headiness clears my mind, I laugh and move her hand so that I can kiss her.
“You outed us,” I joke with her.
“Shut up!” she blushes. “I was trying to be so quiet!”
“You were, I was quite impressed, actually.”
“Years of living with Teresa... no walls...”
“Oh, I see. Well, did you want to go inside?”
“Eventually,” she says. “Let’s just sit here and enjoy this for awhile. It’s beautiful out here.” She kisses me before climbing off the bench and standing against the wall, overlooking the town below and the ocean in the distance. I follow her, standing behind her, kissing her neck and ears in hopes of arousing her again.
“You know,” she says. “It would be unexpected right now.”
“You don’t give up!” I tell her, tickling her before picking her up and carrying her toward the villa. She shrieks again, and I put my thumb over her lips in a failed attempt to keep her quiet. She takes my finger into her mouth and bites gently first, then closes her lips and begins to fondle it with her tongue. I push it in, a little deeper, as her eyes lock onto mine, a smile forming across my lips.
“Bedroom?” she asks around my thumb.
“Yes, please,” I answer coyly.
CHAPTER 7
“Jack, it hurts to wake up,” she whines from her first-class seat.
“Em, I know, but we’re home. Just a little longer and you can ache in private... no clothes, or however you want to be.”
“Oh, god, I can’t wait.” She takes a deep breath and stands up, careful not to bump anything.
“I’ve got your things. Just go ahead.” She slowly makes her way off of the plane and into the terminal. I follow closely behind her, carrying her purse, carry-on and my own duffel bag.
Kelly and Thomas meet us at the baggage claim carousel.
“Oh, my god, Emi, you’re... crispy!” my sister exclaims, and I can’t help but laugh quietly behind her. “No sunscreen?”
“I swear, I wore it, but not enough, I guess. And not in all the right places, apparently,” she mumbles under her breath. The daytime skinny-dipping exposed some delicate skin on her, skin that had probably never seen the light of day before. I feel bad for her, but it is a little humorous. She’ll laugh once the pain subsides... I hope.
“You poor thing,” Kelly says. “Yeah, you’re so fair-skinned... you probably do burn easily.”
“Apparently,” she mumbles again, forcing a smile.
“She’s in a lot of pain,” I tell my sister and brother-in-law. “Some ibuprofen would probably help.”
“I have some right here,” Kelly says. “I’ll go get some water.”
Emi swallows the pills quickly. I take the water bottle from her and press it gently against her shoulders and back. Even her loose-fitting tank top is painful next to her skin.
“Thank you,” she tells both Kelly and me.
“Jacks, do you have any aloe at home?” my sister asks.
“Yes, plenty.” Thomas and I grab our bags and carry them all to their SUV.
“Use that, and a cool bath would probably be good. Or cool compresses, maybe,” Kelly adds as we get into the car.
“Thanks, mom,” I murmur to her.
“Well, you did bring her home in this condition. I h
ave to make sure someone can take care of her.”
“She was fine until yesterday. It just seemed to get worse throughout the night.”
“Sunburns will do that,” Thomas says, fair-skinned like Emi. “I’ve been there, Emi, I know what you’re going through.”
“Oh, I’m not sure you do,” she responds. I imagine she is blushing underneath the burned skin of her cheeks.
“Trust her,” I add.
“I just want to be home,” she whines.
“We’ll be there before you know it.”
“Aside from the burn,” Kelly begins, “did you two have a good time? What was Tenerife like?”
Emi manages to smile, then looks over at me and puts her hand on mine. “It was amazing,” she says. “I’d happily get this sunburn again if it meant I could go back there.”
“Thank God,” I sigh. “I was beginning to wonder if you were regretting the whole thing.”
“Of course I’m not!” she exclaims. “Jack, I wish we could have stayed a lot longer. I hope we can go back there someday. I’ll just be a little smarter... stick to the indoor pools or something.”
“Well, and now I know how fragile you are,” I smile. “I’m sorry you got so burned, Em.” I kiss her and I’m taken with her, oblivious of my surroundings for the briefest of moments.
“I’ll be as good as new in a few days, I’m sure,” she whispers.
“I hope. I don’t want this to be the main thing we remember from this trip.”
“It doesn’t even make the top five,” Emi says. “Promise.” We exchange mischievous glances.
“Okay,” I say, satisfied, as Thomas pulls into my driveway.
Emi slowly pries herself off of the leather seat, grimacing with pain, as the rest of us unload the SUV and take the luggage into the house. Kelly immediately goes upstairs and starts running water for a bath. I don’t know what I would do without my sister sometimes.
“We did some grocery shopping for you,” Thomas tells me. “Just some things to get you through the next few days so you don’t have to hassle with that.”
“You guys didn’t have to do that, but thank you. Em, can I get you something?” I ask her as she hobbles into the kitchen.
“Diet soda?” she requests.
Kelly comes back downstairs. “Emi, I ran a cool bath for you. You’ll feel better after that.”
“Wow, thanks, Kelly,” she says, surprised.
“Jacks, do you want me to fix you two something to eat?”
“No, Kell, I’ve got it. Thank you both. We’ll be fine.”
“Alright, then,” my sister says. “Let us know if you need anything.”
“I will. And let the kids know I’ll be by this weekend. And I’m not coming empty-handed.”
“You spoil them, Jacks.”
“I know. Just indulge me.”
“Alright. Hey, Emi, why don’t you see if Jen and Clara want to come out, too. She could bring Brian, if she wants... and Chris and Anna, too, if you’d like.”
“Thanks, Kelly, I’ll ask them,” she says, smiling.
“Okay... Well, have a good night. Emi, get some rest... and get better.”
“I’ll be fine,” she says.
“Thank you... good night.” I close the door behind my sister and brother-in-law. “Come on, Crispy,” I laugh. “Let’s get you into that bath.”
“You’re not allowed to be turned on by this, you know,” she warns me. “I’m in way too much pain for anything.”
“I can’t not be turned on, but I promise I’ll be on my best behavior. I won’t lay a hand on you.”
She frowns before thanking me. “That’s a weird thing to thank you for.”
Upstairs, I carefully take her shirt off, over her head. Her yoga pants slide easily down her legs. “Was that okay?” I ask.
She nods, then puts her hands on my face and kisses me. “Thank you.” I hold her hand as she carefully steps into the bathtub. She grits her teeth at the temperature of the water.
“Cold?”
“Very.”
“It will probably feel good. Just settle in. We can add some warm water gradually.” After she sits in the tub for a few minutes she relaxes and says that the bath is soothing on her skin. I sit on the step outside the tub and lightly sprinkle water on her shoulders, the only really sunburned part not completely submerged in the water, hiding under the mound of bubbles.
“Why do you do this?” she asks me.
“What?”
“Take care of me like this... why are you so attentive?”
“I don’t think I understand the question, Em.”
“Do you ever think, ‘Man! She’s a lot of trouble!’”
“Of course I do,” I laugh. “I’m just constantly thinking, ‘Wow, what have I gotten myself into?’” She splashes me softly with water. “That is cold... can I add a little warm water for you?” She nods and smiles. “Tell me if it gets too hot.”
“Seriously... you don’t ever feel burdened by my ‘crazy’?”
“Never once have I felt burdened, Em. Taking care of you would never be a burden. I’ve committed myself to this.”
“That sounds like a sentence... like prison time...”
“Not at all,” I smile. “I promised to take care of you. Does that sound better?”
“Promised who?”
I purse my lips, briefly but undoubtedly noticeably, before answering. “Myself... and Nate, actually.”
“Nate?” she asks. “How did... when?”
“I guess it started in the hospital, I was making deals left and right, hoping you’d come out of the coma... at the time, I was feeling responsible. I had just found out he had died. I had just realized that the person ‘meant for you’ would no longer be there for you. I felt like I needed to do something about it.
“I’ve told you this before.”
“I know, but you made it sound like some sort of vow you took.”
“I guess it kind of was. A silent vow that I made with him. I guess I continued going over things in my mind at his funeral, too.”
“I didn’t know you went to that...”
“I learned so much about him, from his friends and his mother, and your family... The one thing that stood out, no matter what anyone said, was just how much he loved you... and the lengths he would have gone to in order to make you happy.
“I still felt like it was my wish that took him from you... I hate to keep bringing it up, really... I hate that I ever thought it.”
“Jack, I never, for one second, believed that you meant anything malicious by it. You don’t have a mean-spirited bone in your body.”
“Thank you... but anyway... I sat in the back of the church and listened... prayed... and I stayed behind when everyone went to the gravesite. I prayed to God, sure, but I felt like I really owed Nate something. I can remember thinking that I would just never pursue you, for him. That was my sacrifice. If he couldn’t have you, neither could I. I thought he would be happy with that...
“But then I started thinking– and I was in that church for hours after everyone left– no... he would go to great lengths to make you happy, they said. They said he only wanted you to be happy... and I started thinking and really believing that I could make you happy. I remembered the kiss in college, the spark that was ignited there. And I remembered the dance at the party, the way you looked into my eyes... how you seemed to stop breathing for a second, the same second I did... and I knew that the best way to honor him was to keep his dreams of making you happy alive and well.
“That, and I knew I couldn’t stay away from you. I didn’t want to make him a promise I couldn’t keep.”
“I’m glad you didn’t stay away,” she says. “I really think he would have liked you, if he had gotten to know you. I know he would have.”
“I think we’re pretty good together,” I admit. “Do you feel any better?”
“Yeah... I’m just cold now.” I help her out of the tub and gently pat her down w
ith a soft towel. I grab the aloe from the medicine cabinet.
“This will have to tide me over, I guess.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well... this is probably all the touching I’ll get to do for a few days. Think I’ll take my time... make sure I do the job right.”
“Hey, now, I’m not happy about that, either. I kind of got spoiled over the weekend... it was really the perfect weekend, Jack. Thank you. It really was what I needed.”
“You feel like I’m committed enough?”
“For now,” she smiles. “I don’t think you’re going anywhere.”
“Definitely not.” She tells me she loves me before leaning in to kiss me.
“Okay, stand still... and I think this will feel cold, too.”
I suggest that Emi try to take a nap, and she willingly climbs into bed, naked, carefully pulling up the sheet to cover her body.
“Why don’t you just plan on staying here for a few days, until you feel a little better? I’ll go pick up some things from the loft, if you’d like.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” she asks. “I really feel like a burden right now.”
“Stop, Emi. I’d love to for you to stay here with me. Then I’ll know the second you’re better...”
“As long as you’re getting something out of this,” she jokes.
“If you’re going to wander around naked for days, I definitely want you to stay here.” She rolls her eyes at me and names a few things she needs from her apartment.
“Do you want anything else, while I’m out?”
“No. Just hurry back.”
“If you change your mind, just call me.” I bring her cell phone to her with a bottle of water. “Just try to nap for a bit.”
The air in Emi’s apartment is warm and somewhat stagnant. I check the window unit to make sure it’s working, but notice she’s just left it off while she was out of town. No lights, no sounds. It just feels deserted. I get chills as I think of this being his place, imagine him watching me wander around his loft. It almost feels... creepy. I wonder if this is how she normally feels, when she is uncomfortable being intimate with me, here. Does she feel his presence, too?
Surely, she does. It has to affect her. I wonder how I can convince her to move in with me.