The Other Side of Love (Forever Love)

by Cooper, J. S.

  But instead I continued running away from her. I couldn’t help her or save her. It wasn’t fair to bring her into the confusion in my life. Not when I still had so much unresolved. Not when my heart still had a hole in it the size of the Mississippi. I thought back to what Sidney had said about moving on in life and making a fresh start. But a part of me didn’t want to forget. A part of me still hoped that everything could still work out. And while I still had hope, it wasn’t fair to bring someone else into my life. No matter how many times my stomach flipped just thinking about her.

  Chapter 6

  “I just want it to be us, Noah. I know you love Zane and he means something to me. But I just want it to be us. You can move here, to France, and we can make up for all the years we’ve lost.” She stroked the side of my face as she looked at me with wide eyes.

  “I can’t do that.” I shook my head, trying hard to keep my anger in.

  “Be a good boy for your mama.”

  “You gave up the right to that title the day you walked away from me and Zane.”

  “I already explained that to you, Noah. Your papa almost broke me. I had to get away.” Her breath caught. “I’ve thought about you every day since I’ve been gone.”

  “How can you have stopped loving him?” I studied her face bitterly. “What sort of person are you?”

  “The connection just wasn’t—”

  “You used to take him out. Just him.” I interrupted her accusingly. “You even asked him to look after me.”

  “He was always a strong-willed and protective boy. I knew that he would grow up to be an assertive man. I wanted to make sure that you were taken care of.”

  “Most people are taken care of by their parents.”

  “Your dad never loved me.” She grabbed my hands and looked at me with pleading eyes. “I couldn’t take it. I wanted to take you with me, but I knew he wouldn’t let me.”

  “But what about Zane? Didn’t you love him as well?”

  “In my own way.” She looked at me sorrowfully, her eyes begging me to understand.

  “I can’t believe that you don’t love your own son.”

  “He was never my son.”

  “I’m getting fed up of waiting around, Lucky.” Zane’s voice was loud as I slipped in the front door. I could hear his voice booming from the kitchen and I paused, not wanting to interrupt what sounded like a tense moment.

  “Patience is a virtue.” Lucky’s voice was softer but I could tell that she felt for him. “Give him time.”

  “It’s hard. I just want to know. Why wouldn’t he tell me?” He sounded frustrated. “I’m not trying to be an asshole. I want to understand. I mean, I do understand that he thinks he’s protecting me, but shit, I want to know what the fuck is going on. She’s my mom as well. He can’t just keep this shit to himself.”

  “It’s obviously important to him.” Lucky paused. “I’m worried about him, Zane. Last week when we were at the Johnsons’, he seemed really sad and alone. I know you don’t think we should try and introduce him to anyone, but I think he needs to get out there. I know he’s your brother and you love him, and I know you’re frustrated and you want answers, but maybe you should think about how this has affected him. It’s been hard for you, yes, very hard. But you have me now. But what does Noah have? Who does Noah have? He’s carrying all these burdens all by himself. It can’t be easy for him.” Lucky’s voice cracked. “I’m actually really worried about him.” Her voice went low, and I couldn’t hear what she was saying.

  I leaned against the front door and frowned to myself. They were worried about me, and Zane was getting irritable, which I had expected. He had never been especially patient when we were growing up and frankly, I was surprised that he hadn’t threatened me for more information already. But it was Lucky who had broken my heart. Hearing the worry and despair in her voice as she spoke about me concerned me. I didn’t want her feeling sorry for me or worrying about me. I knew it wasn’t safe for her to be stressed during her pregnancy. I knew I hadn’t been doing a great job of hiding my emotions or my semi-depression, but I didn’t realize I’d been doing as shitty a job as I had been. I knew that I had to do something to make them think I was moving on in my life. I grabbed my phone and slowly exited the house to make a call.

  “Hello?” Her voice was soft and questioning.

  “Hey, it’s Noah.”

  “Hey.”

  “The guy you met in the restaurant and jogging the other—”

  “I know who you are.” She laughed. “What’s up?”

  “You didn’t hang up.” I grinned into the phone.

  “Were you expecting me to?” She laughed. “I know I was a bit of a bitch the first day we met, but I did give you my number. Not the other way around.”

  “So I was wondering … would you like to come over for dinner one night?” The words ran out of my mouth before I could stop them.

  “Is that code for ‘come over and have sex’?”

  “No, no. Sorry, I meant come over and have dinner with my brother, his fiancée and myself.”

  “A meet and greet on the first date.”

  “Well, it’s not a date. I mean, argh.” I groaned into the phone. “Sorry, I kind of suck at this.”

  “You do suck a lot more than I thought you would.”

  “I hope that’s not bad.”

  “Were you in a long relationship or something?”

  “Not really. But I’ve been in some bad ones.” I sighed and changed the subject. “But you don’t want to talk about that.”

  “Yeah, we haven’t even been on a date yet. I don’t want the past relationship talk already.”

  “So would you like to come over? For dinner, I mean. Nothing else.” I cleared my throat and shook my head at myself. “I mean, it’s not a booty call or anything. Not that you’re not good enough for a booty call. I’m just not using you as a booty call. But this is just a friendly get-together.”

  “I knew you were awkward.” She laughed. “I just didn’t realize how awkward.”

  “I’m honestly really not this bad.” I paced back and forth, enjoying our conversation. “I think you just bring out the teenage boy in me.”

  “Were you a skinny nerdy teenager?” She laughed. “And you transformed into a muscular hunk?”

  “Not really.” I laughed. “I’ve always been a bit of a hunk.”

  “That’s what I figured. So why so awkward with me?”

  “Maybe it’s because you’re special.” I answered honestly and Robin fell silent. “I didn’t mean special special, just that you’re a good person.”

  “We shouldn’t do this.” She spoke thoughtfully and slowly. “It’s not a good idea.”

  “What’s not a good idea?” I was worried and slightly angry at her words. “It’s just a dinner.”

  “It’s never just a dinner.” She sighed. “You seem like trouble, Noah Beaumont. I don’t need any more trouble in my life.”

  “I just want to be friends.” I spoke hurriedly into the phone, feeling slightly panicked. What if she decided not to come to dinner? I hadn’t considered that possibility.

  “I don’t think you know what you want.” She paused. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I just don’t know that I can be the person that helps you figure it out.”

  “There’s nothing to figure out.” I gripped the phone tightly. “Please come to dinner. It will be fun.”

  “Do you have a girlfriend?”

  “No! Of course not.” I shook my head vehemently and then stopped when I realized she couldn’t see me.

  “Did you break up with her or did she break up with you?”

  “It was mutual.” My voice was pained as I spoke. I didn’t want to relive the memories of my time in Palm Bonita with her.

  “Do you still care about her?” She paused. “Stupid question. I can already tell that you do.”

  “What?” I frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “It’s okay if you thi
nk I’m crazy and intense.” She spoke into the phone hurriedly. “I suppose I am a little bit. Along with being a bitch and slightly neurotic. And a game show fiend. But I can’t get into a relationship or dating situation with someone who is caught up with their ex.”

  “I just called to ask you for dinner.” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “Not to get married.”

  “I guess it would be nice to make some new friends,” she said slowly. “If you’re sure you don’t mind having a friend who could be in the loony bin.”

  “You’ll fit right in.” I smiled, suddenly happy that we were back on track. “Can you make it tonight?”

  “Tonight?” She sounded surprised. “I’m not sure.”

  “Please?” I closed my eyes and pictured her face. “It would be nice to see you again,” I said honestly.

  “Well, since you ask that nicely,” she laughed, “I’d love to.”

  “Great. Shall I pick you up?”

  “I can make my way to you. Where do you live?”

  “Los Feliz.”

  “Oh, fancy.”

  “What about you?”

  “Los Feliz as well.”

  “Oh, well, I guess you’re fancy, too.”

  “I’m not sure you could call the apartment complex I live in fancy. Maybe a fancy dump.”

  “Well, I live with my brother, and so while his place isn’t a dump, I can’t claim it as my own.”

  “I look forward to seeing it.”

  “I look forward to seeing you.” I almost whispered into the phone, lightheaded. I was amazed that I was really enjoying the conversation and was anxious to see her again. I hadn’t thought that I could feel so into someone new with the other worries in my mind. A part of me was ashamed that I was allowing light and happiness into my life while Skylar was still stuck in the dark. I shook my head to stop the sad thoughts from creeping in and taking over.

  “Well, if you’re a good boy, you may even get a goodnight kiss,” she teased me happily.

  “Then I’ll have to be very good.”

  “Noah?” Zane opened the front door and stared at me on the phone. “I thought I heard someone outside. You okay?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “I’ll be right in. I’m on the phone.”

  He looked at me with an almost accusatory stare and I suddenly realized that he thought I was on the phone with Mom. “A new friend of mine is coming over to dinner tonight. We’re just making plans,” I explained to him, and the wariness in his eyes faded.

  “Oh, okay.” He stepped back. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”

  “See you in a minute.” I waited for him to go back in before continuing. “Sorry about that, Robin, my brother came outside.”

  “That’s okay. I should get going anyway. Text me your address and what time to be there and I’ll see you later tonight.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Shall I bring anything?”

  “Just yourself.”

  I stood outside for a few minutes after we got off the phone to gather my thoughts. I had initially called Robin to soothe Lucky’s fears and worries, but I was genuinely excited for her to come to dinner. More excited than I should be, but I wasn’t really surprised. I had been attracted to her the first time I’d seen her. And now that I was getting to know her, I was even more drawn to her. I liked her honesty and wit. I liked the way she challenged me and wasn’t afraid to say what she felt. She didn’t seem like she was a girl who was into games. What you saw was what you got. And she seemed like a good person. My heart thudded as I thought about Robin and the feelings that were already developing in me. I was scared. I had been wrong once before. I had allowed sex to manipulate my mind and now I was paying the ultimate price. “They’re not the same.” I muttered to myself. I didn’t want to compare them, but I was already doubting my instincts. What did I really know about Robin? Was I allowing sex to guide me again? I had gotten it wrong before. Very wrong. And now I didn’t know what to think. As I stood there, I thought back to the moment in Palm Bonita when I had realized that maybe she was the bad news she had been warning me about all along.

  “You coming?” She’d grabbed my hand and pulled me into the small room besides her. “I don’t think this is a good idea.” I mumbled but followed her in. “Let’s go.” I watched as she went through the drawers and pulled out items of clothing and stuffed them into her bag. “Let’s go.” I said louder this time, hoping she sensed my displeasure and the urgency with which I wanted to leave. “This isn’t cool.”

  “You thought it was cool when you thought we were going to have sex in here.” She rolled her eyes at me. “So you’re fine with having sex in a stranger’s house, but not borrowing stuff?”

  “You’re not borrowing anything. You’re stealing.” I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward me. “I thought it would be kind of kinky to make love in a stranger’s house, I admit it. But it was a bad idea. Let’s go.”

  “Hold on, let me see what she has in the closet first.” She pulled away from me, and her voice was harsh. “I heard she had a Chanel handbag in here somewhere.” She threw clothes on the ground and then I heard her take a sharp breath as she stuffed something in her bag. “Louis Vuitton will do.” She turned towards me with a seductive glance. “Now, if you want to get laid, I’m all yours.” I watched her in horror and lust as she pulled her top off and then pulled her bra off as she walked towards me. “Take me, Noah.”

  “No, no. I can’t.” I resisted the urge to grab her and bend her over.

  “You know you want to.” She pressed her lips against mine aggressively and I pulled away in distaste.

  “No. Let’s go.”

  “Fuck me, asshole, or I’ll tell Mr. and Mrs. Smith that you broke in.”

  “What?” I looked at her in disbelief.

  “I’m joking.” She stepped back and slipped her shirt back on. “Let’s go.” And then we walked out of the back door, just as easily as we had entered. “What do you want to do now?”

  “I think I’m just going to go home.” I walked away from her without looking her in the eyes. I felt disgusted with myself, and I couldn’t stop the churning feeling of horror that was seeping into my veins. What we had done hadn’t been sexy or fun. It had been invasive and creepy. Who was I becoming? This wasn’t who I was. But now I was starting to wonder who she was.

  “Noah,” she called after me and I turned to look at her slowly, trying to ignore the mixed feelings that rushed through me at her face. “Remember what I said before.” She looked at me coldly as she held a finger up to her lips. I turned away from her and walked away quickly with my heart pounding. I didn’t know what to think or say but all of a sudden I wanted to be anywhere but in Palm Bonita. That night I had insomnia and all I could think of was how disappointed Zane would be with me. And so I went to my stash of cash and slipped $5,000 in an envelope and left it in the Smith’s mailbox. Giving them the cash helped to assuage some of my guilt, but I still felt uneasy. That was the day that I realized that she had an evil side. And I was scared that I had gotten her all wrong.

  “You coming in, Noah?” Lucky opened the door and peeked out at me with a smile.

  “Yeah, sorry. Just got distracted.”

  “So what’s this I hear about a dinner date?” Her voice was excited and happy, and I knew that at least I had gotten one thing right.

  “Remember that waitress at the restaurant?”

  “The one that didn’t like you?”

  “Yeah,” I laughed. “Well she’s coming over to dinner tonight.”

  “Tonight!” Her jaw fell open and I could see a million questions in her eyes. “Come inside, we need to decide what to cook.”

  “I’m sure whatever you make will be good.” I followed her inside and into the kitchen.

  “Whatever I decide to cook?” She laughed and shook her head. “You Beaumont brothers are really incorrigible.” She slipped her arm through mine and smiled up at me. “There is no way I’m cooking the whole dinner
tonight. But I’ll help.”

  “Please, Lucky.” I gave her a pleading smile and she shook her head.

  “Nope. Anyways, it will be more romantic if you cook most of it. Right, Zane?” She looked over at him and he rolled his eyes.

  “I have no clue.” He shrugged. “I don’t care who cooks the food as long as it tastes good.”

  “Zane.” Lucky frowned at him. “So I guess you don’t want me to cook anymore.”

  “No, no, no. That’s not what I meant,” he backtracked quickly and I chuckled.

  “Now, now, children. No need to bicker.” I looked down at Lucky and saw the mirth in her eyes as she beamed up at me.

  “What about steak?”

  “That sounds good.”

  “Is she vegetarian, though?” She suddenly frowned.

  “I have no idea.” I shrugged. “Should I call and ask her?”

  “No, no.” She pursed her lips. “I’m sure she would have said if she was.”

  “Who is she?” Zane interrupted us with a confused look. “Who are you two talking about?”

  “Robin.” Lucky and I said at the same time and laughed.

  “And Robin is who?” Zane looked just as confused, and I caught him glaring at the intersection of my arm with Lucky’s.

  “The girl from the restaurant last week.” Lucky detached herself from me and walked over and gave him a big kiss and put her arms around his neck. “I would have thought you would have remembered her, the way you were going on about her.”

  “The restaurant?” He kissed her back and ran his hands up and down her back. “Oh, the bitch?” He looked at me in surprise. “I know I joked around and told you she wanted you, but I was just joking, bro, no need to follow up on it.”

  “I totally asked her out because you told me she wanted me.” I rolled my eyes at him and then looked at Lucky. “How did he get you? You seem like too smart a girl to fall for my dumbass brother.”

  “Watch your mouth.” Zane grinned at me. “She recognized an awesome guy when she saw one.”

  “I did?” Lucky blinked. “Where is he?”

  “See what you’ve done now, Noah?” He tickled Lucky and she squealed as she tried to get away from him.