by Platt, Meara
He clenched his jaw. “No one important.”
“She thought she was. Perhaps not now to you, but at one time.”
His eyes took on a hard glint. “Never. Pixie, ye live in yer sheltered world and think people are well-intentioned. They’re no’. I was never more to her than a quick…she’s married. She detests her husband, and I suspect by now the feeling is mutual. She married the baron for his wealth and title. I could get crude, but I will no’ with ye.”
He shook his head and sighed. “She never meant anything to me, nor do I believe I hold any particular tenderness in her heart. I am no’ proud of my behavior in the past, but I will own up to it. I canno’ take it back. However, this is no longer who I am.”
She cast him a guilty look.
“Och, ye think I am faithless and will easily be led astray. If ye think that, then ye’re wrong. There is nothing beautiful about a woman who would break her vows to her husband.”
“But Robbie, I kissed you. I am betrothed to Tilbury, and I kissed you. Did I not break a vow?”
“Pixie, no. What ye gave me with that kiss was yer heart. Everything ye do, the tears ye shed, the fretting ye do, and the ache ye feel, are because ye are struggling to understand what yer precious heart wants. What it needs. Ye dinna use people. Ye try never to hurt people.”
“But I’m hurting everyone, aren’t I?”
“Not intentionally. And ye’re hurting yerself worst.” He frowned as the dance drew to an end. “I wish ye trusted me. I wish ye believed I could be faithful to ye.” Another woman tossed him a look as he held out his arm to escort Heather back to Tilbury’s side.
She saw it.
He saw it, too.
“My past coming back to haunt me. So be it, lass. I dinna fault ye for not trusting me. But I give ye my oath, if I were yer husband, I’d never give ye a moment’s doubt about me.”
When they reached their small party, he gave a polite bow and took himself off.
Heather wanted so badly to believe him. “Oh, excuse me,” she said to Tilbury and Lord Wembly. “I think I left my fan upstairs in the ladies’ retiring room.”
She followed after Robbie.
He had not taken two steps out the ballroom doors when another female accosted him.
Heather closed her eyes as a wave of pain shot through her. Even though Robbie shook off this woman as well, there would come a day when he would once again accept these invitations.
She had to admit it to herself.
She’d made the right choice in Tilbury.
And yet, why did it feel so wrong?
Chapter Eight
Violet gave birth on the night of the ball, and to everyone’s surprise, Romulus made it home with his young cabin boy, Innes Buchan, the Duke of Buchan’s nine-year-old son, minutes before their daughter was born.
The two of them were heard stomping in shortly before dawn, exhausted and dusty but delighted to be home.
Heather was still awake and hurried downstairs when she heard the butler open the door to allow them in. Romulus had looked up at her on the steps, worry furrowing his brow. “How’s Violet?”
“She’s in labor. Uncle George is stretched out on the sofa in your library. The midwife is upstairs with her. All appears to be progressing as it ought to be.”
She could tell by the bob of his Adam’s apple that his heart was in his throat. “I have to see her.”
Heather nodded. “Do go up. She’ll be happy to see you. But don’t get too close. You have to wash the dirt off you first. Innes, come with me. I’ll show you to your room and help you get settled. How was your trip?”
The boy groaned. “We rode until our horses were ready to drop. Captain Brayden fretted the whole way. Is Mrs. Brayden…Violet…all right?”
“Yes, she’s holding up. Still trying to get the baby out, but Uncle George and the midwife saw no cause for worry. The baby will arrive soon.”
They had just dropped Innes’s pouch in his guest chamber when they heard a high-pitched wail.
Heather gasped, her earlier turmoil over Robbie momentarily forgotten as they celebrated the arrival of this newborn Brayden. A baby girl they called Hyacinth.
She thought it was very sweet the way Innes marveled over Romulus and Violet’s new daughter, repeating her name as though she could understand he was calling to her. The lad spent hours standing over the cradle, watching her little prune face wrinkle and her rosebud lips twitch whenever she was ready to suckle. “She’s so tiny and delicate.”
Romulus, of course, was beaming. No one could wipe the grin off his face or the love in his eyes for the two women now in his life. He would not leave Violet’s side other than to peer into the cradle where his daughter was swaddled and sleeping. “What do you think, Innes? Isn’t Hyacinth a beauty?”
The boy nodded. “The most beautiful sight in the world.”
Heather had been staying with Violet while Romulus was away and remained with them mostly to keep Innes company. This allowed Violet and Romulus to have some time alone, although with family traipsing through the house to celebrate the new arrival, they did not have all that much time to themselves.
In any event, Innes was there and in need of some attention. Heather took it upon herself to look after him. She asked about his trip and told him all about the grand ball Tilbury had thrown.
“Was my father there?” Innes asked, his gaze so hopeful, she felt a pang to her heart for the sadness of it.
“Yes, but I did not have the chance to speak to him.” She patted the boy’s hand. “I’m sure Romulus will send word to him tomorrow. He’s a little distracted today.”
Innes nodded. “It doesn’t matter. My father’s wife will make up some excuse about why he cannot see me. She always does.”
“Oh, Innes. I’m so sorry.” She did not know what to say to cheer this lonely boy. “Well, Harry and Charles were asking after you the other day. They’ll be delighted to know you’ve come home. Harry has some new marbles he’s eager to show you.”
That cheered the boy a little.
Two days after Romulus and Innes arrived, Heather was assigned the task of taking Innes to meet his father. The subterfuge necessary for father and son to steal a few hours together angered her. For pity’s sake, the man was a duke. Could he not put his witch of a wife in her place and tell her the boy was important to him?
But it was at this clandestine meeting of father and son, held at Ronan’s office in the Parliament building, that she caught sight of Robbie again. Of course, his office had always been next door to Ronan’s. She did not know why she’d thought it would have moved. And now that he was back in the role of Scottish military liaison to Parliament, there he was, clad in his uniform and looking as splendid as ever.
He’d seen her standing in the hall, just outside of Ronan’s office. “Pixie, I dinna expect to find ye here. Are ye waiting for Ronan?”
“No.” She pointed to the closed door. “I brought Innes Buchan to see his father.”
“Och, the poor lad.” Robbie nodded, knowing the full story. “Where’s Ronan?”
“He was called to a meeting downstairs with Lord Liverpool and the Lord Admiral. Something about the Invictus debacle last winter. Lord Peckham is fighting to restore his brother to the command of the vessel.” She rolled her eyes. “How can he be so ignorant and pompous? His brother, Viscount Hawley, was the fool who ran the ship aground. A fleet flagship, no less. The man’s an idiot, and they made him a fleet admiral?”
Robbie nodded. “This is how it is, lass. These lords think the privilege of their birth gives them the right to anything they want. This is why I hate this assignment, having to deal with louts like Peckham and Hawley. I just want to kick their arses into the Thames.”
Heather grinned. “I would be cheering you on. Ronan almost died trying to get that warship back into deep waters. And Lord Peckham had the gall to try to make Ronan out to be the goat when everyone with half a brain knew he was the hero in that fiasco.”
“Dinna get worked up. It’s done and over. Ronan and the Lord Admiral are merely tying up loose ends. Hawley will never get command of so much as a child’s toy boat again. Peckham has quietly been retired from the Admiralty. Not quite the punishment they deserved, but it’s something.” He held out his arm to her. “Care to take a stroll along the Thames? We won’t be long. Just a quick turn. I’ll bring ye back well before the lad’s visit is over. Besides, Innes knows to wait in Ronan’s office if the reunion with his father ends earlier than expected.”
She nodded. “All right. I’d like that.”
He cast her an affectionate smile as he led her downstairs and onto the promenade alongside the river. The sun warmed her shoulders, and the light breeze off the water felt refreshing. “I hear Violet had a little girl. Romulus must be popping his buttons, his chest puffed out with pride. Will ye let them know I send my best wishes?”
“Yes.” She shook her head and laughed. “He is walking on air. I don’t think his feet have touched the ground since his daughter wailed to announce her arrival into the world. She already has her papa wrapped around her little finger.”
Now that they were on the promenade, he walked with his hands clasped behind his back, strolling beside her, but they were no longer touching. “And how is Violet?”
“Doing very well. She’s also on a cloud, so happy to have Romulus home.” They walked in silence for a few moments, thoroughly enjoying the sun and the breeze sweeping off the water. The sun shone on Robbie’s hair, giving it that golden sun god aura. He truly was the handsomest man she’d ever set eyes upon. His features were rugged and masculine, not at all soft or styled.
His eyes, however, were what melted her heart and also caused her the greatest pain. They were sharp and assessing, but so gentle whenever he fixed his gaze upon her. “Robbie, they are so much in love.”
She caught the flicker of anguish in his expression. “I know, lass. How are yer wedding plans coming along?”
She swallowed hard. “All in order. Please, let’s not talk about Tilbury and me, or else I’ll cry.”
He lifted her hand and covered it with his own. “Och, my little pixie. Ye know this is not how it should be.”
“I know. My mind should be on him, and I should be joyful. This is my dream coming true, yet now it feels…”
“How is he treating ye?”
“Courteously, as ever.” She did not have to tell him there was still no passion between them. Her expression revealed it all.
A troubled look crept in his eyes, but he said nothing more about it.
“What are you thinking, Robbie?”
He shook his head. “Nothing, it is something too farfetched to consider.”
“What?”
“I’ll let ye know if it’s something other than a foolish thought. I’d tell ye if it was anything to concern ye, lass. Let’s just enjoy the walk.”
“All right.” She wanted to ask him if he would attend her wedding, but it was simply too cruel to ask this of him. He had been invited. She would understand if he chose not to attend. “We ought to turn back now.”
“Aye, lass.”
“Robbie, the family comes by every day to see Romulus, Violet, and the baby. Being part Farthingale, they had to give her a flower name, too. Hyacinth.”
He grinned. “Of course. It’s a pretty name.”
“I think she will have Violet’s dark hair and violet eyes. Her hair is little more than dark tufts right now. It’s hard to tell whether her eyes will remain violet. We won’t know for certain for another month or two.”
They resumed walking, but Robbie still kept hold of her hand, now having tucked it once more in the crook of his elbow. She liked his touch, found it solid and comforting.
She liked being by his side and was amazed by how perfectly they seemed to fit together. It was odd. He was big and brawny. She was fine-boned and, while not small, not all that big either. Yet, it felt as though they were made for each other.
At times like these, she could imagine herself married to this man and being happy. But the women who had approached him at the ball were still vivid in her mind.
She could not readily forget them.
Well, not them…what she could not get over were her own doubts.
And yet, she trusted him.
Perhaps it was these women she did not trust, for they would not care about Robbie’s marital status when seeking his attention.
In truth, it was herself she doubted. She had yet to figure out what she had to offer an accomplished man like Robbie. But if she followed that thought, then what interest could Tilbury possibly have in her?
She stifled a shudder, no longer knowing what to think or feel. Robbie believed he loved her. She did not doubt that he felt it sincerely. Tilbury had never once said he loved her. So why did he wish to marry her?
She knew she ought to confront Tilbury and ask him this and other hard questions. Indeed, she had to do it before they exchanged vows, or then it would be too late to back out if she did not like his answers.
She’d been a ninny not to question him beforehand.
The blame fell squarely on her shoulders. She had been so caught up in the idea of becoming a marchioness, she hadn’t bothered to probe deeper, and now it was going to plague her until she learned the answers.
First and foremost, why did Tilbury wish to marry her?
“Pixie, yer thoughts seem to be drifting out to sea along with the current,” Robbie said, easing her back to the present.
She shook her head. “Yes, my head is full to bursting. But I’m enjoying my time with you.”
“The feeling is mutual, lass. I’m always at ease in yer company, but ye know this.”
“As I am always at ease in yours. I wonder why, Robbie. We are so different, and yet I won’t deny that we have a strong connection. How does The Book of Love explain it? We should be strangers, and yet I feel as though you know me better than I know myself.”
“I dinna have the answer for ye. I thought it was just the five senses working their magic, but it is more than just liking the look of ye or the scent of yer body. And aye, what would a Highlander have in common with a Sassenach city girl? Yet we do have a bond between us, as though our hearts are woven together. I can only speak for mine. Ye fill it with happiness. I dinna know why. Ye just do.”
She gave his arm a little squeeze, knowing she would cry if she shared her deepest feelings. He knew it anyway. She was terrible at hiding anything, and he saw straight into her heart. “My parents will be arriving tomorrow. They’ll stay with Holly and Joshua.”
“Will ye move in there, too?”
“No, I’ll remain with Violet and Romulus. I’m sure Uncle John and Aunt Sophie will have everyone over soon, an informal family gathering to welcome my parents to London. The MacLaurens count as family. Consider yourself invited.”
“Thank ye, lass.”
“And you are welcome to stop in at Violet’s whenever you wish,” she said, returning the conversation to her cousin’s new baby. “Violet’s sister, Poppy, and her husband, Nathaniel, will arrive soon. They had planned to come to town for my…” What was wrong with her? She could not bring herself to call it her wedding. “Anyway, I believe you know them.”
“I do, lass. I was at Sherbourne Manor when my cousin, Thad, made an arse of himself over Nathaniel’s sister, Penelope. That is also where my brother met his wife.”
“Yes, the Earl of Wycke’s sister. He’s family now that he married my cousin, Honey.”
Robbie let out a throaty chuckle. “I think yer family is connected to everyone in London.”
She nodded. “We are a large clan.”
They paused beside the river for several minutes, watching the boats and barges sail by. Robbie’s gaze remained mainly on her, studying her. Soaking her in. Finally, he leaned his elbows against the fence separating the Parliament promenade from the river, turning his back to the river to face her. “Pixie, I will no’ deny
that I was a hound in my younger days. I’ve never denied it or made excuses to ye about it. I know I was one of the worst, and I’ve told ye so. But I am not that man any longer. My past still follows me, as ye saw at Tilbury’s ball, and I canno’ change that. But it is the past. It is no longer me.”
She nodded but stayed silent to hear him out.
“These women have no’ changed, but I have. I hope for the better. I wish to be someone worthy of ye.”
His words were like daggers piercing her fragile soul.
“I’m no’ asking ye to accept me. But I want ye to know, ye put magic in my heart. If ye truly love Tilbury, then he should be putting magic in yer heart. What concerns me is that I see no sign of it from either of ye. Yer wedding is only a few days away, and I’ve never seen two people more unengaged. This ought to be one of the happiest and most important events of yer life.”
“I know,” she said in a broken whisper.
“My sweet lass, I’m worried about ye. I’ve never seen a more miserable bride.”
She wasn’t angry with him.
He’d spoken nothing but the truth.
“Robbie, please. Don’t you think my stomach has been in knots over this? I haven’t even seen Tilbury since the ball. I don’t know what we’re doing, he and I. In truth, I feel so lost.”
He took her hand again. “Ye have only to turn to me. I’ll always protect ye. Whatever ye wish to do, I’ll stand beside ye.”
They returned upstairs just as the Duke of Buchan was finishing his visit with his son. “It was good to see you, Innes. I love you, my son.” He hugged the boy.
The boy hugged him back fiercely. “I miss you, Papa. I want to come home.”
The duke’s eyes misted. “It’s best not yet. Soon, though.”
Robbie tucked an arm around Heather’s shoulder when he sensed she was going to cry as well. He knew her so well. Indeed, she felt her eyes misting. It was so unfair. How could the duke allow his jealous wife to destroy his special relationship with his son?
“You be a good lad. Listen to what Captain Brayden tells you.”