“Fine. Answer me this. Have you tried to have a relationship with a woman, outside of the bedroom? Ever? How about in the last five years? If you can tell me that you’ve spent two or more consecutive nights with the same woman, I’ll take back the man-whore label and never apply it to you again.”
His blank look said it all.
“Ha. I knew it,” Jamie crowed triumphantly, poking him in the stomach with her index finger. His midsection was rock hard, but he still flinched away like she’d burned him. Obviously he was ticklish. She had to hold herself back from testing out some other body parts to see if they’d get an equal reaction. But a tickle fight in the middle of this hallway was likely to turn into an entirely different kind of game. One involving a lot of laughter and more than a little friction.
He rubbed his scruffy chin again with one hand and gave her a contemplative glance. “Yeah. You seem to have guys all figured out. Funny that you’re still single, isn’t it?” He gave her his best innocent, wide-eyed look.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Oh. Low blow. I’m single because I’m focused on my career. Not because I haven’t had opportunities.”
“Hmmm…Sounds like I’m not the only one with commitment issues.” He teased.
“Kevin. You asked me why I’m not interested and I told you. It’s nothing personal. You can sleep with every available woman with low self-esteem in the Lower Mainland. It’s really none of my business.”
“It matters because I don’t like being stereotyped. Not all guys with a little extra experience are misogynistic assholes.”
“I don’t see why you’re getting so worked up. Why do you care if I think you’re ‘extra experience’ makes you a tad slutty? It almost seems like I’ve hit a nerve or something.” She gave him a speculative look.
He paused and looked away for a second before returning his attention to her. When he spoke his words were slow and careful. “I care because I’m not the pig you think I am. Not even close.”
When he looked at her with that direct, steady gaze it was almost impossible not to believe him. “And how exactly are you going to convince me of your non-pig status?”
He grinned triumphantly. “Only one way. You need to spend some quality time with me. I’ll prove that I don’t actually oink.”
She held up her hands and waved them at him in dismay. “Oh no. That’s not happening. Our deal is off. I’ll find someone else to flirt with Cathy.”
He leaned down until he was looming over her again. His sweet, warm breath puffed over her lips as he spoke softly in a coaxing, soothing tone. “Jamie. What are you scared of? I’m not talking about an evening chained to my bed. Just dinner and a movie, like regular people getting to know each other. You said I should try relating to women outside the bedroom. You could help me with that.”
She leaned back and raised an eyebrow. “A date, in other words.”
“Well, yes. Unless you think the chaining you to my bed idea has merit. Because I’m good with that scenario as well. Incarceration does have a tendency to bring unlikely people together. Ask any prison inmate.”
“Sicko.”
“Maybe so, but you never told me why your friend needs help in the self-confidence department. You owe me that much at least.” He paused, grinning to acknowledge that he hadn’t used the term ‘boosting’ as requested earlier. “And I’d still like to know what I’m getting into here. Is she hideous?”
“No. She`s not hideous at all. She’s cute. Just lacks the ability to relate to men.”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “Oh Jeez. She has a lot of cats, doesn’t she? I can just see it. And wears granny panties I’ll bet. Lady, you’re asking a lot.”
“Fine. Forget about it then.” Jamie said with an indignant sniff.
“I didn’t say that. But I think we need to even out the playing field here a bit.”
“No. We really don’t. You don’t need to make restitution for being all hands and pelvis earlier and I really don’t need to spend an evening fending you off. I worked at the Kitty Kat, remember? I’m used to drunken louts thinking they can paw me. I am not, in anyway, traumatized or offended by what happened earlier. So, don’t give it another thought. Okay?” She said as she tried to duck under his very attractive arm.
Kevin blocked her again, placing his body directly in her path. “Are you seriously comparing my hand on your thigh for two seconds and a little personal space invasion among friends to being pawed by the sex offenders in pervert’s row at a strip club? C’mon. That’s not right.”
“Obviously your exotic dance experience involves a greasy pole and a crotch full of glitter. The Kitty Kat isn’t like that. It has an exclusive clientele and every one of the girls is a trained dancer. No touching allowed. The drunks I had to shut down usually approached me after the show.”
“I know exactly what kind of place you worked at.”
She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. “How?”
“I went there after Duncan mentioned it.”
“You came to see me dance?” She asked, disbelief dripping from every syllable. Why would he do that? For cheap thrills? Or was he genuinely curious about her? And why hadn’t he thrown her former stripper status into their earlier discussion? He could have easily mentioned that people had a tendency to think exotic dancers were all crack whores with daddy issues, but he hadn’t grouped her into that stereotype. Interesting.
He wrapped one of her long tendrils of hair around his finger and gave it a gentle tug to gain her attention. “Yup. About two years ago. Back when Duncan and Jessie first met.”
“I’m not sure if I should be creeped out or flattered.”
“I vote for flattered. It’s not like I lurked around your dressing room sniffing your costumes. I wanted to check out the infamously ‘wild’ sister after I met Jessica. I somehow couldn’t picture her dancing in front of a crowd, so I was curious to see how different you really were.”
“And?”
“And what?” He teased.
“What did you think?” She asked impatiently.
He gave her a heated look. “Well, I thought you were incredible. Beautiful, sexy and totally talented.”
Jamie quickly turned her face aside to hide her delighted blush. If he was spouting lines then he was a truly gifted actor. He sounded completely sincere and she felt herself thawing towards him just a little. To distract herself she pushed her palm against his well-muscled arm. “Please. You are such a liar. You probably didn’t even go there.”
“Jamie,” he said seriously. “I spent a whole night there, riveted to my chair when I should have been working. I spotted you right away. There was something different about you. Even though you were dressed identical to the other girls, you stood out. At the end of your number, when you threw off the short blonde wig and all that gorgeous red hair came tumbling down I was finally able to confirm that you were Jess’s sister. I remember thinking I’d never seen anyone take such joy in performing. You were completely comfortable with people looking at you, wanting you, and I knew right then that I needed to get to know you better. I was hooked.”
Hooked? What did he mean by that? Her heart did a little rhumba at the thought of him in the audience, watching her and falling instantly in love. She knew he was probably just talking about animal attraction, but that didn’t stop her from remembering how she’d always danced thinking that the man of her dreams was out in the audience, watching and falling hard for her. This little fantasy had always made her dance just a little more energetically than the other girls. But Kevin was not that man. She had to keep reminding herself of that small fact.
“And your interest had nothing to do with the fact that I was wearing next to nothing?” She asked in a deceptively cool tone. He didn’t need to know how much his approval thrilled her.
“Well,” he said with a mischievous grin. “Your wardrobe certainly didn’t hurt. I do like a girl who’s comfortable wearing just a sparkly G-string and a smile.”
“And say what? ‘Hi. I’m Duncan’s buddy, and I’d like to take you out for a cheeseburger?’ I’d sound like a total hard-on with ears. Besides, you had two sharp-dressed guys hanging around you after the show.”
Inwardly, Jamie sighed. That must have been one of the nights Clay was waiting for her. Back then, before Hidden Treasures, she’d often gone clubbing with him and his boyfriend du jour after the show. She was usually too wired after performing to go home to bed and Clay always enjoyed hanging around the Kitty Kat. He claimed to enjoy the costumes, but Jamie suspected he liked to discreetly ogle the dancers as well.
“Don’t tell me that you were intimidated,” she said, widening her eyes to indicate her shock.
“Ummm. No. Of course not.” He said quickly but with a self-deprecating smile.
“Fine. Then how about later? Or why didn’t you ask Jess to arrange a meeting?”
Kevin’s face clouded, his teasing expression gone in an instant. “One of my brothers got into trouble. Had to get him into rehab, back East. I was gone for a few months.”
Jamie had to fight her impulse to reach out a comforting hand to him. He looked genuinely concerned about his sibling. Not exactly the care-free playboy after all. “I’m sorry about your brother. That must have been tough.”
“Forget about it. He’s okay now.” He waved away her concern with one large hand. “Went back to the club to see you when I got back, but you were gone.”
“Well, weren’t you just a Stalker-in-Training?”
“Guilty. I heard you started your own business. Underwear, right?”
Jamie gritted her teeth. “Lingerie is the preferred term.”
“What’s the difference?” He needled as his eyes travelled over her body, focusing intently on where the lace of her bra was visible through her thin silk blouse.
Jamie crossed her arms over her chest, blocking his stare. “I am not going to show you the difference, so don’t even try it.”
He shrugged. “Can’t blame a guy for trying. Now, do you agree to my terms?”
“What terms?”
“I will inundate your romantically-challenged friend with my awesomely irresistible male attention and charm. In exchange, you will go out on one measly date with me.”
“And what, exactly, will this ‘measly’ date entail?”
“Full frontal nudity, a French Maid costume and some butterscotch?” He asked, hopefully.
“Forget it,” she said, trying to duck under his arm.
“Kidding. Just dinner and a movie. No expectations. Just some polite conversation. I swear.” He placed his hand over his heart to emphasize his sincerity. “But I get to pick the restaurant and show. No vegan bullshit and no chick flicks,” he added sternly.
“Fine. And you’ll come to my store tomorrow and seem interested in her? Just for a few minutes?”
He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “You bet. I’ll give her the ego boosting of a lifetime.”
“Just convince her she’s attractive. Don’t hump her leg or any other blatant acts of perversion, okay?”
“Fine. I promise. No leg humping. What time do you want me there?”
“You know where it is?”
“Of course. Stalker-in-Training, remember?”
“How could I forget? Okay. Be there by eleven. And you don’t know me, okay?”
Kevin gave her an exasperated look. “And how am I going to explain hanging around a lady’s underwear store unless I know you? Do you want me to come across as a complete degenerate?”
“We do sell male undergarments too, you know.”
“Seriously? Do I look like I would shop for underginch in a lingerie store?” He asked, clearly affronted at the suggestion.
She sighed. “Now that you mention it, you actually look like the type of guy who doesn’t bother with underwear at all.”
“Angel. That is just unsanitary.” He shook his head in disapproval. “Of course I wear underwear. I can prove it if you’d like.” He started to untuck his shirt, but Jamie put a hand out to grasp his wrist before he could reach for his belt.
“Kevin. Please do not drop trou in here,” she said, her voice sounding shrill to her own ears. As much as she would love to see Kevin in his boxer briefs, the last thing she needed was that image in her head. She was having enough trouble resisting him without knowing what he looked like nearly naked.
“Relax. I was just going to show you the waistband,” he said with a chuckle. He brushed his fingertips over the knuckles of the hand still had wrapped around his wrist. She jerked away to avoid his touch and his smile widened even further. “You thought I was going to bare my ass? Shit. Woman. You really do think I’m a class act, don’t you?”
“Never mind what I think. Just say you’re looking for something for a friend when you come to the store tomorrow.”
“No one will believe that. She’ll think I’m a cross dresser.”
She eyed his big frame. “No one is going to take you for a transvestite.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment. So my awesome masculinity is that obvious?” He flexed his shoulders like a body builder and gave her a wink.
“No, I just meant your feet are a dead giveaway. They’re massive. No one would believe you’re a woman.”
He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. “You noticed the size of my feet, eh? And why would you notice that exactly?” He teased. “Are you curious about how their size may translate to certain other body parts? Because I’d be glad to share that information with you. Or I could just show you.” He pretended to reach for his belt this time.
Jamie felt her cheeks heating up again as she involuntarily felt her gaze drawn to his zipper. Yup, there was a sizeable bulge there. She jerked her eyes away and waved one hand towards his feet. “You wish. I noticed your feet because they’re like flippers. Not for any other reason. Besides, that’s an urban myth anyway.”
“What is?”
“That the size of a man’s feet correlates with the size of his…equipment. Men suffering from dwarfism have perfectly normal sized…reproductive parts.” How did she get into these conversations? More importantly, how could she get out of this one?
“How do you know that exactly? You’ve dated a dwarf sporting a giant-sized schlong?”
Jamie wrinkled her nose at him. “Gross. Who says schlong exactly?”
“I do. Especially if it makes you smile like that. Schlong, schlong, schlong.”
Jamie covered her mouth to stifle a giggle.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a mock serious look. “Now, answer the question. Are you into little guys?”
Jamie gave a little shiver. He was using his cop voice on her. She’d forgotten that he’d once been a proud member of the Vancouver Police Department. It was easy to believe when he used that commanding tone. She wondered briefly if he’d give orders in the bedroom too.
Despite her better judgement she was tempted to tell him that she actually liked her men big, brawny, and outrageous. Just like him. But that would just encourage him. The very last thing she wanted to do. If she was smart she’d lie and tell him she only dated guys under five feet tall, but she didn’t want to be completely dishonest. It was better to keep him guessing.
“Not telling. Now, why don’t you just pretend you’re looking for my sister tomorrow? That way my friend won’t be suspicious and think I’ve set her up.”
“Good plan. I won’t even acknowledge you. I’ll focus completely on Kelly.”
“Cathy.”
“Right. How will I know which one to shower with my God-given charm?”
“Easy.” Jamie said dully. “She’ll be the only other female in the store.”
“Business is down?” He asked, genuine concern in his tone.
Jamie shrugged. “Just the time of year,” she lied, not wanting his pity under any circumstanc
es. “So, you’ll be there?”
“Yup. Can’t wait to check out your underwear.”
She glared at him.
“I mean your stock. Not your personal underwear. Unless you want to give me a peak?” He said with a wicked grin.
Jamie rubbed her temple in exasperation and closed her eyes. “You’re going to make me regret this, aren’t you?”
“You worry too much. I’ll make your friend feel like a princess, I swear.”
He held out his hand for her to shake. “Deal?”
Reluctantly, Jamie allowed him to swallow her hand with his. The touch of his callused fingers sliding against her own was like an electric shock. She pulled back instantly and gave him a reproachful look.
“Deal?” He prodded.
“Fine. Deal.” She muttered, gingerly shaking the tips of his fingers like he had leprosy.
Ignoring her reluctance to touch him, he grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth, placing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. “Great. And later, I’ll take you out and treat you like a queen.”
Despite the cheesy line, Jamie felt herself returning his huge smile, right before she jerked her hand back and dodged around him, making a mad scramble for sweet freedom.
Spending ten minutes alone with him was more stimulation than she could handle. How was she going to last a whole evening?
Chapter Six
Love Law #3 - Men are crazy competitive.
Remember high school? Remember the popular girl who sent all the guys into a hormonal frenzy? (Yeah, I hated her too.) Well, she was desirable because of what she represented, not because of who she was. Men want to out-do their friends. Whether that means the best job, or the nicest car, or the loudest belch, they are motivated by the possibility of destroying each other's egos. It sounds positively barbaric because it is. This competitive streak is innate to them. Pre-historically, the strongest male would be the most likely to mate and survive. And they're still trying to prove to each other who has the biggest club. How does this work for you? Well, for one thing, the man you're interested in should be aware that other men desire you. This makes you infinitely more attractive to them because nothing makes them feel more like a stud than claiming victory over another man. Yes, this is awful. You are totally being objectified in this scenario. A prize in their pissing contest. But if you want to draw a guy's attention, be the object of desire for another man. One who is a worthy opponent works best.
The Love Laws Page 8