I don’t want think that’s the case but I don’t know.
And the unknown is the worst.
Realize: to grasp or understand clearly
July 31st
I’m lying in bed, wallowing in my own misery like a sullen idiot. I miss her. I hate that she’s not with me. Reverie. I can worry about Krista and what she’s going to do to us to ruin everything I want, but it doesn’t stop me from missing my girl.
And she’s mine. I can’t deny it. I was such a shit, the way I dropped her off at her house without saying a word. Like she didn’t matter to me. I’m a complete liar. She matters to me more than I ever want to admit, even to myself. She’s everything to me.
As I spend too much time alone with my thoughts, I’m realizing denying my feelings for Reverie is pointless. When I take a cold hard look at my life, I know I have nothing. No hope, no purpose, only darkness and despair and a life ahead of me filled with constant disappointments. All sorts of strikes are against me and I don’t even bother trying to conquer them. I’m just rolling with it because this is all I expect. All I think I could want.
Meeting Reverie, seeing her smile, hearing her say my name, tasting the sweetness of her lips…she gives me purpose. She makes me want to change and become better. To actually do something with my life and rise above it all, you know?
More than anything else, she gives me hope.
I grab my phone off the rickety old bedside table that belonged to Mom when she was little and I search through my contacts, looking for Reverie’s number. I can’t find it though. Panic strikes as I scroll through the relatively small list again but it’s not under R and I know she entered it. I watched her do it.
But then as I go back yet again and search, I find something that makes me smile. She didn’t enter it under her real name. She put it under D.
For Daydream.
My girl is tricky. And I love it.
I hit send text as my option and stare at the blinking cursor, wondering how the hell I should approach her. I’m taking the coward’s way out already by sending her a goddamn text but like a baby, I’m afraid to call her. What if she doesn’t answer? She doesn’t even know my number and there’s no way I’ll leave her a voicemail. Her parents could monitor that crap and we’d be caught.
Fuck it. I type a quick message and hit send.
Not even ten seconds later and I get a reply.
Nicholas? Is this you?
Yeah it’s me. Are you okay?
I chew on my lower lip as I wait for her answer.
Not really.
Those two words make my heart crack open. I wish I was with her. I wish I had her by my side and my arm around her shoulders, holding her tight. I wish I could take away all her pain and make it go away. Until all she can focus on is me and her and the two of us together.
But I can’t. All I can do is send her a text message.
Tell me what’s wrong?
Anxiety races through me. I want to fix whatever’s bothering her but I don’t know how. I’m not even sure if she’ll let me.
Something’s wrong with my parents. They seem upset but I’m pretty sure it’s not at me. I can’t figure it out.
I’m relieved it has nothing to do with me, which is sort of shitty but I can’t help it.
Well that’s a good thing right?
I guess.
Are you mad at me?
No. Just a little sad over how we parted.
I smile despite her words. My girl is such a romantic and I’m afraid I ruined all of her expectations.
I’m sorry, I type. That’s all I can say. There’s no excuse for what I did so an apology is all I can offer. I decide to add one more sentence.
I didn’t mean to hurt you.
I didn’t. It fucking kills me that I made her miserable. I hate myself for it.
I’m sorry too. For making you feel bad. For making you think I regretted what happened between us. I don’t. Not at all.
I don’t regret it either.
She doesn’t answer for a few minutes and fear makes my heart knock against my chest. Outside I hear a dog bark ferociously and a horn honk in the complex parking lot. This place is always noisy no matter what time of day it is. But I bet it’s quiet where Reverie is at this time of night. And safe. Even though her parents are being strange and she’s nervous, at least she’s secure and safe in her home.
I’m always afraid someone’s gonna break in in the middle of the night and steal something. Not that I have anything of value here. What the hell could they even want?
But they’re out there. Lurking. Watching. I can’t offer much but they’ll take whatever they can get if they think I’m an easy mark. I can’t allow them to see any sort of vulnerability. I can’t make any mistakes.
It’s exhausting, having to deal with everything in my life. Sometimes I just wish for a fucking break.
I miss you.
I swallow hard at seeing her text and rub my chest. But it doesn’t ease the pain in my heart that I’m not with her. That she’s not right here in my arms, by my side. Where she belongs.
I miss you too.
Do you really? she asks.
That she doubts me hurts, but I expected it.
Yeah. So bad I’d do just about anything to see you.
Anything?
I don’t even hesitate.
Definitely.
Then come see me. Drive out here right now.
Excitement fills me. No way can I do what she’s asking, can I?
You’re crazy.
I’m serious! Come on.
I want to see you, she adds.
It’s too late. And your parents are home. We’re taking a huge risk.
I sound like an old man but damn, what she’s suggesting is risky. And I think we’ve taken enough risks these last few days.
They’re so distracted they’ll never notice. I need to see you, Nick.
When I don’t answer right away she sends another quick text.
Please?
I can’t resist her. I don’t want to resist her. I tell myself I should leave her alone. That it’s best we end this now but I can’t.
I need to take a shower first.
Ohhh. :)
I wish I were with you. *blushes*
A smile plays at the corners of my lips. Even in her texts she lets me know she’s blushing. My sweet virginal girl is being bad. She’s only ever bad for me. Just me.
I wish you were with me too. So we could take a shower together.
I’d like that. A lot.
My body tightens. My mind wanders to what we’ve shared. How there’s so much more I could show her.
I would too.
Hurry Nick. I want to see you.
I’ll be there.
Promise?
Promise.
Desire: sexual appetite or sexual urge
One hour later…
I parked at least a mile away from Hale House, in a dirt turnout that hopefully no one will pay attention to, specifically the police. If I get a ticket or worse, my truck gets towed, I’ll be pissed.
But Reverie’s worth it.
It’s dark, the outdoor lights at the house are off and I’m making my way to the back door by memory and what little moonlight available that’s guiding me. Clouds came in from the west as I drove to the house and I tried my best not to take their sudden appearance as a warning but it was hard to ignore the sign.
The sign that I’m taking a huge risk coming out here in the middle of the night so Reverie can sneak me into her room. We’re freaking crazy, doing this.
No lights are on inside the house either, with the exception of a dim glow shining from one of the windows on the second floor. I’m assuming that’s Reverie’s room. I’m anxious to see her, to hold her in my arms, to whisper in her ear that everything’s going to be all right.
“Hey,” a feminine voice whispers from the rose garden, making me jump about a foot. I whirl around to find Reverie standing th
ere, wearing a white, lacy nightgown that’s both sweetly innocent and outrageously sexy all at once.
Typical Reverie style.
“You scared the hell out of me,” I whisper back at her, making her smile as she comes toward me.
“Sorry. I was excited to see you. I wasn’t sure if you were coming.” She’s standing in front of me, looking too beautiful for words and I grab her, haul her in close so her body collides with mine.
Oh, I’ll be coming tonight. And so will she. “You shouldn’t be out here waiting for me. It’s dangerous,” I say accusingly, not much force behind my words because damn, she feels good all pressed up against me. Her nightgown is soft and short, the straps are thin and lacy. Lots of skin is exposed, gilded silver by the weak moonlight shining upon us.
“Why? Who’s going to attack me? The ground squirrels? They’re all sleeping.” She smiles, presses her hand against my chest, right over my rapidly beating heart.
“Who knows what sort of creepers are hanging around at night?” I smooth my hand along the curve of her spine, stopping just above her ass. She shivers, her hand going up, curling around my neck, and she tugs my head down to hers.
“Creepers like you?” she murmurs against my lips just before she kisses me.
Ah hell. Her lips are twice as intoxicating as any alcohol I’ve ever drunk. I lose myself in her kiss, sweeping my tongue into her mouth, tangling with hers. She moans and presses her body full against me, and I can tell she’s not wearing a bra.
She’s trying to kill me, I swear.
“Baby.” I push at her shoulders, needing some distance. “We can’t do this out here.”
“I missed you so much.” She kisses me again and I turn my face away from hers, immediately feeling like crap when I hear the dejection in her voice. “I need you, Nick. Why are you denying me?”
“Because we’re gonna get caught out here in the middle of your mom’s rose garden and then we’re in big trouble.” I take Reverie’s hand and link our fingers together. “Are we going to your room?”
Time for her to get shy. She nibbles on her lower lip and nods, keeping her head bent. “If that’s what you want.”
“Wherever you are is what I want.” I bring her hand up to my mouth and drop a kiss to the top of it. “Daydream.”
She lifts her head and the smile she sends me is heart stopping. “I love it when you call me that.”
I say nothing. I wish I could read her thoughts. Does she feel as strongly about me as I feel about her? I can’t stop thinking about her. Wanting to be with her. Worrying about her when we’re not together. Seeing Reverie again, being with her erases all my worry and makes me forget. Krista’s threats no longer matter. Getting caught by her parents doesn’t matter. I’ll deal with the consequences later.
The only thing that matters is her.
Reverie.
“We’re sneaking in through the back door,” she tells me as she starts to lead me around the side of the house. “So you’ll have to be really quiet, okay?”
“I can do that,” I reassure her, letting her lead me. Her hair is twisted into a loose braid that flows down the middle of her back and the thin nightgown she has on hits her about mid thigh. It fits her loosely but the top is made almost completely of lace and the way it looks on her…
It’s sexy as hell.
We approach the back French door and she turns to look at me, withdrawing her hand from mine to hold her index finger against her lips. “Sshh,” she whispers as she reaches out with her other hand and rests it on the door handle.
I nod my answer and she faces forward, slowly turning the handle and pushing the door open. It doesn’t so much as creak, but nothing does in Hale House. Everything’s brand new and well maintained. I’ve only ever been downstairs a couple of times, never really going beyond the kitchen and living room, but the house is unlike anything I’ve ever seen or been in before. I can almost believe I don’t belong here.
I know I don’t belong there.
I let Reverie reach around me and shut the door and lock it. She holds her index finger against her mouth again, her eyes sparkling with excitement and I smile at her in return.
This girl is going to get me in so much trouble.
And despite my earlier worry, anger and despair, I know she’s worth it.
She leads me through the house and up the sweeping staircase. I keep my gaze focused on Reverie, trying my best not to get distracted by the opulence surrounding me. The place is like a modern museum. All straight, clean lines and blank white walls.
“This is my bedroom,” Reverie whispers as she opens the door and pulls me inside. She shuts the door as I stop in the center of the room.
“It’s huge,” I tell her as she turns to face me. “It’s like the size of my entire apartment.” I’m not lying. My apartment is tiny and could probably fit inside Reverie’s gigantic bedroom. The house is a goddamn palace so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised but holy hell.
She lives in a completely different world. One I will never, ever find myself in.
“No way.” She shakes her head as she approaches me.
“Hell yes. I’m not kidding.” I do a slow turn, taking everything in. On a bedside table a lamp is lit, gently illuminating the room. The walls are a pale blue and the furniture is white. The blue and white printed comforter is thick and looks soft draped across the huge bed. “Is that a king sized bed?”
“I guess so. I don’t know.” She’s standing right next to me and reaches out, taking my hand once more. “Do you like my room?”
“It’s freaking amazing.” I can’t imagine living like this. What irritates more is that I know I will never have the chance to live like this.
So what the fuck am I doing, playing around with Reverie?
“I’m glad you like it.” She swings our linked hands between us like we’re little kids. Her sweetness soothes me. Makes me forget that we’re total opposites. Yeah, maybe I should seriously question what exactly I’m doing with her and why I’m torturing myself when I know this is going to end bad, but when she smiles and looks at me like I’m her everything, I forget all of the bullshit.
“Yeah?” I say because my brain has gone blank, what with the way she’s looking at me like she wants to gobble me up.
She nods and bites her lower lip as she tilts her head. “I’m glad you’re here with me, Nick. I’ve missed you.” That she’s brave enough to admit that fuels me. And reminds me that lately she’s the bold one.
And I like it.
We turn toward each other at the same time and I pull her to me, her arms wrapped tight around my neck as she presses her face against my shoulder. “I don’t like being away from you,” she murmurs. “I was so scared you were mad at me. That you didn’t want to see me again.”
Sighing, I hold her close and smooth my hand over her head, playing with her braid. “I was never mad at you. It’s just…I hate the differences between us. That’s all.”
“There’s nothing wrong with differences, right?”
“We come from different worlds.” I pause and swallow hard. “I’m not worthy of you.”
She pulls away from me slightly so our gazes meet. Emotion swirls in the blue depths as she glares. “Don’t you dare ever say that again,” she says firmly, sounding angry. “I hate it when you compare us like that.”
“It can’t be helped.” I sound as helpless as I feel. “It’s a cold hard fact you need to face.”
“No. I refuse to.” She shakes her head and releases her grip on me, only to shove at my shoulders, the back of my knees hitting the edge of the mattress before I fall back on my butt onto the bed. “Tonight, we’re going to concentrate on nothing else but each other.”
I lay sprawled on the mattress, fascinated when she remains standing at the foot of the bed, right in between my legs. I prop myself up on my elbows so I can see her better and I eat her up with my gaze, how her curves are just a shadow hiding under the billowing fabric of her nighty, those
long, sexy legs of hers calling to me. Making me want to grab her and beg her to wrap them around me.
I’m about to encourage her to join me when I hear her whisper my name and I lift my head, my gaze meeting hers. All the oxygen escapes my lungs as she slowly lowers those flimsy little straps off her shoulders, letting them fall to the crook of her elbows before she shrugs completely out of them. The nightgown falls to the ground in a whisper of fabric, revealing her to my gaze.
“Fuck,” I whisper hoarsely. I can’t look away. Reverie is standing before me in a pair of white panties and that’s it. Like she’s some sort of gift, a sacrificial offering just for me.
Only for me.
She’s trembling. I can see it. “I want you,” she says, her voice shaking. “So much.”
“Baby…” I let my voice trail off, overwhelmed by the conflicting emotions swirling within me, and what she wants me to do. I want to do it too. So bad it’s killing me not to reach out and grab her right now. Push her onto the mattress, pin her beneath me and fuck her until we’re both screaming each other’s names.
But I can’t do that. We’ve fooled around, but she’s still a virgin. I gotta take it slow and make it right. She deserves more than a casual screw. She’s worth more than that.
Way more.
“I know we shouldn’t be together like this, locked away in my room. I know it’s a sin, what I want to do with you.” She licks her lips, leaving them damp, and I bite back the groan that wants to escape. “But how can something that feels so good between two people who care for each other be so wrong?”
I have no answer. I’m sure she hears all the time about sin and going against the word of God. She’s conflicted and I can sort of understand why. Again her feelings compared to mine reveal just how differently we were raised.
Reverie presses her lips together and briefly closes her eyes, as if searching for strength. She wraps her arms around her front, covering her chest and I wonder if she’s embarrassed. Maybe even regretting what she’s just done. “I’m falling in love with you, Nicholas,” she admits softly. “I know it’s probably happening much too soon but I can’t help the way I feel.”
His Reverie Page 17