“You try what?” I whispered.
“Try to prevent humanity from repeating its mistakes, but we only make up maybe two percent of the population,” he let out a bitter laugh.
I recognized this mood. Ethan was an optimist, and cheerful by nature, but every once in awhile, I’d see the cynical side of him. I choose to ignore it. “Hmmm…Is there any extraordinary moment that stands out?”
His jaw ticked. “Yeah, probably the first day after I turned.”
“Yeah? Tell me about it.”
He stopped and examined me. “How are your feet? Not getting too cold?”
I grimaced, “They hurt, but I’m okay.”
“Crap. I think we’re almost there. Can you hold out?”
“Yes, if you distract me. Will you tell me about your change into a moroi?”
I tried to pick up my pace, but I knew it was still slow.
Ethan didn’t say anything for a long time. Then when he spoke, his voice took on a quality I’d never heard before, and I felt myself looking into the past with him.
As if he were clearing the cobwebs and opening a beloved old book, he spoke, “A fire had started in my country house. I was riding on horseback from the city to check on it and make arrangements to repair the damage. This was my father’s estate. I was an old man…well old for that time. I had a townhouse in Brussels, where I stayed more frequently as I grew older. My friends were there, and I had connections.”
“What happened to your wife?” I clenched my hands in my pockets to try to warm them up.
“She passed only a few years after our marriage—She died of the flu,” he shook his head and turned to me, “Can you believe it?”
“Did you ever remarry?”
“No. I considered it, but I had a mistress. At that time, I had no energy for a young woman, dowry or no.”
“You were riding out to the country…” I reminded him.
“Yes, my horse stepped in a rut in the road. It fell, crushing me under its weight before laying lame beside me. I’d broken my leg in my younger days, but it never healed right. This accident rebroke the limb and left me in agony. I lay there all day and into the night. No one saw me, no one came for me. I thought I would die like that—broken and in a ditch.”
I cringed, “Wow. That’s awful.”
“Then late into the night, a carriage drew to a stop on the road. I heard footsteps before a nobleman in Dutch clothing loomed over me. My lips were chapped, ribs and other bones were broken like garbage, yet he smiled. He told me that he’d been to my country home to find me. Apparently, he’d heard of a device I’d created that he wanted.
“Back in those days, a gentleman didn’t work. However, I fiddled and drew things and designs for my own property—the mill and farm equipment.”
“Was this man moroi?”
He nodded. “Yes. Aurev Vatia—an old Roman moroi. He’d later become the leader of the New York Clan. Anyway, he bit me like I bit you and took me in his carriage to my country estate. With the help of my own servants, he reset my leg and gave me his blood. Aurev has always been on the lookout for the newest or latest in technology. He’d planned to change me before this, but my accident expedited his plans.”
“Did he ask you if you wanted to be changed?” My eyes flicked over to Ethan, who walked beside me.
“Yes, but I don’t think I truly understood at the time what was about to happen.”
“Do you still see Aurev? Do you have a connection with him?” I pursed my lips; my feet had stopped burning and had gone completely numb.
“I don’t have a bond or anything to him. We’re still friends, but when he came to the United States in the early part of the twentieth century, I stayed in the Netherlands.”
“Tell me about the change?’
We walked in silence some more until Ethan continued. “There’s nothing notable about the change itself. However, the next morning was magical. My eyesight was crystal clear, my body felt strong, and my mind—the clearest it had ever been.”
“And you were young again?” I chewed my lip as I waited for his answer.
“I wasn’t young right away. That took a few months. But after those months, I looked as I do now.”
I sighed, “That’s amazing. Even though I’ve seen things that you can do, I still struggle to believe everything you tell me. I can’t imagine you older.”
“It’s hard to remember what it felt like to be human, to be older. I remember having a lot of pains and aches. The winters were especially difficult.”
I let out a breath.
He held a hand out to me. “You twist your ring when you’re thinking. What are you thinking about?”
Shaking my head, I shrugged. The truth was that I didn’t want to speak my fears.
My life was a speck of dust compared to his. What would happen in ten, fifteen, twenty years when I looked old enough to be his mother, his grandmother?
I’d never thought of aging, but when confronted with it like this, I wondered about our future.
“There! There it is,” Ethan shouted out, pointing to the forest to our left.
“What am I looking at?” I asked, not wanting to walk any farther.
“Our home for the night.”
I struggled to make my way up through the dense, deep snow until Ethan picked me up, threw me over his shoulder. When he set me down on a wooden porch, I was stunned.
“How did you see this from the road?” I asked, stumbling as I tapped my feet together.
Stacks and stacks of firewood lined the exterior wall, and I reached out to steady myself.
Ethan pulled two thin pieces of wire from his bag. “Moroi sight and memory.” Holding one wire in his mouth, his eyes darted to me before he continued to pick the lock.
When the door clicked open, we stumbled into the one-room cabin. Ethan knelt before the small iron stove and began building a fire inside.
I settled down into a chair, rubbing my hands together, my thoughts trying to make sense of my feelings toward the vampire.
Growing up, I’d always wanted to be a wife and a mom. I thought it would just happen, but as the years went by, that dream seemed to slip farther and farther out of reach.
Aubrey and Chance gave me hope, though; they met, fell in love, and were now having a baby.
I wanted a husband and children.
With Ethan, I couldn’t imagine a future. I would have to give up everything I’d ever thought my life would be.
But things were messy now. It all started months before when he parked that darn motorcycle by the door of Dumont. He’d taken off that helmet and looked at me with those eyes, the color of the clear blue sky. I’d already fallen for him and fallen hard. Emotions knew no relationship boundaries, and even though I’d ended it, my heart never followed suit.
In my soul, deep down, I knew that no matter what, Ethan already had my heart.
Whatever decision I made—to be with him or not—Ethan Dumont had irrevocably changed the course of my life.
I sat there motionless, lost in my thoughts, until Ethan began to tug at my frozen laces and pull my ice-covered socks and shoes from my feet.
“Here, sit in front of the fire,” he whispered, pushing my chair closer to the blaze.
“It’s almost impossible to say no to you,” I said quietly, pulling off my wet coat.
“That’s because I’m right.” He hesitated, pursing his lips, “You’re so quiet. You’re thinking about me, aren’t you? Considering it?”
So exhausted and overwhelmed by jet lag and my feelings for my vampire, I hid my face in my aching red hands.
Ethan’s jacket brushed my knee as he knelt down, and I looked up into his eyes.
My voice came out barely above a whisper, “Yes. If that’s what you want to know. Yes. But, I can’t see any possible future for us—for this to end well.” I squeezed my eyes closed. “But God help me, I can’t see living without you.”
Ethan gazed into the fire, his eyes brimmin
g, either from emotion or smoke from the fire. Turning, he took my hands into his. “No one can promise anyone a future. All I can promise you is now, and the rest is a gift.” His jaw ticked. “Anything can happen. Anything. You could lose everything in the blink of an eye. But I’m here, sitting before you, telling you I want you. Is that not good enough?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, and tears ran down my cheeks.
“I’m afraid. I’m afraid of loving you and losing you, and that would destroy me.”
Ethan squeezed me to his body, and pulled me up as he stood.
His mouth brushed my own in a soft kiss.
“Nothing is safe. No relationship comes with a warranty—nothing does.” He kissed me again. “Don’t let fear stop you from living.”
I sniffed and nodded. “I know. I promised myself that months ago when you saved me from the mountain lion….ouch, my arm!”
I blew out a pained breath before Ethan helped me pull my sweater over my head. Taking the limb in his hands, he turned it for a better look.
“You have glass in your arm from the crash.” He stood and looked around the room. There was a pump above the sink, which he cranked until a thin stream of water trailed out.
Soaking his t-shirt in it, he wrung it out and dabbed at my arm. I watched his face as he removed two small shards of glass.
“Are you a doctor? How do you know all these things?”
He laughed, “I went to medical school about seventy years ago, but no, I’m not a doctor.”
I raised an eyebrow and feigned a male voice. “Oh…just medical school…nothing special. I did that in my sleep.”
Ethan chuckled before making a small cut on his finger and smearing his blood over my wounds.
“This way, you’ll heal faster,” he told me, checking my other arm.
“Blood makes everything better?”
“Yep,” he said, tossing the shirt into the sink.
We sat there, him in his jeans and me in my bra and pants.
Ethan narrowed his eyes at me, “What do you want? We’re here together in this moment.”
I shook my head, “I’ve tried to find any excuse to push you away—just like I’ve pushed everyone else in my life away. But, now…it needs to stop here—with you.”
Leaning over, I ran my fingers through his hair and brushed a kiss across his lips. When I pulled back, he assessed my expression.
His arms came around me, and between kisses, he said, “Good…decision.”
Then bending, he pulled at my jeans until I stood there almost naked before him. His intense gaze lingered on my body, fueling that pool of hot molten desire deep inside my core.
Slipping out of my one remaining piece of clothing, I sat on the bed, pulling the blanket around me.
Ethan carefully removed his jeans, allowing me to admire his beautiful body. He stood there in the light of the fire, his corded muscles aglow in the warm glow. Then he closed the space between us, before running his hands over my tangled locks, and enveloping me in a deep kiss.
Trailing kisses on my chest, his hair tickled my chest. I closed my eyes as my vampire ran fingers over my hip and down my leg. When he stroked the tender flesh between my thighs, I moaned at his touch.
Then suddenly, he pulled away, the cold air filling the space between our bodies.
“I want you,” he said, his voice gravelly. Nudging my entrance, he stroked me and kissed me again. “Tell me no, and I’ll stop.”
I exhaled a shaky breath, “Don’t stop.”
His eyes looked dark and feral in the low light as he met my gaze. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
I gasped in both pleasure and pain when my vampire pushed into me, moving inch by inch until my virgin body had taken most of him.
Holding himself above me, Ethan’s eyes glazed and, with his face full of wonder, he whispered a string of words in French before saying, “Are you okay? My god, you feel so good.”
“Yes…,” I breathed my reply.
I was more than okay. Something inside my soul felt mended. I was restored or healed or completed as I never had been before.
Ethan completed me.
As he began to move, his eyes remained on mine, gauging my reaction. His skin was slick and hot against my body, contrasting with the cold air of the room.
Then something began building deep inside me, like a fire—small at first—until the whole world felt like it would burn down from the blaze.
I began crying out in ecstasy with each stroke as we moved in an instinctive rhythm.
“Oh, my God!” He whispered into my hair.
Stars burst behind my eyes, and euphoria washed over me.
When I was able to think again, I gazed up at the wood beam ceiling.
Ethan lay beside me. He pulled my arm over to kiss my hand.
“This is the best vacation ever,” he told me on a laugh.
“I can’t move, I think I’m going to sleep forever.”
Not even bothering to don any clothing, we snuggled up inside the clean, but slightly musty, bed.
His arms around me felt as if they were made to be there.
My thoughts faded away, and sleep took me.
14
This was the second time I’d woken up in a strange place since meeting Ethan Dumont. I didn’t linger in the empty bed long because my bladder was near bursting. Finding my clothes draped on a chair near the stove, I quickly pulled them on.
Shuffling outside with unlaced and still slightly damp hiking shoes, I spotted Ethan.
He sat on the edge of the porch gazing out into the forest.
“How’d you sleep?” He asked, looking as though he were still in California on a sunny day instead of sub-zero temperatures in Romania.
“Good, actually. Aren’t you cold?”
He shook his head.
“Um…So, I need to pee. Any ideas?” I examined the deep snow around the cabin.
“Use a cup or a bowl and then just rinse it out,” he shifted on the icy bench.
“Eh…Seriously? I can’t do that.”
He scanned the area and shrugged. “I guess you can go out in the snow. There’s an outhouse over there, but it’s blocked by snow.”
“I’ll go over there behind the wood,” I told him, crunching down the snow-packed steps.
“Okay, try not to get too snowy. Once you’re wet again, you’ll get cold.”
Even being careful, snow clung to my shoes and pants again.
When I returned, Ethan stood with his messenger bag slung around his body.
“I need to hike up the road until I get service on my mobile. Do you want to come with me?”
“Sure, let’s go.”
As we hiked back down toward the road, I wondered how Ethan knew to find this isolated cabin.
Following my vampire through the snow, we neared the street. The sun had warmed up the pavement, leaving the road splotchy with patches of ice. I stamped my feet to shake off the snow, and Ethan did the same.
“Which way?” I gazed up the valley one way and down the other.
“We’re too far from Brașov, so let’s continue this way.” Biting his lip, he sighed. “We may have to walk a long way. Tell me now if you can’t make it and you can stay here. I’ll come back for you.”
I shook my head. “No way, you said twenty kilometers? I’m a runner, I can walk that.”
Ehhh…part time runner and 20K would suck….even at a walking pace.
“All right, can you jog for a while?”
I nodded and picked up my pace. After a while, my lungs began to burn, and my muscles ached from yesterday’s hike.
Ethan gave me a weary look and slowed his pace to a walk.
“On that mountain, I thought I glimpsed a cell phone tower,” I said, pointing. My fingers had already gone pink from the low temperature.
He nodded, “I think you’re right. So… tell me, why did you drop out of law school?”
I blinked, taken aback by his que
stion. “Um…it just wasn’t for me, I thought I could make it work, but I pretty much hated it from day one.”
“Hmmm…that’s an expensive decision to make.”
“Well, Aubrey was the closest friend I’ve ever had. She’s more like a sister than anything. I thought that becoming an attorney and working with her could be my dream also; that we’d share our lives with each other and have babies, and someday even have our own law firm.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that, but what finally made you realize law wasn’t your dream?” He squinted at the sky.
“Aubrey met this guy right away. It was as if they were Siamese twins. He took her away from me, and I was left alone. I’ve always been…”
“Picky…?” Ethan interrupted.
“Well, maybe. Anyway, she got serious with some guy—this was way before Chance—and I barely saw her after that. Going to classes, working my ass off…it just wasn’t worth it if I wasn’t with her.” I twisted my ring.
He raised his eyebrows and asked, “Were you in love with Aubrey?”
A gust whooshed out of me. “Uh…no…not like that.”
“It would explain a lot. If I didn’t know you were attracted to me, I’d be pretty worried right now.”
I punched him in the shoulder, which only made him laugh.
“It’s not like that, and you know it.” I hesitated, listening to the sound of wind and our shoes crunching in the snow.
“Why are you attached to her—what’s your history there?”
I sighed, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell Ethan the whole story. So I began with the easy part. “Aubrey came into my life during the absolutely, darkest time. She cared about me, she watched out for me. She was solid when my world was shaky.” My heart ached, and my eyes burned.
When I met Ethan’s eye, his smile had faded. “What happened?”
“I had a good childhood. My parents were loving, and wonderful. It was my sophomore year—the assistant principal and my grandmother came to my classroom. My dad…he’d had an aneurysm and died.” I sucked in a shaky breath. “Then my relationship with my mom just fell apart. Looking back, I think she didn’t know how to deal with the loss. Either way, she became…angry… and I was…angry. We fought—a lot. I don’t…I haven’t talked to her since I turned eighteen.” I shook my head.
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