“Like I told you each of the ten times you’ve asked me already, I feel great. I’m a little achy in all the right places, but it’s a good ache.” He leaned over and pulled my chin up for a kiss. “And I appreciate you asking because I know you worry, and you worry because you love me. But so help me God, Dallas, if you ask me again when everyone’s here, I will tell them why you’re asking.”
I chuckled, because that was such a Justin thing to say.
“And I will use the fire extinguisher as a size guide.”
I burst out laughing just as we heard Davo drive into the yard. “Okay, I won’t ask again. I trust that you’ll tell me if there’s something wrong.”
He was pleased by that. “I will.”
He pulled his scooter over and sat down, then made a face. I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not going to ask if that hurt, but if I were to suggest some padding on that seat . . .”
He wiggled on the seat. “No, but I might be in need of another massage by tonight.”
“Now, that, I can do.”
“With your fire extinguisher.”
Davo and Sparra walked in. “What’s that about a fire extinguisher?” Davo asked. “Are we due for a safety check?”
Juss chuckled as he scooted out to greet them. “Something like that.”
Toni arrived next, and after formal introductions to the team, I spent most of the morning in the office with her, showing her the ropes. I wasn’t surprised that she had it all down in no time given she was answering the phone and taking bookings in her first twenty minutes on the job. She laughed with the boys at smoko time and could talk shit about bikes with the best of them.
She was a perfect fit.
After lunch, Juss called it a day and went upstairs and I followed him up. “I’m not going to ask,” I began.
“I’m fine, Dall. Just tired. It’s nap time for me and Squish. I’ll come back down later.”
“Okay then.”
“Toni seems to be working out all right?” he said, getting himself on the couch.
“Yeah, she’s great. She’s already reorganising stuff and making spreadsheets to streamline our ordering process.”
Squish came out of the bedroom and joined Juss on the couch, and Juss started flicking through channels. “Sorry, Squish,” he said. “No fishing shows today. The Spanish motocross championships are on. We can watch Fishing Australia later.”
I laughed and leaned down to kiss Juss’ forehead. “Call me if you need me.”
His eyelids were getting heavy already, but he gave me an easy smile. “Mm, doing booty calls now? ‘Cause I think I’m gonna need more of what you did to me last night.”
I laughed as I went back down to the shop, and I spent most of the afternoon working on a Honda bike that had picked up dirty fuel.
It was weird that every time the phone rang, I reached for my back pocket to take the call. Davo laughed at me a few times when he saw me, and he nodded to the office. “Wondering why you didn’t hire someone years ago?”
“God, yes.”
Toni still had to come and ask me questions now and then, but she mostly had it all under control. Which meant I got my work done so much quicker, and without the interruptions, I could do a better job.
Juss came back down at 3:30 and he and Sparra finished up the job they’d been working on, and I stuck my head in the office to make sure Toni was going okay. “How’s your first day been?”
“Good!” she said. “Just getting things organised. I’ll attack the filing cabinets and stationery cupboard tomorrow.”
“Make a list of anything you need, and we’ll get it.”
“Oh, there’s an email that came through a little while ago,” she said. “About a replacement van. If you read it and tell me what you want me to say, I can draft up a reply for you.”
“Oh man.” My gaze automatically went to Justin, where he was talking with Sparra. “I guess that’s a conversation I need to have with Juss first.” I gave her a smile. “I’ll let you know tomorrow, thanks.”
That was a conversation I’d put off long enough.
When everyone left for the day, I locked the gate behind Toni and headed back into the workshop. Juss pulled the roller doors down and went to head into the office. “Babe, it’s home time,” I called out.
He stopped. “Don’t you have paperwork to do for a bit?”
“Nope. Toni’s got it all under control.”
His eyes lit up. “So we have an early mark?”
I smiled at that. “Yep.”
“I do believe there was talk of a massage.”
I led him to the back stairs. “I do believe so too.”
I followed him up, noting how his steps had improved. He used his leg with much more ease now, taking each tread with more confidence. I doubted he’d ever again be sprinting up them two at a time like he used to, but seeing his improvement made me smile.
We got through the door and he headed straight for the kitchen. “I was thinking we could have veggie stir fry for dinner,” he began.
“Sure. Sounds great. But, uh, Juss, can we talk for a second?”
He stopped to stare at me and his face fell. “Did I do something wrong?”
Oh, baby. “No. Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know. You just have a line between your eyebrows that you get when you’re worried or thinking about serious stuff. Or when you don’t want to tell me something. Like you don’t want to tell me something right now . . .”
“And you thought you didn’t know how to read me,” I said with a smile. I took his hand and we sat at the table. “There’s nothing wrong. I just wanted to talk about the van and whether or not we should get it replaced.”
He sagged a little and put his hand to his heart. “God, is that all? Shit, Dallas, you freaked me out.”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you it wasn’t anything about us.” We’d learned the hard way that freaking Justin out didn’t end well. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I just panicked for a second.” He took a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief. “What about the van?”
“Oh, it’s just the insurance company has requested some information about whether or not we want the van replaced. And I wanted to ask you.”
“Me?”
“Well, yeah. I guess I need to know if you want—not now, but when you’re ready—to replace the mobile mechanic van, and if you wanted to do it again.”
“Me, drive?”
“When you’re given the all-clear.”
He frowned. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.”
“Yeah, and you don’t need to answer right now. You certainly don’t have to do it if you don’t want.”
Juss thought for a long few seconds, then shook his head sadly. “I don’t think I could. Be a mobile mechanic again. I mean, not on my own, for a long time. I can’t lift a lot of things, and physically, I just don’t think I could.”
“It’s okay, baby. You don’t have to decide right now. You don’t need to worry about it or stress over it. You can say no now, and in a year’s time or five years’ time, if you want to think about it again, that’s okay too.”
His gaze locked to mine and he nodded. “Thanks. I just . . . I’m not ready. I can’t drive yet anyway, and . . .”
“And?”
“And I don’t know how I feel about driving.” He put his hand to his forehead. “I mean, I’ll probably drive again at some point, but I can’t . . . I get so tired and I can’t concentrate too much for too long. My reflexes are kinda slow, and the idea of being in another accident scares the shit outta me, if I’m being honest. Or causing one. God, what if I hurt someone?”
I cupped his face and kissed him before pulling him in for a long, hard hug. “It’s okay, baby. You don’t need to worry about it right now. I just need to tell the insurance people what we planned on doing and wanted to ask you first. The mobile van was your idea, and it was your thing.”
He was quiet while I held him and I rubbed his back, giving him time to think and relax.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked eventually. “As my boyfriend? And as my boss? Are they different things here?”
I pulled back and put my forehead to his so he had to look at me. “Boyfriend first, always. We’ve never had an issue with lines or boundaries, and I don’t want to start now. I would never make you do something you weren’t comfortable doing, as a boyfriend or a boss, okay?”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just wasn’t sure . . . I didn’t know how I should answer.”
“The truth, Juss. Whatever you feel.”
He gave a small smile. “You don’t want me to do it, do you?”
I sighed. “And you said you couldn’t read me.”
He smiled at that. “Guess I’m learning.”
“Baby, I don’t know how I feel about you driving at all.” I admitted. “I’d be happy to scrap the van altogether. I don’t want to risk any more accidents, and as a boss, I have to think about those things. It’s just not worth anyone else going through this. But as a boyfriend, the idea of you even driving on your own scares me right now. I know I can’t wrap you up in cotton wool, and even small things like you walking to the take-out shop with Sparra was enough to freak me out. That’s something I have to work on, I know that. You have to have your independence, and you can do whatever you want. But the thought of you being hurt again just terrifies me. The thought of you being hurt and me not being there to help you terrifies me even more.” I sighed, long and loud. “I know I can’t be there all the time, and I know I can’t fix every single thing. But . . .”
“But you’re a control freak and you can’t help that.”
I snorted. “Exactly.”
His gaze flickered between mine. “Remember when Doctor Chang said fear of more pain stopped me from wanting to have sex? Well, it’s a bit like that for you. Not the sex part, obviously. But after the accident, you went through hell too. And you’re just trying to do whatever you can to never experience that again. I get that. Believe me.”
I got a little teary, and I nodded. “Yeah. But like you said; you’ll probably drive again someday and we’ll have to work on that. I don’t want my fear to stop you from doing anything.”
“Small steps is what she suggested.”
“Small steps.” I nodded. “I can do small steps.”
He smiled and relaxed with a deep sigh. “So we can agree on maybe one day but not right now.”
I kissed him. “Agreed.” He slotted in against me once more and wrapped his arms around me, giving me one helluva hug. “Hey, I thought I was the resident best-hug giver. Are you trying to take my title?”
He chuckled. “You smell like petrol, grease, and dirt. And sweat.”
“Sorry. I should shower.”
He held me tighter. “Absolutely not. I love that smell. A mechanic smell, my favourite kind. You could bottle it.” Then he ran his hand down to my arse and gave me a squeeze. “Or we could be naked and you can rub that scent all over me.” My dick twitched and, of course, he felt it. He laughed. “Someone liked that idea.”
I nuzzled into his neck and whispered against his ear. “How sore do you want to be tomorrow?”
He chuckled and moaned as he craned his neck, giving me more skin to kiss and nip. “You’ll just have to massage me all better.”
I scraped my teeth along his jaw before capturing his mouth with mine. He moaned into my mouth and melted against me, so pliable, so giving.
I led him to our bedroom, stripped us both naked, and laid him face down on the mattress. He wanted a massage, so that’s what I gave him. I worshipped every inch of him until he was begging me to fill him. So then I gave him that too.
The next few days were blissful. Work was great: having Toni in the office was a godsend and everyone was less stressed all round. The new hoists were delivered on Friday and I ordered pizza for everyone at lunch, and Juss and the boys had more races on the new stools. I don’t think we stopped smiling all day.
And the next few weeks were much the same. Justin’s appointments with Doctor Chang were now only once a fortnight, and Megan only had to do one homecare visit a week. He met his new therapist and was pleased they’d worked on a long-term plan together. He kept doing his physio exercises and he was walking more and more. His strength was increasing every day, and although he still only worked until lunchtime, he was doing a lot more. He’d still take his nap with Squish every day, then come back down and help us finish up. That schedule probably wouldn’t change for a long time, and that was perfectly okay with me.
He didn’t get any new memories or flashbacks, and given he hadn’t had any in over a month, it was becoming less likely he ever would.
And that was okay too.
Somewhere along the way he’d made peace with that. He had all the memories he needed, he’d said. He was more focused on living in the present, making new memories here and now, and planning for the future.
I certainly couldn’t argue with that.
Jimmy and Nancy had invited us again to their next family lunch, and Justin had enjoyed it just as much as last time. The same familiar faces were there, plus a few new ones, and Juss wasn’t so tired this time. At first, I might have thought it a little odd that he and Jimmy had formed some kind of bond. He was the driver of the truck that hit Justin’s van, after all. But Juss bonded with Nancy too, and all their kids who were all our age, or a bit older. Then it occurred to me what it was . . .
Justin had found himself a part of a family. And me too, I guessed. But maybe they were like the parents he’d never had, the fondness and affection he needed from his own mother and never got.
When Juss had told Nancy what had happened with his mum, she’d hugged him fiercely and basically swept him under her wing with all the other kids like a clutch of chicks. And Juss had just positively beamed.
“I really like them,” he said as we got home. “They’re just such good people.”
“They are,” I said, getting out of the ute. “I bet Jimmy was a real looker in his younger days.”
Juss had smiled at that, but then he was quiet a while, which I put down to his being tired. He parked himself on the couch but didn’t fall asleep straight away. He stared at the TV, though he wasn’t really watching it, while I folded the clothes from the dryer. His brow furrowed, which told me he was overthinking something.
“Everything okay?” I asked, sitting down beside him.
“Yeah.” He took my hand and studied his fingers as they threaded with mine. “Just thinking about something Jimmy said today.”
“What was that?”
“When he toasted to family and all that.”
I thought the whole family thing had been on his mind and it would seem I wasn’t wrong. “I think they include you in their family now.”
He smiled, tired but happy. “I think so too. I like that.”
“I do too. I know it means a lot to you.”
“It does. I mean, I have Becca and the girls. And I have you.”
“You do.”
“And you said something once about found family.”
“Yep. The people who choose you. They love you because they want to, not because they have to.”
His hold on my hand tightened and a worry line formed between his brows.
“Juss, what is it? What’s the matter?” He tried to swallow and struggled, and for a heart-stopping second, I thought he was having another turn. “Juss?”
“I’m okay, I just . . .” He let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know how to ask this. It kinda feels wrong to ask, like I’m asking too much. But then it feels so right . . .”
“Baby, you can ask me anything. Anything at all.”
His soulful brown eyes met mine. “Would you marry me?”
I stared at him, shocked, stunned, speechless. I was not expecting that, and it took me a second to form words. “Marry you?”
“Yeah, sorry. I kn
ow it’s a lot to ask, given—” He waved his hand at his head, namely his scar. “And I probably should have asked a better way, like more romantic, but I’m pretty sure if I tried to set something romantic up, I would’ve freaked out trying to organise it and keep it secret from you. Probably would have had another meltdown, actually. And today, all that talk about family . . . I mean, you’re my family. You’re my everything. And I want it to be official and real, and we can get married now; you said we could—”
I kissed him quiet. “Yes.”
It took him a second. “Yes?”
“Yes.” I nodded and my eyes burned with tears. “My God, yes. I would love to marry you. Nothing would make me happier.” I kissed him again. My heart was thumping against my ribs, I was so giddy! But he’d said something first . . . “But before I get too excited, why would you say it’s a lot to ask?”
“Because of my injuries,” he replied like it was obvious. “Because chances are, I’m gonna have some cognitive issues later in life. Around Jimmy’s age, probably. And asking you to sign up for that probably isn’t really fair.”
“Justin, I love you. Nothing’s gonna change that. In sickness and in health, or however it goes. That’s what love means. Please don’t ever doubt me.”
“I don’t doubt you, Dall. You’re the one true thing in my life. Out of all the fog and fear and loss, was you. I can’t imagine my life or my future without you. I want to marry you and wear your ring and be yours in every way I can. Maybe not just yet. I mean, I’d marry you right now if you wanted, but just knowing is enough for now. I don’t want to overload my brain, but just knowing we’re a kind of family is all I need.”
“We were already a kind of family, Juss.”
“But this makes it real.” He shrugged and made a face. “In my head. I don’t know why. But legally too. The government can’t say we’re not a family if we get married. And hospitals and insurances can’t say we’re not a family either.”
“Oh, baby.”
“If something were to happen, Dall,” he whispered. “I need you with me. But it’s not all just doom and gloom. I want to be yours for all the fun stuff too, I want to be married to you, to be your husband.”
Pieces Of Us: Missing Pieces Series, Book Three Page 14