by Erin Zak
Chapter Twenty-five
It’s a whim, but Gwendolyn decides to act on it shortly after Gerald’s visit. When she walks through the door to the Shakespeare Theatre Company in downtown Vale Park, she starts to feel the familiar performance nerves. The lobby is empty save for a small table with a bell and a sign which reads, “Ring for service.”
She does as it instructs and waits. She’s clutching a resume and popping the knuckles on her free hand. She saw the ad in the newspaper yesterday. She wasn’t going to take it seriously, but Lila’s encouragement is hard to say no to. And when the encouraging words come right after another round of amazing sex, it’s even harder.
Seems the desire for sex is back with full force. Thankfully, Lila hasn’t complained and seems as excited as Gwendolyn is.
“Can I help you?”
She snaps her head toward the male voice. “Hi, um, hi.” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I’m Gwendolyn Carter.”
“Well, hello there.” He crosses the room, his hand extended. “How are you?”
“I’m well.” She extends her hand with the resume. “I would like to submit my resume and an application for the director position.”
“Oh?” His eyebrows rise to his hairline. He takes the resume and starts to read. “Wait a second.” He looks a little harder, then focuses on her. “LA, hmm? Didn’t work out?”
“Well, I was in a few movies.” She watches as his expression doesn’t change. “No,” she finally says. “It didn’t work out.”
“And now you’re home.”
She wants to roll her eyes, but he’s right. “And now I’m home.” She sighs. “I’m more than qualified.”
“Yes, you are.”
She stares at him. Blinks once, twice. “Okay…”
“I need someone who is going to take this seriously. The bulk of our regular cast is high schoolers. We also teach acting classes.”
“I can teach.”
“Can you?”
“Yes.”
“How can you teach acting if you never made it big?”
Her first instinct is to take offense. But it’s clear he’s testing her. “Acting is about emotion. About feelings. And I have plenty of both.”
No response.
“And those who can’t do…teach?” Her memory floods with the words Samantha had thrown at her all those months ago.
He smiles. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes.” He turns and looks over his shoulder. “Come with me.”
Gwendolyn does as she’s told, hoping the rest of this interview goes better than the first ten minutes.
* * *
Lila looks at herself in the mirror of the locker room. “This is the biggest game of my career. We have the home court advantage. Come on. Lila. You’re going to kill it. You got this.”
“Do you always talk to yourself before games?”
She turns and sees Gwendolyn, and the scene is so much like a couple months ago that it scares her. Gwendolyn is wearing the same exact outfit, her hair is pulled up, and her hands are in her pockets. The only difference is, she’s smiling. “I do. It helps calm me.”
“Did you throw up again?”
“I sure did.”
Gwendolyn laughs as she walks toward her. “You’re nuts.”
“I know.” She smiles as she leans against the sinks. “I am so nervous.”
“You got this. The girls are ready for this.”
She sighs, crosses her arms, and nods. “I know…they’ve been through so much.”
“They’re going to be amazing.” Gwendolyn places a hand on Lila’s shoulder. She rubs lightly before she pulls Lila into a hug. “You’re going to be amazing. You’re ready for this.”
“I miss her so much right now.” Her eyes are filling with tears as she wraps her arms around Gwendolyn. Nothing is easier without Carol, but volleyball has been exceptionally difficult. Carol tried to teach Lila everything she knew, but it’s impossible to teach someone how to be okay when you’re gone. And Lila is far from okay. She’s held it together for Gwendolyn, but when it comes to volleyball and coaching, she’s a mess. A complete mess and she hates letting Gwendolyn see her like this because she doesn’t feel like it’s fair.
“You’re allowed to miss her all the time. Not only right now.” Gwendolyn pulls away and wipes the tears with the soft pads of her thumbs. “She was as much yours as she was mine. Maybe even more yours.”
“Stop,” Lila whispers. She doesn’t want to start sobbing and be so emotional that she can’t stop.
“I’m only telling the truth.” Gwendolyn smiles. “She was so proud of you. Of everything you became.”
“Gwen.”
“I’m only saying.”
“Stop.” Lila laughs and is cut short as Gwendolyn places a quick kiss on her lips.
“Let’s go. We have a match to win.”
* * *
When the volleyball slams into the gymnasium floor on the other team’s ten-foot line, the girls’ hands all shoot into the air. The final point of the third set is theirs, and they shout and scream. They won decisively in three games.
“Holy shit,” Lila whispers as she leans back in her chair. She covers her mouth. “Holy shit. We are going to the state championships.”
Gwendolyn laughs. She’s so happy she can barely contain it. “This is incredible!” She jumps up and holds her hands out when the referee dismisses the girls to their sidelines. Lila grabs her hand. The girls crowd around them, jumping and yelling. Most are crying. Hell, all of them are crying, including Gwendolyn and Lila.
After the celebrating dies down, the girls head to the locker room. Once the gym begins to clear, which seems like forever, Lila sits on the bench, leans forward with her head in her hands, and cries. She’s sobbing, her entire body shaking. Gwendolyn sits next to her and decides to let Lila have this moment, these tears, this heartache coupled with excitement. She places a hand on Lila’s back, rubbing as she cries. Her sobs begin to subside until there are only gentle sniffles.
Gwendolyn places her elbows on her knees. “Are you okay?”
She sniffles, nods, and sniffles again.
“Do you want to go celebrate with the girls? They’re talking about pizza.”
Lila sniffles and nods.
“Do you want me to get you some tissues?”
Lila laughs and shakes her head.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“No,” Lila whispers. “I never want that.”
“Okay.” She smiles as she leans into her shoulder and places a kiss on the side of her head. “Let’s go.”
Lila wipes her tears before she stands and takes Gwendolyn’s hand. She squeezes as they round the corner to leave the gym, then stops abruptly and turns back to the court. Her face is red from crying, her eyelashes wet from tears. She’s biting her lip, and she has never looked more amazing. “Thank you.” Her voice is a whisper. “For everything.”
“Good-bye, Mom,” Gwendolyn whispers and takes a deep breath. The ache in her throat is so strong. She would give anything to be able to talk to her mom one more time. Smile and laugh with her one more time. Come into the house and smell her cooking one more time. Be at home with her mom one more time.
She isn’t sure how to handle the pain. How does she fill the hole in her heart?
She isn’t sure. At all.
The only thing she knows is that she loves Lila Machowicz with her entire being. And loving Lila feels an awful lot like home.
The road was long, but she made it back. Finally.
Epilogue
Dear Gerald,
Thank you so much for responding to my letter. I wasn’t sure if I should reach out, considering I know nothing about you. I guess the only way to get to know each other is to take the time to ask and answer questions.
The volleyball season ended with a bang. The girls didn’t win the state championship, which they were upset about, but they took it to five games and los
t by two points in the fifth. I think they were emotionally spent more than anything. Miranda and Ella, the two seniors, have both signed to play volleyball at Purdue and Indiana University, respectively. They will be missed.
I was approached by the superintendent of Vale Park schools. Richard Strong was always a thorn in my mom’s side, so I was nervous when he asked for a meeting. They’re building a new facility and would like to name it after my mom. The Carol Carter Gymnasium has a nice ring to it. I wonder where they got the donation from. Apparently, it was sizable and anonymous. Know anything about that?
The last time we wrote, I told you about my interview for the director position at the Shakespeare Theatre here in Vale Park. It went very well, and they offered me the job about a week later. My assistant director and I are doing our first production next summer: Into the Woods, and I am very excited. I have been blown away by the talent my hometown has.
I also auditioned for a part in a new production of Come from Away at the Cadillac Palace Theatre in Chicago. It felt very weird to be on stage again after leaving my roots so long ago. I have to say, I never thought I’d sing again, but it’s been a welcome change of pace. The part is meaningful, and I’m thrilled they cast me.
Lila and I are doing well. In fact, we moved in together. It looks like I’ve left LA behind. At least for now. We were going to stay at mom’s house, but decided it would be best if we picked a place that we both love. Thankfully, we have the same needs and desires and have settled in a newer condo in downtown Vale Park. We can see Central Park Plaza from our front window and love being able to walk to the restaurants and bars. She asks about you often. Apparently, and not surprisingly, you’ve become an important part of both our lives.
My father has been in and out of my life. Lately, he’s in. We talk a lot about mom, about everything actually, which is great, considering.
I know it must be hard for you to have lost the love of your life. It’s been very difficult for me, and my mom and I were so angry at each other for so very long. I hate that it took cancer to bring us together, but I blame myself more than anything. I should have come back years earlier, but I wasn’t listening to reason. I’m glad she had you, as weird as that sounds. Finding out my father wasn’t faithful was hard, but learning about her love with you made me feel a little better. She wasn’t as alone as I thought. And that is a comfort.
My mom was a wonderful woman. I’ve heard so many incredible stories about her, her coaching legacy, the lives she touched while teaching. I feel blessed to know she was someone people loved and cherished.
Speaking of, you really knew her well, didn’t you? The stories you’ve shared have been amazing. I love reading them. I can picture her in every one. I am in love with the pictures you’ve given me. I’m so moved by all of them. I like the last ones you sent the most. There’s one that touched me deeply. She’s much younger, in a field, clutching a bouquet of wildflowers. I think I like it so much because Lila asked if it was me.
One day, I hope I’m half the woman she was.
Thank you again, Gerald. For everything. For the words, the stories, the love you shared with my mom.
Write soon.
With love,
Gwendolyn Carter
About the Author
Erin Zak grew up on the Western Slope of Colorado in a town with a population of 2,500, a solitary Subway, and one stoplight. She started writing at a young age and has always had a very active imagination. Erin later transplanted to Indiana where she attended college, started writing a book, and had dreams of one day actually finding the courage to try to get it published.
Erin now resides in Florida, away from the snow and cold, near the Gulf Coast with her family. She enjoys the sun, sand, writing, and spoiling her cocker spaniel, Hanna. When she’s not writing, she’s obsessively collecting Star Wars memorabilia, planning the next trip to Disney World, or whipping up something delicious to eat in the kitchen.
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