Nobody seems to do that at the tables for meetings on depression, schizophrenia, eating disorders, and so on. There’s something funny about worry. We can recognize it if we’re open to it, and it helps change our relationship with worry when we do.
Responding to chronic worry without humor is like drilling a tooth without local anesthesia. You can do it if you have to, but it’s so much easier, and more comfortable, with humor.
I remember a client who came to see me in her late thirties, seeking help with a severe illness anxiety. This is a condition in which people are extremely fearful of terrible diseases, so much so that they’re always looking for signs of illness and often fearing they’ve found some, when they’re not actually ill. During our first meeting, she told me, “All my life I’ve been afraid I’ll die young.”
I pointed out that it was probably too late, that the earliest she could die now would be middle-aged. After she got over the urge to slap me, she laughed really hard, and talked about all the worries she’d experienced that never came close to happening. Putting the funny part of her worry on the table like that helped her get some emotional distance from the upset she’d been feeling, and helped her tackle the worry trick more directly.
Another client comes to mind who sought help with panic attacks. She frequently had panic attacks in situations where she could be observed by others, like waiting rooms and grocery stores. She didn’t fear that the panic attack would harm her, but that it would make her look “like a crazy person” and scare everyone around her. Chief among her fears was the idea that her eyes would bug out and her hair would stand up.
We could have spent a lot of time talking about the kinetic properties of hair, and whether or not this was possible, but it seemed like a waste of time, akin to arguing about your worries. Instead, I asked her to take some observations next time she had a panic attack, and she was agreeable. I asked her to keep a six-inch ruler and a compact mirror with her at all times, and in the event of a panic attack she was to measure how high her hair stood.
She had a panic attack several days later, in the waiting room of her physician. She raced out of there and headed for the lobby, then remembered that she had to measure her hair. She detoured into the bathroom, planted herself in front of a mirror, and pulled her yellow ruler out of her purse. She held it up to her scalp and gazed into the mirror. There she was, holding a yellow ruler to her head, and she just burst out laughing on seeing this! That was pretty much the end of hair standing up.
That’s an example of “humoring the fear.” It involves accepting the fear rather than arguing with it, and confronting the situation as concretely as possible. This often helps the funny part of the fear to emerge and can be much more powerful than logically and rationally trying to debate and change your thoughts.
I’ve previously mentioned that I have some humorous songs on my website. Here’s an excerpt from another one, the first verse of a song sung to the tune of “Folsom Prison” (apologies to Johnny Cash).
I feel my heart start racing
That’s when I hold my breath
It makes me feel light headed and
I start thinking of death
Oh, I think I will go crazy
And that my heart will burst.
Now they say that’s never happened,
Hah! I bet I’ll be the first!
Visitors to my website love these songs. What makes the songs so funny? The lyrics above simply depict the typical thoughts of a person having a bad panic attack. I didn’t add a separate joke or punchline, yet people who struggle with panic attacks and regularly have the thoughts in these lyrics hear this song and have a good belly laugh. Hearing the thoughts in a song just makes it easier for them to find the funny part, the trick, and to step away from their more usual reaction of disgust and despair.
Freud had some interesting observations about humor. He suggested at one point that humor served the purpose of saving various kinds of “mental energy” and releasing them. He described “savings in mental energy” devoted to anger and fear when the individual suddenly realizes that what appeared to be dangerous isn’t dangerous at all. He also cited a release of mental energy devoted to thinking when the individual suddenly realizes that all that thinking is actually unnecessary. It’s the energy that was previously locked up in unnecessary overthinking and fight-or-flight responses that drives the laughter and humorous response.1
I think that’s exactly what happened with my client as she gazed at herself, and her yellow ruler, in the mirror. All that overthinking, and fight-or-flight response, was suddenly revealed as a misunderstanding, and she laughed.
Perhaps you’ve already had the experience of laughing at some question or experiment I’ve suggested earlier in the book. It’s good if you have! There’s something funny about worry, and if you can get in touch with that funny part, it will probably be pretty helpful for you in changing your relationship with worry.
I hasten to add that this works only so long as it’s the individual experiencing the worry who finds the funny part humorous. So, friends and family of chronic worriers—don’t take this as license to take the lead and start making jokes about their worrying!
So that’s the book. I hope you found it helpful, and I hope you will continue to find it helpful in guiding your path to a different—and better—relationship with the worry that is a part of everyone’s life.
Notes
Chapter 4
1. Pittman, Catherine, and Elizabeth Karle. 2009. Extinguishing Anxiety. South Bend, Indiana: Foliadeux Press.
Chapter 5
1. Baer, Lee. 2001. The Imp of the Mind. New York: The Penguin Group.
2. Hayes, Steven, Kirk Strosahl, and Kelly Wilson. 1999. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New York: The Guilford Press.
3. Hayes, Strosahl, and Wilson. 1999.
4. Weekes, Claire. 1962. Hope and Help for Your Nerves. New York: Penguin Books.
Chapter 7
1. Wegner, Daniel. 1989. White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts. New York: Viking Penguin.
2. Quoted in Luoma, Jason, Steven Hayes, and Robyn Walser. 2007. Learning ACT. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications. 57.
3. Hayes, Steven, Kirk Strosahl, and Kelly Wilson. 1999. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New York: The Guilford Press.
Chapter 14
1. Freud, Sigmund. 1905/1990. Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious. New York: Norton.
David A. Carbonell, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders in Chicago, IL. He is the “coach” at www.anxietycoach.com, and author of Panic Attacks Workbook.
Foreword writer Sally M. Winston, PsyD, founded and directed the anxiety disorders treatment program at The Sheppard and Enoch Pratt Hospital in Baltimore, MD. She served as the first chair of the Clinical Advisory Board of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), and received their inaugural Jerilyn Ross Clinician Advocate Award. She is coauthor of What Every Therapist Needs to Know About Anxiety Disorders.
The Worry Trick Page 21