Thankfully, Asher ran back into the living room with some toys, and I busied myself playing with him. After bath time, I went back to my apartment, upstairs, away from the family I should be thrilled to have but had thrown away because of carelessness and selfishness. It was so the opposite of the version of myself I wanted Pilar to know, and I really wasn’t sure I wanted to tell her anything at all.
Chapter Twenty-One
Pilar
Whoever thought it would be a good idea to charge me with working with children was borderline insane. I was not cut out for this. Yet, here I was, cutting paper with a group of five-year-olds who barely knew how to wipe themselves. One of them was eating his boogers, the little blonde named Saddie—with an ie at the end—was sitting prim and proper, legs crossed and head held high as if she were the princess at this table. And the last one, Marcus, was stabbing at the paper so hard, I was sure he’d cut himself by the end of this little exercise, safety scissors or not.
“Remember to cut along the dots,” I said, my voice as chirpy as the forced smile on my face. “And please, Daniel, stop putting your hands in your mouth.”
It was the only thing I could say to not mention the fact that I’d been watching him eat his boogers for the last five minutes. I sighed. Why did people have children on purpose? I didn’t know. They were cute little rascals though, I’d give them that. And smart. Still. I couldn’t imagine having these little germ carriers around me all the time. It was probably why I had been assigned to do this to begin with. Likely my mother’s idea. She always said I needed to work on my maternal side because I had been born without an instinct. She wasn’t wrong. I’d never cared for dogs or cats or birds or any other kind of pet. When our family dog, Shaggy, died when I was twelve, I didn’t mourn for him the way the others did. Maybe I was broken. I bit my lip and chewed on that idea as I cut along the lines and folded the paper. We were making a row of hearts. Next, we had to color them. Saddie was already halfway there. I could tell she was a perfectionist, the way she made sure not to color outside the lines.
She was the girl I would have gotten along best with in school. I’d always liked everything to be neat and tidy in every aspect of my life. Until Ben. He made me want to give up all of those stupid pretenses. With him, I yearned to color outside the lines.
“Why are you blushing?” Saddie with the ie asked.
“Me? I’m not blushing.”
“You are.” She turned her nose up at me. “Are you thinking about Prince Charming?”
“Prince Charming?” I raised an eyebrow. “Definitely not.”
“I think about Prince Charming a lot,” she said. “You should too if you’re going to marry one.”
“I’m not certain I’ll marry a prince.”
“No?” she frowned. “But you’re a princess. That’s the best part.”
“Is it, now?” I laughed. “I wasn’t aware.”
“What’s the best part of being a princess?” Marcus sniffled, rubbing his nose with his hand. I watched where he put it next—on the scissors, of course.
“I guess doing things like this.” I smiled.
“You mean cutting and coloring hearts for Miss Kate’s classroom?” Daniel asked. “You don’t have to be a princess to do that.”
“True. But I meant spending time with smart kids like you.”
“You don’t have to be a princess to do that,” Saddie said.
“So basically, the only cool thing about being a princess is finding and marrying a prince?” I asked.
“He’s supposed to find you,” Saddie said.
“Oh.”
“He’s supposed to rescue you from a tower,” Marcus added.
“Oh?”
“And fight a dragon,” Daniel said.
“Well, if I find myself sitting in a tower with a dragon guarding me, I’ll be sure to call out for a prince. But I’ll tell you what, my brother is a prince and I don’t think he’d rescue anyone from a tower.”
“No?” Saddie gasped. “What if the princess was in danger?”
“My best guess?” I leaned forward. “She’d have to save herself.”
“Well, that’s a boring story,” Daniel said.
“Not romantic,” Saddie added.
“But realistic.” I shrugged. “We’re the only ones who can save ourselves.”
“But what about the dragon?” Marcus frowned.
“The dragon is life, and we are all the princesses and Prince Charmings.”
“Hmm.” That was Saddie. “I like my version better.”
So do I, Saddie. So do I.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Pilar
My phone vibrated in my hand, and I smiled when I saw Ben’s name on the screen. I answered.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I missed the sound of your voice.”
I felt myself blush deeply. “Are you at practice?”
“I’m heading out now. Are you finished with your engagement?”
“Yes. I just got home about five minutes ago.” I stretched my arms above my head with a yawn. “I don’t know how teachers do it.”
“That crazy, huh?”
“Crazier. Kids are a handful.”
“Was it fun?”
“It was…” I paused. “Yeah, it actually was pretty fun once I got over the initial shock. I mean, I knew they’d be energetic, but it was a lot.”
“I bet.” He chuckled. “When can I see you again?”
“When do you want to see me again?”
“If it were up to me, I’d be seeing you right this second.”
“Well, in that case, whenever you’re free.” My face hurt from smiling.
“In that case, I’ll pick you up for dinner.”
“In that case, I’ll see you at seven.”
He chuckled. “In that case, I can’t wait to kiss you.”
“Okay, I’m going to hang up now.”
“See you soon.”
* * * *
We went to a little sushi restaurant near my building. It was usually quiet and not too crowded, but even so, Amir and the rest of the security went ahead and made sure they could accommodate Ben and me in the back, away from prying eyes. I wondered how often he had this issue and if he ventured out much. Once we were seated across from each other at a table so small we were forced to touch each other, even if we wanted to keep our hands and legs to ourselves, I let out a breath and smiled at him. The table was on the floor, so we had to take our shoes off to sit, and it was inside of what felt like a little room with a curtain for doors, but we couldn’t see anyone, and no one could see us.
“Do you venture out often?” I asked. “I mean, nightclubs aside.”
“Generally not in the city.”
“Why is that? You don’t like to be photographed unless it’s staged?” I was half-joking, but he nodded.
“What? Really?” I leaned in just as the server set down two cups of water between us. “I would have never guessed that.”
“Why? Do you look for photographs of me often?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe,” he repeated, taking a sip of his water. “I guess I’m flattered.”
“You guess?”
“Sure. I mean, a beautiful princess looking for photos of me. How could I not be flattered?” He winked as he set the cup down. I felt myself blush.
“I have a question. Why didn’t you ever try to talk to me at my mother’s Sunday dinners?”
“I always spoke to you at those.”
“To be nice. And because you knew I liked you.” I swore my blush was getting deeper, which was dumb considering we were already together.
“I always liked you.”
“So why not ask me out?”
“You had a boyfriend, remember?”
“We saw each other a lot after he and I broke up.” I raised an eyebrow.
“Well, then, let’s just say I had my reasons, and I don’t want to disclose th
em at the moment.” He winked. “I’m a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason. I think it took seeing you in Ibiza for me to finally make my move, so I’m glad you were there.”
“Me too. I mean, despite the fact that the night you took me home I was completely blacked out.”
“The first night I took you home.” He smiled. “I fully plan on taking you home tonight. To my real home.”
“Word on the street is you rarely take women to your house. Should I be flattered?”
“Word on the street.” He laughed. “I didn’t realize my personal life was discussed at such length.”
“Oh, it is. You’re always the topic of conversation when you’re in the room.”
“I’m glad I didn’t know that.”
“Why? Would it have gone to your head?”
“No, it would have made me a little more self-conscious.”
“Really?” My eyes widened. “You?”
“Yeah, and it would have probably gone to my head.” He chuckled, his eyes darkening as he looked over at me. “You know what I really want to discuss?”
“What?” My chest seemed to constrict with the way he stared at me.
“What you’re wearing right now.” His eyes trailed down the short black dress and large diamond mesh fishnets I wore, and his hand slid over to my knee, grazing each hole in the stockings. “This is driving me crazy.”
“Yeah?” I whispered, licking my lips, wishing he’d never stop looking at me or touching me.
“Yeah.” He bit his lower lip as if he were in pain as he continued touching my leg. “I can’t stop thinking about fucking you on this table, on this floor, on the pillows we’re sitting on.”
“Oh God.” I was already panting. “We’re in public.”
“Well then, I guess it would serve no purpose for me to ask you to wait two seconds and then stand up and sit on this table right here, in front of me, with your legs spread.” He licked his lips again, and I swore I could practically feel that tongue against me, between my legs.
“I’d do it.” I shivered. “But what are you going to do in those two seconds?”
“Make sure no one will bother us for the next half hour.”
“Oh.”
He stood and walked outside, shutting the curtains behind him. I could hear his voice but couldn’t make out what he was saying. I thought about that photograph someone had sold of me standing on the balcony in Ibiza and wondered if this was a mistake. Would someone walk in here without permission and snap a photo? Would I care? I stood up and did as he’d instructed. I didn’t care. I also trusted Ben implicitly and knew he wouldn’t let that happen.
As I sat there, waiting for him to return, I wondered if he’d done this before. He’d said he normally went out of town unless he didn’t mind being photographed, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t taken women on secret dates and done this with them. I hated the way my heart cracked at the mere thought. Here I’d always thought I wasn’t a jealous person, but when it came to Ben, it seemed that everything bothered me. Well, everything that had to do with him having a normal life before me. Maybe it was because I couldn’t help but think of what his life would be like after me, and I absolutely hated the thought of not having him in my life.
I heard him behind me as I sat on the low table, waiting. My legs were only slightly parted, but they were separated enough. The room was dim, so he wouldn’t be able to see that I wasn’t wearing any panties under the fishnets. He wouldn’t be able to make out much of anything, but I knew he’d feel it. He settled himself between my legs as if he were sitting in front of a plate. I hoped he’d treat me like the meal he’d come here for.
When his hands closed around my ankles before letting go and moving upward, I knew he would. My chest began to rise and fall with my breaths. With every inch of me he touched, it seemed as if he took my breath away a little more. My lungs felt as if they were preparing for an onslaught. His dark gaze met mine beneath long lashes, and I felt like I might explode right then. When I felt his fingers reach the inside of my thighs, my head fell back.
“No panties?” He tsked. “What a naughty princess.” His fingers inched closer to where I needed them. “Were you hoping I’d find out?”
I bit my lip hard, bringing my head up to meet his gaze, then nodded.
“Were you hoping I’d rip these stockings off?” He raised an eyebrow. I nodded again. “Interesting.”
“Please, Ben.” It was a plea.
“Please what, Princess?”
“Please touch me, do something.”
“Oh, I fully intend to.” He brought his mouth down to my calf and bit me. “But you need to promise you’ll be quiet.”
“I will be.” I nodded quickly. The restaurant was loud, but I knew people surrounded us, and they’d hear me if I wasn’t quiet.
“And you have to promise not to let me rip these stockings.” He bit my other calf. “I quite like them.”
“You can rip them. I don’t care.” The large holes were everywhere, including the crotch. But even if he didn’t rip them, he’d definitely stretch them to the point of no return if he continued this way. Honestly, I didn’t mind one bit.
“Oh, no, Princess. I’ll care. I want these intact.”
“But…but how will you…?”
“We’ll just have to find a way.” Both of his thumbs slid inside of me at once, and I dropped my head back with a moan. “Quiet, Princess.”
“Yes,” I whispered, my hips moving, grinding against his fingers. I’d never thought I’d feel this needy, at least not before him, but I felt like I would explode if he didn’t do more. I felt like I might die if he did.
“Did you think about me often before this started, Princess?”
“Hmm.” I nodded, gasping when more fingers joined the thumbs in his ministrations. Now, he was inside of me and on my clit, stroking and rubbing circles. I wouldn’t survive this. I wouldn’t.
“Did you touch yourself?”
“Yes.”
“Did you close your eyes when you were fucking your ex and pretend it was me between your legs?”
I gasped loudly, opening my eyes to meet his. I nodded, the shame of my admission coloring my face, but I couldn’t seem to care. When he flashed that wolfish grin of his, I definitely didn’t.
“Good.” He took his hands away, and just before I opened my mouth to complain, he replaced them with his face, his tongue, sucking me, licking me, biting me.
There was absolutely no way for me to stay quiet. No way. He wasn’t playing fair, and he knew it. My hands flew to his hair, and I gripped his curls hard, tugging at him to stop, to keep going, I wasn’t sure. Either way, he didn’t listen. He continued feasting on me, eating me as if I were his appetizer, entree, and dessert. I came hard. Loudly. My shouts were muffled by the hand he shot up to my face to cover my mouth. I’d never been more turned on in my entire life.
He pulled away, rocking back on his heels as he looked at me, his mouth glistening with evidence of what he’d just done. I watched, wordlessly, as he lowered his trousers and slid on a condom. I licked my lips reflexively, wishing I had the energy to get up and take him into my mouth, but also knowing that if I didn’t, he’d fuck me, and I wasn’t sure which outcome I wanted more. I opted to stay put. He spread my legs more and brought a hand between us. I felt his fingers stroking my clit again and instantly began to move, my body reawakened by his touch. He didn’t leave his fingers there for long.
“I need to make room in these stockings,” he said, his voice rough as he settled between my legs. “I need to make room in this little pussy for me.”
“Yes,” I gasped, arching my back and biting my lip hard as he slid inside of me, inch by inch. My eyes shut, and my head flew back, and I moaned out, “Ben,” as he filled me. “Yes, Ben. Yes.”
“Say it again, Princess.” He slid out and pushed all the way in again.
“Ben.”
“Yes,” he hissed. “Yes. You’re fucking p
erfect for me. Perfect.”
It felt as if he were saying so much more than those words, but I had no time to question him because he really started to fuck me then, and nothing else mattered in that moment.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ben
“Have you read this?” David dropped the newspaper onto the kitchen counter.
“No, I read the news like a normal person—online.” I went back to the sandwich I had been making for Asher.
“Well, this is the kind of news that makes headlines in the actual papers,” he said. “Which means, it’s big.”
“What’s the news?”
“Kayla is talking about writing a tell-all about the time she spent with you.”
“What?” I laughed then stopped when I saw the serious expression on David’s face. “You’re full of shit.”
“I’m not.” He picked up the paper again and opened it, walking over to me as he tipped it for me to see the headline. It read: Golden Boy Benjamin Drake’s Rusty Past.
“Why would they give her this kind of attention?” I yanked the paper from his hand and read the words beneath the headline.
“Maybe because you’re such a mystery to them,” David suggested.
“Jesus Christ, David. You’re supposed to make sure this kind of shit doesn’t happen.” I slammed the paper down. “What about Asher? Did she say anything about him?”
“Not yet, but my guess is that will be part of the tell-all. You should have had her sign an NDA.”
“When? When I was fourteen years old and living with my fucking parents? When I was dealing with my brother Ezra’s death? When was I going to make her sign this NDA? I just found out what an NDA is a few years ago!” I threw up my hands and started pacing the kitchen.
“Is everything okay, Daddy?” Asher ran into the kitchen. “Is my sandwich done? My tummy is hungry.”
“Yes, buddy. Everything’s fine.” I took a deep breath and let it out, picking up his plate and setting it down on the small table where he liked to sit. “I put pastrami in it, just like you like.”
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