by Cassie James
Copyright © 2019 by Cassie James & Christine Kelsey
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Contents
1. Brennan
2. Piper
3. Tyler
4. Jude
5. Piper
6. Piper
7. Piper
8. Piper
9. Tyler
10. Brennan
11. Piper
12. Piper
13. Piper
14. Jude
15. Piper
16. Tyler
17. Piper
18. Piper
19. Brennan
20. Piper
21. Piper
22. Piper
23. Tyler
24. Piper
25. Piper
26. Piper
27. Jude
28. Piper
1
Brennan
Some mistakes don’t just haunt you—they burn you from the inside out. And after what I did to Piper? I stoked a spark of jealousy and now I’ve managed to send my whole life up in flames. A metaphorical wildfire to rival the ages.
Every time I close my eyes her thoughts are there. The words seared into my goddamn brain. I know it’s silly, but as I look at him, it’s like I’m looking at the center of the universe. The only thing capable of holding me together when it would be all too easy to fall apart. I know Jude and Tyler diss him for being so gentle and dependable, but it’s those very traits that make me think it’s all too easy to fall in love with him.
The words are an inescapable reminder of just how much I’ve managed to fuck up in a week. Things have just gotten worse since Tuesday, when Jude swept Piper away from the crowd in the quad like some dark knight in shining armor. Playing the hero to my villain.
If Tuesday was a nightmare, then Wednesday was a pissing contest. The biggest pissing contest I’ve ever had the displeasure of being a part of. Jude stomped around campus like the world owed him more than usual. Tyler’s glowering darkened throughout the day until he was snapping at anyone who even looked his way. By the time lunch rolled around, none of us could even stand to fucking look at each other. So we went our separate ways and have pretty much stayed that way since. And it’s fucking bullshit.
I messed up. I messed up bad. To the point that Piper won’t respond to any of us, despite the fact that I know we’ve all been blowing up her phone. But we’re The Thorns. Nothing has ever come close to tearing us apart, and I certainly never expected a replacement for our dead friend would be the thing—or rather, person—to do it. There’s just something about her, something inexplicable, and every single fucking one of us got sucked in some way or another.
Guilt burns deep in my gut as I hunch uncomfortably over my steering wheel to stare up at the sloping driveway to the Alton Estate. I’ve been sitting here for at least ten minutes just trying to convince myself that stepping foot into that house wasn’t going to be a nasty fucking reminder of every sin I’ve ever committed. Still, I picture Jude fucking Piper. And Tyler fucking Piper. And then I talk myself out of going in all over again.
I’ve still got some bruising around my jaw from where Tyler fucking decked me. I’ve also still got white hot anger burning through my veins every time I think about him fucking Piper—no, the memory of Piper. I might be gentle and dependable—the words make me scoff—but he’s Tyler. The piece of the puzzle that 2.0 needed to ascend to true Piper status.
It’s an ugly thought, but I can’t shake it. My anger is the only thing carrying me through the past few days. Because god, I don’t know if I would have survived the shame that was doing its goddamn best to tear me apart at the seams without having the fury to fall back on. I tried convincing myself that things could still be okay, but that’s just gotten harder and harder to believe with each unanswered text I’ve sent.
Can we talk?
I let that one sit unanswered for a few hours before I tried again.
I’m so goddamn sorry, Pi.
I lasted a few more hours after that text, and it’s not like I actually expected her to accept my apology, but some part of me would’ve felt better had she just let loose on me like she’d try to do in the quad before Tori started in on her. It’s not like I don’t deserve it. What I’ve done to her is despicable. She deserved every hurt, humiliated, fury-fuel second of anger at me that she could muster, and I deserved to have to take all of it without a goddamn protest. But all I got in response was cold silence.
I’ve lost count of how many more messages I’ve sent. She hasn’t been back to school, either. A sick part of me was actually relieved, because it meant I didn’t have to see the hurt in her eyes again. I wasn’t ready to face that. Not now, not knowing… it’s those very traits that make me think it’s all too easy to fall in love with him. Why the fuck hadn’t I thought to read Piper’s thoughts about me before spilling the rest of her guts to the entire student body?
Piper, I know what I did is really fucked up. I’m sorry. And goddamn I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but is there any way I can start to make you believe that I am so fucking sorry for what I did?
That was the text I sent Wednesday night. I don’t know why I was even trying, honestly. Yeah, she deserved the apology, and so much more, but the look in her eyes when she saw me in the courtyard? I don’t think any part of her will ever be able to forgive me for what I’ve done to her. No one bounces back from that kind of humiliation. Not a tough as nails bitch—and certainly not her much softer replacement.
My head falls against the steering wheel as a groan bursts out of me. I should’ve stopped trying when she didn’t respond, but it was a compulsion I couldn’t fight. I sent her text after unanswered text before finally giving in last night and trying to call her. It went straight to voicemail. Five different times.
Reaching out to Jude and Tyler is the last fucking thing I wanted to do, but after days of her not answering, I need some kind of confirmation that she’s okay. From what they said, neither of them have been able to get ahold of her either.
My phone vibrates in the cupholder, the sound echoing through the car and startling me enough that I jerk upright. I take a deep breath before answering when I see Jude’s name flashing on the caller ID. “What?” I ask, not bothering with any sort of greeting.
“Are you just planning on sitting at the gate all goddamn day?”
Without answering, I hang up and toss the phone in the passenger seat. My eyebrows knit together as I glare at the house in the distance, but I put my foot on the gas and just pull the goddamn plug on whatever resistance has been lolling around in my body. I keep reminding myself that I’m doing this for Piper. That if we can figure out what’s going on, I might at least be able to get a foot in the door to try to fix whatever the fuck I can before she shuts me out again.
Jude’s waiting in the doorway when I pull my Jeep to a stop in the circular driveway in front of his house. A dark scowl is plastered over his face, and I feel a matching glare settling over mine as I climb down from the car and slam the door shut. I’m not sure why he thinks he has any right to be mad. I may have done the deed, but he definitely isn’t fucking blameless in all of this. Not by a long shot.
“Where’s Tyler?” I ask, pushing past him into the house. We’re not at school
. Here, there’s no need for posturing. Things are not okay between The Thorns, and I’m not going to fucking pretend like they are.
The door slams shut behind me. It isn’t much of an answer, but it’s all I get. Jude pushes around me with a low grunt, and I shove my hands in my pockets as I follow him deeper into the house. For a sick second, I think for sure he’s leading me to the theater, but we bypass it in favor of stepping into their ridiculous rec room instead. Anger surges toward the surface when I catch sight of Tyler leaning against the pool table.
It takes every iota of my self-control to push it back down. You’re here for Piper. It takes that reminder to bury the simmering fury once and for all. Well, at least for a second. Because the second Jude opens his goddamn mouth, it comes roaring straight back to the surface like an inferno of hellfire bent on burning everything to ashes around us.
“Now that everyone’s here,” he starts, leveling me with a challenging eyebrow before circling around behind the bar to pour himself a drink. “I guess we can get started on fixing your fuck up. How could you be so stupid?”
My hands curl into fists and goddamn do I wish fighting would solve this right now. Jude is one mean motherfucker, and I haven’t forgotten what Tyler looked like after their last scuffle. But if fighting him would actually make all of this go away, if it could take me back to that night on the beach, I’d go nine rounds with him.
I don’t bother looking to Tyler for support. I know I won’t be getting it. Instead, I brace myself for whatever it is Jude feels like he has to get off of his chest. Because the way he’s staring at me like he’s ready to choke the goddamn life out of me lets me know that he’s not even close done with me.
“Do you have any fucking idea what you’ve done? All of the information you’ve handed out to every fucking person at Rosewood? Do you know what that could do to us?” I have a pretty good idea, actually. “Regardless of whatever the fuck your intentions were with Piper—”
A choking sound bursts out of me. “Piper? When the fuck did she turn into anything other than Robocunt for you?” His hand tightens around his glass. This time when I glance Tyler’s way, I can see something dark crossing over his face as he stares at Jude with a clenched jaw.
“Fucking whatever, man,” Jude deflects, but there’s something in his eyes I never, ever thought I’d see. It’s there and gone in the span of a few seconds, but I’ve been dealing with my own demons and fighting off my own guilt long enough to know what it fucking looks like. That same shame stares back at me from the mirror every day.
Everything inside me is on fire, all at once. “No,” I spit as I move further into the room. “You don’t get to fucking stand there and be all self-righteous like you’re not at least in some way responsible for all the shit that’s gone down in the past few weeks.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did I hack Piper’s log and send a ton of humiliating shit out to the entire school? That’s all on you, man.”
I cross my arms over my chest. Anything to avoid decking someone right now. Mom’ll kick my ass if I get in any more trouble. I laugh humorlessly. “There’s no way you can make me feel worse for that than I already do, so you can go ahead and cut the shit, Jude. Because like I said, you’re not a goddamn angel either. Playing me and Tyler against each other for your twisted amusement? That’s fucking low, even for you.”
Jude scoffs and drains his drink. I’m surprised the glass doesn’t shatter with the force he slams it down on the bar. His eyes narrow, flicking in Tyler’s direction to see if he’s going to react before turning his focus back to me.
“Yeah? Someone had to point out to you two pussies that you were both hung up on Piper when she doesn’t want a single goddamn thing to do with you.”
“You really want to stand there and accuse me or Tyler of having feelings for her when you’re suddenly calling her by her name? You might want to reach down your pants and make sure you didn’t grow a vagina overnight because I’m not so sure we’re the ones going soft, Alton.”
“Fuck you, dude,” he says, and he takes a quick step around the bar. I brace myself for impact, but he pauses several feet away from me, tightening the space between the three of us but not getting close enough to either of us that fists can start flying before he says whatever depraved shit he can think up next. “Keeping shit in line is my fucking job, and you sending that bullshit out to the entire school created fucking chaos. One of us had to step up and put a fucking end to it.”
“And you did that?”
“I fucking got her out of there, didn’t I?”
“Congratulations, Jude,” Tyler finally speaks up, and both of our heads swivel in his direction. He’s shaking his head in disbelief as he glares at our de facto leader. “You have a single shred of decency in your entire body. I didn’t think it was possible, but I guess we have proof, huh? Brennan created a shit storm, and you stepped in to save the girl. Classic move, man. How far did it get you, though? She’s not texting you back either. So let’s just focus on the fact that we’re all fucking worried about her and put all of this petty bullshit to the side for now, yeah?”
The challenge is clear in Tyler’s eyes, and for a second I think about arguing with him. But I’m here for Piper. So if a temporary truce is what it takes to make sure she’s okay… fuck, I guess I’ll do it. Jude’s jaw is clenched so tight I’m surprised he hasn’t cracked some teeth, but he gives Tyler a tight nod, and I mimic the action.
Uncomfortable silence settles between us as we all glance back and forth between one another, no one apparently willing to take the first step in solidifying the tenuous truce we’re agreeing to. My anger settles and guilt rushes to the forefront again, forcing me to take a deep breath to keep everything at bay. I dig my palms into my eyes, relishing the sting in my gritty eyes, before sighing.
“Whatever’s going on is my fault, I get it,” I start, and they’re nodding along before I can continue. A scowl darkens my face, but I push away my frustration with them before I continue. “Someone needs to just go to her house to check on her. And as much as I want to fix it myself, I’m pretty goddamn sure she’s not going to let me within three feet of her, let alone through the front door.”
“I’ll do it,” Jude steps in immediately, and the suspicion is back all over again. Why the hell is he acting like he gives a shit now when a few days ago all he wanted was to point out to me and Tyler that we were in a pissing contest over a robot? His sudden interest makes my stomach lurch, but I don’t get the chance to voice my protest.
“No, I’ll go.” Tyler gives us both a hard look, waiting for one of us to protest. I force myself to shrug. It makes me uneasy to let him be alone with her, but I’m not dumb enough to think Jude would be the better option. I have no choice but to pick the lesser of two evils. Jude opens his mouth to argue, but Tyler talks over him. “The Hawthornes love me. If any of us has a chance of getting through the door, it’s me.”
2
Piper
I blink, then close my eyes against the stinging brightness. I can’t seem to catch my bearings and there’s a frenzied conversation taking place that makes my ears hum.
“You made the updates I requested?” a harsh voice asks, but I can’t quite focus on her yet. I don’t think she’s talking to me anyway.
Something seems to jolt me, snapping everything into place. My insides suddenly seem to settle. But then the harsh, frenzied whispering starts from somewhere above me again. I try to focus on what’s happening to my body, but I can’t get a grasp on it with all of the conversation buzzing around me.
“Yes, I’ve done everything you asked,” another voice hisses back, as I try to flex my fingers. They don’t curl all the way into my palms the way I meant for them to. Irritation lances through me. What the hell is wrong with me?
My head lolls to the side, the movement sluggish and slow. Why isn’t my body working the way it’s supposed to? I blink again, and steely gray eyes meet mine. It takes half a second too long for me to
realize they’re not real. A photo then. Something about the girl is familiar. A thought tugs at the back of my mind as I stare at her dark hair. Maybe I’ve met her before?
No. That’s not right. The unfamiliar voice is jarring, and it startles me to hear it from inside my own head. But then, no—that’s not right either. The voice is familiar. It’s mine, but also, it isn’t. My head goes hazy at all the contradictions, and the photo starts to blur. I close my eyes again.
“What’s taking so long?” It’s the woman. She sounds... anxious, maybe? Mmm, that’s not right. It’s anger lacing her tone, but I can’t figure out why she’s so angry. I force my eyes open again, blinking against the blurriness marring the faces looming above mine. Her face is the closest, her gray eyes—so much like the ones in the photo—boring into me as a calculating look crosses her face.
She looks to a man standing further off to the side. A man with the same chestnut colored hair as the girl in the photo. He notices my stare, and he looks away quickly. Like he can’t stand the way my eyes bore into him. The snub stings something deep inside of me.
“Do you think it took, Roman?” the woman asks, insistent and anxious all at once as her eyes roam over my body. Took? What the hell is she talking about?
He shrugs, turning toward another man. This one is wrinkled, with tired eyes. He runs a gnarled hand through his scruffy gray beard and snaps, “Patience, Jackie.”
The tension in the room is thick. My body isn’t working—I can barely curl my fingers into my palms—but my mind is catching up. I recognize that uncomfortable sort of atmosphere and that snippy tone. “Mom?” I ask, the word bursting from me harshly. She jerks back like I’ve slapped her.