Until tonight, until Matt had brought her back into the fold.
But what would she do when he was gone again?
She tried not to focus on that. But her heart broke as she realized what she’d lost. And the pain was just as fresh and real as it had been ten years ago. Coming here tonight was reinforcing everything that stood between them.
“Claire? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said, but even she heard the squeakiness of her voice. She got out of the car and let the night air pour over her. She couldn’t lose control now, not here, not with Matt so close. She couldn’t let him see how much he’d hurt her or how much she still grieved for all that was no longer hers. It had been years. She should be over it by now. She should have moved on with her life as Matt had, but she’d never been able to. Every man that she’d taken a chance on had been compared to Matt Ross and had failed to measure up. Despite the fact that he’d left her when she was no longer beautiful, when she was battered and broken and crippled, she’d never gotten over him.
He got out and walked around the car toward her. “Claire?”
She shuddered at the sound of her name. How could she still be pining for a man who’d left her when she needed him most? Who hadn’t loved her enough to love her as a cripple? Preston was right when he’d said Matt Ross didn’t deserve her. And she didn’t deserve the heartache that would come when he left again.
She pushed away that emotion. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing how he still affected her. “I’m fine.” But she couldn’t keep the jitteriness out of her voice when she spoke.
“You’ve been through a lot today. It’s normal to be overwhelmed. I would be surprised if you weren’t. The Claire Kendall I knew was too tenderhearted not to let today’s events affect her.”
She glared at him, suddenly angry that he presumed to know anything about her. She might still be harboring unhealthy feelings for him, but that didn’t mean she was the same girl he’d walked out on all those years ago. “You think you know me, Matt? The Claire Kendall you knew died ten years ago in that car on prom night. You have no idea who I am now because you never bothered to stick around to find out. So don’t pretend to know me, because you don’t.”
His face was stoic as he nodded, then picked up her suitcase. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll take you inside.”
He popped open his trunk and pulled out a small garment bag. He hesitated before closing the trunk, but Claire noticed.
“How long has it been since you’ve been home?”
He shrugged. “Quite a while.”
She remembered the Ross family as extremely close and loving. “When was the last time you saw your parents?”
“They visited me in the hospital last year after my ranger unit was ambushed. That was the last time.”
Ambushed? Hospitalized?
Claire shuddered at those words and all they implied. She’d been afraid to ask why he’d left the rangers, afraid it was something like this.
“I didn’t know about the ambush. I’m sorry. Were you badly injured?”
“I cracked several vertebrae during a firefight. The fractures healed, but I still have some residual nerve damage, which made continuing on as a ranger difficult. I had a former commander who knew someone in the DEA’s office, so he helped me get my foot in the door there.”
But hearing that he hadn’t seen his family in over a year broke her heart. She knew she’d lost contact with the Ross family, but this was their own son. She hadn’t realized how infrequently he’d returned home in the years since the accident. She’d always assumed he came and left town without her being aware, but now she realized how naive that was. Lakeshore wasn’t that large a town. She should have heard something about Matt’s visits, but she hadn’t because he hadn’t made any. Was it because of her? Was it one more consequence of that terrible night so long ago?
Matt hugged his dad as his parents met them at the front door. He kissed his mom, then carried their bags inside. Papa Ross gave Claire a bear hug that reminded her of better days when they referred to her as their almost daughter. But even that memory was painful. She thanked them both for allowing her to stay.
“You’re always welcome here, Claire,” Papa Ross assured her. “We have a state-of-the-art alarm system, and someone is always home. You’ll be safe.”
Mama Ross put her arm around Claire. “I made up the guest room for you. It’s Danny’s old room right across from Alisa. She’s staying with a friend tonight.”
Alisa, Matt’s youngest sister, was the one getting married in two weeks. She was living out the dream Claire and Matt had once shared for themselves.
“No one will disturb you,” Mama Ross said. “You sleep as late as you like and I’ll save some breakfast for you.”
“Thank you for the offer, but I have class tomorrow.”
Matt looked at her, concerned. “Claire, you’re going to school tomorrow?”
“I have to.”
“You were nearly killed tonight. Are you sure you want to go back there?”
“Luke’s death has been all over the news. The kids know, so I need to be there to comfort them as best I can even if they just need to talk.” Being there for her students was important to her. They would be confused and distraught about Luke’s death. And Principal Spencer was still planning to reopen the school tomorrow, which meant students would be there. She had to be there, too.
“You’re not safe there. I think that was proven tonight.”
“I’ll be fine. Nothing is going to happen to me while school is in session. The campus will be swarming with kids. Whoever is behind this wouldn’t dare risk trying to harm me in front of them.”
He finally gave up his objections, and she walked upstairs to the bedroom Mama Ross had fixed for her. Matt didn’t understand her need to be there for her students, but it was important to her. She’d failed Luke, but she was determined not to fail her students again. But despite her bravado in front of Matt, once the door was closed, she couldn’t stop the tears she cried into her pillow.
* * *
Sleep didn’t come easily for Matt that night. His mind was actively trying to connect the pieces of what had happened. Did the shooting at Claire’s house have anything to do with her dead student? And the attack in the lab? It seemed too coincidental not to be related. What had Claire gotten herself involved in?
But it was her words to him in the yard that had left him feeling sucker punched. Nothing she’d said had been untrue. He didn’t really know her anymore. Ten years could change a person in ways no one could have imagined. He was living proof of that. But he couldn’t believe that Claire could have changed so much that the girl he’d known and loved wasn’t still there inside of her.
Claire was right. He was being presumptuous. She’d been through years of rehabilitation and therapy. He’d read up on her injury and knew the kind of treatments she would have had to endure over the past years to get to where she was now. He’d only been living with nerve damage for over a year and some days it was nearly unbearable. He couldn’t imagine the kind of pain she’d been dealing with for over ten years. In fact, very little evidence of the accident remained. Strangers would never know she’d been through anything. But she had and she’d gone through it alone. If only he’d been there. If only he hadn’t run away like a frightened little boy. If only she had let him prove that his love hadn’t ended that night all those years ago.
He should have pushed harder when she’d refused to see him. He should have hung on until her anger subsided. He knew now he’d given in too easily. He’d allowed his guilt and her rejection to drive him away from the only woman he’d ever loved.
Giving up on the notion of sleep, Matt crawled out of bed. He went into the living room and saw his parents at the dining room table huddled together as if t
hey were engrossed in a deep discussion. He didn’t have to wonder long if he was the topic of their late-night confab. When they saw him, they both straightened and got quiet.
“Still up, I see,” Matt said, walking to the kitchen and pouring himself a mug full of the warm milk on the stove. He noticed his folks each had a mug of it in front of them. He joined them at the table, certain they had questions they needed to ask. He just hadn’t decided yet if he was up to answering them.
His mother touched his shoulder, concern pouring over her face. “How are you?”
“I’m okay,” he said, trying to reassure her, and for the most part it was true. He had his good days and his bad days, but his job at the DEA had helped to keep his mind occupied and away from the events of that terrible night on an Afghan mountain.
His father was more direct. “What are you doing with Claire, Matt?”
Matt was taken aback by his abruptness about Claire. He’d expected them to question him about the ambush, his new job, why he hadn’t been home in years, not to focus on Claire. “I told you when I phoned she was in danger. I guess you’ve seen the news about the boy who was murdered at the high school?”
They both nodded that they’d seen the coverage.
“It was one of Claire’s students, a boy named Luke Thompson.” He went through again how Luke had contacted him and brought him to Lakeshore for a meeting. “Luke never told me who he was working for, so I have no idea who is after Claire, but someone wants to find out what she knows or make sure she can’t repeat it.”
“You’re playing with fire by bringing her here.”
“I couldn’t just walk away from her. Not again. Luke might still be alive were it not for my involvement in his life, and by extension Claire wouldn’t be in danger.”
His father gazed at him knowingly. “Is that what this is about? You’re feeling guilty?”
“I have a lot to make up for. I won’t let anything happen to her. I won’t.” Although his family knew about the ambush, he’d never talked to them about it and they hadn’t pushed him, but they had to know he was thinking about those in his ranger squad who were killed. “I’ve lost too many people I care about already. I won’t lose another.”
* * *
The events of the past two days had worn her down. Claire stared in the mirror the next morning trying to cover the dark circles of worry and lack of sleep with makeup.
She finished dressing—having chosen a shirt with a collar to hide the ugly mark on her neck—but hesitated about going downstairs. She could already hear movement as the Rosses gathered for breakfast. She hadn’t thought this through enough. She hadn’t thought about having to face this family—this family she once loved so much. It stabbed at her heart to know she was here but she was no longer a part of them and never would be.
For years, she’d kept a slip of paper containing a Bible verse pinned to the inside of her makeup bag for occasions such as this morning when she was feeling down on herself—a reminder that it didn’t matter what others thought of her, only what God thought of her and that God loved her. She had to remind herself of that constantly. It had been easier in the beginning when she was fighting and determined to reclaim her independence, but now years later the lingering effects of the wreck still bothered her, reminding her that she was damaged goods. She could always pep herself up enough to get through the day, but today one of the few people who would notice the catch in her step was here and she had to face him.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and repeated the words. “God loves me just the way I am.” She shut her makeup bag, grabbed her books and purse and marched downstairs before the doubt had time to creep back.
“Claire!” Alisa squealed and ran to her, nearly tipping her over as she wrapped her arms around Claire for a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”
“You, too, Alisa. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.”
“Thank you. His name is David and he is wonderful.” She linked her arm through Claire’s and marched her toward the dining room. “I would ask how you are, but my brother has been filling us in on all that’s happened. It’s terrible about your student. You must have been terrified.”
“Yes, I was. If Matt hadn’t arrived when he did...” She glanced at the man who’d saved her life twice already and suddenly her heart fluttered. He didn’t look the least bit sleep-deprived. In fact, he looked clean-shaven, vibrant and ready to take on the day. And gorgeous. His eyes twinkled as he sipped his coffee and smiled at her. Claire had to admit he looked amazing.
He leaned down to ask her a question and Claire caught the scent of his aftershave that left her a little light-headed.
“How did you sleep?”
She decided not to mention her restlessness. Surely they could see it on her face. “Fine.” She poured herself a cup of coffee, hoping it was nice and strong.
Mama Ross set a plate of pancakes in front of her and Claire started to protest.
“Don’t you dare,” Mama told her. “You look like you haven’t had a good breakfast in ages. You’ll need the energy to get through the day.”
She glanced around at them all eating, suddenly remembering Mama Ross loved to cook for her family and they loved to eat. She smiled thinking that had she married Matt ten years ago, she probably would have been big as a house by now.
She said a quick blessing, then cut into the blueberry pancakes and was awed by the flavor and the taste of Mama Ross’s cooking. She would definitely have been plump by now as Matt’s wife... Plump but happy.
* * *
Matt smiled at the image of Claire mingling with his family but his enjoyment faded quickly. This was how it should have been, but he’d ruined it.
“Excuse me,” he said, getting up and carrying his plate into the kitchen. He leaned into the counter and tried to catch himself. Seeing Claire like this was a constant reminder of all he’d lost and his biggest mistake ever. He didn’t like to think about that. He didn’t like mistakes. They made you weak and Matt had spent his life making certain he wasn’t weak again.
His mother entered the kitchen and gave him a curious look. “Are you okay?”
He nodded and began rinsing off his plate.
Still, she stared. “Is it your back? Is it paining you this morning?”
His spine injury from the ambush caused his back to constantly hurt him. That along with shooting nerve pain had been his main factor in leaving the rangers. He simply couldn’t count on his fitness any longer. “I’m fine. I was just catching my breath.”
His mother glanced into the dining room, then gave him a knowing smile. “It’s hard seeing her here, but I have missed her smile.”
Matt stared out at Claire and the big grin that brightened her face as she listened to Alisa tell her all about her fiancé. He’d missed it, too.
But he didn’t have time to focus on the past. He had a killer to find in the here and now and he wouldn’t rest until he knew Claire was safe. He wouldn’t let her down again.
Claire glanced at the clock. “We should go,” she told Matt. “I want to be there when the kids start to arrive.”
Once in his car and on the way, the awkward silence between them was deafening. He thought about what Claire had told him last night and realized she was right. He knew nearly nothing about her from the past ten years.
“So you never married?” he asked her.
She blushed and shook her head. “You?”
“I had the job. I always had the job.” No point in admitting that no one had ever compared to her. “It didn’t seem right to commit to a relationship when I traveled so much with the rangers.”
“Preston and I went on a cruise two summers ago. The water was beautiful. That’s the only traveling I’ve ever done.”
He grimaced. Was it possible he’d misinterpreted the
ir relationship? Preston certainly seemed to believe there was more to it than friendship. But who was he to question her about her love life? He had no right...but he had to know for sure.
“Are you and Preston together?”
“He’s a good friend.”
So she was the delusional one. Preston obviously wanted more than friendship. “I don’t recognize him from around town. He didn’t grow up in Lakeshore, did he?”
“No, he’s from Nashville. He came here five years ago when a job opened up on the police force. We met when he pulled me over for speeding.”
“He wrote you a ticket?”
“He did, but when I went to pay the ticket, he offered to tear it up if I would have coffee with him, so I did. We’ve been friends ever since.”
She was oblivious to the effect she had on men. Her bubbly personality drew people to her. That was probably why she made a good teacher. That and her kindness and compassion and desire to help in any way she could.
She was so utterly beautiful in her innocence.
He pulled into the school lot and saw it was already much busier than yesterday. He parked in the teachers’ lot and saw her hesitate as she reached for the door handle. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”
She took a deep breath, then smiled. “I have to be.”
“You said it yourself. No one is going to try to harm you while school is in session.” He wasn’t sure he believed it, but he could see she needed to.
She nodded and got out. He could tell she was still skeptical, but she forged ahead because she knew it was what the kids needed. He admired her for her courage and also for her dedication. She wasn’t paying lip service to these kids. She truly cared about them.
He wished he was as confident of that as he hoped he sounded. He wouldn’t have thought someone would attack her last night, either, but they had. He had plans to stay close to her today, as close as possible without stepping on her toes.
Reunion Mission (Rangers Under Fire) Page 6