by Casey White
The paper crinkled as he lifted it to read again.
And then, with the gurgling of water and the gentle rustling of wind through the grasses filling the emptiness of the garden, Leon let his hands sink to his lap.
“Shit,” Leon mumbled.
Owl chuckled. “Pretty much. That’s...kind of why I’m a little off. Sorry.”
“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Leon lifted a hand, rubbing at his face. “Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“That bitch,” Leon said, his voice soft. “She-”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck.”
Owl nodded, lifting his chin. It was strange. He felt...better. Nothing had changed. He was still missing seven years of his life, and he was still stuck inside Alexandria’s walls, but...someone else knew, too. He wasn’t quite alone with it, anymore. And...
“Daniel,” Leon whispered. “Is...Is that your-”
Owl lifted a hand, pressing an upraised finger over the space where his mouth should be. Leon stopped, but his eyes gleamed.
“Not in front of the others,” Owl said. “Not in front of anyone. I shouldn’t...I shouldn’t even have let you see.”
Damn it, he really shouldn’t have let anyone see. He’d had the forethought to carefully excise the bottom of the sheet, the part with Jean’s name on it. It had everything, after all. First and last, her whole identity. And if she’d happened across him back when he was a kid, then they must have lived close to each other. Being able to track her would be the same as being able to track him.
But as Leon made a face, furrowing his brow and squirming in place on the bench, Owl realized that he didn’t care. Not with Leon. He needed someone, anyone to trust - and Leon was the best candidate he had.
So he waited, barely breathing, until Leon turned to fix his gaze on Owl’s.
“Well.”
Owl chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah.”
“Shit.”
“Yep.”
“I mean...at least she came clean about it,” Leon said, leaning back. His fingers tightened against the paper. “She wasn’t trying to lie to herself, I think.”
“Yeah,” Owl echoed.
Another silence fell. Owl stared down into the pond. Leon kept glancing down to the paper, then over to him, then back to the paper.
“Are you okay?” Leon said, finally.
Owl shrugged. “I guess.”
Leon snorted. “Really? You sound all sorts of convincing, there.”
“It is what it is,” Owl said, his eyes still glued to the ripples of a ghostly fish. “It happened. It’s done.”
“But-”
“I was a kid,” Owl mumbled. “That was...so long ago. So many years. Decades. Centuries.”
He felt Leon go still beside him. “How...How old are you, exactly?” Leon jerked a moment later, shaking his head. “I mean, I-I know you said things work differently, but-”
Owl lifted his head, then, grinning wryly. “I don’t think it would be possible to count. Alexandria doesn’t listen to me much. It’s hard to keep track.” He shrugged. “Old.”
“Y-Yeah,” Leon said, with a nervous laugh. “I guess.” His shoulders relaxed, just a little. “If it makes you feel better, I don’t really remember much from when I was that young. And I’m not even living in some magical time-warping library.”
Owl nodded. “Yeah. That’s...That’s true.” And it was true. It didn’t matter that Jean had taken a few years of blurry childhood memories away from him. He was here, in the Library, and that’s all there was to the matter.
Only, it wasn’t about logic. It did matter, no matter what he told himself, and he hated that.
Leon must have felt him tense up again, because he sighed. “She raised you, though, didn’t she?” At Owl’s nod, he chuckled quietly. “I think being confused and hurt is normal. Stop whining and be sad for a little bit.”
“But-”
“You have all the time in the world. So shut up and act like a normal human being for five minutes.”
“Fine,” Owl mumbled, slumping forward. “It just feels...I don’t want to wallow.”
“You’re not-”
“I just wish I could ask her,” he whispered. “I wish we could...just talk. Once more.” If they could have one more conversation...if he could talk to her as more than a child, as an adult and a librarian in his own right, then he could put the whole matter to rest. He could settle things.
But she was gone, and he couldn’t, and if wishes were horses the Library would be a 24/7 stampede.
Leon shifted alongside him. Slowly. Cautiously.
Owl twitched as Leon’s arm slid across his shoulders, but didn’t pull away.
“It sucks,” Leon said, his voice quiet. “Wish I could help.”
“I’m fine.”
“Whatever you say, Danny boy.”
“Daniel,” Owl mumbled. “It’s Daniel.”
For a long moment, the only sound was the water and the wind. And then- “Daniel,” Leon whispered.
It was a mistake. Owl knew that. Giving out even his first name would leave him open. It was a weakness, a vulnerability to attack. He should tell Leon to stop, or get Alexandria to wipe the memory from his mind like Jean had wiped him.
But he liked the way his name sounded. He liked to hear it spoken. And he liked to have a friend who’d say it.
So he nodded, keeping his quiet, and let the silence of the garden wrap in around them again.
* * * * *
The laughter was their first warning that their solitude was coming to an end. Owl jumped at the sound, twisting to look back toward the entrance, and saw Leon thrust the journal page back at him. He snagged it back, folding it hurriedly, and jammed it back into a pocket of his overcoat - right in time for James and Maya to come traipsing back through the archway.
Both of them were grinning. Owl paused a moment, soaking it in. If Alexandria could give them a space, maybe...maybe things weren’t so bad. If he and the Library could let people be happy, then maybe that was good enough.
Leon’s arm dropped, and the man twitched away, as though realizing for the first time how close they’d been. He stood, stretching. Owl rose to follow, a little more unsteadily.
“Hey!” he heard Leon call, waving toward the others. “About time you guys showed up.”
Maya’s grin grew - and James’ expression turned sullen as she hurried back toward Leon. “This place is insane,” she said. “Jesus. And you’ve- you’ve been coming here all the time?”
“More nights than not,” Leon said. “Pretty slick, right?”
“Jesus Christ,” Maya said, running her hands through her hair. Her eyes flicked to Owl’s mask, and she paled again. “O-Oh. I mean...It’s nice. Really nice.”
Owl winced. She’d locked up again, eh? Well...it’d take time to get her to settle in. Even with James and Leon, it hadn’t happened instantly. So there was no sense worrying if she was a little frigid at the-
“Hey, Maya,” Leon said, shoving his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans and leering forward at her. “Wanna see a magic trick?”
“What?” she said, the nervousness vanishing from her face to be replaced by confusion. “Leon, would you act like an adult for ten goddamn minutes?”
“I’m not kidding,” he said. “James is too much of an idiot to pull it off, I think. But this guy can do it. He might show you, if you ask nicely.”
“Fuck you too,” James said.
“M-Magic?” Maya said, blinking desperately. She was actually looking at Owl now, though. “Wait, really?”
“He got Leon through chem,” James muttered, glaring daggers at Leon still.
Maya snorted, covering her mouth a moment later. “Well, shit. That is magical.”
“Hey,” Leon said, deflating.
Owl shot Leon a tolerant look. Oh, he knew what his friend was doing. He wouldn’t let Owl be pushed to the outskirts of their group, then, even if more of their friends got pulled into Alexandria.
Fine.
“It’s not that hard,” Owl said, trying to keep his stride nonchalant as he closed the distance between him and Maya. “Even Leon picked it up, so don’t worry.”
Leon’s protests rang in his ears like music.
* * * * *
Owl leaned onto the bar counter, chuckling softly to himself. The papers in front of him lurked, calling out to him, but every time he looked down to them he just sighed and turned away.
The skylights overhead had turned violet at some point as the hours drifted away, staining the gardens with an evening glow. Alexandria might be giving them the go-home warning, but that didn’t seem to be stopping anyone.
Maya giggled, snapping her fingers. A tiny ball of fire burst to life over her fingertip. “See?” she said. “It’s easy.” She flashed a grin toward Owl - who inclined his head a fraction of an inch.
“Stop showing off,” James muttered. The two of them sat together on the far end of the bar, side by side.
She elbowed him, her grin growing wider. “C’mon, try again.”
“Leave off.”
“One more time. Like he said. Just hold the image, and-”
“It’s not going to work, okay?” James said with a groan, burying his head in his hands.
Again, Maya giggled. The conversation between them grew quieter, and this time, she didn’t play with any more fire. Her and James just settled into their seats, taking hold of the drinks in front of them.
Owl sighed. Drinks Alexandria had provided, again. He could at least be halfway confident that they weren’t going to get shitfaced and demolish half the Library this time around. And he was watching them.
It’d be fine. Probably.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have taught them,” he muttered, even still.
Leon looked up from his drink. Even though he’d seated himself between Owl and his friends, he hovered closer to the librarian’s chair than theirs. “What?” he said.
Owl shook his head. “Never mind. It’s-”
“If it was nothing, you wouldn’t have said anything,” Leon said. “Once more. What?”
“They’re going to burn the damn place down,” Owl mumbled. “That’s all.”
“Oh, don’t worry so much,” Leon said. He nudged Owl, leaning over. “What’s that? You’ve been working on it all night.”
Owl grabbed the sheaf of paper, sliding them farther away. “It’s-”
“Secret?” Leon said, pulling himself back. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“It’s fine,” Owl said. “I just probably...shouldn’t.”
“Librarian business?” Leon said. He was trying to keep his cool, Owl knew, but even his best attempts couldn’t mask the twinkle in his eyes.
Owl just nodded, pressing the pages into his chest. “Yeah. I...need to pick out who’s coming next.”
“More of those book people?”
“The Booklender’s Guild,” Owl said softly. “Yeah. Them.”
“Bunch of idiots,” Leon muttered.
“Well. Yeah.”
“But...it’s got to have you on edge, if you’re bringing it around.” Leon shrugged. “Just seemed weird.”
Owl made a face. “It’s...complicated.”
“Figured as much.”
His fingers tightened against the pages. “I just...have some things I need to sort out. Some stuff to decide.” Like if it’s wise to bring an outsider into the inner circle of the Librarian. Like if it’s wise to give the guild another chance after they smashed a study to pieces. There was no way for him to explain all of that to Leon - and Leon had gotten himself enough information about Owl and Alexandria’s business for one trip.
No, he fell quiet, staring down at the bar. Leon lifted his drink, taking another sip. Owl smiled mirthlessly. It’d be nice to be able to drink, while he tried to muddle through this. But...not until the others left.
He laid the papers back onto the table, glancing Leon’s way - and was gratified to see Leon’s eyes slide off the pages politely. “O-Okay,” Leon said, shooting him a quick grin before scootching a little away. “If you need anything...we’re here.”
“Thanks,” Owl said softly. “Appreciate it.”
When Leon turned back to his friends, Owl finally let his gaze drop to the sheet of paper. Olivia, huh? And...he slid his finger under the page, seeing a staple through the top corner. Olivia and a partner, apparently. They were the guild’s best suggestion...but not their only one, he noted as he kept flipping. They were giving him more choices, at least. Good.
But they did want him to take Olivia. He pursed his lips, reading over her bio. Her grinning face stared up at him, cheerful if a little embarrassed.
Olivia, eh?
His few encounters with the woman ran through his mind. She...did seem nice enough. She’d been up front with him, those few times she’d visited the Library. She hadn’t lied to him, or tried to hide her true goals. She’d said it from the moment he’d asked - she wanted to come inside and see Alexandria.
Indira had never been inside. Owl frowned, resting his head on his hand. James and Maya chattered away, none the wiser of his dilemma. Her days as guildmaster were probably growing fewer by the day, given the fact she was no longer a young woman. Sending Olivia to Alexandria could be positioning her to take the seat herself, one day.
Owl groaned quietly, resting his elbows against the bar more heavily. Or maybe she was doing exactly what she said, and trying to mend bridges. Maybe she was just killing two birds with one stone - sending a reliable party into the Library to win back his good graces, and getting rid of Olivia’s nagging insistence of visiting.
If...If that was all, then having Olivia around could make his life much, much easier. And if she took her duties seriously, then showing her a bit of how the Library worked from the inside might go a long way to strengthening the relationship between guild and librarian. Just like Indira had wanted. And Jean.
If he was wrong, then Olivia was a snake. But she’d be a snake inside the Library, where he could watch her every move. Where Alexandria herself could kibosh anything she might attempt. And, well, it was Alexandria. What would Olivia do? Try and kill him? He snorted, earning a sidelong glance from Leon. He was at his very strongest inside the Library. It’d be a fool’s errand to attack him there.
Should Olivia be trying anything, he’d have the easiest time spotting it there. And then he could just kick her out. He wasn’t out anything. He nodded, smiling to himself.
So be it. She’d get her day inside their walls.
Leon glanced up at him as he turned in his seat, stowing the papers back into a pocket of his coat and rejoining the conversation, but didn’t say anything. Owl nodded. “We’re good,” he murmured, quiet enough he wouldn’t disturb the others, and Leon returned the nod.
His mind was made up. From there, it’d be up to Olivia.
James’ and Maya’s chatter filled the quiet of the Library, smoothing over his worry just a little as the night carried on.
- Chapter Thirty-Two -
Dead grass crunched under his feet.
Daniel walked up the field, his eyes on the ground. He wasn’t entirely alone. Here and there, he could spot other people dotting the landscape. A couple, here and there. An old man, all the way down on the end. None of them gave him a second look - and so he didn’t disturb them, either.
They were all here for the same reason. Some privacy was the least he could offer. Swallowing hard, he lifted his face.
And let his gaze sweep over the rows of headstones.
She’d lived near here. He’d been sure of that for a long time. It was the only answer that made sense, unless he was to believe she’d have driven around the country looking for a hapless little boy to whisk away into Alexandria. He might be angry with his predecessor, but...
The memories he had of the black-masked woman were warm. His recollections were foggy, blurred by centuries until only fragments remained, but she’d...she’d helped him. Look
ed after him. He could remember her laughter, even amid the haze.
Someone like that...he couldn’t believe she’d have planned everything out to that extent. Which meant that he’d been a final, convenient choice. And that meant that after she’d died...He sighed, licking his lips and coming to a stop.
She’d be here. Somewhere.
“Wish they’d been more specific,” Daniel mumbled, looking down to the note he’d made before leaving the house. He’d found the article easily enough. It wasn’t hard, once he had her name and the motivation to look. He was the Librarian, after all. Her obituary had been...brief. Sparse. But among the little it had contained, he’d found the name of the cemetery she’d been buried in. That was all he had to go on. He ground his teeth together, reading one headstone after another. He couldn’t very well ask anyone, after all. He wasn’t family. She’d died when he was a kid. It’d look weird - and if anyone else knew she existed, the absolute last thing he needed was a story lingering about some weird twenty-something guy asking after her grave.
No. He’d do this the hard way, even if it took him hours. Daniel shoved his hands into his pockets, trudging farther into the cemetery.
Row after row slipped past, filled with lovely markers that were very much not what he needed. The sun beat down from overhead, bright and hot despite the autumn chill beginning to settle over the region. Jaw clamped shut, he kept walking, until-
Until he passed a marker, all the way in the back corner of the cemetery, with a name on it that brought him up short.
A leaden weight sank in his chest. He’d...part of him had hoped he wouldn’t find it here. That the whole thing had been a false lead, a bit of fiction. It’d be easier if he could brush everything off as just a fast-fading dream and keep moving forward.
But it was here. She was here.
Trees pushed in around the edges of the field around the plot, scraggly and unkempt this far back into the cemetery. The lonely grave was no better. Dead leaves lay scattered across it, pockmarked by weeds. Daniel sighed, crouching down beside it.
She’d been married. The obituary had said that, too. Once upon a time, she’d had people who cared about her.