“Yes . . .”
“He was at church.”
Liv’s eyes widened. She grabbed the remote and paused the movie. “Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“That means he’d probably respect your rules.”
“Yeah.”
“That means he might not be off-limits.”
“Yeah.”
“This is amazing, S.” Liv hugged her. “We really can double now. I can’t wait to tell Eldon.”
“Oh, it gets better. Jared was there too. He’s going to text me so we can go out sometime this week. Obviously, he wants to continue dating.”
“Is that what you want?”
Sienna hugged her legs to her chest. “I don’t know. Jared is great, and we have a good time together. But I sort of like Aaron. And if I like Aaron, should I keep dating Jared?”
“Here’s a crazy idea—you could just date Aaron.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Why?”
Sienna rubbed her eyes, feeling a stress headache building. “Because he’s adopted, and I think he hates his birth mom for placing him.”
“Wow. Didn’t see that one coming.”
“Me either.”
Liv patted Sienna’s knee. “Okay, so he’s adopted. So what? You don’t have to tell him about Hunter, at least not at first.”
“Liv, I’ve got more than enough adoption baggage for any relationship. I need to date someone with different baggage.”
“Now you’re just being difficult. You don’t even know how bad his baggage is.”
Sienna thought about their conversation, her heart twisting. “I’m pretty sure it’s bad.”
“If you keep dating Jared, you’ll have to tell him at some point. You’ll have to tell anyone you date seriously.”
“Yeah, but Jared doesn’t already have adoption baggage.”
“So what are you going to do?”
Sienna thought of the calm way Jared dealt with every situation. How he’d apologized for not texting her while she was gone. He’d asked for another date—been jealous when she drove home with Aaron. Aaron, who hated birth moms who gave up their children, but could make her entire body feel on fire with just a look.
“S?” Liv asked. “What will you do?”
Sienna sighed. “I have no idea.”
Sienna walked down the hallway toward Dr. Stone’s office, the sheet music clutched in her hand. She’d made a few changes to Hunter’s Lullaby while in Utah, and couldn’t wait to get Dr. Stone’s opinion on it. Hopefully there would be time at the end of her lesson.
Stepping into his office was like coming home. He sat at the satiny black grand piano in the middle of the room, fingers flying over the keys. A bright orange sweater vest clung to his rounded middle, and beads of sweat gathered at his receding salt-and-pepper hairline.
He trilled one last chord, then looked up from the piano. “Good afternoon, Sienna. How was your summer?”
Sienna set her backpack down. “Really good. I’ve been practicing the audition pieces we selected for Juilliard.”
“Excellent. Let’s start with Chopin.”
For the next hour, Sienna played her audition pieces and listened to feedback from Dr. Stone. Juilliard had very strict repertoire requirements, and each piece took all of her concentration. She was sweaty and exhausted by the end of the lesson.
“I think you’re on the right track,” Dr. Stone said. “You’ve made a lot of progress since your audition last March. And you’ve picked pieces that really showcase your talent.”
“Thanks.” Sienna felt as though a balloon were expanding in her throat, threatening to suffocate her. She’d thought she had perfect selections last time, too. She’d been so confident Juilliard would accept her. After all, why wouldn’t they? She’d already been accepted once before.
But they hadn’t re-accepted her. She’d been shocked.
“We have a few minutes left of your lesson,” Dr. Stone said. “Do you have any personal compositions you’d like me to look at?”
“Yes.” Sienna pulled the sheet music for Hunter’s Lullaby out of her backpack, trying to push away the fear that clutched at her heart when she thought of the audition.
“The lullaby. Did you make changes to it over the summer?”
“Just added a few measures to one of the transitions between pieces.”
Dr. Stone gestured to the piano. “Well, let’s hear it.”
Sienna nodded and began playing. The first half of the medley she played flawlessly, but the new transition made her stumble. Most people wouldn’t notice, but Sienna did, and she knew Dr. Stone had as well. He noticed every imperfection, no matter how tiny.
Sienna finished the piece, holding the last note for eight beats before letting up.
Dr. Stone took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “It’s different—not better than the other version, but not worse either.”
Sienna’s heart fell. “I really thought I’d gotten it right this time.”
“You’ve worked so hard on this lullaby medley. And it’s beautiful. But you need to move on. Focus on the pieces for your audition and end-of-semester recital.”
The words hit Sienna like a slap in the face. But Dr. Stone was right. She’d been working on this medley for two and a half years, since she was barely in the second trimester with Hunter. And it would still be waiting for her come March tenth, when the audition was over. It didn’t make sense to spend so much energy on an original piece, when Juilliard didn’t allow those to be used in an audition.
This was her last shot. Next year, she’d be a senior. And if they wouldn’t accept her as an undergrad, she’d never get into a master’s program.
She swallowed hard. “You’re right. I should focus on the audition.”
“And you’re a very strong contender.” Dr. Stone gave her a sympathetic smile. “Now, your homework is to choose some pieces for the Christmas recital. I’d closely consider Handel’s work. You don’t have any of his pieces in your repertoire, and it’s an excellent choice for Christmas.”
Sienna left the practice room feeling discouraged. She’d made good progress on her Chopin piece, even nailed a difficult measure that she’d struggled with for the last month. And that had felt amazing—like a standing ovation combined with thunderous applause. But the idea of leaving Hunter’s Lullaby behind, even for a few months, felt like failure.
The sun shone outside, reflecting brilliantly off the changing leaves. The air had cooled, and she buttoned up her jacket, longing for home. But she should probably head to the library and look for recital pieces.
The piano melody from A Thousand Years floated up from her pocket, muffled by the denim. She didn’t recognize the number, and debated for half a second whether to answer it. “Hello?”
“Sie?”
Her heart stopped, then started pounding. She hadn’t heard that voice in more than two years. Why was he calling her? “Dane?”
“It is you.” Relief coated the words. “I was worried you’d changed your number.”
“Why are you calling me?”
She could still remember the last time they’d spoken, just a few weeks after high school graduation. He’d sat across the table from her at an ice cream parlor, while she downed a bowl of mint chocolate chip he hadn’t even offered to pay for. He admitted something she’d suspected since showing him the pregnancy test barely a month earlier. He didn’t want anything to do with the baby she carried—their baby. No kid would mess up his football scholarship and dreams of the NFL. Then he’d walked away, the door slowly closing behind him as the tears poured down her face and pain sliced through her soul.
“I really need to talk to you,” Dane said, pulling her back to the present.
“Now’s not a good time.” Not that there ever was a good time to talk to your ex.
“Please. I’m here.”
Sienna looked around, her heart rate spiking even higher. She’d forgiven Dane and moved on a while ag
o, but that didn’t mean she wanted to see him. “Where?”
“In Philadelphia. At the Academy of Arts.”
“Why?”
“The team’s at Penn State. Our first game’s tomorrow.”
“You drove three hours from State College to see me?” Sienna couldn’t keep the incredulity out of her voice.
“Rode a bus, and Coach will kill me if he finds out. I only have a little more than an hour before I have to catch the bus back. It’s got to be now.”
“I really don’t think we have anything to talk about.”
“Sienna. Please. I’ve come all this way.”
Sienna closed her eyes and sighed. She should tell him no and hang up. But he was here. On campus. The curiosity burned almost as much as the heat overtaking her chilled face. She’d drive herself crazy wondering what he wanted. “I can meet you in the student center in five minutes. Do you know where that is?”
“Yes. See you soon.”
Dane was here. His timing was impeccable—she didn’t have anything else on her schedule until playing at Dillard’s that evening. She could give Dane fifteen minutes.
Maybe he just wanted to catch up. Apologize for how he’d acted. Maybe something was wrong with someone in his family, or he had some sort of news he wanted to share. She’d never know until she talked to him.
The noise of the student center instantly surrounded her. Leaves swirled in with the closing glass doors, and students crowded the entryway. She’d hoped for this when choosing the meeting place.
Sienna hooked her fingers through her backpack straps and started looking. She wasn’t even sure what to look for—had Dane kept his hair short, or grown it long, like Aaron’s? Oh gosh—Aaron. What if he saw her with Dane?
Maybe Dane wouldn’t show. It’d be just like him to beg for a meeting, then stand her up.
Someone tapped her on the shoulder. “Sie?”
The voice was familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time, deeper than she remembered. Her eyes automatically drifted to where Dane’s eyes should be, but she ended up staring at his lips. His family had moved right after graduation—she always wondered if it was because of the scandalous pregnancy—and she hadn’t seen him since.
He’d grown over the last two years, filled out and bulked up. Massive shoulders strained the fabric of his T-shirt. But he looked so much the same, too. His sandy blonde hair was still trimmed short. His eyes were still a warm brown.
“Sie.” Dane pulled her into a hug, his arms crushing her to him.
She stiffened, jerking away. “Hi, Dane.”
He frowned, a familiar furrow appearing in his brow—the one that said he was annoyed. He motioned to an open cluster of chairs along one wall. “Can we sit?”
“Only for a minute. I’m really busy today.”
They both took a seat. Dane rested his arms on his knees and leaned toward her, hands clasped.
“It’s good to see you,” he said. “I like how you’re doing your hair now. It looks good on you.”
Like complimenting her use of layers and a curling wand could make the last two years disappear. “What are you doing here, Dane?”
“You aren’t going to make this easy for me, are you?”
“Why would I?”
“We used to mean a lot to each other.”
“Yes, we did.” A student passed perilously close to their little alcove, and she lowered her voice to a whisper. “I loved you enough to make a choice I knew was wrong for me. And you broke my heart. When I told you I was pregnant, you told me that was my problem to deal with. You chose football over our child.”
He scrubbed a hand over the unfamiliar whiskers lining his jaw. “Would it have changed anything if I’d been thrilled? Neither of us were ready to be parents. Are you trying to tell me if I’d stayed, we’d be raising a baby together right now?”
“Toddler. He’ll be two in December.” How had she ever loved this man, who didn’t even know how old their child was?
“But would we have kept him?”
A student with dreads passed by, and Sienna flinched until she realized the hair color was too light to be Aaron’s. “Of course not. Hunter belongs with—” She almost said Kyra and David, but stopped herself just in time. Dane didn’t know who Hunter’s parents were. He’d ignored all of the adoption agency’s attempts to contact him. Sienna had ended up leaving his name off the birth certificate on the advice of her case worker. When Dane hadn’t tried to establish paternity, his parental rights had automatically been revoked.
“Hunter.” Dane swallowed. “It’s a good name.”
He hadn’t even known that much about their son. No—he’d chosen not to know anything.
“Can I see him?”
Sienna let out a disbelieving snort. “Excuse me?”
“Rumor has it you keep in contact with his family. Do you have a picture?” His voice softened to the timber that had made her throw caution to the wind and give him everything. “Please?”
She wouldn’t be so easily swayed now.
Sienna weighed the pros and cons of showing a photo. Could any harm really come to Hunter by sharing a picture with Dane? No. The only reason to refuse was vindictive.
She pulled out her phone and found a picture of Hunter from two weeks ago. Sienna had babysat the kids while Kyra and David went on a date. Hunter was in her parents’ backyard, laughing as he splashed in the plastic wading pool. His blue eyes sparkled and his face was pulled into a grin, two front teeth just showing. Sienna reluctantly handed her phone over to Dane.
He stared at the photo, shoulders hunched and eyes impossible to read. Was he purposefully trying to hide his feelings?
“He’s so handsome,” Dane said finally, his voice rough, like maybe he was trying not to cry. He handed the phone back to her. “He’s got your eyes and nose.”
“And your chin,” Sienna said.
“Yeah.”
“What are you really doing here? You haven’t so much as sent a text in more than two years.”
Dane folded his arms, his face hardening into a defensive frown. “I want to be a part of his life.”
“No.”
“Sie, just hear me out.”
Sienna stood, her hands trembling. “No. You had the chance to be part of Hunter’s life—to support me through the pregnancy, to help me choose a family for him. But you gave that all up for a football scholarship to Alabama State. We couldn’t even track you down to sign the paperwork for the adoption.”
“I know. I was immature and foolish and stupid.”
“Hunter isn’t someone whose life you can jump into and out of on a whim. He needs stability.”
“I know.”
“You aren’t stable, and you never made me feel secure.”
His voice was practically a whisper. “I know.”
“Then I guess we’re done here.”
“Don’t you want to know why I want to be part of his life?”
Sienna froze, her backpack half-slung over one shoulder. “Okay, I’ll bite. Why?”
“Because I know I made a mistake, and I want to make it right.”
Sienna closed her eyes, fighting tears. Two years ago, she wanted Dane to participate in the open adoption more than almost anything. But he hadn’t. She’d vowed to never let Dane hurt their son the way he’d hurt her.
But what was the right thing to do for Hunter?
“Why the change?” Sienna asked.
“A few months ago, I was injured during practice. Nothing serious, just a sprained ankle that had me out for a few weeks. But it terrified me. Made me realize I’m not invincible.” His eyes searched hers, pleading for sympathy, but she kept her face stony. Dane sighed. “I realized the NFL isn’t a foregone conclusion. Football can disappear from my life just like that.” He snapped his fingers. “I started talking to my parents, and I even went back to church.”
“They must be so proud.”
He rose, towering over her. “I was wrong. I treated you b
adly, and I want to make it right. Clearly you get pictures and stuff. And I’m guessing you see him in person, since that’s your parents’ yard in the photo. I want that too.”
“Then you should ask them yourself.” Utah adoption law didn’t make many provisions for birth parent rights, and Sienna’s attorney had told her that even a written open adoption agreement was unenforceable if the Petersons changed their minds. Dane and Sienna were ultimately at the mercy of Kyra and David.
“I don’t have their information,” Dane said.
“You have the name of the adoption agency. Contact them through a case worker.”
Dane gave a bitter laugh. “I don’t have a chance without you. If I send a letter, they’ll throw it away without a second thought. But if you tell them, I’ll have a real shot.”
“What makes you think they’ll listen to me?”
“I know you well enough to know that maintaining a relationship with Hunter and his family is your top priority.”
Anger seethed through Sienna, making her knees shake. “You’re a coward, Dane. You were a coward then, and you’re a coward now. I am not your go-between. If you really care about Hunter, you’ll forget your stupid pride and send a letter through the agency.”
“At least let them know I’m interested.”
Sienna shrugged into her backpack, avoiding his eyes. “I’ve really got to go.”
“I’ll call you.”
“Don’t bother,” she called over her shoulder. And then she stormed away.
Sienna veered away from the student center and trudged to the music hall in a daze. She needed a piano to process this. Never in a million years had she imagined Dane would show up.
In the practice room, she tried to work on her Juilliard pieces, but her concentration was shot.
If not for Dane, she’d be sitting in a practice room at Juilliard right now. She had been accepted—had her dream within reach. But she’d been due too close to the end of the semester, and had been terrified to deal with all the doctor’s appointments and pregnancy worries without her mom. Friends had told her she was crazy. Maybe she wouldn’t go into labor until after finals. But Sienna had prayed about it, and knew she needed to stay in Utah until Hunter’s birth. If she hadn’t stayed in Utah, she never would’ve found Kyra and David.
Tomorrow's Lullaby Page 4