by Leanne Davis
She tucked her hands around her middle as she came up on Brianna. When she touched her daughter’s shoulders, Brianna jerked around with a sneer. She was almost ready to leap to her feet, but Hailey pushed her down to keep her seated. Just then, the sky rumbled again, loud and so shocking, it never ceased to startle them each and every time.
“Don’t run away!” Hailey yelled over the thunder. The strong wind whipped her hair around her face. Brianna’s was pulled back in a ponytail but shorter, frizzy strands pushed up off her scalp.
Brianna glared at her and her lip snarled up. “You… you…” Then she started to cry. So did Hailey. Dropping down next to her, Hailey sobbed right along with her.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t want to get divorced or see your dad remarried or even find another man. I’m so sorry…” She gulped as her sincere sobs tore from her throat… and Brianna’s.
Brianna didn’t touch her, but Hailey didn’t mind. She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around the slim shoulders of her daughter. Brianna hiccupped and finally turned towards her, burying her head into Hailey’s shoulder. She clutched her even closer. “I don’t understand why all this happened. We were all so happy once…”
On and on Brianna talked. She spoke about growing up, and how they were as parents, and how much she counted on them, and what it felt like now with them apart. She complained how she couldn’t stand knowing they were leading separate lives from now on, separate from each other, and from her. Hailey let Brianna cry and divulge all of her innermost thoughts and desperate feelings. The thunder and lightning continued to perform, booming and flashing all around them until it eventually started to drift away and the ominous clouds flew across the heavens. It seemed as if the gusts of wind and odd electric energy in the sky actually infused them with a new ability, allowing them to finally and totally connect. Brianna was no longer afraid to open up and be honest. Her confessions ripped Hailey’s heart out, but she let Brianna say everything that was on her mind. She didn’t stop or try to soothe her. She merely held her. Kissing her daughter’s head and temple, she slowly stroked her long ponytail as Brianna finally started to calm down and rested her head in Hailey’s lap. As the storm’s fury dissipated, so did Brianna’s.
At long length, Brianna’s mournful sobs became hot tears, which rolled down her cheeks and ended in silence. Quiet now, Brianna finally said, “I didn’t know how to tell Dad, what I did… with Joey, you know.”
“I know that. But exaggerating the lie to implicate Joey was entirely unfair and just plain wrong. No matter what your dad has done or is doing.”
“It just hurts to know dad moved on so quickly. And I didn’t want him to be disappointed with me, or stop loving me.”
“It hurts me too, Brianna. Even though I know he deserves to move on, and I do too, but doing so hurts. I have to insist that you and Jacob try and figure out how to deal with Dad now, and even Trinity, on your own. I can give you my advice and talk to you and listen to your problems, but doing it, dealing with the new family dynamic, has to come from you two.”
Brianna sniffed. “I hate every single thing about your divorce.”
She squeezed her daughter tightly. “I know. I don’t expect you to like it, but you must accept it.”
Brianna finally sighed, wiping her face as fresh tears spilled. “But you can’t fix it for me, can you?”
Hailey’s heart nearly melted in her chest. At last. She was discovering the root of Brianna’s anger at her and the world in general. “No. I can’t fix it. And it kills me that I can’t. Despite what you might believe, I would cut my own arm off to spare you and your brother from this pain.”
“But even if you did that, you and Dad still don’t love each other.”
Hailey’s tears fell again. “No, we still don’t love each other. We did once, though, when you guys were born and most of the years that you remember so fondly. Don’t let the end of our marriage wipe all the good parts away. We did love each other at one time.”
“What happened?”
They had already been over this. So many times. She explained how Brent and she had drifted apart, succumbing to the stresses of life, and on and on the excuses went. But in the end, Hailey decided the hole that existed between them was there because they did not love each other enough. Hailey had no idea when the hole grew so big that they couldn’t patch it up anymore. But somehow, it did. She knew her answer would not satisfy her daughter. She tried again. She again tried to explain and her words echoed into the night. She spoke about their marriage and the break-up while Brianna listened, her tears falling now and again on Hailey’s thighs, where Brianna still lay her head.
After a long pause, Brianna asked, “Joey really likes you?”
Hailey nearly shuddered at the comment, but smiled above her daughter’s head, fully understanding her concern. She imagined her mother, long married to her father and living in Idaho, now liking a man so much younger. Then having to picture sex and her mother? Yeah, shudder-worthy for any teenager. But just another part of being divorced Brianna had to get used to. Dating in front of her kids would be the first hurdle; and having her kids accept any new people in their parents’ lives was another.
She needed to tread gently, and try to be delicate. “He does. He likes me very much.”
“But… but aren’t you a little old, I mean, way too old for him?”
“Um… well, maybe. I don’t know. You know, Trinity is twenty-five and Dad’s forty. So… really, it’s nearly the same thing and you don’t react as violently to their commitment.”
“Well…” Brianna sighed heavily. “Maybe I did and didn’t really tell you.”
“You perhaps did that.” Hailey smiled again, tenderly stroking Brianna’s cheek. “I’m sorry. Really, I am, that it was Joey. Someone younger. I never set out to do that.”
“I can’t stand it.”
Hailey sighed. “Well, we’ll go home and things will return to normal—”
“No, they won’t.” Brianna interrupted her, her tone growing fiercer. “There is no normal now.”
“Okay, then we’ll go back to dealing with our former lives. But we’ll be back in our own house, going to school, work and all the other things you love and recognize.” She pushed her fingers through Brianna’s hair. “You can look forward to getting your driver’s license and driving this year. Imagine how awesome that will be. You’re going to be a sophomore. There will be so many new and good things awaiting you. It will be okay, honey, you’ll see. Perhaps coming here wasn’t the right thing to do. I just wanted to distract you from Dad and Trinity. Although I needed the distraction more than anyone, I guess.”
Brianna snorted. “Well, it wasn’t the usual.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“You don’t… you don’t intend to keep dating him, do you?” The horror in her voice concerned Hailey. She knew that technically, her fifteen-year-old daughter should not have the power to decide whom she chose to date. And she had every right to move on, especially since Brent already had. But… she also understood how hard this particular relationship would be on her daughter. The fantasies Brianna had about the same man, and subsequent embarrassment that she’d, no doubt, feel around him worried Hailey. And right now? What was now being hammered home more than anything else was how much her kids needed her, all of her, and so much more than Hailey needed a man. Or a new relationship. Or even an outside dating life.
“No. We won’t.” She held in a deep sigh and something squeezed in her chest. No. God, she didn’t want to make that promise. She wasn’t ready to. She still liked Joey. A lot. His company and conversation lifted her heart, and she felt better too, different, lighter, younger than she had in years. His smile twisted up her guts and made her blood zing. There was so much potential there. Her breath caught at that realization. There was so much damn potential. And yet, she just promised Brianna she’d end it. Cut it off. Simply becaus
e her daughter needed to hear that right now.
“It was just a summer fling?”
“No.” She couldn’t relegate Joey to that, not even for Brianna. “No, it wasn’t. It was actually pretty real. But other things, so many other things stood between us. Distance. Age gap. His responsibilities here. Mine at home…” Her voice trailed off. Yes, practically speaking, it would be far better to cut it off sooner than later. There were real obstacles there. And it did start out as a summer fling. Hailey was savvy enough and seasoned enough to understand that it, most likely, wouldn’t be real or long term eventually.
“Me?” Brianna supplied after a prolonged silence. Her tone was solemn, and so different than it was only an hour ago.
“Yes.”
Brianna’s chest lifted and released. “Dad wouldn’t have given up Trinity for me.”
Well, no, Dad hadn’t given up Trinity when Hailey, then his wife, asked him to. Consequently, that was why we are divorced, Hailey thought with nasty scorn. But then again, no, they weren’t divorced because of Trinity; they were divorced because Brent wanted Trinity more than her. She sighed, wanting to embrace that. Brent wouldn’t, so didn’t that make her, Hailey, the better parent? It was so easy, and she was tempted to be that petty. She often felt the urge to be vindictive when the opportunity presented itself with the kids. The sweet taste of revenge and the chronic impulse to be petty often overtook her better judgment. There was nothing civil, easy or decent about divorce. It brought out the worst bitterness, distrust, and discourtesy, all of which shocked Hailey to the depths of her being. She had no idea she, or Brent, were capable of acting so horribly mean to each other. They were almost evil arch enemies toward one another. Never mind that she once loved, had kids and a whole life with the same man.
But it was time for that to stop. The mean-spirited maliciousness. The grudge. The temptation for revenge and hurt. It was time for Hailey to act her freaking age.
“You never asked Dad, Brianna, so you can’t say what he’d have done. But yes, he fell in love with her, and no, he shouldn’t have to choose between you and her.”
“And you shouldn’t either?”
“No, I shouldn’t either. But for now, I will. I think you need me much more than I need to do what I technically have every right to do.”
“I suppose I have to tell Dad the truth?”
“Duh,” Hailey finally said with sigh. “Yes, you have to tell him. Joey doesn’t deserve to have his life ripped apart because we chose to vacation here.” Deep down, Hailey realized his life would be torn apart, because he had strong feelings, big ones that Hailey often wondered whether she possessed also.
Suddenly, someone stepped forward. “No need to tell me, I’ve heard most of it.”
Brianna started to rise. Blushing with guilt, she dropped back down, slumping her shoulders in shameful defeat. “Hi, Dad,” she whispered.
Brent stared at Hailey and then at Brianna. He sighed before sitting near them. “You really made all that up? All that bad stuff about Joey?”
She blushed even redder and dropped her head. Sitting between them, Hailey looked up and Brent caught her eye. Hailey shrugged slightly. A small smile tugged at Brent’s lips. “I’m sorry,” he said. “She made a convincing story how you’d misunderstood the situation and she wasn’t sure how to make you believe her. I believed her without any proof.”
“You should have. I would have too, even if I hadn’t witnessed it.”
He tilted towards Brianna. “Why?”
She shrugged. “I was embarrassed to tell you the truth. I mean, it doesn’t reflect too well on me.”
“No, I mean, why did you do that in the first place?”
Brianna stared down at her hands, clasping them back and forth in nervous anxiety, seeking an answer. Hailey nudged her, hoping she’d speak the truth. This was the most open she’d ever seen Brent acting. He seemed real again, much more so than he had since all of this started. Guilt, perhaps, prevented Brent from speaking to the kids and disciplining them. Hailey wasn’t sure why, but knew he hadn’t been open to them either.
“Because you were moving on. You got married without asking me to even come to the wedding. Or asking me how I felt about it. It—it was really hard.”
Brent hunched forward. “I thought it would be easier on you two not to watch me get remarried. You know, because she wasn’t your mother. No one can compare to your mother.”
“But why did you stop loving her? If no one can compare to her… then why?” It was a sad question, punctuated by a pathetic wail. Brent glanced at her, and Hailey shrugged. This was just one of dozens of conversations in which Brianna asked the same question. Brent hadn’t been listening to any of them.
“Because it was an accident. I didn’t mean to fall in love. Neither of us meant to. But I love you, Bri, more than Trinity. More than anything. I guess I might have been feeling a little guilty about it and pushed you away. I thought maybe if you saw less of me, it would be easier on you than seeing me with another woman who was not your mom. Now I’m thinking that wasn’t the right strategy, however.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“We have so much work to do.” Brent glanced at Hailey and she nodded her agreement. “All of us. We’re still a family. Just a different kind of family. We can do a lot better though, can’t we? I mean, your mom and I, with you two kids? We can do it better, can’t we?” He looked helplessly at Hailey, then at Brianna. Hailey sighed. She’d always instigated any discussions about emotional needs and possible solutions. It was odd to hear Brent doing it now. She finally nodded and took Brianna’s hand. So did Brent.
“Yes.” Hailey replied quietly, but firmly. “We can do better. We are still a family. And we will go home and figure out how to make it all better on everyone.” She took her daughter’s face in her hands and stared into her eyes. “Your dad and I will figure this out, Brianna. We have to make it better, but you have to do your part too. You can’t start acting like a rebellious brat who ignores all the rules and shows disrespect. Your brief hiatus of us feeling so guilty and sorry about the divorce is over now. We will punish you from now on. You don’t get to decide how Dad or I live our lives anymore. And we are not getting back together. That is as solid as concrete. You need to accept that and stop hoping for things that will never be. I know this pains you and we can talk about it as much as you need to. But your dad and I are over. Although we never will cease to be your parents. Do you understand that and believe me?”
“I—I think so. Can we… can we just go home now? I want to go home. I feel really weird here now. It all feels somehow worse,” Brianna asked finally, but she also nodded her agreement.
Hailey took in a deep breath. “Yes. We can go home now. We’ll talk to your brother and tell him the same things we explained to you. But first, I have to speak to Joey. He deserves that, at least, from me. That’s how you treat kind people who are nice to you.”
She stood on her feet, her heart heavy and aching, which she tried to ignore. There was a slight stab of jealousy that hurt her. Brent got to return to Trinity, but she was expected to stay away from Joey. Still… things were what they were. And no one forced her to make her decision. Not even Brianna. She could stand up to her now. She could do whatever she wanted. But she felt it was all too much now. Her daughter was just starting to come around, perched on a precarious precipice. She needed more time with her, lest she fall off. And so for now, her daughter’s needs came first.
Brianna nodded and leaned forward to kiss Hailey. She also took Brent’s hand in hers, squeezing it. “Thank you.”
“I meant what I said, Hailey. No one could be a better mother to them than you. I took too much advantage of you. I see that now.”
“Let’s all meet up when we get home and try to figure out how to do this better… the five of us.”
“Five?” Brent frowned.
“Trinity? She’s part of this now too.”
He nodded, his throat bobbing. “That
’s very generous of you, Hailey.”
She smiled, but it was difficult. Her heart hated the inept gesture, but her soul told her it was the right thing to do. When she turned and started back towards Joey’s house, her feelings grew so heavy, they were hurting her.
The idea of breaking it off with someone whom she thought had so much potential and the opportunity to share her life with someone different, who was also so brilliant and wonderful. But apparently, it wasn’t meant to be.
Her age and her former marriage made sure of that. See? Just as she suspected all along. There was a huge problem: their disparate lives and age gap. Hers was riddled with responsibilities that dictated all of her life’s choices, even when they conflicted with her heart’s desire. That was beyond her now, reserved for the young and single people.
A woman with a broken family was excluded from that kind of lifestyle. Her next goal was figuring out how to glue it all back together.
Chapter Thirteen
HAILEY LET HERSELF BACK into Joey’s house. But instead of dark or quiet, she found him in his bedroom, tearing through his drawers and closet. Confused, she stood in the doorway. He was pushing stuff out of the way. What was he doing?
Softly, she asked, “Joey?”
He stopped dead and glanced up, clutching his boots in his fists. What the hell? He stared at her across the room, letting his gaze travel over her face, down her body and back up. “She can’t accept us, can she?”
“No. We… I know it sounds odd, but we had a bit of a breakthrough. Brent did too. He realizes now how much he pulled away from the kids out of guilt and embarrassment over his new life. He’s ready to re-engage and wants to find a new way to do it, and be a new family. They need us, both of our kids, so we have to get along and continue being their parents. Badly. If we don’t do this… I don’t know where Brianna could end up.”