by Leanne Davis
She moaned softly as the swirling, all-encompassing, commanding feelings started to lessen their crashing waves over her entire body and mind. Slowly, she returned to her body, her mind, her heart, and the present. Joey was leaning over her, and her hands were still clasped around his neck. As they eventually calmed down, they began to feel awkward and uncomfortable. He was breathing as hard and as fast as she was. Glistening with sweat, their skin was streaked by the soot and black lines of Joey’s face. She lifted her hand up and cupped his chin, cradling his cheek and pulling him gently to her before kissing his lips. This time, however, she conveyed a sense of soft, gentle kindness and support. In short, her love.
Not the life-affirming lust they’d just indulged in. Joey withdrew from her and slipped her panties back where they belonged. He grabbed her and pulled her completely into his embrace, falling on the couch behind him and holding her against his chest as she curled up against him, still desperately clinging to his neck.
Finally, she glanced up towards his face, resting her cheek on his shoulder. He looked down, and a small smile formed on his mouth. Lifting his hand to trace her cheek, he tapped the tip of her nose. “I got streaks of black all over you. I ruined your clothes.”
“You know I don’t care.” Despite the effort she made to return his tremulous smile, it felt too tragic still, and too heavy for her to begin to think of smiling again.
“I know,” he whispered. He shoved his face into her hair, sniffing it. “Everything smells like smoke.”
“Even me. You should shower, Joey. You need a break. From the soot, and all the exhaustion, not to mention your grief and the magnitude of what happened. You need to take a break. And maybe sleep a little bit.”
He didn’t argue with her and held her differently than before. A desperate clutch. As though he were lost, or looking for some kind of salvation. Hailey understood because she felt that way too.
She let him go and stood up to wash her face and hands before dabbing a wet, soapy towel on her shirt. After she wiped off most of her clothes, she waited for Joey.
****
He closed the door to the small bathroom and she heard water running. Stopping. Running again. Small hot water tank so he couldn’t just let it run, she assumed. She sat down finally on the bed and waited for him to come out.
He emerged wearing a towel around his waist. His skin was still damp and dewy and a cloud of steam rolled out behind him. His hair glistened and shone. The wad of smoke-ridden clothes almost continued to smother her even from a distance. His eyes were finally visible again. His face? That of a young god walking among us. But his eyes looked so weary, and hardened; and he seemed to have aged years in only a few days. He threw the clothes in a heap on the floor of the small living area and flopped down beside Hailey, dejectedly. His body was so exhausted, he could only slump forward. Hailey slumped beside him, resting her elbows on her knees as he did.
“Why did you stay?” he finally asked.
“For you.”
“What did you think you could do? Other than make me worry about your safety on top of everyone else’s?”
She turned her torso and reached up to push a piece of his hair back and smiled softly. “You didn’t tell me, not even once, that you fought fires.”
He shrugged. “I volunteer. It’s mostly just local calls for traffic accidents or small brush fires. And rarely like this one. Never like this one. And it isn’t like I’m one of the people jumping from airplanes or the hot shot crews that light backfires to save homes and lives. I work on establishing perimeters to contain the fire usually. But I try to do whatever I can.”
“It’s more than most men do. Joey, you…” She sighed and linked her fingers with his. His hand rested idly on his thigh. She tugged his hand into hers. “You are so much more than I first gave you credit for; and it’s I who was so lacking this entire time that we’ve spent together and not you.”
He shrugged. “You had more factors to juggle. Things that take priority. I get that.”
She brought his hand to her mouth. “I know, and that’s what I should have first embraced and obsessed about, not our ages. You. Joey the person. You are an incredible person, and I—” She nearly gulped. “And I want nothing more than to be with you always. I just don’t have any freaking idea how that can work or happen… but after today, and all the pain and grief I witnessed, I realized how much chaos and randomness exists in life. So many facets of it that we can’t control. How can I refuse to tell you the whole truth? The emotional, irresponsible, without putting my kids first reality is, I want to be with you. I have fallen in love with you.”
His eyes shut and he sucked a deep breath in. She stared at his face, which appeared nearly tormented. His eyes flashed open finally. “You weren’t just saying that out of fear? I thought you said it out of the moment. The rush of adrenaline.”
“Is that why you didn’t say it back to me?”
He nodded, silent still as he evaluated her. A small smile lifted her mouth. A sad, small smile. “Perhaps that’s what gave me the guts to say it. What I felt for you, but was afraid to embrace. I’m still pretty gutless and afraid. But after today… how can I not tell you how I feel? I kept thinking of all the horrible things that could have happened to you.”
“I love you, Hailey. Thoughts of you being here kept me going. Even through the worst of it. The exhaustion. The fear. The choking air. Even the grief of finding this place so destroyed. It was thoughts of you that kept me sane.”
She sucked in a short breath and her lips trembled. “I think I was trying to do the right thing. The responsible thing, but I… Well, this experience has changed me irrevocably. My perception of who I am and other insights into life suddenly became clear. I don’t know how to make it work with us, what with the distance, my kids, your job, and all the destruction here, but in the end, which this day showed me in full, Technicolor vivacity, is in the end, all that matters is whom you choose to share your life with. And I want you to be the one to share my life.”
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest as he leaned back. With her fully ensconced in his embrace, she was resting on his bare chest. She inhaled the smell of his clean skin and closed her eyes as her cheek felt his soft, dewy, still-warm skin. Life flowed all around him. Not only in his veins, but also in the enticing texture of his skin.
Silence descended and the minutes ticked by, or hours maybe, she didn’t know. She stayed lying on him, listening to his heart, as well as her own. The quiet was such a contrast to the earth-shattering chaos of the previous days.
“I have some thoughts on how it could work. I had a lot of time to think about it while I was fighting the fires. I know it sounds off, but thinking about us is what helped me stay amped up to keep going.”
“What did you think of?”
“Time. I thought about time, Hailey. I thought of all the weekends I could be visiting you and you me. I thought of maybe, next summer, you coming back, you know, with your kids, if that’s appropriate. I thought of ignoring Brianna’s infatuation with me, and letting it die a natural death. I thought, I have a life here, and a job. I no longer have either now, but I still have a family and a home that’s in ruins. I’ll be needed here now more than ever. But I can be here, and still love you.”
“My custody agreement requires that I remain living in the same school district as my kids are enrolled, along with Brent, until Jacob graduates high school. That’s quite a lot of years.”
He shrugged. “I won’t be needed here forever. Maybe it’s only a year. Or two. I don’t know. I just think you’re worth it. What I feel for you is definitely worth it. We can evaluate it all as we go.”
“You’d leave here?”
“Not now. But eventually, yes, I’d be willing to leave here.”
She sighed, keeping her head tucked on him. “Time. That’s kind of all there is to life, isn’t it, Joey? Time. Yes, I think I love the idea of spending my time with you, or even wit
hout you in anticipation of seeing you.”
“We’re adults, Hailey. I think we can handle this. I won’t cheat on you. It’s never been my thing. I know you’re still grieving over your divorce, and not ready to consider another try. Doesn’t mean we can’t spend our time together, and heal from our pasts until we can figure out how to make all the pieces of our lives fit together. We can commute periodically for a year or two or whatever it takes to figure this out. And if it doesn’t work? Then we’ll know. At least, we tried. We decided to try it out, and did not give up just because it was hard.”
She snuggled closer to him. He sounded so much older and mature; he was certainly her equal. She closed her eyes and made her peace, admitting he was right. He was more than enough, so much more than enough for her. And she did have a lot of healing before she could honestly say she was over her first marriage. Hell no. She was not even remotely ready to think about entering another one. But spending more time to just be with Joey? Yes. She would love that. She had to rebuild her own life as a single woman with two kids. She wasn’t ready to attach her life to another adult, not in an everyday kind of way. But she was ready to love and be loved; and Joey was the man she wanted that with.
And that was enough. At least, for now. They were adults and could handle this.
“I love you, Joey.”
He tousled her hair. “I love you too, Hailey.” Silence descended like a lingering twilight between them. He finally sighed. “I think I’d best go out and see what’s next.”
She lifted herself off him, nodding her agreement. He got off the bed and grabbed his pile of clean clothing, which he slipped on, looking more like normal Joey again.
Putting his hand out, he beckoned her. She smiled softly and got onto her feet, placing his hand in hers and letting him pull her with him. Now they were prepared to go out and face what was left of his family’s ranch and resort.
Chapter Seventeen
THEY WALKED OVER TO where the main house still smoldered. The sky became a crazy, rose-colored background as the sun set against the streaming gray and black smoke. The fire was only ten percent contained and a sense of dread ruffled through them.
Joey gripped Hailey’s hand in his and clutched it tightly. He was so glad she stayed there for him. The conversation they had kept replaying through his head. Maybe he hadn’t lost her after all. This ruthless fire that manage to rip their world to shreds, had also, quite strangely, brought Hailey back to him. He glanced at her, noticing how rustled and mussed her blond hair was. She didn’t even bother to comb it after his dirty hands were finished with it. Joey’s body flexed and jerked as he remembered the wild, out of control sex they’d just indulged in. It was clingy and needy and life-reaffirming… but for Joey, it was another manifestation of their love. His heart swelled with joy as he pictured them together again, and actually considered that she might still be in his life. He squeezed her hand as poignant thoughts filled his head. She glanced up and smiled knowingly, then she nodded to convey her understanding of his need to keep touching her. He had to reaffirm she was alive and well as she stood there beside him. Her mere presence, after everything else he most loved and took for granted seemed so tilted and irrevocably altered, affected him more deeply than he could describe. Hailey was there. She squeezed his hand with hers to show her support.
Family. He found his family examining the remains of their former house. As they walked up, he asked Shane, “Jack?”
Shane shook his head, indicating nothing.
Joey joined the quiet, disturbing search of sifting through the rubble for anything salvageable, but there wasn’t much left. Just charred ruins. He stared up at the scorched fireplace. Closing his eyes, he instantly pictured it next to the dinner table, and Jack grumbling at him when he was only seventeen to get his ass up and help out. He saw Charlie and Ben and him, eating whatever his older brothers served them for dinner. Unconventional. Sure. All of it was. But it was home. And a damn good one at that. Joey nearly collapsed to his knees as the treasured memories besieged him. Goddamn it. Why did their home have to burn?
Ian and Shane were as quiet as Joey. Charlie walked around, looking like a lost zombie. Joey went over to him.
“Tough, huh, Charlie?”
Charlie shrugged, but the tears filling his eyelids belied his casual demeanor. He gripped his nephew’s narrow shoulders in his hands and said, “It will be okay. In the end, we’ll find a way to make this okay again. We’ll rebuild it better than before and fix all the problems. Like always. This isn’t the first time we Rydells skinned our knees. We always get up again.”
Charlie nodded, his mouth quivering. Joey sighed and hugged the kid to him. “Unfortunately, that doesn’t make the present moment any better, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t.” Joey turned to find Erin beside him. She looked haggard and just as grief-stricken as the rest of them. He pulled her against him in a close hug. She wrapped her arms around him and started to cry again.
“I haven’t heard from him. I know we can’t yet. But… God, Joey, what do you think this will do to him? Ben? He can’t—”
Her sobs cut off the rest of her words. Joey hugged her closer to him, trying to absorb her mountain of grief.
Erin shook her head and leaned back, looking downward. She tried to dry her eyes with the hem of her shirt and glanced up at Charlie and Hailey, who were standing behind Joey. “I’m sorry, I can’t get a grip. I should. I should be strong and gung ho about rebuilding and all that. But… the house. And Marcy. I can’t believe all this is really happening.”
“None of us can,” Joey answered, releasing her. The rest of the family gathered around and a morbid quiet descended over all. Amidst the exhaustion and tears came intermittent sobs. There were no words. And nothing left to say. Yet, they didn’t want to be alone.
Erin put her hands up to end the inaction. “So what do we do? Today? What can we do now?”
“We can wait. Stay here. Get up tomorrow and start cleaning up,” Ian answered in a solemn tone.
Then Jack’s truck came roaring down the driveway. After he parked and got out, the dirt on his pale face hid his expression, although his eyes looked frantic. Erin and Charlie both stared at him, and he stopped dead after he slammed his truck door closed. Joey had never seen Jack like that. He seemed so… so lost. Shaken. Nothing remotely like Jack in his unfamiliar expression.
Jack stared at all of them and said, “He’s gone.”
Erin’s hands covered her mouth and she pressed her knuckles into her lips as she mumbled, “What do you mean, he’s gone?”
Jack threw his hands up, indicating his despair. “Ben’s gone. He took off. I didn’t reach him in time. I had phone service for a few briefs moments and that’s what I got.” He threw his phone to Erin, who caught it and shook her head as she handed it to Joey, who was closest to her. Her hands started to shake and she rubbed a fist in her eye.
“I can’t read anything right now. I’m too upset.”
Joey marveled at how upset Jack must have been since he never would have asked Erin to read something as if he assumed she easily could.
His mouth hung open after he scanned it. Then he glanced around him. “Ben took off. It says, ‘Marcy’s dead. I can’t come home. Don’t come after me, just leave me alone.’ Then, in another text, he added on simply, ‘I’m sorry.’”
Jack grabbed his head and kept running his hands through his hair while pressing into his temples as if he were being stabbed through his eye sockets. He grimaced in pain and nearly doubled over to his knees. Erin rushed forward, wrapping her arms around him. He started shaking his head and repeating, “He’s gone. She’s gone.” When he briefly glanced up and looked around the place, it was like the pupils in his eyes couldn’t contract. “It’s all gone.”
Erin hugged him and Charlie stared with hollow eyes and a hurt expression. He quietly slipped away and Cami followed after him. Jack didn’t even notice their absence, which surprised Joey since it was
so unlike him not to be attuned to his boys at all times. That was how he always was with Joey. Jack was often over protective and sometimes overbearing but it was owing to his unconditional love, and his intense desire to make the lives of his kids and his youngest brother better than his. Joey was glad he was included in that exclusive club. Even now, Jack seemed more like his dad than his brother, and seeing him collapse was more than scary to Joey. Jack just didn’t do that.
Ian stepped forward. “But we’re all here. We’re not leaving. You’re not alone, Jack. Kailynn and I already decided we’re moving home for good. I’m here now.”
Shane nodded, coming closer. “Us too.”
Joey took Hailey’s hand and clasped it tightly in his as he glanced at her. She saw regret in his eyes, but he faced his brothers and added, “Me too.”
AJ was holding onto Kate’s hand and stepped forward as he announced, “I’m here too. We are both here and not leaving.” He sought Kate’s gaze and she nodded with a resolute expression.
Jack seemed dazed as he stared at them in disbelief. “This place is a fucking albatross. What’s the point of staying? Look at it.” He twirled his hand around and indicated all the rubble.
Allison’s tears began flowing as she entered the ever tightening circle. “Goddamn it. Jack Rydell, don’t you dare talk like that. This is my home. Our home. Rosie’s home.” She touched her stomach. “As well as the new baby that I’m carrying. How dare you say it’s over.”