This feels right, she decided with a sigh. Safe. Comfortable. As it should be. But, then again, not. There is something…
Anya’s eyes snapped open as she lifted her head and came cheek-to-cheek with Merivic. She stared over his shoulder to the garden behind him, but saw nothing to cause the squeeze in her chest.
Something was amiss.
Then she felt a pull, a light tug at her heart as her eyes followed the direction to the balcony. It took a moment for her to understand that it was a man standing in the shadows above them, nearly blending into his surroundings. But not just any man—it was Kael.
As quickly as she registered his presence, he turned and left, leaving her with a sense of defeat. But what was she to do? She knew, deep down, she would always want Kael. But he does not want her. Or, if he did, he would not act on it. If there was a way to lure him in and find a way around his defenses, she certainly would. However, she knew he was far too stubborn for that. What choice does that leave her than to be with the one who does want her, forever?
I could leave, I suppose, she thought regretfully. Go back to Liberwood. But I would be leaving behind the two men I loved. If the one I truly want does not want me in return, is it wrong to be with one who does? Is it settling if I love that man as well, though not as deeply? Is it unfair to Merivic?
Her desires pulled to and fro, from the man she saw in the shadows to the one now kissing her neck.
Anya stiffened slightly as his hand slid up to cup her breast, but tried to relax as his tongue traced her collarbone. Her desires were distracted and split as she tried to focus her mind. She enjoyed Merivic’s hands on her, but she did not crave the contact, not like she did with Kael. But that understanding only affected her for a moment before something inside banked her urges back to the present.
Merivic noticed her tension, her hesitance, and incorrectly assumed it was because the potion was no longer in her system. But, he also noticed, she did not pull away from him all together. That was all he needed to double his efforts, to attempt to light the natural passion he knew resided within her. And as she softly moaned under the caress of his hands, he mistakenly believed he had won a victory over her—that she had given into her desires for him by her own free will, rather than the truth that the potion had once again flooded her senses.
Anya pressed against him, her hands beginning to explore before he suddenly pulled away from her fevered body. Instinctually she reached for him, but he retreated a step.
“Perhaps it is time to retire for the night,” he stated, slipping his hands casually into his pockets.
Her brow furrowed. “Is something the matter?”
Pleased with her reply, he squared off his shoulders. His goal was vivid in his mind, and a clear strategy formulated.
Let her focus remain on me, always on me, as she attempts to figure out my behavior, and what she could have done to cause it. I will use her natural guilt to hold her near, and her need to understand to keep her close.
It was a dangerous game to play, of that, he was sure. Though not as perilous as it would have been, if he had truly believed the potion still coursed through her veins.
“Not at all. I am simply tired, is all. It has been a long day. Would you like me to escort you to your quarters?”
Anya nodded stiffly, baffled by his distant and polite manner, but unable to find the words to properly articulate it.
He held out his arm for her to take, then cordially led her out of the garden. Without a word the entire way, he walked her to her room and only patted her hand before retreating to his own quarters.
*****
Anya lay in bed that night, fraught with a frustration that slowly built into a seething disdain, not only for Merivic, but for Kael as well. Both men consumed her thoughts, and both men soured them. Shoving each aside in her mind, she came to an inevitable impasse.
I cannot choose when I do not truly know how each feels. Kael is distant, loving, and then an ass. Merivic is loving, an ass, loving again, and then distant. Who the hell knows what they feel? If neither one wants me, then they should send me away. And I would go. Gladly!
From here on out I live in the moment, for me, and let fate and destiny war it out to decide my future. I am done choosing sides. As of now, I choose my own side!
If Merivic wants me, so be it. If Kael wants me, so be it. But I am done letting them pull me back and forth. Whoever reaches out and grabs my heart first, claiming it for his own, can have it. I am done—done struggling with my wants and needs, done fighting with my conscious and heart, done grappling with my choices and future. Done. Let them fight for me!
And if I end up alone, then so be it. I will be alone.
Chapter 33
The day was once again dreary and overcast as Anya wandered through the colorful garden toward the doors to the great hall. She already longed for the brilliant land she had visited yesterday and hoped, with or without Merivic, she would once again see that place.
“Lady Anya.”
Her frame tensed in irritation as she glanced over her shoulder. “Yes, Weapons Master Kaelestis.”
His response was no less full of annoyance. “I have come to inform you that your husband will be leaving for the day, and I have training to oversee with my men. Gerhard will be available should you need anything.”
She brushed her hair back. “Yes. I would like to explore outside the castle walls today. But there is no need for an escort.”
“You will not be leaving the grounds today. We have not prepared for an expedition.”
“There is no expedition to prepare for. I would like to look around, and so I shall.”
“No, you will not.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You are not my keeper, Kael, and you cannot stop me.”
“That is where you are mistaken.”
“Just who do you think you are?!” She stalked toward him, her voice rising. “You cannot—”
“I can, and I will! It is not safe!”
“I really do not care anymore! If I want to go out, I will go out!”
“Kaelestis? Anya?” Merivic addressed from the doorway, consumed by satisfaction as he watched their escalating fight come to a screeching halt.
How interesting, he thought. Such friction there is between them—more than I could have possibly hoped for.
“Is there a reason you are shouting at my betrothed, Kaelestis?”
“No, Sire. I was simply attempting to explain to her that it is far too dangerous for her to leave the castle without a proper escort.”
“He is correct, Anya.” Merivic stepped closer, and slid his hand across her back. “It is far too dangerous.” She snorted lightly as she turned away. “That will be all, Kaelestis. I would like a moment alone with her.”
Kael left without another word, fuming that she knew how to get the quickest and hottest rise out of him. Stubborn woman.
Merivic ran his fingers up and down Anya’s arms. “You must be wary of your surroundings, my love. It would not do for you to leave the castle unattended during these dangerous times. There are people, outlaws, who do not want me to wed. I shudder to think…” He let his voice trail off so her imagination would fill in the blank, certain she would conjure far more gruesome and effective images than he could paint with words.
Can you imagine if something would happen to her now? he thought, outrageously. After everything I have been through to ensure her to be mine?!
Merivic controlled his mounting anger before turning her to face him, then plastered a pleasant smile across his face. “I will take you out tomorrow. Anywhere you wish to go. Would that make you happy?”
Anya nodded reluctantly, knowing freedom was the only thing to make her content at the moment, but she would not admit as much aloud. “That will be fine.” He planted a kiss on each cheek, and she smiled pleasantly as she attempted to shake off the rest of her frustration. But apparently Merivic was not fooled.
Chuckling softly, he drew her into his a
rms. “He does irritate you, does he not?”
“Like no other can,” she mumbled, begrudgingly.
“If you wish, I can find you another attendant. He would remain Weapons Master, of course. But you would not be required to see him as much.”
“Perhaps,” she responded lightly, eager to end the conversation now that Kael’s presence in her life could be restricted—threatened. “Or perhaps I will simply adjust. If the danger is as real as you state, it is probably best that I surround myself with the most worthy of opponents.” Merivic arched an eyebrow as he pulled back. She shrugged and added, “Although there is no doubt it would be a painful experience every day I must endure it.”
Merivic laughed, a deep sound of vindication as he held her close again. “I am sure you will survive it, my love.”
*****
“You called for me, Sire?” Malik glanced around Merivic’s quarters to ensure their privacy.
“Yes. I wanted to tell you there is no need for the scrying pond any longer.”
“My Lord?”
“Winning Anya back has been far easier than I had previously thought it would be. She is mine now. There is no longer a need to watch her. I will handle it from here.”
“Good, for I do not have the time with all the preparations underway.” He turned for the door, but paused. “You are sure you have this well in hand?”
Merivic set a steely glare at the cleric.
“Very well, Sire.” He backed toward the door. “You will return late this afternoon, is that correct?”
“Sounds about right.”
Malik nodded. “I found more information on spiritual guardians, should you have the time to review it.”
“I will make it a point to stop down by you soon.”
*****
Anya stormed toward her room, intending to procure her traveling cloak and go wherever the hell she wanted. No man was going to tell her otherwise, especially not one that constantly raked over her nerves, only to turn his back and leave her with no release.
When she reached the top of the staircase, she heard his boots as he fell in step beside her. “You again?”
“I am your sentinel, therefore my presence is unavoidable.”
“I thought you had training to oversee.”
“I do. But first, I had a talk with the stable boy. I made sure he was well aware that you are not to leave the castle unattended.” Anya spun to face him, her face flushed with anger. “I know you, Anya, and I know how stubborn you can be once your mind is made up. But know this: Caleb will not ready a horse for you without my expressed permission.”
“And you feel that is your right? To tell me what to do with my time? How to live my life?!” The fury built and flashed in Anya’s brilliant green eyes, stunning him with their fiery beauty even as he stood against the glare.
“Now you hear me, Weapons Master Kaelestis of Decessus. I gave you all of me, my heart, my soul, even my body—something I have given no other—and this is how you treat me?”
Kael gasped as his breath caught. “You were a… You never…”
“No. Never.”
“But I thought you and Merivic—”
“He wanted to wait until our wedding night,” she snapped.
“Wait? Why?” His mind jumbled as he tried to justify as to why he thought they had already been intimate. “It is not like he has never been with another.”
“Yes, thank you for the reminder, Kael,” she sneered. “But I do believe I remember seeing it with my own eyes.”
He fired out with frustration. “I did not mean with Zabela! That is not what I was referring to.”
Anya jabbed her finger at his chest. “Listen! Do not take it out on me because you have just realized what a heinous ass you are deep down! Though it seems to be instinctual for you to continually hurt me, I believe you can control yourself for one damn minute!” She huffed as she glared. “I did not believe Merivic had never been with another, but I certainly do not need you to run down the list for me!”
“I did not set out to hurt you. I am simply trying to do what is right.”
“Well, you are doing a wonderful job of it.”
As she began to turn, Kael suddenly clamped onto her wrist and jerked her against him. Her soft body pressed against his, stirring up a wonderfully delicious hunger even as he battled with his aggression toward her.
Anya tried squirming out of Kael’s grasp, but he only tightened his hold. Furious, she locked onto his deep, blue eyes and prepared to give him hell. But when she took heed of the urges she saw swimming in their depths, it gave her pause. “You want me,” she decided after a long study of him.
“Yes.”
She arched slightly as her gaze softened. “Then why do you not take me?”
Kael’s heart leapt as his jaw clenched, and then regret washed through him. “You are not mine to have.” With a rough shove back, he released her and strode away.
Anya glared at his departing figure. “Idiot,” she mumbled.
Chapter 34
Anya stood at the window, absently twirling her hairbrush in her hand as she devised a plan. There had to be a way to get around Kael, to escape the enclosing walls of the kingdom. She needed fresh air and wide open spaces to gather herself.
He wants me.
The thought rang clear and true, causing her belly to quiver and her breath to hitch. There were things to think about, questions to answer. The foremost being, how does she get him to act on his wants and desires, to love her and claim her for his own.
Anya knew well she had pushed Kael into reacting to her in the hall, and determined she would have to keep pushing him to his limit. To hell with the consequences—or rather, to ensure them—for she knew that to truly reach him, he had to fully let loose his aggression and snap free of any mental restraints holding him back.
The first step was to defy him, get a rise out of him. And the best way to do that was to simply follow her own will, and leave the castle as she had wanted all along.
Chewing on her lip, she stared across the grounds to the stable on the far end. She could see Caleb, the stable boy, brushing down a horse and readying it for travel. He was all that stood between her and freedom, between purgatory and Kael’s wanton wrath. He looked like such a young boy from this distance, and she was suddenly sure she would have no trouble handling him, deceiving him if necessary. Surely he would not doubt the Lady of the kingdom, would he?
*****
Anya’s dark green cloak flowed behind her as she strode up to the surprised stable boy. After a survey of her approach, he began to fidget nervously, apparently anticipating her request. Her heart went out to the young man, knowing, one way or another, she was going to get her way, whether he liked it or not. She just hoped the consequences for him would not be too severe. But considering it would be Kael meting out the punishment, and not Merivic, she somehow thought he would fare well.
“Lady Anya,” he greeted, suspiciously, as she halted in front of him.
“You are Caleb, are you not?”
“I am,” he admitted studying her with watchful eyes.
Anya was taken with his eyes for a moment. They were set in such a youthful face, but she saw age in them, knowledge. It made it hard to judge his years to determine the best way to sway him.
Flat-out-lie was what she came up with.
“I see you are preparing my horse. Are you nearly finished? I would like to be on my way.”
Confusing flickered across Caleb’s face. “No, Milady. This horse is for the weapons master. He should be along soon for departure.”
Glancing over her shoulder, she felt a prickle of nerves. “I was told you would have my horse ready. I will take this one and you may prepare another for Weapons Master Kaelestis.”
“I apologize, Milady, but I was informed specifically to not give you a horse.”
Her shoulders squared as she feigned exasperation. “By whom?”
“The weapons master, Milady.”<
br />
“Then he has been mistaken with his instructions. Lord Merivic knows the intent of my journey, and he sent me off with well wishes. Does the weapons master’s instruction supersede the lordship’s now?”
Caleb’s gaze darted about as if seeking guidance from anyone who might be near, but there was no one else around. “Forgive me, please, but…”
Her expression softened as she laid her hand on his arm. “Please, Caleb. Please. I must have a horse.” She looked behind her again. “And I have not much time.”
Defeat shown in his eyes as he handed her the reigns. “Do you know where you are going, Milady?”
She smiled appreciatively, hoping to alleviate his guilt. “Into the woods, Caleb. I will not go far.”
“When the weapons master arrives…”
“Tell him what I told you. Simply leave out this part.”
“Please, be safe, Milady.”
“I will, Caleb. Thank you.”
Caleb watched her ride off, regret washing over him as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of parchment. He was scribbling furiously across the paper when the weapons master came upon him. Startled, he hastily folded it, clutching it in his hand behind his back.
“Is my horse ready, Caleb?”
“It was, but since Lady Anya took that one I must prepare another.”
“What?” he snapped, his eyes narrowing. “She left? You were not supposed to give her a horse!”
Caleb stepped back with a purpose in mind. So furious was Weapons Master Kaelestis, he did not notice him clandestinely passing the parchment to another man brushing close behind him.
“She said Lord Merivic approved of her travels.” Caleb shrugged helplessly, appealing to his genial side. “Was I to continue to deny her?”
“Damn!” He glanced to the castle’s gate. “Clever girl,” he mumbled, turning back to Caleb. “How far a lead does she have?”
“Not long. She left moments ago. I will ready a horse for you at once.” He scrambled into the stable, leaving Kael fuming and staring into the distance.
Impending Reprisals Page 23