by Sarah Noffke
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Liv had to take three steps to each one of Rory’s to try to keep up with him as he exited the underground tunnels. When they reached the surface, she was surprised to find it already dark. Liv hadn’t thought they’d been gone for that long and at first worried she was late to the House of Seven, but then she remembered that she didn’t have to attend until she made progress with this case.
“There’s a pub down this away.” Rory pointed to a dingy alleyway that was mostly cloaked in darkness.
“Please tell me that there’s glamour over this place and I’m just not seeing the clean bar you’re pointing to?” Liv asked.
Rory grabbed the back of Liv’s shirt and half-led, half-dragged her until they arrived at a Chinese restaurant.
“When you said pub, I was thinking beer and brats, not tea and dumplings,” Liv admitted.
“Speakeasy,” Rory clarified.
“Speak for yourself,” Liv replied.
He groaned, not appreciating her humor, and opened the door. The smell of tempura and fish hit them immediately. Rory breezed by the hostess, who merely nodded as if seeing a giant who had to duck to enter the place was a daily affair.
Liv followed Rory as he led her down the hall to the bathrooms. She was about to protest when he opened the last door and the soft sound of a fiddle filled the air.
The next room was starkly different than the bright Asian restaurant with pastel furnishing and dusty statues. The pub they entered was full of dark wood and smelled of sweat and licorice. Around the ornately carved bar were three of the largest men Liv had ever seen, including Rory. Playing cards at a rickety old table were a few gnomes with fat noses and shifty eyes, and in the corner was a three-piece band that included a flute, a tambourine, and a fiddle. Playing the instruments were two men and one woman. Liv didn’t have to stare at them long to recognize their elvish features, which were more subtle than the characteristics that distinguished gnomes and giants. Even though they had long hair and hats, it was impossible to fully disguise their pointy noses, chins, and ears.
“Ummm, I’m not sure it’s a good idea for me to be in here,” Liv said in a whisper.
“Know a better place to learn about Zonks and how to measure leeched magical energy?” Rory challenged.
Liv looked down for Plato but immediately realized that he was gone or hiding.
Rory took a seat in a chair that didn’t look like it could withstand the challenge of supporting his weight. He waved to the bartender, a woman, who in comparison to everyone in the pub looked to be almost normal. Her strawberry-blonde hair framed her face with curls, and she wore a long skirt, which she used to dry her hands as she strolled over to the table.
“Mr. Lauren, what brings you here?” the bartender said, batting her eyelashes at Rory. “I told you that we were good after the slump, and—”
“It’s nothing like that,” Rory interrupted. “Can my friend and I get a mug of whatever you have on special right now?”
The woman nodded, acknowledging Liv reluctantly. “Sure thing.”
“That’s okay,” Liv said after the woman had trotted away. “Honestly, I’ll just take water. They have water here, right?”
Rory dismissed her with a shake of his head as he studied the people around them. “I’ve got the beers.”
“Thanks, but it’s not necessary.”
Rory kept his eyes trained on one of the other giants at the bar. “I don’t drink alone, so either you drink with me, or we leave, and you’re that much farther from solving your case.”
Liv grudgingly agreed. “Fine. So these Zonks…tell me about them. And what was that thing you were doing with your eyes?”
“That was simply a repercussion of using my elemental magic,” Rory explained. “And Zonks don’t leech energy. They are actually fix-it fairies by nature.”
“Who live in the underground and carry around radioactive particles?”
“Those must have been a material they repurposed for making a repair,” Rory stated. “You said they were putting it in the wall? Like in a crack?”
Liv nodded. “What were you saying before about ghosts?”
Rory gave her a look that said, “cease and desist” as the bartender approached.
“Yeah, anyway, so did I tell you about the troll?” Liv asked, hurrying to cover the conversation as the bartender set down two mugs that easily held a gallon of beer each. She slid them onto the table with a shaky smile.
“Anything else for you two?” the woman asked. “Share some fries or something?”
Rory snorted with laughter. “No, it’s nothing like that, Cindy. We’re good.”
Relief flooded the woman’s face. “Oh, good. We were wondering.” She indicated over her shoulder where the other three giants stood.
“What were they wondering?” Liv asked when Cindy had left them with their beers, which Liv didn’t know how she was going to tilt to drink from.
“They thought you were my date,” Rory said. “It’s common to share food on a first date in giant culture. The idea is to show restraint and give the woman most of the food as a sign of humility and selflessness.”
Liv burst into laughter, making everyone in the bar look at them. She couldn’t stop herself even when the elves played more quietly, interrupted by her constant chuckling. “They thought you and I…” Liv wiped her hands under her eyes, pushing away the tears flooding them.
Rory easily lifted his beer and took a long drink, swallowing a third of it. “So this troll? That was your first case?”
“Yeah, and they wanted me to…you know…”
“No. What did they want you to do with it?” Rory asked, although the look on his face told Liv he was messing with her.
She pulled her finger across her throat and let her tongue fall out of her mouth. “You know.”
He nodded. “And what did you do?”
“I took him to a place in the Amazon and made sure he was as far from civilization as possible,” Liv explained. “I told the big fella that he was never to go near people again.”
“And he understood you?”
“I’m not sure. He grunted and nodded a lot.”
“What did you tell…well, you know?”
“I lied,” Liv confessed. “It might come back to bite me on the ass, but I wasn’t going to dispose of a troll who was doing nothing wrong.”
Rory looked mildly impressed. “Which is why you can’t exterminate the Zonks.”
Liv agreed with a nod. “You mentioned the ghosts, and that it was related to leeches?”
“Yeah. Ghosts, in essence, are bundles of magical energy, like vaults of it,” Rory explained as Liv lapped beer from the top of her mug. She half-stood to give her the right angle to drink like a dog. “You want to try a straw, half-pint?”
She shook her head. “Nah. I almost got this.”
“Sure you do.” Rory scoffed. “When you or I use magic, we draw on power sources, like elements, for instance. However, a ghost’s energy is trapped within it.”
“So they are like batteries, in a way?”
“Exactly,” Rory said. “It makes a lot more sense to me that whoever is leeching magical energy is using the ghosts somehow.”
“Like drawing them in?”
Rory lifted his mug and drank another third. “Maybe. We need more information.”
“Which is why we’re here.” Liv picked up her mug with both hands and tilted it to her mouth, but it slipped in her fingers, spilling beer down her chin and front.
Rory howled with laughter when she dropped the mug. It looked like she’d taken a bath in the lager.
Liv brought her arm across her mouth, then shook like a dog and sent beer all over Rory.
“So why did you bring me here, except for your entertainment?” Liv asked, attempting to lift the beer again. Having lost half its contents, it was easier to pick up. Liv took a long drink and set it down with a thud.
“Who’s your friend, Rory?”
one of the gnomes asked, pulling up a barstool to their table. He was only about three feet tall and wore an expression like the mustache under his nose was washed in sour milk.
Rory scrutinized him and nodded in Liv’s direction. “This is Helga Dobo.”
Liv couldn’t cover her grimace. Helga? What kind of horrid name was that?
“Helga, you keep drinking like that and our friend Rory will have to carry you out of here,” the gnome advised her.
“Where're the glasses you use?” Liv asked him. “That might work better for me.”
The other gnomes around the table looked up like she’d just said fighting words. They all pushed away from the table in unison, slipping off their chairs.
Liv looked at Rory. “What? What did I say?”
Rory leaned closer as the other three gnomes waddled over. “They don’t like to be reminded that they aren’t as big as giants.”
Liv looked at the four three-foot-tall gnomes and then Rory and laughed. “Isn’t that about like walking around in a bikini during a snowstorm? You can pretend all you want, but the truth is evident.”
“Liv…” Rory cautioned.
“Liv?” the gnome questioned. “I thought you said her name was Helga, a good strong gnome’s name. Who is this ‘Liv?’ That’s a magician’s name.”
Liv looked at Rory and then the gnomes. “Wait, you thought I was a gnome?” She stood up, looking down at the gnome and his friends. “I’m obviously not a gnome. I’m, like, almost five feet tall.”
“Liv…” Rory said again.
“As a female gnome that makes you slightly above average, but by magicians’ standards, you’re a runt,” one of the gnomes said.
Liv picked up her beer mug and took a long drink, finishing its contents. Well, nearly finishing it, since some dripped down her chin and dribbled down her front again. She let the mug thud on the table, earning the attention of everyone in the bar.
Rory leaned back in his seat, looking at the ceiling. “And I thought that bringing you in here would be a mistake.”
Liv waved him off, swaying slightly. “I got this, Mr. Laurens.” She looked down at the gnomes. “If I said something to offend you, I’m deeply sorry.”
“We don’t take kindly to people looking down on us,” one of the four said.
“How are people supposed to look at you?” Liv asked with a hiccup.
Rory tossed his head back, sighing loudly. “Here we go.”
Liv was about to ask if she could help him polish off his beer when a sharp smack knocked her across the skin. She hopped straight up, grabbing her leg, and looked down to see the closest gnome pulling his tiny foot back.
“You kicked me, you little shit!” Liv yelled.
“And there’s a whole lot more of where that came from, magician,” the gnome warned. “We will be outside, waiting to teach you a lesson.”
The gnomes clapped twice in unison and disappeared.
Liv blinked dully and looked at Rory. “Wait, where’d they go? I thought they were about to break into a cute little song and dance?”
“They know better than to throw down in Cindy’s pub. They went outside to wait for you,” Rory answered dryly. “They plan on kicking your ass.”
Chapter Thirty
Liv laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding me? Those little guys want to scrap with me?”
Rory crossed his thick arms over his chest. “I wouldn’t underestimate them. Gnome magic is strong, and you’re not trained in combat.”
Liv scoffed at him. “I know how to fight.”
“You know how to start fights,” he countered.
Liv grabbed Rory’s beer, not asking permission, and drank. He didn’t appear the least bit upset as he watched her gulp the rest of its contents. When it was empty. she put it back on the table and burped. “Let’s go kick some gnome butt.”
Rory looked at the giants at the bar and sighed. “You’re on your own, magician.”
“Fine,” Liv said, taking a step forward and swaying as she headed for the exit.
When they reached the alley, Liv was grateful for the night air, which brought much-needed coolness to her cheeks.
Stretching between the buildings on either side of the alley were the four gnomes, standing shoulder to shoulder and blocking the path.
“They think they are so tough with their hostile looks and fat heads,” Liv said, looking at the little men twenty yards away.
“They don’t fight fair,” Rory warned.
“Hence the fact that there are four of them and one of me.”
“Yes, but you’re a woman. In gnome culture that’s considered fair, since the females are usually bigger and stronger.”
“I don’t resemble a gnome,” Liv argued, putting her fists on her hips.
“Not an attractive one, that’s for sure.”
“Hey, I don’t have a bulbous nose or hair growing out of my ears, so I think I’m far more attractive than gnomes.”
Rory shook his head. “Your features are too dainty, and your shoulders too narrow. An attractive female has a nose that fills her face and is built like a linebacker, like Cindy.”
“The bartender in there is a gnome?”
“Yes, and you’re stalling,” Rory said.
Liv looked at the gnomes, who hadn’t budged. “I am not. I’m just giving them time to figure out their strategy.” She puffed out her chest, holding out her arms wide. “You’re going to need it, gnomes!”
“Talking smack will only delay the inevitable,” Rory warned her, grabbing the back of Liv’s shirt and hauling her off the ground.
Her feet kicked and she tried to bat him away, with zero success. “Hey, what are you doing?”
“I’m helping you,” he told her.
“Helping me would have been teaching me combat magic before now.”
Rory pulled back his arm. “It’s never too late for a lesson.” He threw Liv across the space, and she landed at the gnomes’ feet.
She looked up at the little men and growled, “You boys want a fight? I’ll give you one, but get ready to run home crying to Momma.”
“Stop talking so much and start fighting!” Rory yelled.
Liv pushed up onto her hands and knees and looked back at him. “It’s courteous to let them know what they’ve gotten themselves into.”
“Gnomes aren’t close to their mothers.”
Liv nodded, looking up at the closest gnome. “Get ready to run home to your ugly wife.”
The gnome to the side stepped forward, his boot stomping on Liv’s fingers.
She howled in pain, yanking her hand to her chest as she rolled over on her back and popped to her feet. “Seriously, you little shits kick shins and stomp on fingers? That’s so stereotypical. What are you going to do next, bite me?”
Two of the gnomes sprinted for her, their grubby hands above their heads as they yelled in rage.
Liv made a feint to the right, causing one gnome to run past her, and she pulled a trash can away from the wall and placed it directly in front of the other gnome. He ran straight into it, falling on his ass from the collision.
Liv laughed, reaching down and grabbing the lid for the trash can and holding it like a shield.
One of the two gnomes still standing raised a hand and a ball of red light poured from it.
“Hey, Roar? What’s that?”
“What does it look like?” he yelled from his place on the sidelines.
“A fireball.”
The gnome wound his arm up like he was about to throw a baseball.
“Bingo,” Rory said. “Try not to get burned.”
“Thanks, buddy.” Liv held up the lid as the fireball soared at her face. She deflected it, bouncing it in the direction of the gnomes on the ground, who were trying to get up.
Both standing gnomes now produced fireballs and prepared to throw them at Liv. Beside her the other gnomes were baring their teeth, looking like they were about to charge.
“Ummm, any bright ide
as, giant?”
“Stay vigilant,” Rory answered, sounding amused.
Liv darted to the side as one of the gnomes charged, and a fireball whirled by her, nearly singing her pants. “Thanks, but I was thinking of a more tactical approach.”
“Use magic,” Rory suggested.
Liv ducked as a fireball soared over her head, landing with a blast on the brick building behind her and sending sparks everywhere. “Thanks, but again I need something more specific.”
“What’s the best way to fight fire?” Rory asked.
All four gnomes were now throwing fireballs, not giving Liv a chance to regroup after nearly being burned. She used a trashcan to block her bottom half while using the lid to deflect anything higher.
“Fight fire with fire, right?” Liv asked.
“Nope, dumb human,” Rory corrected. “Fight fire with ice.”
“I don’t think you know your clichés.” As Liv jumped out from behind her trashcan three fireballs barreled into it, blasting it out of the way.
“Think ‘ice’ and try to pull the energy from your surroundings, since you’re drunk and can’t rely on your internal source,” Rory advised.
Liv gawked at him, taking her focus from the fight for a split second. That nearly cost her all the hair on her head. A fireball whirled by, the flames singing her eyebrows. “I’m not drunk. Would a drunk be able to do this?”
Liv rolled over on her side as the gnomes lobbed consecutive fireballs at her. She bounced to her feet and darted around the gnomes, throwing off their formation.
“I’m not sure why one would want to,” Rory answered.
A fireball ricocheted off the wall behind Liv and hit the back of her makeshift shield, making her drop it. She went to grab for it, but one of the gnomes charged at her, leaping into the air with his hands clawing forward.
Liv held up her palm and thought about ice, and a frozen sensation gathered around her. Pushing the energy out, she felt the confidence she’d come to associate with magic.
The gnome froze in midair for a moment before crashing to the ground like a statue made of ice. He rolled to the side, frost covering the end of his nose and his head.